Categories > Celebrities > 30 Seconds to Mars > Do Or Die
This was the type of thing that Jared had not expected. Getting married, becoming an artist and living his life in a secluded area that gave him as much inspiration as he needed. His life was easy. Far more easy than the roughened and deprived childhood he had and far more comfortable. He was glad for it. Glad that growing up that way had given him a gratitude for the life he was living now. If he had never lived that way before than this life now would be lost on him. He would perhaps be drowning in boredom the way that so many other people did.
His wife, Abigail was wonderful, her beauty was delicate and her demeanor strong although a little fragile. She depended on him. She trusted him. She could look into his eyes and smile knowing that the two of them were entirely meant for each other. They were alive within one another and that thought was the only thing that he wanted, that they both wanted. He had two kids with her having met her directly out of college. A little boy and a baby girl, Xander and Clarissa. The most amazing things about his life. He couldn’t count how many times he had thought of them while lingering behind seeking for inspiration and inner completion.
Although this was exactly the sort of life that he wanted there had also been so many other things that he wished could have happened. He had a whole stack of lyrics settled in the dresser next to the bed. Lyrics that he wasn’t ever going to tell his wife about. It wasn’t that he felt foolish for allowing himself a moment with them or that he knew it was never going to happen. No it was entirely different. He knew that he simply was well past the time of reaching out and living childhood dreams, He was a grown man now and that was what he had to remind himself of.
Art was his life. Art created in him a space of solace that grew and withdrew from him the inner boundaries that conflicted and refused to shatter into nothingness. He was free within the strokes of his paint brush. Free on the images conveyed from his mind onto the blank canvas. He was free when he watched others take part in what had brought him so much reprieve. Some hailed him genius, others called him vastly gifted with the sort of mind that anyone would love to pick apart. Jared simply called himself blessed, he called himself well lived.
But in spite of everything that had happened for him, despite the world that had created a kind of haven for him Jared still felt an inner space within himself that existed of nothingness. He was missing something and he could never quite explain what it was. All he knew was that it was there nestled deep inside and he couldn’t brush it over with any paint, he couldn’t forget it in the sweet kisses Abigail gave him and he couldn’t erase it in the gentle embraces that his kids offered him. He felt terrible for feeling it. Felt awful for feeling an ounce of dissatisfaction inside when life had given him the only sort of life he could have dreamed up. It wasn’t that he was ungrateful, it wasn’t that he was unhappy. He was simply missing something and no matter how hard he tried he couldn’t bring himself to figure out what that was. it was ridiculous. His psychiatrist told him that it was guilt. An inner kind of guilt that explained itself through his own actions. He was guilty to be one of the survivors from the life he had lived before. He was guilty to be alive and living such a giving life.
Mornings were often his favorite. The sky blending and creating shadows of glimmering light reflected so softly from the rays of sun. Winds were always calmer and the grass looked the perfect shade of emerald. Mornings birthed the rest of the day, shackling night to its darkness for a few hours until it was ready to give way from exhaustion. The beauty of mornings often gave him the question of what had created all of this. Was it God who had caressed His brush across the canvas of the world? Watching it form with a gentle pride in His own work?
The thought actually managed to make Jared happy to think it. The thought that there was someone up there who had cared enough to rise him up from the ashes of the past and lift him into a gentle solace where it was only his soul that lingered. It gave him a sense of actual living, like he breathed for a reason. Anyone who had enough sanity left in their minds would cherish such a thought. It was the only thought that managed to matter.
We’re all made for something.
Even if it is darkness.
Rising slowly from his bed he stretched his back letting out a small breath as he allowed himself to relax. This was a quiet morning and he wanted to savor it before the kids came running in here, small giggles coming from their lips as they tried to wake up their mom with small taps. It was always nice to see them all together and he knew that had he decided to do anything else with his life the knowing and being around them would be over. Perhaps that was the one reason he didn’t wish too hard for anything other than what he had.
"Up already?" Abigail softly asked, small brown eyes looking up at him from the blonde fringe of her bangs. The morning often agreed with her, the small pillow creases marking her face adorable to him, the way her lips looked paler and her hair was a mess all around her seemingly far more attractive. She was the most beautiful woman he’d ever seen and that was the only true thing he could tell himself in that moment because whenever he was around her he managed to lose his train of thought. "And before the kids too. That’s a feat." A small laugh as she slowly rose up and leaned over to press a kiss to his back.
He laughed a little and nodded, looking back at her as he listened to the sounds around the house. There were no small footsteps, no quiet giggles approaching their door. There was nothing but them two and that was an inspiring thought. “Shower?” He suggested with a small smile and the nod she gave was encouraging enough to make him stand up. He lifted his shirt over his head and let it fall to the ground.
Jared could hear the mess of the bed be moved around on as he stepped into the spacious bathroom, the morning light whispering in gently. He waited for the sound of footsteps behind him but all that he got was the sound of the phone ringing and Abigail saying that she would get it. He sighed a little, hoping that she wouldn’t be too long as he turned the taps on, letting heated water come from the showerhead. There was still no following footsteps so all he could do was slip off the rest of his clothes and step right into the shower letting the water hit his skin as his eyes closed, his hair fell matted on him and a small breath escaped his lips.
A smile lit up his face as he heard her come into the bathroom but when he looked out to her he saw that there was no look of teasing on her features instead she was holding the phone out to him a bit of confusion there on her face.
"Who is it?" He asked curiously, drying his hand and taking hold of the phone. She said that she didn’t know and mentioned the kids before she left the bathroom. His brows tensed with confusion as he lifted the phone to his ear.
"Hello?" He softly answered it, making sure to keep the phone away from the running water.
"Jared?"
"Yes?"
"Hi, you don’t know me but I promise you that, in more ways than one, I intend to mess up your life. Have a good day." And with those simple and coldly spoken words the line went dead.
His wife, Abigail was wonderful, her beauty was delicate and her demeanor strong although a little fragile. She depended on him. She trusted him. She could look into his eyes and smile knowing that the two of them were entirely meant for each other. They were alive within one another and that thought was the only thing that he wanted, that they both wanted. He had two kids with her having met her directly out of college. A little boy and a baby girl, Xander and Clarissa. The most amazing things about his life. He couldn’t count how many times he had thought of them while lingering behind seeking for inspiration and inner completion.
Although this was exactly the sort of life that he wanted there had also been so many other things that he wished could have happened. He had a whole stack of lyrics settled in the dresser next to the bed. Lyrics that he wasn’t ever going to tell his wife about. It wasn’t that he felt foolish for allowing himself a moment with them or that he knew it was never going to happen. No it was entirely different. He knew that he simply was well past the time of reaching out and living childhood dreams, He was a grown man now and that was what he had to remind himself of.
Art was his life. Art created in him a space of solace that grew and withdrew from him the inner boundaries that conflicted and refused to shatter into nothingness. He was free within the strokes of his paint brush. Free on the images conveyed from his mind onto the blank canvas. He was free when he watched others take part in what had brought him so much reprieve. Some hailed him genius, others called him vastly gifted with the sort of mind that anyone would love to pick apart. Jared simply called himself blessed, he called himself well lived.
But in spite of everything that had happened for him, despite the world that had created a kind of haven for him Jared still felt an inner space within himself that existed of nothingness. He was missing something and he could never quite explain what it was. All he knew was that it was there nestled deep inside and he couldn’t brush it over with any paint, he couldn’t forget it in the sweet kisses Abigail gave him and he couldn’t erase it in the gentle embraces that his kids offered him. He felt terrible for feeling it. Felt awful for feeling an ounce of dissatisfaction inside when life had given him the only sort of life he could have dreamed up. It wasn’t that he was ungrateful, it wasn’t that he was unhappy. He was simply missing something and no matter how hard he tried he couldn’t bring himself to figure out what that was. it was ridiculous. His psychiatrist told him that it was guilt. An inner kind of guilt that explained itself through his own actions. He was guilty to be one of the survivors from the life he had lived before. He was guilty to be alive and living such a giving life.
Mornings were often his favorite. The sky blending and creating shadows of glimmering light reflected so softly from the rays of sun. Winds were always calmer and the grass looked the perfect shade of emerald. Mornings birthed the rest of the day, shackling night to its darkness for a few hours until it was ready to give way from exhaustion. The beauty of mornings often gave him the question of what had created all of this. Was it God who had caressed His brush across the canvas of the world? Watching it form with a gentle pride in His own work?
The thought actually managed to make Jared happy to think it. The thought that there was someone up there who had cared enough to rise him up from the ashes of the past and lift him into a gentle solace where it was only his soul that lingered. It gave him a sense of actual living, like he breathed for a reason. Anyone who had enough sanity left in their minds would cherish such a thought. It was the only thought that managed to matter.
We’re all made for something.
Even if it is darkness.
Rising slowly from his bed he stretched his back letting out a small breath as he allowed himself to relax. This was a quiet morning and he wanted to savor it before the kids came running in here, small giggles coming from their lips as they tried to wake up their mom with small taps. It was always nice to see them all together and he knew that had he decided to do anything else with his life the knowing and being around them would be over. Perhaps that was the one reason he didn’t wish too hard for anything other than what he had.
"Up already?" Abigail softly asked, small brown eyes looking up at him from the blonde fringe of her bangs. The morning often agreed with her, the small pillow creases marking her face adorable to him, the way her lips looked paler and her hair was a mess all around her seemingly far more attractive. She was the most beautiful woman he’d ever seen and that was the only true thing he could tell himself in that moment because whenever he was around her he managed to lose his train of thought. "And before the kids too. That’s a feat." A small laugh as she slowly rose up and leaned over to press a kiss to his back.
He laughed a little and nodded, looking back at her as he listened to the sounds around the house. There were no small footsteps, no quiet giggles approaching their door. There was nothing but them two and that was an inspiring thought. “Shower?” He suggested with a small smile and the nod she gave was encouraging enough to make him stand up. He lifted his shirt over his head and let it fall to the ground.
Jared could hear the mess of the bed be moved around on as he stepped into the spacious bathroom, the morning light whispering in gently. He waited for the sound of footsteps behind him but all that he got was the sound of the phone ringing and Abigail saying that she would get it. He sighed a little, hoping that she wouldn’t be too long as he turned the taps on, letting heated water come from the showerhead. There was still no following footsteps so all he could do was slip off the rest of his clothes and step right into the shower letting the water hit his skin as his eyes closed, his hair fell matted on him and a small breath escaped his lips.
A smile lit up his face as he heard her come into the bathroom but when he looked out to her he saw that there was no look of teasing on her features instead she was holding the phone out to him a bit of confusion there on her face.
"Who is it?" He asked curiously, drying his hand and taking hold of the phone. She said that she didn’t know and mentioned the kids before she left the bathroom. His brows tensed with confusion as he lifted the phone to his ear.
"Hello?" He softly answered it, making sure to keep the phone away from the running water.
"Jared?"
"Yes?"
"Hi, you don’t know me but I promise you that, in more ways than one, I intend to mess up your life. Have a good day." And with those simple and coldly spoken words the line went dead.
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