FicWad

The days flew by fast and so did the weeks. I was still going out and getting smashed every night, but by some miracle, Mikey still didn’t know my secret. He was usually already asleep by the time I sauntered in and he’d be gone by the time I woke up in the mornings. I didn’t know if he could tell in my sleeping state that I was drunk or anything. He hadn’t said anything yet, so I assumed that I was still safe. If he found out he’d be really disappointed and angry. He’d most probably go Ray on my ass and start lecturing me on what a stupid thing it was to do and that it’s going to kill me and blah, blah, blah. Ray may be my friend, but he didn’t know the first thing about being me. He had no idea what he was talking about every time he lectured me on my addictions. I’ll admit that it wasn’t always nice to wake up in the morning, not being able to remember anything from the night before, but I was okay with that. At least I knew who I was and I knew who my friends were. I didn’t live my life in denial. I knew that I had a problem, but it was my problem; no one else’s. It was almost time to go home and I started to clean up my desk. I never really did, but it looked like a hurricane had hit it. When I finished up, I took my usual detour to Starbucks. I knew Kat was already gone by this hour, but at least Ray would still be there to keep me company while I waited for my coffee.

“You know, it’s really your fault nowadays that Katherine is always late in the mornings, considering that you’re the one who keeps her out and helping her get drunk.”

I laughed, “Now that you mention it… I guess I am.”

“So it’s because of a girl that you’re out all night,” Mikey said from behind.

I could use this as an excuse for my daily disappearances. It wouldn’t really be a lie since I did spend all my time with Kat lately. We haven’t made any more life altering revelations after her marriage confession, but it was cool. We still got to know each other better even if it were just the mechanics of how one another operated and thought. She was a very interesting person to say the least.

“You got me,” I said, smiling.

He chuckled, “I was wondering what you did every night until the early morning hours. So what’s her name and when do I meet her?”

“Geez, Mikes, not so fast. We just hang out occasionally,” he said hurriedly. The chance of him ever meeting her was less than nothing.

“Night after night you mean,” he stated smiling.

“She’s married,” Ray piped in. I glared at him, wondering why he couldn’t keep that tiny little piece of information to himself.

Mikey frowned a little too. “I never thought you’d be into the lady Cougar thing, Gee.”

“I’m not. She’s only twenty years old,” I informed him. “And we’re just friends.”

“Oh, okay. Gerard, I’m cooking tonight, so keep it open,” Mikey told me.

“Is it safe?” Ray joked.

“O crap,” I swallowed.

Ray and I both cracked up.

“Fuck you guys!” Mikey grinned, walking backwards towards the entrance. “Gerard, don’t be late.”

Once Mikey was gone and the joking at an end, Ray looked at me seriously. “We need to talk.”

“You heard what Mikey said. I don’t want to be late,” I joked.

“Yeah, but it won’t take long. It’s about Mikey anyway,” he informed me.

I nodded, because now he definitely had all my attention. “Okay. What about him?”

“It’s actually about you and Mikey.”

I frowned deeply, because I couldn’t even think of what he wanted to talk about that concerned both me and Mikey.

“From our conversation just now I deduced that Mikey doesn’t know about your problems yet,” he said.

I put my coffee down on the counter in front of me with more force than I intended, causing some of it to spill. I barely noticed however. So that’s what this was all about. Of course. I should’ve known the second he put me and Mikey’s names in one sentence.

“Of course he doesn’t know,” I responded as if it should’ve been obvious.

“When are you going to tell him?” he wanted to know.

“Are you kidding me??” I exclaimed. “Do you honestly think I’m going to tell him?”

“You should.”

“Oh yeah, I’m just going to go up to him and say, ‘Hey, little brother. I’m an alcoholic. Oh, and did I tell you that I do drugs on occasion as well?’” I said sarcastically. “That’s going to have a fairytale ending for sure.”

“He’ll find out sooner or later. Mikey isn’t stupid!” he insisted.

“I don’t want him to know,” I argued stubbornly. He didn’t need this knowledge affecting his life.

“Oh, that makes complete sense! That’s why you keep going out night after night and getting drunk when he’s living with you!” he exclaimed.

“Then why the fuck don’t you ask him to move in with you?” I demanded.

People were starting to stare and Ray lowered his voice. “You’re fucking selfish! You never think about how this affects everyone around you or the people you care about. As long as you’re happy.”

“Maybe that’s just who I am,” I noted coolly. “I’m not going to tell Mikey, end of story.”

“If you won’t then I will,” Ray threatened. “It’s better that he finds out from you though than finding out from someone else.”

“If he finds out at all,” I muttered.

“I give up! It’s useless and completely senseless to argue with you. You’re just too damn stubborn!” he yelled loudly. “Do what you want. Just know that when this all blows up in your face, and it definitely will, I’ll be there to say I told you so. I’m trying to help you, but you just won’t let me.”

“I know, but I don’t need your help.” I hissed. “I’m fine and Mikey is better off not knowing. Trust me.”

He sighed, shaking his head, “I still don’t agree with you, but whatever. You have to get home before Mikey starts to wonder whether he cooked for himself.”

I grabbed my coffee back off the counter, but stopped before leaving. “Ray, thanks for your concern, but it’ll be okay.”

He nodded, “I sincerely hope so.”

With that I left, coffee in hand. The streets were busy, as always, but it helped somewhat against the cold weather. All the bodies kept the worst of the wind from reaching me.

“Stranger,” I heard someone speak behind me.

I turned around and smiled, “Hey, Bert.”

“It’s good to know that you still remember me, since we barely ever see you anymore,” he said somewhat resentfully.

“You know I can’t exactly go out every night now that Mikey’s here,” I lied. He didn’t need to know about Kat’s existence. I had difficulty enough keeping a friendship going without Bert’s help.

“Why not? He’s probably asleep by the time you get home and gone before you wake up. He’ll be none the wiser.”

“I know…” I conceded.

I can only conjure up so many believable lies.

“Come out with us tonight. It’s going to be huge. Everybody’s going to be there. Shawn’s cousins are in New York for a couple of days and they’ll be joining us. You remember those crazy bastards, don’t you?” he laughed.

“I do,” I smiled, remembering the last time they were in the city. That was a crazy weekend that I honestly couldn’t recall the half of. Come to think of it, it’s been a while since I had fun with the guys. “Sure, why the hell not? Like you said, Mikey won’t find out and besides, I haven’t been out with you guys in a while.”

“There’s the Gerard I know,” he grinned. “I was starting to think that you’d gone AA on our asses.”

I cracked up, “Not in this life.”

“I’ll keep you to that,” he assured me.

“Let’s go,” I said eagerly and we headed out to the usual bar. I called Mikey on the way to let him know that something had come up and that I couldn’t make it to dinner. He sounded disappointed, but told me that it was fine. I felt guilty about letting him down, but what else was I supposed to do? I could only keep so many people happy at the same time.

As Bert had said, everyone was there. I barely knew half of the people which made me realize how little I’ve been hanging out with the guys nowadays. I enjoyed Kat’s company, but I missed getting crazy with the guys. I was always the life of the party. It was good seeing everyone again.

“The legend’s back!” Shawn exclaimed.

“Back to drink you under the table,” I joked.

“Oh, a challenge!”

“Already starting with that shit again,” Joe noticed.

“It’s tradition,” Shawn stated. “How else do we always start the night?”

“Fair enough,” he agreed.

We lined up about three other guys and then the five of us had a drinking contest, starting with beers. As the night proceeded, things just got crazier. It was the craziest night I’d had in a long time. Everyone was having a blast. We always did. We had beer pong contests, shooters downing and a shit load more. Soon before long, everything was spinning. We were laughing and cheering and dancing off beat and drinking and drinking some more. I completely lost track of everything. I thought I remembered Bert and me going back to my place, but that was probably a random, rare spark of consciousness, because that’s all I could remember.

When I woke up, I heard a faint beeping sound. My head didn’t hurt as I expected it would, but I felt weak and completely paralyzed. I was also extremely nauseous. It felt like forever before I managed to finally open my eyes. I was in a dimly lit room, in a bed covered with white sheets. Then there was that incessant beeping noise. I looked to my left to find the source and saw a heart monitor. That’s when it dawned on me that I was in a hospital.

“You’re awake,” I heard Mikey say relieved.

I slowly turned my head to the right and saw him sitting in a chair next to the bed.

“I was worried sick,” he stated.

“What happened?” I asked confused.

“You and some guy came back to the apartment after three making an immense racket. You probably woke up half the city. You both passed out in the living room and I left you there, because it was late and you guys were obviously trashed. The next morning you just didn’t wake up. Your friend got up and left, but you didn’t move. I got worried and checked to see if you were even still alive and found that you had a really weak pulse. I panicked and called 911 and then I called Ray. You had blood poisoning due to too much alcohol in your system and they had to pump your stomach,” he explained.

That explained why I felt so weak.

“Ray told me everything,” he continued.

“Fuck,” I muttered, closing my eyes. I was too tired to be mad. Besides, Mikey was bound to find out eventually anyway.

“Why didn’t you tell me, Gerard? I could’ve helped you or something,” he said in a low voice.

“I thought you were better off not knowing,” I replied honestly. What a novelty.

“Do you know how worried I’ve been that you wouldn’t wake up again? I’ve considered calling Mom and Dad…”

“Mikey, no! They can’t know,” I insisted.

“I didn’t call them, simply because Ray explained the situation. I didn’t want to break their hearts, because that’s exactly what’s going to happen when they find out,” he said upset. My head was starting to hurt and my sickness seemed to be getting worse.

“You’re awake,” a guy in a white coat noted. “That’s very good,” he nodded. “How are you feeling?”

“Like shit. I’m weak and tired.”

“We had to pump your stomach. You had taken in an awfully large amount of alcohol. Your system couldn’t take it all,” he explained.

“But I’m okay now,” I stated. “I can go home now.”

I hated hospitals. They were full of sick people and it was never quiet. It was scary and then there were all the luminescent lights which hurt my eyes and my head. No wonder I felt queasy.

“Well, you have to stay here for a day or two just to be sure that you’re going to be okay. You lost a lot of body fluids, but that’ll be back to normal in a day or two.”

The doctor checked his clip board and then he pulled out an injection needle, filling it with some kind of substance before turning to inject the substance into the IV. I felt like a kid and pulled the covers tighter around me.

“You’ll be okay,” the doctor assured me. “Just get some sleep.”

As the doctor left, I heard Mikey sigh disappointedly.

“Why didn’t you just leave me to die, if I’m such a great disappointment to you?” I asked him bluntly.

“I don’t want you to die, Gerard!” he exclaimed upset. “Do you think that’s what I want?”

I didn’t respond.

“I want you to stay alive. That’s why I want you to quit this shit before it really kills you. You made it this time, but what about next time?”

“I still have another strike left,” I joked in an attempt to lighten the mood.

“That’s not funny,” he growled.

I winced, “Sorry… Mikes, I’m sorry, but I’m not going to change.”

“It’ll take time, but you can pull your life together. Ray and I are both here for you and we’ll help you,” he assured me.

“I knew you’d say that,” I stated. “I knew you would try and fix me, but, Mikey, I’m not broken!” I insisted. “I’m fine! I don’t want your help or Ray’s.”

He sighed again, it seemed to have become a bad habit. He got to his feet still looking at me with disappointment etched all over his face.

“Where are you going?” I asked confused.

“I have to get to work, because I’m wasting my time here.”

That stung.

“Oh,” he said, stopping at the door. “There was a girl here. She left the second she saw me though.”

He left without another word and the whole room seemed to close in on me. I shut my eyes, trying to block out the beeping and everything else. A girl… Could it have been Kat? What would she have been doing here? Soon after I had that thought, I drifted off into unconsciousness.