FicWad

The first thing that I noticed is that it's so fucking dark, like I can't open my eyes. The second is why can't I move.

I don't know if this is heaven or hell. All I remember is crying and falling asleep. Maybe this is the in-between world like the purgatory or whatever. I don't fucking know anymore. Or maybe I'm only dreaming. I hope I'm only dreaming.

Anyway, I still can't fucking do anything. Everything's just dark. I couldn't see myself but I could think. Well, I could hear. I could hear the steady beeping of whatever the fuck that is and a faded voice of someone, something, whatever.

The voice. It's so familiar, I can't just put my finger on it. It sounds like it's crying or something. As I said, it's faded.

It's been a few hours and I still couldn't do anything except to think, of course and hear strange things. I already heard other voices, metallic wheels, more rapid beatings and crying. Well, the voice, it's like singing to me. I couldn't understand the lyrics as it is faded but I could hear the tune. It's so soft, so sweet, so relaxing that if I could just choose to hear another voice in my lifetime, I'd choose this.

Another few hours had passed, the voice gets clearer and clearer every minute. I could understand some words.

I set out alone,
Crawl through the tunnel,
My eyes can hardly see the other side

The voice is so familiar but I just can't remember who it belongs to.

No longer cold,
Or feeling in trouble

It's so relaxing. It sounds like it's sobbing over every line.

I realize that I am just alive....
So let it shine

I think I have heard this song somewhere a long time ago. Maybe I heard it once but it's so familiar! I just want to know who the fuck is singing!

Cause we are, the light in the tunnel,
We are the living and dying,
See how we are, alone in the world,
We are the light in the tunnel,
That's all.....

Okay so, maybe I should tell you why I'm in this dream-like situation. It started like this:

I stared at the wall for a few hours, crying my eyes out. They just left me. Lindsey, Frank, Ray, Bob, Mikey, everyone! They decided to call off the band without me even knowing! I just saw the post this morning and there's my fucking name on the fucking letter and no, I didn't agree to end the band. I thought we would just have a little time off for ourselves and spend the time for our families but I didn't think that they'd actually mean it when they said that we should have a break. I didn't know that they meant a permanent break!

Right now, I have no one. My oh so beautiful fucking perfect wife left me, bringing my daughter along with her, Frank's working on his new band, Ray's busy on becoming a new father, Bob's also busy working on his sign shop or what-the-fuck-ever that is and Mikey's busy with his new barely legal girlfriend. I didn't get why Mikey left Alicia. Alicia's like my sister and she's perfect for Mikey. Anyway, they left me out of the blue. I'm all alone in the house and no one wants to talk to me. The last thing the guys told me is: "it's for the best, Gerard."

I picked up my phone and called the last person on my mind who maybe wants to talk to me.
/]
[/"Hello Bert?"

"Hello? Who is this?"

I let out a low chuckle, "Hey um, it's Gerard."

I heard him sigh, "Hey Gerard. Um, what do you want?"

"Nothing." I rubbed my temples and let out a deep breath, "I just wanted to say hi. So, hi Bert!"

"Oh, um, hi... Gerard."

"Hi Bert. So... do you maybe want to-"

"Look, Gee, right now's not a right time to talk because I'm drivi-"

"Oh, wow okay." I could feel tears forming in my eyes again. No one wants to talk to me right now. He said I should call him whenever I need him and now's the time that I fucking need him goddamnit and he's fucking rejecting me! "I understand if you don't want to talk to me. I'm just a fucking burden to all of you, right?"
/]
"GEE!" [/Bert shouted through the phone, "It's not that I want to talk to you, it's just that it's not safe for me to talk right now on the phone because I'm in the ca-"

"Why is everybody rejecting me right now?" I asked him.
/]
"I'm not rejecting you, Gerard! Don't do anything stupid, I'll be there in 30 minutes."

[/I hung up on him. I'm just being a child right now. I know they're all busy but I just want to talk to someone.
/]
[/I went to my bedroom and popped a sleeping pill in my mouth. Fuck it, maybe I'd just take more. One won't work. And when I consumed half the bottle, I'm contented. Right now, I'm feeling very very dizzy. I was just about to pass out when I heard the door open. I heard him shout, "NO!" then I blacked out.



So, there it is. I'm in this fucking situation because I was selfish and maybe because I drank half the bottle of sleeping pills.

Moving so slow, towards the end of the tunnel
I don't pretend I'll see the other side

Okay, there's the voice again. I kinda know who that voice belongs to now.

I trudge through the mud
I push through the rubble
To realize that I am just alive
So let it shine

Why didn't I notice that before! That voice belongs to-



My eyes are starting to open. I'm awake. I looked around surroundings and of course, I'm in a fucking hospital. I rolled my eyes. Why didn't I notice that?

"Gee?"

I turned my head to the other side, revealing Bert with his new short hair. This is the first time I've seen him in seven years and damn, he looks good.

I let out a small smile, "Hi Bert."

Bert stood up and hugged me. "Don't do that again, asshole. You fucking scared me!"

"I'm sorry. I was being selfish. It's just, you guys don't want to talk to me and-"

"Don't want to talk to you?" Bert released me then stared at me like he was offended, "Jesus fucking Christ, Gerard, I want to talk to you!"

I looked at him, confused, "But when I called you, you said that it's not the right time and-"

Bert let out a laugh, "Gerard! I was driving! I'm not comfortable using my phone while I'm driving! It could cause accidents you know!"

"So, you weren't rejecting me?"

Bert rolled his eyes, "I could never do that to you."

"Oh."

There was a moment of silence between us, we were just staring at each other, smiling softly.

"I heard you, by the way." I told him.

He raised an eyebrow, "Heard what?"

"The song you were singing." I shrugged, "It's like 'We are the light in the tunnel, we are the living and dying.'"

Bert blushed a little, "Oh yeah, um.."

"It's a good song." I grinned.

He blushed once again, "Thanks." he smiled shyly, "it's for you, actually."

This time, I'm the one who's blushing. "Oh, thanks."

"Listen," Bert started, "once you get out of this hospital, maybe you'd like to go get coffee... with me."

"Like a... like a date?"

He nodded, blushing slightly.

I grabbed Bert's hand, lacing our fingers loosely. "I'd like that."

He grinned then kissed my temple.

I'm not alone after all. I have Bert.