FicWad

“I see you’re back on your feet again,” Ray noticed when I entered Starbucks a few days after the fallout with my brother.

“Yeah, I had to get back to work sooner or later. Unfortunately it was sooner rather than later,” I attempted to joke, knowing that the atmosphere between the two of us would be tense after what happened with me being taken up in the hospital and then “escaping” from it.

“It’s not exactly fair that you got to stay home while the rest of us had to work,” he chuckled and I allowed myself to relax. Maybe he wasn’t mad at me anymore.

“That’s why I decided to go back to work. Besides, the apartment will drive me crazy. It’s quiet since Mikey left and it’s so glum anyways.” It was strange how used I had become to Mikey being around. The place was really empty without him.

“Did you hear that Mikey got his own place? He found one yesterday and he’ll be moving in tonight,” he informed me conversationally.

“That was fast. He only moved out of my place three days ago,” I noted somewhat startled.

“I think he’s been searching for a little place of his own all along. He was just lucky to find it now.”

“He didn’t have to move out,” I pointed out still feeling guilty about how things ended between me and my brother. I hadn’t spoken to him since he moved out, but maybe it was time to make an effort. Since I was the cause of the conflict, I should probably also be the one to fix things.

“Yes, he did,” Ray disagreed, cleaning one of the coffee machines. “If he stayed with you any longer, the two of you would’ve ended up hating each other. I’m sure you realize that too. If you guys kept fighting it would’ve been inevitable,” he explained and I had to agree.

I found it strange that he hadn’t lectured me on everything that happened a few days ago yet. Both he and Mikey gave me a fair share of lecturing while I was in the hospital, but since then, Ray hasn’t said a word. I was actually grateful for that. It was scary to think that he might know me better than I thought he did.

“Hey, Gerard,” Kat smiled, coming from the back.

“Hey,” I said, returning the smile. “How are you?”

“I’m good thanks and how are you today? Hopefully your first day back at work wasn’t too bad.”

“I can’t complain.”

We’d been out again the night before and the night before that too. Old habits sure died hard.

“I’m on my way. I’ll see you tomorrow,” she informed Ray.

“Sure,” he nodded.

“Will I be seeing you tonight?”

“I’m going to help my brother move into his new apartment tonight,” I started, noticing Ray look at me in surprise. “But I’ll catch up with you afterwards.”

“That’s cool.”

She grabbed her things and left. I gave a small wave in goodbye and turned back to my scalding hot coffee.

“Gerard, what are you doing?” Ray asked as soon as she’d left.

“What do you mean what am I doing?”

Normally I had an idea of what I was being lectured about, but at the moment I drew a blank. I haven’t done anything in the last couple of days to upset Ray other than the usual. However, the tone in his voice made me realize that he was serious and that this was probably something new, that it didn’t have anything to do with my addictions.

“She’s married,” he stated and then it clicked. He was referring to my friendship with Kat.

“Yeah, so?” I said, not understanding what he was trying to get at.

“So what are you doing?” he repeated.

“Ray, I don’t understand what you’re asking me. If you’re worried that there’s something going on between me and Kat, you can relax. We’re just hanging out. I enjoy her company. That’s all.”

That was the honest truth. There was nothing more between me and the blue-eyed girl than friendship. She was married and I was in a too fucked-up stage of my life to even consider any type of relationship with anyone other than the ones I already had.

“No, that’s not all,” he insisted. “This is a recipe for disaster. Do you want to know why? Because you’re both young and stupid.”

I opened my mouth to utter a retort, but he simply continued, “I don’t mean that in a bad way. It’s just, she’s a very attractive girl and I know you know that.”

“I’m not going to fall in love with her,” I told him before he could even make the prediction.

“How can you be so sure? Something drew you towards her in the beginning.”

“She’s married,” I threw his own words back at him. “Do you really think I’m stupid enough to fall in love with a married woman?”

“I do,” he affirmed bluntly.

I shook my head in disbelief.

“And another thing. You two always go out and get drunk – what if something happens that you’ll regret when you’re in that condition?”

I had to laugh at this, “We’ve done it tens of times now and nothing’s happened yet. I’ve never had a drunken one night stand. Don’t worry about that.”

“I still think you should stop seeing her,” he insisted.

I got up. “You worry too much.”

“I have reason to,” he assured me.

“Don’t,” I told him. “Nothing will happen.”

“That’s what you always say and look how that’s turned out,” he grumbled.

“I’m alive. Just focus on that.”

“I just can’t help worrying with you,” he muttered under his breath.

I didn’t think I was supposed to hear that though. I shrugged it off and grabbed my coffee off the counter.

“Are we going to help Mikey move or what?”

*

Ray unlocked the front door to his apartment and entered with me short on his heels. His place was nicer than mine, but that was probably due to the fact that he actually lived there and had to keep the place clean and livable.

“Hey, Ray. Thanks a lot for letting me crash here and also for helping me move my things… Gerard?” Mikey froze as he entered the kitchen with a garbage bag in hand and saw me. “What are you doing here?”

“Ray told me you were moving. I came to help.” It felt awkward talking to my brother knowing that nothing had changed. We still had a million issues that needed attention.

“Why? You didn’t bother when I moved out of your place,” he said dismissively, putting the bag on the table and looking at me expectantly. I noticed that the bag contained some of his belongings.

“Mikey, I’m sorry,” I said with all the sincerity I could. “There were a million other, better, ways I could’ve handled that situation. I chose the wrong one. I was an asshole.”

“Yes, you were an asshole and you still are, because you’re standing here apologizing, but I’m betting that you still don’t intend on turning your life around. You still expect me to just accept things as they are.” He was slowly but surely getting himself worked up over this.

“Mikey, stop.” I thought for sure it was my own voice telling him to stop talking, because I always stopped anyone from preaching to me, but for once it wasn’t me. It was Ray who surprised both me and Mikey. “I get that you’re mad at Gerard and trust me, you’ll be mad at him a lot more. I’m always mad at him.” I nodded absentmindedly, because this was in fact true. If it wasn’t over my addictions it was about Kat. He always had some or other reason to pissed at me. “He’s apologizing though and that really doesn’t happen very often. You both hate fighting with one another so kiss and make up, at least for now. We’ll finish moving and get some take out. It’s been a while since the three of us hung out. What do you say, Mikes?”

My gaze shifted from Ray to Mikey who seemed undecided.

“This isn’t the end of it,” he stated after a while.

“I know,” Ray and I said simultaneously.

“I don’t want you thinking that I’m simply going to let this go.”

“Talking doesn’t help, trust me,” Ray piped in. “I try it all the time.”

I wanted to remind them that this wasn’t an intervention, but I bit my tongue not wanting to make things worse. Ray was actually sticking up for me in a way. I appreciated that.

“Pizza?” Mikey looked at Ray then at me with a small smile on his face.

Moving Mikey’s stuff was quick since three of us were helping. Plus, he didn’t have much and he was barely moving one block away from Ray’s place. It was a nice little apartment which was in a much better shape than mine, but that was probably my own fault. Once we were done, we all found a place to sit – there were two bar stools left by the previous owner – and the last person made himself comfortable on the kitchen counter. Mikey would go buy furniture over the weekend. Ray had ordered two large pizzas and we were stuffing our faces with those and drinking beer. It was fun.

“So, Gee have you started looking for a new job yet?” Mikey wanted to know before taking a large bite of his pizza.

“What?” My mouth was already full of food and my feet dangling down the kitchen counter.

“The other night you mentioned something about wanting to quit.”

“I was probably drunk when I said that. I won’t quit my job. I love art. Besides, I need the money.”

“I’d like to quit my job,” Ray stated, making us look at him.

“Why?”

“Because…” he started. “It’s a dead end job. The people I work with suck and I get paid peanuts. I don’t want to work there forever anyway.”

I didn’t think that everyone he worked with sucked, Kat coming to mind, but that was my opinion.

“And I know I’m going to blow your minds when I say this, but I suddenly hate coffee.”

Mikey practically spat his beer out at this. “How the hell is that possible?”

“Don’t you meet nice new people every day? Won’t you miss that?” I asked, ignoring Mikey’s wide eyes.

“We live in New York. Please tell me where you’ve met nice people, because I would really like to go there.”

“You know me and Gerard. We’re pretty cool people,” Mikey offered with a grin.

“Yeah, you guys are great. I’m sure I’ll find something else soon enough.” He reached forward and grabbed another slice of pizza. “Cheers,” he said, lifting his beer in the air and taking a swig.

*

I met Kat at the bar around ten that night. She wore a pair of faded grey jeans and a purple halter top. Her short hair seemed to be extra spiky tonight and the thick layer of eyeliner made her eyes pop. I remembered what Ray had said that afternoon. “She’s a very attractive girl and I know you know that.” Damn him for putting that thought in my mind. She really was gorgeous, but as Ray had said, I had known that all along. I only really noticed it now, though.

“You okay?” she asked with a small smile that seemed to brighten up the room. Damn Ray.

“I’m fine.”

“You spaced out for a second there.”

“Sorry,” I apologized. “You were saying?”

“I said that I’ve had too many drinks in my life – I admit I’m an alcoholic… Don’t laugh at me!” she grinned. “I’m finally being honest here.”

“You’re only confirming what I already know,” I pointed out.

“You didn’t let me finish my sentence,” she said, crossing her arms over her chest in fake resentment.

I laughed, “Okay, I’m sorry. Please continue.”

“Even though I’ve drank about every available type of alcohol, I’ve never had absinthe.”

“In that case we need to educate you.” I turned to the barman and order our drinks. “How come you’ve never had any before?”

“I’m too chicken,” she admitted. “I’ve heard that stuff is really bad.”

A devious smile spread across my face. “One drink won’t hurt.”

Two black glasses containing the pale green alcohol was placed before us and lit up.

“Ready?” she asked nervously.

I counted. “One, two, three.”

On three, we each blew out the flames and downed our glasses, the liquid burning its way down my throat. It wasn’t the same as other alcohols. It was a different kind of burn, but in a good way. Kat started coughing.

“Can’t take it?” I asked hoarsely, forcing a brave smile onto my face.

“That shit’s strong,” she croaked out.

I nodded in agreement, “But it was good.”

“Yeah. Though I think one drink contains enough alcohol for one night.”

I would’ve laughed, but no sound came out, except a slight cough.

“That was insane, you know that?” I told her lighting a cigarette. “I can’t believe you’ve never had absinthe before.”

“Didn’t it only become legal again like recently?”

I shrugged. “I don’t know. Being illegal doesn’t stop drugs from getting around so why would it be different with alcohol?”

She asked for a cigarette and I passed her my lit one, lighting another one.

“I guess you have a point. I swear I’m already dizzy,” she noted, grabbing onto the counter top to steady herself.

“You should learn how to handle your alcohol,” I teased, taking a large gulp of beer to get the taste out of my mouth.

“I can handle mine as well as you can yours,” she shot back in defiance.

“Would you like some more?” I asked in a teasing voice.

“No thanks,” she said quickly causing me to laugh. “I thought so.”

“I’ve been here a lot longer than you. I’ve had a lot more to drink than you have.”

“Maybe you should go home,” I suggested.

“Yeah right. It’s only ten thirty,” she said, suddenly seeming more coherent.

“Please don’t weird out on me.”

“I’m like that every night.”

“Normally I’m with you, but I’m still somewhat sober at the moment.”

She giggled again, “Alright, Gee.” Kat rested her forehead against my shoulder. “I’m really dizzy.”

“That’s why I think you should go home,” I told her once again. It wasn’t everyday that I saw her in this condition. Okay, maybe I did, but when I was drunk too, it didn’t matter. I didn’t notice. Now I did and I didn’t like it. I was actually worried about her.

She looked back up at me. “I’m okay.”

“You sound like me,” I realized.

I was always fine too. Ray and Mikey never believed me just like I didn’t believe her right now. That was a terrible realization. I couldn’t blame them at all, especially not now that I was in their position. This was how they felt every time they witnessed the mess I was and I always laughed it off. I should appreciate their efforts to help me more.

“Kat?” I said quietly.

“How about another drink?” she said enthusiastically.

“Are you okay?” I checked almost worriedly.

“I’m fine,” she smiled, ordering herself another drink.

She seemed absolutely fine for a long while after that, at least until I was also starting to giggle and my own head started spinning.