FicWad

A/N

I wrote this a while back and completely forgot about it, it's just been chilling in a folder for a while and I figure, why not post it?

Your reviews mean the world to me so opinions would be so welcome. And thank you for reading it too.

Vikki xoxo

How to save a life.

Gerard sat staring through the grubby glass of the window, watching as the rain gently pattered against it. His vision blurred at the edges from staring so long, unable to focus on any fixed object. The rain slowly stopped, leaving a faint rainbow in the distance and Gerard hoped this was a sign of things to come.

Unconsciously, Gerard clenched and unclenched his fingers, gently scratching the arms of the chair he'd curled himself into. He searched his mind desperately to find the words, to form together exactly what was needed to be heard but he just couldn't conjure anything up. It'll come to him when the time is right, he thinks, organic and unscripted but filled with a harsh truth.

Never did Gerard think he'd be doing this, never in a million years. It's uncomfortable and frightening but he couldn't ignore it any longer, his friend needed a wake up call and some serious help. How was he going to approach this? He pondered, does he take the gentle approach? Or does he go in there all guns blazing.

The door to the left of him swung open and the person Gerard had been waiting for entered, head hung low as he shuffled over the carpet. His unkempt hair hung over his face, masking the dark and tired circles under the young man's eyes, Gerard knew they were there though. They had come to always be there.

The unfortunate creature had obviously lost a lot of weight, his once slender and toned frame now dangerously thin, leaving his clothes to hang baggy and shapeless on him. Gerard felt like his best friend was disappearing before his eyes and he had to stop this, he had to try and bring the boy back before he was gone for good.

"Hey Frank..." The young man jumped and looked up with wide eyes, clearly startled by Gerard's presence.

"Gerard! I..I was just..." He swallowed and hung his head, somehow lower than it had been momemts before. "I'm sorry, I didn't realise anyone was in here. I'll just go"

Gerard closed his eyes for a brief moment as Frank turned around, swallowing the urge to let him leave while he thought things through. No, he thinks, now is as good a time as any, be firm and make him listen.

"Frank, don't leave we need to talk" Frank sighs and hangs his head again, moving towards the door and hoping to escape, he didn't want to talk. In his mind it was too late for that.

"Please, Frankie? Don't go. I just want to talk to you, that's all"

Gerard gives a soft smile and stares as Frank shuffles over to the chair opposite, gently sitting down with his hands wringing together in his lap, briefly returning a slight smile of his own. For a few moments then they're both silent, just taking the time to figure out what they are going to say. The sun has started to set, casting a golden glow across the room and over the hunched young man in the chair.

This used to come naturally to Frank, Gerard ponders as he continues to stare, Frank used to be surrounded by a natural glow but now? Now it's like his light has been extinguished, shrouding him in darkness and he just looks so lost. So helpless.

"You- Frankie, I feel like I'm losing you. You're not here anymore"

"Gerard, I'm fi..."

"Please? Just hear me out?"

Frank looks up through his greasy matted hair and takes in the pleading look on Gerard's face, eyes wide and begging for some time. This isn't Gerard's fault, he tells himself, Gerard didn't make you this way.

"Okay."

Gerard falls quiet then, gathering the words he needs in his mind. He doesn't want to startle or scare Frank away bit he needs to be firm, Frank's new to this, he's been here before.

"I know what's going on Frankie, I was where you are once. I- I want to help you, I really do, but you need to help yourself. Until you admit there's something wrong, I can't help you fix it."

Frank grimaces at that last part, he doesn't know what's wrong, he doesn't think there is anything wrong or he would have fixed it himself. That's a lie, he tells himself, you know that there's something wrong. It can't be fixed, he doesn't want Gerard to waste his time, he cares too much to let him.

"There's nothing wrong, I'm fine"

"No Frankie, you're not"

"Yes I am!" Frank shouts, unable to keep the level in his voice "I'm fine and I don't need saving! Just leave me be, Gerard, I don't want your help!"

Gerard closes his eyes and flinches as Frank yells across the room at him, he takes a deep breath and curls his fingers tightly around the arms of the chair and looks back at Frank with determined eyes.

"Frankie..." he says with a low, steady voice, remaining firmly on the subject "If you don't listen to me now and take in what I'm telling you, we're done. I can't keep watching this self destruction, look at yourself, you're wasting away."

Frank glances down at his hands, noticing how thin and spindly they've become, he has lost weight he supposes, he never really noticed before. His eyes flicker to his jeans, they're supposed to be skinny jeans but they just hang from him now, he even had to put an extra hole in his belt.

"Fine..." he whispers gently, more to himself than Gerard "I'll listen, I'll hear you out"

Silence falls once more, darkness filling the room as the sun has almost disappeared behind the buildings across from them. It's stifling, the atmosphere, crushing and heavy. The resounding knowledge in the air that this night could either save Frank or be the final nail in his coffin.

Frank stares from the window, not looking at anything in particular, just staring. Gerard stares at Frank, wishing he could get inside his head and help him regain who he used to be, help him bring back his energy. Bring back that life that had disappeared. It's almost suffocating in the silence, draining Gerard and making him tired, it's too much. It's just too much.

He stands and walks to Frank, coughing to make his presence known and out stretching his hand. Frank looks at it warily, raising his own shaking hand to join Gerard's. It's warm, he thinks, it's almost comforting. It feels like an old memory and he doesn't want to let go.

Frank allows Gerard to pull him from the chair, stumbling a little as he realises how weak he's been feeling lately, but catches himself before he falls. Gerard runs a thumb over the frail hand in his own, feeling the ridges of the jutting bones and holding back a gasp. There's barely any Frankie left, just a skeleton, a shell of his best friend.

"Where are we going?" Frank half whispers as Gerard continues scrutinising Frank's bony fingers, hoping Gerard let's go of his hand soon. He feels exposed under Gerard's gaze, he hasn't allowed anyone to touch him in a long time.

"We're going out."

"Where?"

"Nowhere..." Gerard sighed, dropping Frank's hand as he did so. "Anywhere, it doesn't matter. We just have to get out of here"

The walk to the car was quiet and the two men didn't glance at each other at all, Gerard looked anywhere but at Frank and the latter stared firmly at his feet. Frank didn't want to go anywhere with Gerard, he just wanted to be alone again, but he felt he didn't have a choice. If he didn't do what he was asked tonight, he'd lose all he had left.

They climb into the car, Gerard driving, and pulled off onto the road, following the steady stream of traffic chugging through the centre of town. Neither made a move to turn on the radio, just settling for the hum of the engine to fill the heavy silence that had engulfed them again. Gerard drove without intended direction, he didn't have a plan, he just needed to get Frank out of that house.

As he drove he thought back to how Frank used to be, playful and childish, filled with the energy of a class of children. He thought of the things Frank would do, diving on people's backs and always running, behaving like an overactive little boy. He was always first up in the morning, bouncing on Gerard's bed if he didn't get up early enough, but now it was a struggle to get Frank out of bed at all.

Gerard glanced through the rear view mirror at his friend, noticing the light and constant joy of Frank's eyes was completely gone. He begins to question himself, wondering what he was thinking when he confronted Frank. He was out of his depth, his mind screamed at him, he had no idea what he was doing.

The traffic had thinned away almost completely, leaving just one car in front of them. As the last vehicle disappeared down a bend, Gerard sped up, heading straight for the edge of town and to the desert that stretched for miles. Frank realised they'd left town and had completely lost the road, driving into the dark endlessness until finally, Gerard stopped the car.

The sky, Frank noticed as they stepped from the vehicle, was filled with tiny bright stars. He gazes for a few moments more before walking around to the front of the car and sitting up on the hood. Gerard stands watching, arms folded on the roof of the drivers side, what does he do now? He didn't plan this out.

"Come on then, Gerard, you said you wanted to talk"

"I do" Gerard replies softly, rubbing his hands across his face.

The silence creeps back again and Frank senses Gerard's unease, he scoffs quietly to himself, he knows Gerard is struggling to think of what he should say to him. What can he say though? What could he possibly do to make things better? Nothing Frank tried had worked, he was stuck in this downward spiral and nobody was getting him out.

Gerard slowly approached Frank and considered sitting beside him but instead sat on the ground in a few feet in front of the car, between the glow of the headlights. He ran his hand across the ground, swallowing the fear inside of himself. He was terrified that tonight was going to push Frank further into his depression, he blames himself. He thinks bitterly that he should have noticed sooner, he should have helped at the first sign.

Gerard knew the signs, he'd experienced depression himself. Frank had seen it and had gotten Gerard help, he'd swallowed any kind of discomfort he had and made Gerard get through it. He hadn't been scared, he hadn't been terrified of saying the wrong thing. He'd said what needed to be said, regardless of Gerard's reaction. That's what frightened him most, Gerard realised, that he was the weak one and Frank had been so strong.

The tables had turned and Gerard hadn't been able to handle it until now.

"You need to see someone"

"Excuse me?"

"You need help Frankie, I'm going to get you help"

"I don't need to, I'm fine" and there it was again, Gerard thought, those two little words that form the worlds biggest lie.

"Don't try to play that bullshit with me, I used to tell you that too, remember?" Frank did remember, he couldn't forget. The nights he would sit up listening to Gerard cry, those days he wouldn't let Gerard out of his sight just in case he would try to end it all. Those memories would never leave him, never.

"I've just changed is all..." Frank said quietly as he slid off the hood of the car to sit by Gerard "People change sometimes, it doesn't mean that you're going to like who the person has become"

The older of the two shifted slightly, he knew those words, he'd said them to Frank. This is breaking point, this is the part where you either convince them to tell the truth or you've lost that person forever. Gerard couldn't bear that thought, he couldn't stand the idea of Frank deciding that he couldn't take anymore.

"I told you the same thing once, you know that's a damn lie. Tell me what's really going on, tell me why you've become this way"

"I told you already! People chan..."

"Tell me what is happening without the bullshit excuses"

"I- I..." Frank broke down, crying into his hands and shaking as the sobs wracked his tiny frame. He couldn't deny it anymore, he was lost.

"Hey, hey! It's okay, I'm here for you. I just need you to tell me what's been going on?"

Frank rubbed the heels of his hands over his eyes, takimg a deep breath and swallowing down the fresh urge to cry. He lifted his head to gaze once more at the sky before finally looking straight at Gerard, catching his eyes for the first time in months.

"I don't even know where to start" Gerard reached over, swiping a stray tear from Frank's cheek and frowning a little.

"How about we start with the weight loss? I mean, you've gotten so thin. When was the last time you ate anything?"

"I-I don't even remember. I just know I woke up one morning and my appetite had completely disappeared. I didn't see the point in eating anymore"

And so it went from there. Frank talked for well over an hour, spilling his guts and feeling lighter than he haf in ages. It felt good, in the sense that he was no longer alone, but awful at the same time. Frank had never felt so exposed and vulnerable, it was uncomfortable. He stopped eventually, he just stared at Gerard, waiting for him to speak. Gerard had just listened the entire time, never speaking but nodding at certain intervals.

"I will help you, Frankie. I promise I will, all you have to do is accept that you need it."

Frank just stared down at the dusty ground, he wasn't ready to get help yet. A small part of him was whispering that he needs to do this alone. Gerard stood, reaching out and pulling Frank from the floor. They walked slowly to the car, heading straight for home, the conversation still halted. It wasn't until they'd made it inside the house, noticing the time, that Frank finally broke the silence.

"I do need help, I'm terrified Gerard. I don't know what's happening to me...save me, I feel like I'm drowning"

"It's okay, Frankie. I'm not going anywhere, I know what to do." Gerard smiled, looking at Frank with genuine care "You look tired, maybe you should sleep"

"I don't really sleep anymore, I just lay in bed and watch the hours go by"

"Go sit down then, I'll be back in a few minutes."

Frank walked quietly to the front room, curling his legs under himself on the sofa and gazing at the sky through the window. He was still scared, in fact, he was fucking terrified. At night was when the worst thoughts would come, the nagging little voice in his head telling him to end it all, he was scared to death that they were going to win. He pulled his gaze to the doorway as Gerard wandered back in, his duvet under his arm.

Sitting quietly, he told Frank to lay down, placing a cushion on his lap for Frank's head as he put his legs up. Frank shifted and lay between them, thankful that Gerard had covered them both with the blanket. He smiled slightly as fingers ran through his hair, combing softly until he finally felt that sleepy haze he'd been searching for, for weeks. Before his eyes slipped shut and he'd let it take over, he looked up at Gerard with heavy eyes.

"How do you always know what to do?" Gerard smiled softly, knowing Frank was referring to finally opening him up. He didn't bother replying, he didn't think he needed to. But he knew the answer, he knew exactly who had shown him.

The broken boy that lay slightly snoring in his lap had shown him how to save a life.

Like I said, any thoughts on this would be amazing. Thank you xo