FicWad

Hi. My name is Brendon urine and today is my first day at flatscreentv academy. I step off the bus with my morning coffee, unused to the early start. I walk into the office and the woman behind the desk says. Fifteen minutes late with a starbucks i see. It is my first day so I don’t know what is going on. She gives me a timetable and leads me to my registration class. There I am paired with a boy who has the same classes as me. The bell rings and we walk to art. ‘Hey my name is Brendon’ I introduce myself.
‘Hey, I’m Ryan Ross.’
‘Your name is like two first names’ I tell him.
Ryan stares at me awkwardly. ‘Yeah...’
We are late to art because of our conversation. The teacher, Mr. Gerard way introduces himself and says ‘ah, late again Ryan, well, there’s still spare seats at the back of the room’.
‘Im sorry Mr. Way ‘Ryan apologises
‘Please, just call, me Gerard’
We are sitting at the back of the class. Today we need to paint each other. I get my sketching pencils out of my bag, because I’m an absolute bastard. I carry with me a journal, a dream journal, my own sheet music I have written myself, and a sketchbook, and absolutely nothing related to my educational career.
I begin sketching Ryan. He has black hair down to his shoulders, clearly straightened, his eyes were lined with black guyliner, and he was wearing a black t shirt with the words ‘nobody knows I’m gay’ on the front. He is also wearing a grey paperboy hat and the black skinny jeans, quite possibly made for women. He is holding them up with a tacky rainbow belt. I think he might be gay. His eyes are like decadent warm whisky atop a chocolate cake. I think I might be gay for him. Maybe I’m just hungry, who knows.
This time last week I was having sex with a girl so how gay can I truly be?
My sketch is complete and I begin painting. I am not a skilled painter and some of my colours drip into others but that’s okay that the style. The bell rings and we are done. I want see what Ryan has painted.
Mr Gerard way approaches. ‘Very nice Ryan’ and i stare at it. It’s so beautiful, I am so beautiful and Ryan has so much talent. I am in awe and unsure of what to say to him.
‘Hey Bren, pack up we need to get to our next class.’ Ryan brushes my shoulder.
‘Uh...’ I snap back to reality and pack away my pretentious shite.
Our next class was music with Mr Pete Wentz. I loved writing and playing music, but I wasn’t fond of music classes. What could they teach me that I couldn’t learn by doing better myself? I found a seat at the back of the class and continued work on my own sheet music, a piano piece I had been writing in the starbucks this morning. Unfortunately I wasn’t paying any attention and Mr Pete walked up behind me.
‘Ah, Mr Urie,’ He said to me, ‘Care to share what you’re working on here that is so much more important than what I have to say?’
I didn’t want him to win, so I stood up. I looked him in the eyes but said nothing. I marched proud to the piano at the front of the classroom and began to play my piece. It was amazing. Mr Wentz was absolutely speechless. I caught Ryan’s eye and winked at him. He smiled t me, looking slightly stunned by my abilities.
Suddenly the bell rang and I stepped up, going to put my stuff away in my bag. Mr Wentz folded some paper.
‘Well Mr. Urie looks like you got lucky. You have amazing talent but I think you should listen up, even you have things to learn.’ He warned.
I laughed at him and left with Ryan for lunch.
I unpack my lunch in the canteen. I have with me today a lobster salad and a decadent chocolate cake, baked by Mary Berry herself. I looked over at Ryan and realised all he had was a juice box of vodka. A liquid lunch if you will.
‘Hey, do you want to share with me?’ I ask him.
Ryan smiled at me. ‘That would be lovely.’
We shared the lobster salad like in lady and the tramp, and just as we were about to kiss over the last lobster morsel Mr Gerard Way and Mr Pete Wentz walked in together holding hands.
‘NO! RYAN!’ Pete Wentz screamed, ‘RYAN YOU’RE ALLERGIC!’
I stared at Ryan, his face was growing paler.
‘Why didn’t you tell me?’ I questioned him.
‘I have a selective memory.’ He began sobbing. ‘My epipen is in my bag Brendon, please save me.’
He began to lose consciousness, I had to act quickly.
I grabbed the pen and ripped off his ladies skinny jeans, breaking his rainbow belt. I stabbed him in the thigh and called for an ambulance.
The ambulance arrived so quickly, bursting through the canteen wall. I put Ryan under one arm and held Mary Berry’s chocolate cake in the other hand. I was going to need this. I got in the ambulance with him and we rushed off. I hoped he would be okay, I was gay for him.
I was waiting in the hospital. I was taking up a seat for myself, and another for Mary’s beautiful chocolate cake. A patient with one leg stared at me in disgust, but this cake was important. What kind of hospital ward was this? Why is she standing here waiting for a seat shouldn’t she be in a bed?
A doctor came through looking at me with a sad expression. ‘He is asking for you, you can come through now.’
I and my chocolate cake walk through to Ryan’s room. He is crying.
‘Brendon, why did you destroy my rainbow belt? Is it because I’m gay? I thought you liked me?’
The doctor looked at me in disgust, like how dare could I destroy this tacky belt? How homophobic was I?
‘I’m sorry Ryan,’ I apologised, ‘I was just so caught up in the moment trying to save you. I’m sorry, and I really don’t mind that you’re gay.’ He looked up at me, whipping away his tears.
‘in fact, I think I’m gay for you.’ I leaned in to kiss him.
Just then Pete Wentz and Gerard Way burst through the door, holding hands once again.
‘What do you think you are doing?’ Pete Wentz cried, ‘You’re moving too quickly. Me and Gerard have been holding hands for six months now, waiting for the sign from the homo gods, a double rainbow, to signify we can take our relationship to the next level.’
I apologised, I told him I had been straight until this morning. Ryan explained he had a selective memory.
We left the hospital and went to our next class. We had PE. In the changing room my dick accidetntally brushed against his slightly. It was hot.
I got home to find my mum chopping a celery finely in the kitchen. Mary Berry was there, checking up on her ever so often. I’m glad to see she was finally learning something, as Mary was growing older and couldn’t make my lunch forever.
‘How was your first day at flatscreentv academy?’ My mum asked me.
@It was okay I guess.’ I replied honestly, ‘ I met this hot guy Ryan and I’m going to fuck him.’
‘Cool’ My mum replied. She then accidentally cut her hand and got some blood on the celery. Mary Berry turned around. ‘For fuck sake Mrs Urine how are you this uncoordinated?’ Mary Berry is a classy woman.
I went to sleep and awoke the next day, full of the power of gay love. I did not need a starbucks today. I grabbed my lunch and got on the early bus, meeting Ryan there. I greet him with a gift of a new rainbow belt.
‘Hey Ryro,’ I greeted him, ‘wanna skip today? Then it can be just me and you, I want to talk to you about this shit I wrote in my journal about my emotions. ‘
‘Okay’ Ryan agreed, and we got off at the bus near the park. I led him into a very quiet area, near some trees. I settled down with my chicken pasta Mary had packed for me. It was a warm day and we were relaxed, sitting under a tree, holding hands.
‘I’m just going to do my stretching yoga Brendon.’ Ryan told me. Was this and invitation? He began his downward facing dog pose. I wandered over to him, positioning myself behind him. I began unbuckling his belt. ‘Do you feel degraded now?’ I whispered to him, kissing his neck. He whined. I had never had anal sex before, but I knew it would be a laugh. I slip myself into him, biting his neck. He cries out dolphin on the open sea. This was so hot, I am so gay. I whisper into his ear, ‘Fuck the homo gods.’ I reach my hand around and begin touching his dick. He orgasms so quickly, and his body squeezes me too so I finish too. I decide I’m going to have to write a song about this.
We sit below the tree, still with our dicks out, eating Mary Berry’s chicken pasta. I felt like I could piss at any moment. Ryan kisses me and I know everything was going to be okay and we would have a lot more butt sex. We were in true love. And this pasta was almost as beautiful as me. I hope Ryan would never forget this beautiful day despite his selective memory.