FicWad

my swimming lessons didn't work when i was young
and now i'm drowning in your eyes

i died and left myself back in eighth grade

during the summer
when i'm home alone
and nothing but my breathing and the murmur of Say Yes To The Dress is on
my dog is the only presence
and the same stains and cracks
make me want to leave more and more everyday

the sidewalk in front of my house is filled with bitter memories
memories of a better time
where i was happy
and woke up and greeted the sun

now i stay up
my mind is racing
faster the racecars in Nascar
it's running a marathon until four in the morning

the sun comes up and i cover my eyes
neighbors start mowing lawns
and i cover my ears
the sun's warmth used to feel inviting
but now i just stay inside to be anyway from it

the grass is dying in my front lawn
and sometimes that's how i feel

i feel like i'm losing everything and more

my journal nowadays seems to repeat with the word
ALONE
and again with my mind running 24/7
i just need to remember to
breathe

the shooting stars in the sky
and i all i seem to wish for is to be happy
but i know it all up to me with my happiness

there has to be something that helps me get through this life
someone or something that breaks down my walls
and help me smile a genuine smile

some say you can only be happy if you let yourself be happy

and ive tried
believe me

but the sky is still blue
the grass will still be green
even when people i hoped would never leave

the suburban night sky
kinda sucks
stars come in few
the trees even hide the moon

hold me close and keep me safe
i may look strong
but most days i'd rather be looking down the barrel of a gun

i choke on the words
that i want to say

i know where the floorboards creak
they know the bottom of my feet

someday i'll leave
my wish will be granted
i hope to not be on my own
i just don't want to feel like i'm losing you anymore

So the is attempt number two because I accidently deleted attempt number one on accident. This is just one big jumbled thought and yeah, it may make sense but oh well. I haven't written it weeks and this all came out.
-abbie