FicWad

“At least you weren’t seriously hurt or got your keys stolen as well,” I mutter to myself. ‘It could have been a hell of a lot worse,’ I think to myself as I continue to make my way down North Street. I’m starting to approach Berryville Apartments on my left and start to feel some relief knowing that I’ll be home soon.

I’ve been calling Berryville Apartments home for two years now. It’s not a bad place to live in, it’s well kept, and the other tenants are pretty easy going. I really have nothing to complain about the place, it’s exactly what you’d expect for a middle class apartment to look and feel like. Not many people live there however since there’re only four, two-story buildings, each containing around fifty apartments. I reside in building one, apartment number twelve, on the first floor.

Once I remove my keys from the lock and open the door, I’m very happy to be inside. My light blue walls are the first thing that welcomes me home. I immediately kick off my black converse and walk down the hall into the living room and plop down onto my leather couch with a soft ‘pff’ sound. That was a mistake since my ass is still a little sore from falling onto it. I still cannot believe that happened. I’m glad I don’t have any real personal information on there; I’ve only had the phone for about two months because my previous one had randomly broke.

Not wanting to get too stressed out about it since I plan on dealing with that situation tomorrow, I decide to grab my laptop which is on my kitchen table diagonally to my left. Since I knew I was going to be back in about a half an hour, all I have to do is open it and my My Chemical Romance (Revenge era might I add) background welcomes me. My Chemical Romance is unlike any other band that I have ever stumbled across. Their music has picked me up when I was at my lowest point in life.

My younger sister died three years ago and that really did a number on me. The months after nearly killed me, I had so much guilt; so much anger. Though I’m not religious, my sister was. She wasn’t intensely devoted, but she did have a bible in her home that she’d read from time to time. So before I really began to blame myself, I blamed God. I blamed him for fucking everything. I despised him. I would snarl if anyone said his name. Whenever I saw a church I felt sick to my stomach from all the rage I felt. Her bible was one of the first things I took the first time going through her stuff after she died. I ended up burning the fucker right behind the local church. That was really the only time I can recall being ‘happy’ for the first few weeks after her death. Looking back, I regret my actions; I wish I would have kept it. I was losing my mind though, I wasn’t thinking clearly. My hate towards God stemmed from the thought that the big guy was supposed to look out for his followers; she was a good person, none of it made sense. Himself or his fucking cock sucking angels shouldn’t have let her die. If he was mad that I was a ‘sinner’ and wanted to punish me for not worshiping him, he should have killed me and not her. Even though I felt empty after her death, I still had the luxury of still being able to breath, where as she didn’t. I should have been the one killed if he wanted to punish me, not her. My sister’s death is the reason why I see Claire, it still affects me, not as severely, but it’s still bad nonetheless. She’s really been the only one that I’ve been able to open to about it. Everyone I know knows nothing about my past; I like it better that way. They don’t know her name or even that I had a sister in the first place.

On the day that marked the three month anniversary of the end of her life, I was finally ready to end my own. I just couldn’t take it anymore. I wasn’t happy, I wasn’t sad, and I moved on from hating God so much. I was just numb, but on the rare occasion that I did feel anything, it was always guilt and remorse. ‘I was driving, I was driving, I was driving…’ would constantly be repeated over and over in my head. I didn’t deserve to live, I knew that. ‘You’re nothing but a murderer that got away with it. You don’t deserve to be breathing. You don’t deserve to be able to wake up in a warm bed. The only place you deserve to be is six feet underground, just like where she is.’ Those thoughts would routinely swim through my head and would be the driving force that led me to want to take my own life.

With the handful of sleeping pills placed in my right hand and the picture of my sister I in the other, I was ready to fulfill the death wish that I had. Before I ended it all by peacefully drifting off to sleep on my bed, I said out loud to whoever/whatever was listening that, ‘if this is the way my life is supposed to end then so be it, if not…if I’m supposed to do something with my life, even now that my sister is gone, give me a sign.’ I was greeted with silence and as I was bringing my right hand up to my mouth, the radio randomly kicked on and I heard ‘girl you’ve got to be what tomorrow needs. Sing it for the world, sing it for the world.’ Now if that wasn’t a sign, I don’t know what is. It made me immediately drop the pills and soon after my legs gave out. It just turned into a giant sob fest. Once the song ended I was able to catch the name of the band, My Chemical Romance. From that sign I took away that there is always tomorrow and a chance for things to get better. I took it as that I shouldn’t do anything to take that chance away and that I should also try to help other people along the way realize that as well. That day I began to listen to MCR and numerous other bands. I didn’t listen to much music before that day, even when my sister was alive. From that moment on music has always been something that’s always there for me; it always makes me feel better. About a month after my almost suicide I ended up getting my first and only tattoo on my right collar bone that says ‘music saves.’ It’s a very simple tattoo but I’m a full believer in it. I’m no longer suicidal at all anymore and I’m slowly healing more and more every single day. I’d say I’m a happy person now, not super happy, but I do smile more, that’s something that Claire took notice of. I have music, and more specifically, MCR to thank for that.

Moving the mouse to click on Google Chrome, because internet explorer is simply ass, I begin my normal routine. Check email, Facebook, and then finally MCR’s website. I try to talk to any fans on there that are having a bad day or need cheering up. I also enjoy seeing if anyone is holding any meet ups or protests for anything. I’m not a big people person but I’m pretty good if I get together with a group of people that I know share similar interests with me.

Once their website finally loads, I see that the band has posted something, it reads:
“Heylow dears
posted by My Chemical Romance on April 4, 2013 05:06pm
Have you ever wanted to spend two days with the four of us? (That’s not just one, oh no sir, it’s 1+1=2 days!) Well, even if you’ve never gotten the urge, WE want to spend two days with YOU. We mean it, we truly do, all of ya’ll are pretty rad. Unfortunately, if we were to spend two days with every single one of you fine people, MCR would never be alone ever again, and that thought kind of scares us…especially Mikey. So we devised a contest that some lucky chap will win. Anyone can enter it, guys, girls, aliens, etc…and age isn’t an issue either. (Please don’t sign up your infant child though; we are terrible at changing diapers.) On the bottom of this post is the link to the form you must fill out; alls you gotta do is click on it and !WHA-BAM! - you’ll be magically teleported to the form. Technology is magical. Anywho, we better stop wasting your time and let you get going on filling it out cuz we will be ‘picking’ the winner tomorrow at nine a.m.! We warn you that it will be a slightly boring process, we apologize. When you get to hangout with us we understand if you bitch us out at first.
Over and out (for now),
xo Frank, Ray, Gerard, and Mikey xo
CLICK ME!”

After reading that, I can’t help but to let out some laughter. My favorite part was when they said that they wouldn’t get any alone time and how that frightened all of them, especially Mikey. I swear they are something else. I’m absolutely stunned about this opportunity; they’ve never done anything like this before. I wonder if their label brought it up. Not wanting to waste anymore time questioning things that don’t matter, I click the link that flat out says ‘CLICK ME!’. And wow, it really did magically take me to the form. I chuckle at the thought of technology really being magic. Once the page loads fully they were also certainly right about the fact that it will be boring. It’s just a plain white webpage with black lettering and a lot of empty boxes that need filling out. I begin to read the paragraph at the top before I start to fill things out. Overall it states that everything must be filled out fully and accurately and that the winner will be randomly selected and contacted tomorrow at nine A.M..

“Alright,” I mumble, “let’s get started.” Once I start filling out my name, Google Chrome recognizes me and automatically fills out about three-fourths of the form from answers I’ve typed previously for other things. I am definitely off to a good start. I quickly skim through the answers though just to make sure they’re accurate. Harmony Bates. 1/1/1990. 23. Female. Brown. 1200 North Street Apt. 12. Shades, MI. Everything is fine until I stumble across the phone number box. Out of all the times to get my phone stolen and out of all the times MCR does something like this, why did they have to be at the same time? I won’t be able to buy a new phone until next Thursday since that’s the day I get paid. I decide to just leave my phone number there and hope that if by some miracle that I win that they’ll just randomly show up at my door or something.

Once I check the rest of the answers I begin to start filling in the empty ones, the first one being where I work, the answer to that being, Shades Library. After going through the rest of the questions which took a good forty-five minutes I am ready to hit submit at the bottom of the page. There were a lot of questions, most were simple and easy and others I found a bit odd. For example one asked what my biggest fear was; another wanted to know when the last time I was in a relationship. I just wrote it off though as the guys just being weird. Once I clicked on the submit button the page turned white and then a box appeared thanking me for my submission and that they wish me luck on winning. It also mentions as a fun fact that I answered sixty-nine questions. I knew there was a lot, but I didn’t think that many! I look at my laptop’s clock which reads seven and decide to shut it off for the night. Even though it’s so early I feel exhausted, I blame it on the dick that jacked my phone.

Getting up off the couch I take a right and enter the hallway and walk to the door on the end which is my bedroom. I toss my plain, dark blue shirt on the ground and slip off my black skinny jeans. In exchange for those I put on some red plaid pajama pants and an oversized white t-shirt; I’m ready for bed. Before I get too comfy on my twin sized bed I reach over to my nightstand and set my alarm for 8:45 a.m.. I have no faith whatsoever on winning. I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t excited to find out, but I’m really not that excited. I’m sure there’s going to be over ten thousand entries; my chances are slim to none. To put my odds of winning into a better perspective; I’ve been buying lottery tickets and scratch offs at least once a week ever since I was eighteen and I still haven’t won anything over twenty dollars. With that thought buzzing in my head, I close my eyes and drift off to sleep.