Categories > Original > Horror > Journal For the Slightly Insane
She was shaking, sweating in that sweater that draped over her lithe body, practically swallowed her. I didn’t try to wake her up, just watched as she cried and whimpered, watched helplessly as she curled inward, as if being smaller made her less vulnerable, as if she weren’t curling into the form of a lost child.
“Come on, Holly,” I said, still too afraid to get near. “Come on.”
*
“Do you ever feel worthless? Like. I mean – like you’re never gonna amount to anything?”
I made a face. “No. Who told you that?”
Holly ducked her head. “No one.”
“Who didn’t say anything?”
She turned her head to the side, resting her cheek on her knee. “What do you mean?”
I shrugged, playing with a frayed string on the cuff of my sleeve. “Silences affect almost as much as words.” Holly hummed. “I don’t know you well but I can tell you spent a lot of your time…” The words died in my throat when I looked back to her, only to find a flower in her place.
I shot to my feet, scanning up the road and then in the opposite direction. She was nowhere. I tried to ignore the way my stomach bottomed out, the way my head hurt thinking where I went wrong.
*
“I can’t believe you fucking did that – “
“What the fuck did you want me to do, huh? Play fucking perfect girlfriend with a college scholarship, yeah, they’d buy that shit, right?” She was tugging off her earrings like they had done her a personal injustice and was kicking off her heels with a similar vengeance.
My teeth cracked. “I wanted you to be yourself.”
“That’s what I did!” She sat down in a huff, still beautiful in her makeup and gown. Still beautiful smelling like poison and shame.
“No, you fucking poured wine down your throat because you were scared they wouldn’t like who you were. Who you are. You made a fool out of yourself.” I mumbled the last words; I couldn’t keep it in but I couldn’t shout it in her face either.
She was silent.
“You should go.”
I stood stony in front of her. “Are you sure.”
“Go.”
“Come on, Holly,” I said, still too afraid to get near. “Come on.”
*
“Do you ever feel worthless? Like. I mean – like you’re never gonna amount to anything?”
I made a face. “No. Who told you that?”
Holly ducked her head. “No one.”
“Who didn’t say anything?”
She turned her head to the side, resting her cheek on her knee. “What do you mean?”
I shrugged, playing with a frayed string on the cuff of my sleeve. “Silences affect almost as much as words.” Holly hummed. “I don’t know you well but I can tell you spent a lot of your time…” The words died in my throat when I looked back to her, only to find a flower in her place.
I shot to my feet, scanning up the road and then in the opposite direction. She was nowhere. I tried to ignore the way my stomach bottomed out, the way my head hurt thinking where I went wrong.
*
“I can’t believe you fucking did that – “
“What the fuck did you want me to do, huh? Play fucking perfect girlfriend with a college scholarship, yeah, they’d buy that shit, right?” She was tugging off her earrings like they had done her a personal injustice and was kicking off her heels with a similar vengeance.
My teeth cracked. “I wanted you to be yourself.”
“That’s what I did!” She sat down in a huff, still beautiful in her makeup and gown. Still beautiful smelling like poison and shame.
“No, you fucking poured wine down your throat because you were scared they wouldn’t like who you were. Who you are. You made a fool out of yourself.” I mumbled the last words; I couldn’t keep it in but I couldn’t shout it in her face either.
She was silent.
“You should go.”
I stood stony in front of her. “Are you sure.”
“Go.”
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