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"C":https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yyU-vKRSeKY athode Ray
Blonde Summer







Put in headphones where taped cracked screen can edge up against thumbprint.
Struggle to work the damned jack. Sigh when it connects.

Press shuffle.

Bum bum bum bum

Walk off bus.

At fourteen, life is idle time and uninterrupted staring into abyss.
Glad to not be affected by illness or poverty, very minimal racial discrimination or bullying based on gender or sexuality.

Life is idle

Staring into abyss

Feel for:

Dun-dun. Dun-dun. Dun-dun. Dun-dun.

Step into stairway. Turn at bend. Continue up stairs.

“FIRST time LOVERS...! Your heart beats slow… DISAPPEARING to another world…”

Green highlights. A beautiful laugh. Smile back. Touch.

She

You

Try to not pull away.

to hold your hand

Pull away.
Shake head.
Cross arms.
Smile harder.
Apologize.

“ – Friendly face…Familiar voice…An endless choice – ”

At fifteen, life is intermittent confusion and ceaseless stupidity.
Scared to affect immediate circle, family, or any acquaintances.

Life is confusion

Stupidity

See to:

– Tuh –Tuh – Tuh – Tuh – Tuh – Tuh – Tuh – Tuh –

Go into a linoleum tiled room. Find seat. Sit.

“You stare at me. With a melancholy.”

Blue highlights. An intent gaze. Look back. Touch.

You

She

Try not to mean anything.

to be with you

Make space.
Shake head.
Cross arms.
Try smiling.
Deny.

“please don’t go”

Talk. Don’t talk.
Don’t text. Text.

Watch the moving truck leave.

At sixteen, life is ¬¬¬
Nothing to

Life is



“my endless choice”

Let the message go unanswered for 3 days.

lah lah lah lah, lah lah lah

She
You

Red highlights. A soft laugh.

“Am I here?






or am I just your atmosphere?”


*




to the girl i won’t marry

-az