FicWad

The car rolled to a stop and I heard Gerard sigh beside me. He turned off the ignition and unbuckled his seatbelt. I could sense that he was staring at me, waiting for me to do or say something; but I didn’t, I couldn’t say anything and my body felt frozen, all my limbs felt as if they were made of lead. The car shook as Gerard exited, my side door opened, I heard his feet shuffle on the gravel but I still didn’t move. He cleared his throat and reached out to me. I flinched away from his touch; I didn’t like people touching me, it reminded too much of him.

“Sorry…I forgot. Mikey c’mon it’s time to go.” Gerard muttered. When I still didn’t move he sighed again, “Mikes…we need to go. It’s time to get you checked-in.”

Mechanically I reached down and unbuckled my seatbelt. Gerard stepped out of the way and allowed me to get out of the car. The cold wind made a shiver rundown my spine and I hugged my torso to try and shield myself from it. Gerard grabbed my suitcase from the trunk of his car; he and I began to walk up the cobble-stone stairs. I read the iron sign above me, Newark Institution for the Mentally Ill. We reached the wooden door and Gerard opened it for me. As soon as I stepped inside I backed-up, accidently bumping into him. My heart rate began to increase and I hurriedly distanced myself from my brother. He looked at me with heavy concern, “Mikey…I’m sorry…I didn’t know you were going to back up.”

I shook my head, “I-it’s fine.” I stated quietly.

A big man in a white coat walked up to Gerard and I. His wire-framed glasses hung at the end of his nose and his grey hairs were thinning on the top of his head. He reached out a shook Gerard’s hand and simply nodded towards me, “Michael Way?” He asked looking down at the clipboard and then back up at me.

I nodded but Gerard was the one who spoke, “Are you Dr. Bryant?”

“I am, I will be the man in charge of Michael’s care. If you would follow me I will show you two to Michael’s room.” Gerard and I followed him down the white hallway. I looked around and saw patients wearing light blue uniforms with white shoes. Some looked like mindless drones; they blankly stared and clung onto the nurses arms. Others were rocking back and forth muttering under their breaths. I didn’t want to end up like that; I couldn’t end up like that.

Dr. Bryant stopped and opened a door. I walked in with Gerard, he set down my suitcase on the bed. The walls were white as were the floors. The room was small, and the mattress was thin. The sheets were a light yellow, and the walls were bare. No personality, at the sight of the room made my hands begin to shake. “Gerard I don’t want to stay here. Please don’t make me stay here!
I-I’ll get better!” I shouted, tears brimming my eyes.

Gerard scratched the back of his neck, “They are going to help you Mikey. This is what is best for you.”

I shook my head violently, “No! You don’t know what is best for me! Please Gerard don’t leave me here! P-please I will get better! I promise!”

Gerard was about to say something but Dr. Bryant spoke first, “Michael I promise you that this is what is best for both you and your family. You will start feeling better in no time and then you’ll be able to return home …okay?”

Gerard nodded his head in agreement, “Everything will be okay Mikes, they know how to help you here.”

I laughed bitterly, “But don’t you see Gerard,” I motioned to my surroundings, “Nothing can help me! Nothing will make me forget! I just need to be home…with you…that is what is going to help me. Please Gerard.”

Gerard shook his head, “No Mikey this is what is best for you. I can’t help you, they can. I’m sorry. I’ll visit you every week…I promise.” Gerard stepped forward to embrace me but I backed away, Gerard ran his hand through his hair and sighed. “I love you Mikes.”

I couldn’t say it back. How could he love me if he was leaving me here? These people couldn’t help me; all they would do is give me medication that would slowly destroy who I am. I may be fucked up, but I can’t stand the thought of walking around like those mindless people out there. Clinging onto the arm of a nurse, unable to think for myself.

Gerard nodded, and I could swear that I saw a tear fall down his cheek. He turned to leave but glanced one last time at me, hoping that I would say something to him. But I didn’t; I let him walk out that door. Dr. Bryant sighed and walked into the room, I pushed myself against the furthest wall. He opened the small closet on the opposite side of the room, “In here, Michael, are your uniforms. You have one for each day of the week. Every morning you will be woken up at seven, we have breakfast at seven-thirty. You will then take a shower; you are scheduled for group therapy on Monday’s, Wednesday’s, and Friday’s. You will have your one-on-one therapy with me on Tuesday’s and Thursday’s. Saturday’s and Sunday’s are your free days, which is when people may visit you. Any questions?”

I shook my head, not trusting myself to speak. Dr. Bryant nodded once, “I’ll see you for your one-on-one session with me tomorrow. Goodnight Michael.”

He shut the door and I walked over to my bed. I sat down and pulled my knees to my chest. I began to cry, I was alone and nobody was here to distract my thoughts. My thoughts were consumed with him; his voice, his scent, his face. I was in hell.