Categories > Original > Humor
Dinosaurs Are Forever
0 reviewsShades of James Bond and Jurassic Park come together in this romp that's part 3 in the American Dad Tearjerker saga.
0Unrated
American Dad!
Fanfic Title:
Dinosaurs Are Forever
by: Trenton Sands
Opening Credits scene:
A black screen appears with a caption in white letters that says, "Previously, on American Dad" Along with a voiceover.
Voiceover: Previously, on American.........
Voiceover #2: You know what? Let's just cut to the (beeping) chase and get on with the show!
Voiceover #3: Great idea! Fans have already seen it and taped it!
Scene 1:
On an atypical afternoon, there was a gateway to a graveyard. The gateway said, "Villains Graveyard". Underneath it said, "Not to be confused with Elephant's Graveyard". In the graveyard, we see Greg and Terry as Manny and Peddi crying over Tearjerker's grave. From a distance, we see Jack Smith (Stan Smith's father) as a lawyer. Tearjerker's grave had a tombstone statue shaped like him. It read, "Here lies Tearjerker. He only wanted to make the world sad."
Manny (sobbing): If only he were still alive!
Peddi (sobbing): What will we do now?
Manny (sobbing): Poor Tearjerker's dead. (sobs)
Peddi (sobbing): He would still be here telling us what to do.....
Manny (sobbing): Bossing us around, punishing us if we messed up. That felt good. If it weren't for that stupid straight asshole Stan Smith!
Peddi and Manny were hugging and consoling each other when Jack Smith comes up to them as a lawyer.
Manny: Who are you?
Lawyer: My name is Pat MaGroin! I'm the executor of Tearjerker's estate.
Manny: He had an estate?
Peddi: Did he leave us anything?
Pat MaGroin: Indeed he did. You guys now own his island fortress in Oahu Hawaii. After all, you both are the only two henchmen he had left.
Peddi: Here that, Manny! We now own an island!
Manny: Now we'll pick up from where he left off! After that insufferable Black Villain died.
Pat MaGroin flies his airplane to Oahu Hawaii to the island fortress and drops off Manny and Peddi. The fortress looked like a huge empty mansion that was all sorts of dull brown, white, gray, and black colors.
Manny: This is like our very own Barbie Malibu Beach house! We should paint it pink! And remodel!
Peddi: That we will! We're in Hawaii! Let's look around to see if we can use something to get back at Stan Smith!
As they look around the Island Fortress, it looked dull and dingy, then they see a bunch of dinosaur eggs hatch one by one. Manny and Peddi get excited.
Manny: Those dinosaurs are so CUTE!!!
Peddi: We can use them! To build our own dinosaur theme park!
Manny: (holds box of Miracle Grow): Got something here we can make them grow up! Could this have been Tearjerker's NEXT plan?
There was a note on the wall that said 'If my movie plan Oscar Gold failed, when I die, someone will take care of my dinosaurs. I used a lot of scientific DNA (beep) nobody (beep) understands to make them'. signed, Tearjerker.
Peddi: Doesn't matter! It's our place now! We will use this island fortress to lure tourists and the dinosaurs can eat them! Once Stan Smith comes along, we'll give these dinosaurs the tastiest meal of them all! YOU WILL PAY FOR THIS STAN SMITH!!!!
Manny: Good thing we're here in Hawaii with these dinosaurs!
Peddi: Dinosaurs need a tropical climate!
Manny and Peddi both laugh evilly as they put their evil plan into motion.
A colorful screen appears with silohuettes of Stan Smith, Manny and Peddi, Jack Smith, and Joanna. Banks Begging for Thread plays. In black letters it says, "Dinosaurs are Forever".
Starring Stan Smith as Stan Smith
Greg Corbin as Manny
Terry Bates as Peddi
Jack Smith as Pat McGroin
and also starring
Joanna as Titty Nipsqueeze
Scene 2:
On the island fortress on Oahu Hawaii, Manny and Peddi enjoy what they have started. Seeing families, tourists, thrillseekers, and vacation goers get eaten by dinosaurs. The dinosaurs were Tyrannasaurus Rexes, Stegasaurus, Ptyodactols, and Brontosaurus.
Manny: Tearjerker would be so proud of us!
Peddi: Seems as though, whoever gets close to our dinosaurs seems to die.....
Meanwhile at CIA headquaters, Stan Smith was in the hallways looking for Sexpun.
Stan: Anyone seen Sexpun around?
B: Smith! There you are! We have an assignment for you! One more thing before you go, you don't need a woman for this!
Stan comes into B's office. He sees PeaceNickel and B ready to give Stan as assignment.
B: Found out that chaos is in the midst in an island of Oahu Hawaii.
Stan: Can you tell me where Sexpun is? Do missions better with her around....
B: Sorry, Smith. I'm afraid we can't let you be with her anymore.
Stan: Why not?
B: Congress just passed a law that says anyone who works in the spy business is not allowed to have interracial relationships.
PeaceNickel: No surprise the fascist conservative government would ban something like that. What is so wrong with dating a.......
B presses a button that causes PeaceNickel to fall down a trap door.
PeaceNickel: AAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!!!
Stan: You did me a solid! (laughs) Anyway, what's the assignment?
B: It's a very unhappy one I'm afraid. One of Tearjerker's leftover henchmen opened a dinosaur themed amusment park. Just because Tearjerker's dead, doesn't mean his henchmen are.....
Stan looked on as B turned on a viewscreen. It had a tiny colorful globe circling the black screen and the globe got bigger and the letters "In The News" twirled around the globe. Electronical music played. Then the screen shows the island of Oahu and people being beaten, attacked and eaten by dinosaurs.
ViewScreen: A new theme park with dinosaurs has opened on an island in Oahu Hawaii. Tourists there are being attacked by the dinosaurs. Whatever you do, don't take your kids to this place. And that is what is 'In The News'.
Electronical musical notes played at the closing. B turns off the viewscreen.
Stan (chuckles): You guys used 'In The News'?! (laughs) That's the news show that was on CBS in between Saturday Morning cartoons! Next thing you'll show us Charlie Brown and Snoopy! Or the Bugs Bunny and Road Runner show! Got any of those now?! (crackles)
B: We're not proud of that, either, Smith! Due to budget cuts, we spy organizations have to cut back because of the recession too. You are the only one who can stop Tearjerker's henchmen and take down this theme park.
Stan (despondant): Wish Sexpun was by my side.
B: All is not lost in that department, Smith. We're giving her a life threatening risky skin transplant surgery to turn her white again. She may or may not make it.
Stan: When do you expect she'll be out of surgery?
B: Must do this alone, Smith! You won't be alone with your weapons!
Stan: Question remians. Who else can Tearjerker have left behind? Tearjerker, Tchotochie, and Black Villain are all dead.
B: We have reason to believe it's those two homosexual henchmen of his. Manny and Peddi! They probably started this theme park to take over his legacy.
Stan: Makes a lot of sense. B, you must let me in on this case!
B: So you shall. Go into S's lab to get your weapons.
Stan: Yes sir! Time to kick some homo ass! Censor THAT, FCC!
Walking out of B's office, outside of the office, Stan picks up an outfit that has a yellow blouse and white overralls and has window cleaners attached.
Stan: What the hell is this for? To pretend I'm one of the Super Mario Bros? I'll be their long lost hybrid brother, Luario! (chuckles)
S: I see you found the window cleaner disguise. You'll know the right time to use it. I suggest you use that when you go. Follow me.
Stan was being lead into S's lab.
Scene 3:
At S's laboratory, Stan was getting ready for his assignment as S was giving him his weapons he will need.
Stan: So, what weapons of mass destruction do you have for me today?
S: A lot of them that you help you on your way. (picks up a rubber duck) This is an inflatable sail boat called Steamboat Billy. Like the old Mickey Mouse cartoon! It can help you when you're stranded in the water.
Stan: Cool, cool, cool. What else do you have?
S (gives weapons to Stan): This is a Shakespare hat. (holds a blue beret) If you put in on someone, he or she will quote Shakespare.
Stan: What's that victrola over there?
S: Oh, this? A Ren and Stimpy victrola. When played it emits a brain control wave that makes people dance to that Happy Happy Joy Joy song.
Stan: Uhh, remember that. People in college would not shut the (beep) up about that. Ren and Stimpy was a cartoon for people on drugs as I recall.
S: (holds up a feather and bow tie): This is a Tyler Perry feather. When you put it in someone's ear, it makes them act like that pistol packin' ghetto mama, Medea.
Barry: I made that all by myself!
Stan pushs Barry out of the way as S shows Stan the bow tie.
S: This is a Pee-Wee Herman bow tie. Once you wrap it around someone's neck, they act like Pee Wee Herman. All of these weapons are very incapacitating!
Stan: Thanks very much, S. I must go now! Too bad I'm going it alone....
S: Sexpun is about to get out of surgery, though.
Scene 4:
Stan decides to go to a bar before his big adventure. Stan still longs for Sexpun. As he was drinking his cocktail, a red headed woman comes his way. The woman is played by Joanna from the episode When A Stan Loves a Woman. The bar was a redneck bar full of hicks throwing tables and beer bottles at one another.
Woman: You looking for a female counterpart?
Stan: No, go away! No one can ever replace Sexpun. Might as well face facts, she'll die on the operating table.
Woman: If she's as good as dead, no need to keep sulking. You are going to face a big adventure....
Stan: Who are you?
Woman: I am Titty Nipsqueeze! Your new partner. Who are you?
Stan (drinks his cocktail): Smith. Stan Smith.
Titty: What's your journey you're going on?
Stan: Have to stop these Richard Simmons clones who built this Jurassic Park-like theme park full of real dinosaurs.
Titty: Know of that. The gay guys worked for Tearjerker, you know, that guy who wanted to make the world sad.
Stan: All right. You can join me and my cause. Have any fighting skills?
Titty: I specialize in weapons. Like to put Victoria's Secret undergarments in my missles and such.
Stan: Oooooh, with you around, I can forget all about Sexpun!
Titty: What was so special about this Sexpun with you? Hate it when people keep talking about their exes.
Stan: I used to lick her feet.....
Titty: She's history now. You're with Titty!
Stan (breathes seductively): Titty.....
Titty: (breathes seductively): Stan......
Stan and Titty go into a hotel and make out and strategize their plan. They were both in bed naked with their clothes on the floor.
Stan: Want to get to know you better. Why are you called Titty Nipsqueeze?
Titty: Squeeze my boobs and find out!
Stan squeezes Titty's breasts and a bomb goes off.
Titty: Had a bomb implanted that wasn't supposed to go off.
Stan: That's fine. You almost put us in blackface! (imitates Al Jolsen) Mammy! (chuckles)
Titty (laughs): Love a man with a racist sense of humor? Where were we?
Stan: Making love, that's what?
Titty: Shut up and kiss me! Make my body sing!
Stan continues to have sex with Titty. It lasts for about an hour and then they stop.
Titty: One more thing, If you talk about your ex one more time, I won't help you.
Stan: Emotional blackmail, huh. Work well with that. Promise I won't even give her a second thought. She's dead to me. Now, how do we get to Oahu?
Titty: I have two helocopters we can use.
Stan: Excellent!
Titty and Stan go out of the hotel room, gets into a car, and drives Stan into a hanger where the helocopters are. The helocopters have missle shooters on the side.
Scene 5:
Stan and Titty were both in their helocopters going to Oahu. The Sonic's song Strychine plays. As Stan was flying around, missles were being shot at him.
Stan (speaking into mic): Mayday mayday! We're being attacked!
Titty (speaking into mic): I know! I'm attacking you!
Stan: Thought we were friends?!!! (still talking into mic)
Titty: (speaking into mic): I was NEVER friends with you!
Stan: (speaking into mic): You working for the bad guys? How could I have not seen that?
Titty: (speaking into mic): You bet your sweet ass I am! I only (beep) you for fun! Prepare to die, Mr. Smith!
Stan was avoiding being shot down by the missles. The missles had bras and thongs in them once they exploded.
Titty: Blow you out of the sky, dickface!
Stan: You are not good at blowing! You suck at blow! Learned that when we were in bed! Worst sex I've ever had!
Titty: Now you're REALLY making me mad! You're the one who decieved me!!!!
Stan continued to fly as Titty was still shooting missles at him.
Titty: How DARE you go against the gays!
Stan: Oh, NO! You're a PC thug, aren't you?
Titty: Correct, you conservative simpleton mother(beep)! I believe in everything the liberals want! Women's rights, gay marriage, you name it! I'm Hillary Clinton's number one fan! When this is over, I'm going to compaign for her in 2016!
Stan: NNNNOOOOO!!!!!!!
As Stan was still flying the helocopter, Titty shot a missle at his windshield and a whole bunch of thongs were stuck on it causing Stan to crash a little bit.
Titty: Prepare to meet Satan in hell, Mr. Smith! (cackles) After this, in the meantime, I'll work for Sandra Fluke!!!!
Stan: You've gotten ME mad, now!
Before Stan knew it, Titty attached her helocopter to Stan's with a cord flipping him upside down. Stan reaches for the Shakespare hat.
Stan: What is this? Top Gun all of a sudden??
Titty flies Stan over to some smokestacks.
Stan (throws the Shakespare hat at Titty): I got some garments I use as weapons of my own, bitch!
Still upside down, Stan uses a pocket knife to disconnect the cord that Titty had on Stan. Then Stan throws the Shakespare hat that landed on her head.
Titty: I died, Horiato!
Stan looks on as Titty's helocopter fell into a smokestack. Then Titty's helocopter was rescued by a biplane.
Titty: To Be Or Not To Be!
Stan: Ha ha ha ha ha! She's in trouble now! Nothing like good literature we all read in high school!
The biplane carried Titty's helocopter away as Stan watches.
Stan: Feminist bitch! And those kind of women believe they don't need rescuing! ha ha ha!
Song Ends
The biplane flew Titty's helocopter to Oahu, Stan enjoys his victory as he was flying there, too. Meanwhile at island fortress, Manny and Peddi were angery at Titty, and they were confronting Titty about her failure to catch Stan. Manny and Peddi were in their office.
Peddi: You are so incompetant!
Titty: Sorry....I
Manny: Sorry doesn't cut it!
Peddi: The impudence!
Manny: How could you let Smith overpower you?
Titty: I don't know....My boob bombs went off and.....
Peddi: We had such faith in you and you went ahead and destroyed everything!
Titty: I did seduce him....then I revealed myself to him as I was trying to blow him up..... Did that so he won't make it here!
Manny: That was your problem! You should've waited to tell him you were working for us! You spoke too soon! You were supposed to being him here to us, and set him up for our trap!
Peddi: He's coming here to destroy us because of you!
Manny: What were you thinking?
Peddi: This was a fatal mistake trusting a _woman_ to get Stan for us.......
Manny: Yeah, we should've hired a cute male bodyguard...
Peddi: Stan is straight, that would not have helped.
Manny: You're right.
Peddi: At least Stan won't get passed our soliders.....
Titty: Look, I'm sorry, give me another chance.....
Manny: We don't want to hear it!
Peddi: Stand over by that bridge of water.
Titty walks over to the bridge, and Manny and Peddi pushed a button that made the bridge collapse from under Titty and then Titty was eaten by sharks and the water left a bloody mess.
Manny: That's going to be Stan soon. Once we feed him to our T-Rex!
Peddi: If he tries to come here, our robot Trapjaw will stop him!
Manny: Too bad we didn't send him instead of that ineffectual bitch!
Peddi: Still, Titty looked great in the dress......Wish I could've worn it.
Manny and Peddi push another button, and a golden and silvery robot named Trapjaw. He was a humanoid android. Trapjaw looked like a cross between Jaws and Oddjob. Trapjaw wore a black suit and a derby and had a mean look on his face comes to Manny and Peddi's side.
Peddi (shows a picture of Stan): Trapjaw. This is Stan Smith. When he comes here, eliminate him!
Trapjaw: ROAR!!!
Scene 6:
It has been over 14 hours, and Stan Smith has finally made it to Hawaii in his helocopter. Stan has empty cans of energy drink all over the cockpit. Night time has fallen. Stan sees Honolulu, Maui, and Oahu from a distance
Stan: Yes! Honolulu baby! Time to take down a dinosaur theme park run by evil gays! 14 hours I've been flying this mother from DC to Honolulu! Yeah! In your face, Charles Lindburgh!
The helocopter was coming in for a landing that Stan was flying.
Stan: B was right! I didn't need a woman to help me for this job! (in a mockingly childish): I did this all by myself!
At the island fortress which was now painted pink, and has a rainbow flag, Manny was looking at the window of a room him and Peddi were in. The room had a bunch of computers, printers, and a sonar radar. Peddi was looking at the radar sonar as Manny was watching tourists scream in pain as they get eaten by dinosaurs in mess full of body parts and blood.
Manny: Ahhhhh. Life is good. This is the stuff dreams are made of! Evil dreams! (wringing his hands)
The radar sonar beeps and Peddi finds out it's Stan coming to their island fortress.
Peddi (freaked out): Manny! Manny! Manny!
Manny: What is it, sweetheart?
Peddi: Just picked up on the radar! Stan Smith is coming! Stan Smith is coming! (jumping up and down) What'll we do???!!!
Manny: He is? Is he?
Peddi leads Manny to the radar. Manny presses a few buttons on the computer.
Manny: There. That should keep him.
Peddi: What did you do?
Manny: I changed the coorindates. His helocopter will be programed to land in Maui! In a high school party!
Peddi: He'll be so confused considering it's night time!
Manny: Am I a genius or am I a genius?
Peddi and Manny laugh evilly. Stan Smith is about to land in what he thinks is Oahu.
Scene 7:
Now Stan has landed in Maui. Totally unaware that Manny reprogramed his helocopter. It was a dark night. Stan starts looking around for the Dinosaur Theme Park Manny and Peddi have built.
Stan: Now, let's look for this Dinosaur Theme Park!
As Stan looks around, he unwittingly walks into a high school graduation party!
Teenagers: WWWWWOOOOOO!!!! ALL RIGHT!!!! YEAH BABY!!!!! WE'RE GOING TO PRINCETON!!!!!
Stan: Wait the minute, this isn't Oahu! I'm on the set of the sequel to Project X!!!!
The teenagers were partying like there was no tommorow. Some were drinking, having sex, doing drugs, and even drove a car into the water. They were drinking beer, doing meth and crack. The Dandy Warhols song Godless was playing. Some of the teenagers who were drunk and high confront Stan.
Stan: Excuse me! I need to get to Oahu, please! (sees drugs) Is that meth? Or crack?
Teenager #1: Who the (beep) are you old man?
Stan: I'm the chaperone!
Teenager #2: Are you going to narc on us?
Teenager #3: We're all 18 now! We don't need your kind around here!
Stan: No, actually, I'm not. Know your kind hates adult supervision. Believe me! Have kids of my own! (laughs nervously) What's this party about?
Teenager #4: We got accepted to Princeton! WOOOOOO!!!!!!
Stan: Wow! Outstanding! Ivy League!
Teenager #5: Yeah man! We're partying because we get to leave our parents and leave this boring ass state! So we can PARTYYYYY!!!!!! YYYYEEAAAAAHHHHHH!!!!!!
Stan: Why in the world would you all want to give up Hawaii for New Jersey? There's some kids your age who live in the Midwest who would love to go to Hawaii!
Teenager #6: Hawaii is boring! Nothing fun for teenagers like us to do here. Nowhere to go? All there is it's water, man. The cool hip teen scene is in Jersey now!
Stan: What about surfing? Isn't that cool to do?
Teenager #7: What the (beep) do you want?
Stan: Just tell me how to get to Oahu! Then I promise I'll get out of your hair.
Teenager #8: Fine, follow us!
Teenager #1: I know what we should do with this lame-o?
Teenager #2: What?
Teenager #1: Let's feed him to those creatures from that movie Beastmaster!
Teenager #3: Yeah, man! That would be awesome!
Stan: (pouts) That hurt my feelings when you said that. Forgot how hurtful teenagers can be.
The teenagers were leading Stan to a gate.
Stan (hears the music): Hey, that's The Dandy Warhols! Is this a 90's theme party?
The teenagers were so high and drunk they thought they were listening to a rap song.
Teenager #9: That's not Dandy Warhols! It's Flo-Rida! Don't tell us any different!
Stan: Whatever!
The teenagers carry Stan as they open the gate and walk in the water to a tiny deserted island.
Stan: I'm trying to stop some gays who are running a Dinosaur Theme Park. You sure this is where it is?
Teenager #10: Dinosaur Theme park? You high? We sure are!
The teenagers leave Stan at the tiny island. They close the gate. Then alligators start to circle around Stan.
Teenagers: Have fun! (laughs)
Stan: What the! I don't see no dinosaur theme...... (sees alligators in the water): They tricked me!
Looking around the tiny island, Stan sees it's vacant and deserted.
Stan: Last time I trust drunk and high teenagers.
The alligators were circling around the island at fast pace.
Stan: How am I going to get past this? Like Dusty Springfield said in that Pet Shop Boys song, "How Am I Going To Get Through"? James Bond walked over some alligators once. Supposed I can do that!
Running around in a heap of panic, Stan runs around and tries to give out an SOS.
Stan: This flare gun will work! (watches the cirling alligators) Dammit! Can't they just be in a row?
The flare gun fails on Stan. After more minutes of panicking, Stan remembered that rubber duck that turned into an inflatable steamboat that S gave him.
Stan (takes out rubber duck and inflates it): Duh! Why didn't I think of this before?
The rubber duck turns into a steam boat. On the side it said, Steamboat Billy. Stan gets on. Then Stan uses the steering wheel to drive the boat at fast speeds. Then the Steamboat jumps over the high school party in Maui.
Stan: East my dust, meth heads! Hope you flunk!
Scene 8:
On Steamboat Billy, Stan has finally reached his destination. Stan sees the Dinosaur Theme Park and witnesses people being killed. To avoid being caught, Stan gets into a scuba suit and dives into the water until here reaches the Island Fortress. Stan sneaks up on a guard and uses electrical wires to shock him.
Stan: Finally! After a 14 hour flight, and getting sidetracked! I made it! Time to stop those gays!
Just as Stan was about to enter the Island Fortress, he is stopped by more guards.
Guard #1: Halt! What is your business here!
Guard #2: You a tourist?
Stan: I have a beef with the gays inside! Know how much they love 'beef' (laughs)
Guard #1: That was a hateful joke!
Guard #2: Prepare to die!
Stan (takes out victrola): No, you're both going to dance!
The victrola gets turned on and the Ren and Stimpy song Happy Happy Joy Joy plays. The victrola emits a mind control wave that immobilized the guards and made them start dancing.
Guards (singing and dancing): Happy Happy Joy Joy! Happy Happy Joy Joy!
Stan: Need to get in, without being noticed. But how......how......how.....
Indian: HOW?
Stan (punches out Indian): Who asked you!
Looking into his pocket, Stan finds the window cleaners outfit and puts it on. Then he climbs about 5 stories and starts cleaning windows. Manny and Peddi notice.
Peddi: A window cleaner!
Manny: You here to clean our windows?
Stan (talking in Brooklyn accent): Wash your windows? Super Service! Help Yourself!
Peddi: We never seen or heard of you.
Manny: We didn't hire no window cleaner!
Stan (talking in Brooklyn accent): How do you like your windows, mac?
Manny: Don't call us Mac!
Peddi: That's a straight guy's nickname!
As Stan starts doing the windows, Manny and Peddi get a better look and realize it's Stan. So, they get Trapjaw to go after him.
Manny: It's Stan!
Peddi: He's here to stop us! And blow our whole dinosaur operation out of the water! EEEEEKKKKK!!!!
Manny: Don't worry, honey pop! We have Trapjaw!
Peddi: Trapjaw!
Trapjaw enters the room full of computers, printer, and a sonar radar.
Peddi: Trapjaw! Get Stan Smith!
Trapjaw: RRRROOOOOAAAARRRR!!!
Manny and Peddi watch as Trapjaw comes after Stan. Trapjaw climbs to where Stan is and throws a derby at him. Stan falls to the ground.
Stan: Ouch! Man, crash landing!
Looking up, Stan sees Trapjaw.
Trapjaw: RRROOOAAAARRR!!!!!
Stan (screams): It's like that robot from Bad Dudes! You're going down, punk!
Trapjaw fights Stan with boxing and karate, Stan tries to do the same. Trapjaw then has Stan in a headlock, and Stan manages to escape and tries to fight off Trapjaw in a same fashion. Trapjaw punches Stan and knocks him out, and drags Stan to his doom!
Scene 9:
Stan was in Manny's and Peddi's lair. The place with the bridge next to their office looked like an expensive hotel room. Peddi and Manny had Stan in a tall vase with pebbles falling on his head. The pebbles made a ticking sound as the pebbles were hitting Stan on the head.
Manny: Tick Tock! Tick Tock! Tick Tock! One of my favorite Kesha songs!
Stan (groaning angerly): Grrr, you'll never get away with this!
Peddi: We got you, my handsome!
Manny: And your little dog, too!
Stan: Go to hell! What are you talking about? I don't have a dog!
Peddi: We just said that because we're huge fans of the Wizard of Oz! Judy Garland was fab-u-lous!
Manny (giddishly): Tearjerker would be impressed!
Peddi (giddishly): We accomplished something he never could!
Manny: Getting Stan Smith! (laughs)
Peddi: As you know, Stan, we have all of these dinosaurs here that eat tourists.
Trapjaw comes and breaks the vase Stan is in and carries Stan over to Manny and Peddi. The dinosaurs are still chasing and eating tourists.
Manny: Good boy, Trapjaw!
Peddi presses a button and a net falls on Stan that lifts him up into the air on a hook.
Stan: What are you going to do to me?
Peddi: Our dinosaurs have had a big dinner, even our T-Rex!
A door from the floor opens and it reveals the T-Rex.
Manny: It just ate 1000 tourists, and it has some more room.....but not for Jell-O! Hehehehehe!
The T-Rex jumps out and tries to get Stan who's stuck in the net.
Peddi: And...for...desert.....
Stan: Where are you going with this? What's the desert?
Manny: YOU!!!!!
Stan: Oh (beep). If only there was some way out.....
Suddenly, the power goes out, and the dinosaurs were being taken away by boats from the government.
Stan: Saints be praised! I'm saved! By my fellow Republicans who work for the government! Thank God for the patriots!
Scene 10 Conclusion:
The T-Rex jumps out, crushes Trapjaw and runs away until it is caught by the goverment boats. A bunch of soliders who were working for Manny and Peddi were running around the lair, and coming down in A mysterious cloaked figure in a black ninja suit came onto the scene and beats up all of the soliders one by one as they were coming at the cloaked figure with weapons. Then the cloaked figure frees Stan from the net.
Stan: Wow, thanks! Who are you, anyway?
The cloaked figure reveals herself to be Sexpun T'Come!
Stan: Sexpun! You made it through the skin surgery! You're white again! I'm allowed to date you!
Sexpun: Think nothing of it, babe! Also, that surgery made me even more powerful and sexier!
Stan: What's happening to the dinosaurs?
Sexpun: The goverment is taking them so we can send them to fight in Middle East!
Stan: Awesome idea! They can eat the Arabs!
As Stan and Sexpun were about to kiss, Manny and Peddi hold them at gunpoint!
Manny: If there's one thing we hate, it's a happy reunion!
Peddi: Especially with straight people!
Manny: You may have killed our soliders and taken down our Dinosaur Theme Park, but you'll never get past us!
Stan: Yes, I can!
Sexpun and Stan prepare to fight Manny and Peddi. Stan gives Sexpun the Tyler Perry feather, and Stan readies the Pee Wee Herman bow tie.
Stan: Put that in an ear, Sexpun!
Sexpun: Gotcha!
Manny and Peddi were charging after Sexpun and Stan. Sexpun puts the Tyler Perry feather in Peddi's ear.
Peddi (a'la Medea): You crazehh as hell! I oughta punch ya in da face! I do all the cookin' and cleanting, and living foh da lort!
Manny (enraged): You turned by lover into a black woman, you bitch!
Stan manhandles Manny and puts the Pee Wee Herman bow tie around Manny's neck. The Pee Wee's Playhouse theme song plays.
Manny (a'la Pee Wee Herman): Heh! Heh! Heh! Heh! (giggles) Today's secret word is....touch! Heh! Heh!
Sexpun and Stan run away.
Stan: Why are we running?
Sexpun: When I snuck onto this island, I planted bombs all over the island fortress!
Stan: The natural spy stuff!
Sexpun and Stan escape the island fortress by the skin of their teeth. The Pee Wee's Playhouse song faded. The island fortress and Dinosaur Theme Park has exploded and was no more. They both go on one of the goverment boats where they are greeted by B.
B: Well done, Stan and Sexpun! We could not have done this without you!
Stan: All in a days work and a job well done, B! Oh, and thanks for giving me my girlfriend back!
B: She's not a black mamma jamma clone anymore! You are free to date her now that she's white.
Sexpun: I missed you so much!
Stan: And I you......
As B heads the goverment ships back to Honolulu Stan and Sexpun finally make love and have sex. Stan decides not to tell Sexpun about Titty Nipsqueeze. Somewhere off in a distance, someone was watching the whole thing in a palm tree. It turns out to be Tearjerker. Who was still alive all along. Tearjerker still had a scar from when the swordfish got him.
Tearjerker: Bah! Curses! Foiled again! Even get pissed off when my henchmen fail! Never should've trusted those gays! What was I thinking when I fakes my death and made them executors of my estate? Fear not, for myself! Because....The world shall hear from me again......
Then Tearjerker's face appears in the mushroom cloud in the explosion of the island fortress.
Tearjerker (echoes): This world....shall hear from me again!
THE END...........................?
Fanfic Title:
Dinosaurs Are Forever
by: Trenton Sands
Opening Credits scene:
A black screen appears with a caption in white letters that says, "Previously, on American Dad" Along with a voiceover.
Voiceover: Previously, on American.........
Voiceover #2: You know what? Let's just cut to the (beeping) chase and get on with the show!
Voiceover #3: Great idea! Fans have already seen it and taped it!
Scene 1:
On an atypical afternoon, there was a gateway to a graveyard. The gateway said, "Villains Graveyard". Underneath it said, "Not to be confused with Elephant's Graveyard". In the graveyard, we see Greg and Terry as Manny and Peddi crying over Tearjerker's grave. From a distance, we see Jack Smith (Stan Smith's father) as a lawyer. Tearjerker's grave had a tombstone statue shaped like him. It read, "Here lies Tearjerker. He only wanted to make the world sad."
Manny (sobbing): If only he were still alive!
Peddi (sobbing): What will we do now?
Manny (sobbing): Poor Tearjerker's dead. (sobs)
Peddi (sobbing): He would still be here telling us what to do.....
Manny (sobbing): Bossing us around, punishing us if we messed up. That felt good. If it weren't for that stupid straight asshole Stan Smith!
Peddi and Manny were hugging and consoling each other when Jack Smith comes up to them as a lawyer.
Manny: Who are you?
Lawyer: My name is Pat MaGroin! I'm the executor of Tearjerker's estate.
Manny: He had an estate?
Peddi: Did he leave us anything?
Pat MaGroin: Indeed he did. You guys now own his island fortress in Oahu Hawaii. After all, you both are the only two henchmen he had left.
Peddi: Here that, Manny! We now own an island!
Manny: Now we'll pick up from where he left off! After that insufferable Black Villain died.
Pat MaGroin flies his airplane to Oahu Hawaii to the island fortress and drops off Manny and Peddi. The fortress looked like a huge empty mansion that was all sorts of dull brown, white, gray, and black colors.
Manny: This is like our very own Barbie Malibu Beach house! We should paint it pink! And remodel!
Peddi: That we will! We're in Hawaii! Let's look around to see if we can use something to get back at Stan Smith!
As they look around the Island Fortress, it looked dull and dingy, then they see a bunch of dinosaur eggs hatch one by one. Manny and Peddi get excited.
Manny: Those dinosaurs are so CUTE!!!
Peddi: We can use them! To build our own dinosaur theme park!
Manny: (holds box of Miracle Grow): Got something here we can make them grow up! Could this have been Tearjerker's NEXT plan?
There was a note on the wall that said 'If my movie plan Oscar Gold failed, when I die, someone will take care of my dinosaurs. I used a lot of scientific DNA (beep) nobody (beep) understands to make them'. signed, Tearjerker.
Peddi: Doesn't matter! It's our place now! We will use this island fortress to lure tourists and the dinosaurs can eat them! Once Stan Smith comes along, we'll give these dinosaurs the tastiest meal of them all! YOU WILL PAY FOR THIS STAN SMITH!!!!
Manny: Good thing we're here in Hawaii with these dinosaurs!
Peddi: Dinosaurs need a tropical climate!
Manny and Peddi both laugh evilly as they put their evil plan into motion.
A colorful screen appears with silohuettes of Stan Smith, Manny and Peddi, Jack Smith, and Joanna. Banks Begging for Thread plays. In black letters it says, "Dinosaurs are Forever".
Starring Stan Smith as Stan Smith
Greg Corbin as Manny
Terry Bates as Peddi
Jack Smith as Pat McGroin
and also starring
Joanna as Titty Nipsqueeze
Scene 2:
On the island fortress on Oahu Hawaii, Manny and Peddi enjoy what they have started. Seeing families, tourists, thrillseekers, and vacation goers get eaten by dinosaurs. The dinosaurs were Tyrannasaurus Rexes, Stegasaurus, Ptyodactols, and Brontosaurus.
Manny: Tearjerker would be so proud of us!
Peddi: Seems as though, whoever gets close to our dinosaurs seems to die.....
Meanwhile at CIA headquaters, Stan Smith was in the hallways looking for Sexpun.
Stan: Anyone seen Sexpun around?
B: Smith! There you are! We have an assignment for you! One more thing before you go, you don't need a woman for this!
Stan comes into B's office. He sees PeaceNickel and B ready to give Stan as assignment.
B: Found out that chaos is in the midst in an island of Oahu Hawaii.
Stan: Can you tell me where Sexpun is? Do missions better with her around....
B: Sorry, Smith. I'm afraid we can't let you be with her anymore.
Stan: Why not?
B: Congress just passed a law that says anyone who works in the spy business is not allowed to have interracial relationships.
PeaceNickel: No surprise the fascist conservative government would ban something like that. What is so wrong with dating a.......
B presses a button that causes PeaceNickel to fall down a trap door.
PeaceNickel: AAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!!!
Stan: You did me a solid! (laughs) Anyway, what's the assignment?
B: It's a very unhappy one I'm afraid. One of Tearjerker's leftover henchmen opened a dinosaur themed amusment park. Just because Tearjerker's dead, doesn't mean his henchmen are.....
Stan looked on as B turned on a viewscreen. It had a tiny colorful globe circling the black screen and the globe got bigger and the letters "In The News" twirled around the globe. Electronical music played. Then the screen shows the island of Oahu and people being beaten, attacked and eaten by dinosaurs.
ViewScreen: A new theme park with dinosaurs has opened on an island in Oahu Hawaii. Tourists there are being attacked by the dinosaurs. Whatever you do, don't take your kids to this place. And that is what is 'In The News'.
Electronical musical notes played at the closing. B turns off the viewscreen.
Stan (chuckles): You guys used 'In The News'?! (laughs) That's the news show that was on CBS in between Saturday Morning cartoons! Next thing you'll show us Charlie Brown and Snoopy! Or the Bugs Bunny and Road Runner show! Got any of those now?! (crackles)
B: We're not proud of that, either, Smith! Due to budget cuts, we spy organizations have to cut back because of the recession too. You are the only one who can stop Tearjerker's henchmen and take down this theme park.
Stan (despondant): Wish Sexpun was by my side.
B: All is not lost in that department, Smith. We're giving her a life threatening risky skin transplant surgery to turn her white again. She may or may not make it.
Stan: When do you expect she'll be out of surgery?
B: Must do this alone, Smith! You won't be alone with your weapons!
Stan: Question remians. Who else can Tearjerker have left behind? Tearjerker, Tchotochie, and Black Villain are all dead.
B: We have reason to believe it's those two homosexual henchmen of his. Manny and Peddi! They probably started this theme park to take over his legacy.
Stan: Makes a lot of sense. B, you must let me in on this case!
B: So you shall. Go into S's lab to get your weapons.
Stan: Yes sir! Time to kick some homo ass! Censor THAT, FCC!
Walking out of B's office, outside of the office, Stan picks up an outfit that has a yellow blouse and white overralls and has window cleaners attached.
Stan: What the hell is this for? To pretend I'm one of the Super Mario Bros? I'll be their long lost hybrid brother, Luario! (chuckles)
S: I see you found the window cleaner disguise. You'll know the right time to use it. I suggest you use that when you go. Follow me.
Stan was being lead into S's lab.
Scene 3:
At S's laboratory, Stan was getting ready for his assignment as S was giving him his weapons he will need.
Stan: So, what weapons of mass destruction do you have for me today?
S: A lot of them that you help you on your way. (picks up a rubber duck) This is an inflatable sail boat called Steamboat Billy. Like the old Mickey Mouse cartoon! It can help you when you're stranded in the water.
Stan: Cool, cool, cool. What else do you have?
S (gives weapons to Stan): This is a Shakespare hat. (holds a blue beret) If you put in on someone, he or she will quote Shakespare.
Stan: What's that victrola over there?
S: Oh, this? A Ren and Stimpy victrola. When played it emits a brain control wave that makes people dance to that Happy Happy Joy Joy song.
Stan: Uhh, remember that. People in college would not shut the (beep) up about that. Ren and Stimpy was a cartoon for people on drugs as I recall.
S: (holds up a feather and bow tie): This is a Tyler Perry feather. When you put it in someone's ear, it makes them act like that pistol packin' ghetto mama, Medea.
Barry: I made that all by myself!
Stan pushs Barry out of the way as S shows Stan the bow tie.
S: This is a Pee-Wee Herman bow tie. Once you wrap it around someone's neck, they act like Pee Wee Herman. All of these weapons are very incapacitating!
Stan: Thanks very much, S. I must go now! Too bad I'm going it alone....
S: Sexpun is about to get out of surgery, though.
Scene 4:
Stan decides to go to a bar before his big adventure. Stan still longs for Sexpun. As he was drinking his cocktail, a red headed woman comes his way. The woman is played by Joanna from the episode When A Stan Loves a Woman. The bar was a redneck bar full of hicks throwing tables and beer bottles at one another.
Woman: You looking for a female counterpart?
Stan: No, go away! No one can ever replace Sexpun. Might as well face facts, she'll die on the operating table.
Woman: If she's as good as dead, no need to keep sulking. You are going to face a big adventure....
Stan: Who are you?
Woman: I am Titty Nipsqueeze! Your new partner. Who are you?
Stan (drinks his cocktail): Smith. Stan Smith.
Titty: What's your journey you're going on?
Stan: Have to stop these Richard Simmons clones who built this Jurassic Park-like theme park full of real dinosaurs.
Titty: Know of that. The gay guys worked for Tearjerker, you know, that guy who wanted to make the world sad.
Stan: All right. You can join me and my cause. Have any fighting skills?
Titty: I specialize in weapons. Like to put Victoria's Secret undergarments in my missles and such.
Stan: Oooooh, with you around, I can forget all about Sexpun!
Titty: What was so special about this Sexpun with you? Hate it when people keep talking about their exes.
Stan: I used to lick her feet.....
Titty: She's history now. You're with Titty!
Stan (breathes seductively): Titty.....
Titty: (breathes seductively): Stan......
Stan and Titty go into a hotel and make out and strategize their plan. They were both in bed naked with their clothes on the floor.
Stan: Want to get to know you better. Why are you called Titty Nipsqueeze?
Titty: Squeeze my boobs and find out!
Stan squeezes Titty's breasts and a bomb goes off.
Titty: Had a bomb implanted that wasn't supposed to go off.
Stan: That's fine. You almost put us in blackface! (imitates Al Jolsen) Mammy! (chuckles)
Titty (laughs): Love a man with a racist sense of humor? Where were we?
Stan: Making love, that's what?
Titty: Shut up and kiss me! Make my body sing!
Stan continues to have sex with Titty. It lasts for about an hour and then they stop.
Titty: One more thing, If you talk about your ex one more time, I won't help you.
Stan: Emotional blackmail, huh. Work well with that. Promise I won't even give her a second thought. She's dead to me. Now, how do we get to Oahu?
Titty: I have two helocopters we can use.
Stan: Excellent!
Titty and Stan go out of the hotel room, gets into a car, and drives Stan into a hanger where the helocopters are. The helocopters have missle shooters on the side.
Scene 5:
Stan and Titty were both in their helocopters going to Oahu. The Sonic's song Strychine plays. As Stan was flying around, missles were being shot at him.
Stan (speaking into mic): Mayday mayday! We're being attacked!
Titty (speaking into mic): I know! I'm attacking you!
Stan: Thought we were friends?!!! (still talking into mic)
Titty: (speaking into mic): I was NEVER friends with you!
Stan: (speaking into mic): You working for the bad guys? How could I have not seen that?
Titty: (speaking into mic): You bet your sweet ass I am! I only (beep) you for fun! Prepare to die, Mr. Smith!
Stan was avoiding being shot down by the missles. The missles had bras and thongs in them once they exploded.
Titty: Blow you out of the sky, dickface!
Stan: You are not good at blowing! You suck at blow! Learned that when we were in bed! Worst sex I've ever had!
Titty: Now you're REALLY making me mad! You're the one who decieved me!!!!
Stan continued to fly as Titty was still shooting missles at him.
Titty: How DARE you go against the gays!
Stan: Oh, NO! You're a PC thug, aren't you?
Titty: Correct, you conservative simpleton mother(beep)! I believe in everything the liberals want! Women's rights, gay marriage, you name it! I'm Hillary Clinton's number one fan! When this is over, I'm going to compaign for her in 2016!
Stan: NNNNOOOOO!!!!!!!
As Stan was still flying the helocopter, Titty shot a missle at his windshield and a whole bunch of thongs were stuck on it causing Stan to crash a little bit.
Titty: Prepare to meet Satan in hell, Mr. Smith! (cackles) After this, in the meantime, I'll work for Sandra Fluke!!!!
Stan: You've gotten ME mad, now!
Before Stan knew it, Titty attached her helocopter to Stan's with a cord flipping him upside down. Stan reaches for the Shakespare hat.
Stan: What is this? Top Gun all of a sudden??
Titty flies Stan over to some smokestacks.
Stan (throws the Shakespare hat at Titty): I got some garments I use as weapons of my own, bitch!
Still upside down, Stan uses a pocket knife to disconnect the cord that Titty had on Stan. Then Stan throws the Shakespare hat that landed on her head.
Titty: I died, Horiato!
Stan looks on as Titty's helocopter fell into a smokestack. Then Titty's helocopter was rescued by a biplane.
Titty: To Be Or Not To Be!
Stan: Ha ha ha ha ha! She's in trouble now! Nothing like good literature we all read in high school!
The biplane carried Titty's helocopter away as Stan watches.
Stan: Feminist bitch! And those kind of women believe they don't need rescuing! ha ha ha!
Song Ends
The biplane flew Titty's helocopter to Oahu, Stan enjoys his victory as he was flying there, too. Meanwhile at island fortress, Manny and Peddi were angery at Titty, and they were confronting Titty about her failure to catch Stan. Manny and Peddi were in their office.
Peddi: You are so incompetant!
Titty: Sorry....I
Manny: Sorry doesn't cut it!
Peddi: The impudence!
Manny: How could you let Smith overpower you?
Titty: I don't know....My boob bombs went off and.....
Peddi: We had such faith in you and you went ahead and destroyed everything!
Titty: I did seduce him....then I revealed myself to him as I was trying to blow him up..... Did that so he won't make it here!
Manny: That was your problem! You should've waited to tell him you were working for us! You spoke too soon! You were supposed to being him here to us, and set him up for our trap!
Peddi: He's coming here to destroy us because of you!
Manny: What were you thinking?
Peddi: This was a fatal mistake trusting a _woman_ to get Stan for us.......
Manny: Yeah, we should've hired a cute male bodyguard...
Peddi: Stan is straight, that would not have helped.
Manny: You're right.
Peddi: At least Stan won't get passed our soliders.....
Titty: Look, I'm sorry, give me another chance.....
Manny: We don't want to hear it!
Peddi: Stand over by that bridge of water.
Titty walks over to the bridge, and Manny and Peddi pushed a button that made the bridge collapse from under Titty and then Titty was eaten by sharks and the water left a bloody mess.
Manny: That's going to be Stan soon. Once we feed him to our T-Rex!
Peddi: If he tries to come here, our robot Trapjaw will stop him!
Manny: Too bad we didn't send him instead of that ineffectual bitch!
Peddi: Still, Titty looked great in the dress......Wish I could've worn it.
Manny and Peddi push another button, and a golden and silvery robot named Trapjaw. He was a humanoid android. Trapjaw looked like a cross between Jaws and Oddjob. Trapjaw wore a black suit and a derby and had a mean look on his face comes to Manny and Peddi's side.
Peddi (shows a picture of Stan): Trapjaw. This is Stan Smith. When he comes here, eliminate him!
Trapjaw: ROAR!!!
Scene 6:
It has been over 14 hours, and Stan Smith has finally made it to Hawaii in his helocopter. Stan has empty cans of energy drink all over the cockpit. Night time has fallen. Stan sees Honolulu, Maui, and Oahu from a distance
Stan: Yes! Honolulu baby! Time to take down a dinosaur theme park run by evil gays! 14 hours I've been flying this mother from DC to Honolulu! Yeah! In your face, Charles Lindburgh!
The helocopter was coming in for a landing that Stan was flying.
Stan: B was right! I didn't need a woman to help me for this job! (in a mockingly childish): I did this all by myself!
At the island fortress which was now painted pink, and has a rainbow flag, Manny was looking at the window of a room him and Peddi were in. The room had a bunch of computers, printers, and a sonar radar. Peddi was looking at the radar sonar as Manny was watching tourists scream in pain as they get eaten by dinosaurs in mess full of body parts and blood.
Manny: Ahhhhh. Life is good. This is the stuff dreams are made of! Evil dreams! (wringing his hands)
The radar sonar beeps and Peddi finds out it's Stan coming to their island fortress.
Peddi (freaked out): Manny! Manny! Manny!
Manny: What is it, sweetheart?
Peddi: Just picked up on the radar! Stan Smith is coming! Stan Smith is coming! (jumping up and down) What'll we do???!!!
Manny: He is? Is he?
Peddi leads Manny to the radar. Manny presses a few buttons on the computer.
Manny: There. That should keep him.
Peddi: What did you do?
Manny: I changed the coorindates. His helocopter will be programed to land in Maui! In a high school party!
Peddi: He'll be so confused considering it's night time!
Manny: Am I a genius or am I a genius?
Peddi and Manny laugh evilly. Stan Smith is about to land in what he thinks is Oahu.
Scene 7:
Now Stan has landed in Maui. Totally unaware that Manny reprogramed his helocopter. It was a dark night. Stan starts looking around for the Dinosaur Theme Park Manny and Peddi have built.
Stan: Now, let's look for this Dinosaur Theme Park!
As Stan looks around, he unwittingly walks into a high school graduation party!
Teenagers: WWWWWOOOOOO!!!! ALL RIGHT!!!! YEAH BABY!!!!! WE'RE GOING TO PRINCETON!!!!!
Stan: Wait the minute, this isn't Oahu! I'm on the set of the sequel to Project X!!!!
The teenagers were partying like there was no tommorow. Some were drinking, having sex, doing drugs, and even drove a car into the water. They were drinking beer, doing meth and crack. The Dandy Warhols song Godless was playing. Some of the teenagers who were drunk and high confront Stan.
Stan: Excuse me! I need to get to Oahu, please! (sees drugs) Is that meth? Or crack?
Teenager #1: Who the (beep) are you old man?
Stan: I'm the chaperone!
Teenager #2: Are you going to narc on us?
Teenager #3: We're all 18 now! We don't need your kind around here!
Stan: No, actually, I'm not. Know your kind hates adult supervision. Believe me! Have kids of my own! (laughs nervously) What's this party about?
Teenager #4: We got accepted to Princeton! WOOOOOO!!!!!!
Stan: Wow! Outstanding! Ivy League!
Teenager #5: Yeah man! We're partying because we get to leave our parents and leave this boring ass state! So we can PARTYYYYY!!!!!! YYYYEEAAAAAHHHHHH!!!!!!
Stan: Why in the world would you all want to give up Hawaii for New Jersey? There's some kids your age who live in the Midwest who would love to go to Hawaii!
Teenager #6: Hawaii is boring! Nothing fun for teenagers like us to do here. Nowhere to go? All there is it's water, man. The cool hip teen scene is in Jersey now!
Stan: What about surfing? Isn't that cool to do?
Teenager #7: What the (beep) do you want?
Stan: Just tell me how to get to Oahu! Then I promise I'll get out of your hair.
Teenager #8: Fine, follow us!
Teenager #1: I know what we should do with this lame-o?
Teenager #2: What?
Teenager #1: Let's feed him to those creatures from that movie Beastmaster!
Teenager #3: Yeah, man! That would be awesome!
Stan: (pouts) That hurt my feelings when you said that. Forgot how hurtful teenagers can be.
The teenagers were leading Stan to a gate.
Stan (hears the music): Hey, that's The Dandy Warhols! Is this a 90's theme party?
The teenagers were so high and drunk they thought they were listening to a rap song.
Teenager #9: That's not Dandy Warhols! It's Flo-Rida! Don't tell us any different!
Stan: Whatever!
The teenagers carry Stan as they open the gate and walk in the water to a tiny deserted island.
Stan: I'm trying to stop some gays who are running a Dinosaur Theme Park. You sure this is where it is?
Teenager #10: Dinosaur Theme park? You high? We sure are!
The teenagers leave Stan at the tiny island. They close the gate. Then alligators start to circle around Stan.
Teenagers: Have fun! (laughs)
Stan: What the! I don't see no dinosaur theme...... (sees alligators in the water): They tricked me!
Looking around the tiny island, Stan sees it's vacant and deserted.
Stan: Last time I trust drunk and high teenagers.
The alligators were circling around the island at fast pace.
Stan: How am I going to get past this? Like Dusty Springfield said in that Pet Shop Boys song, "How Am I Going To Get Through"? James Bond walked over some alligators once. Supposed I can do that!
Running around in a heap of panic, Stan runs around and tries to give out an SOS.
Stan: This flare gun will work! (watches the cirling alligators) Dammit! Can't they just be in a row?
The flare gun fails on Stan. After more minutes of panicking, Stan remembered that rubber duck that turned into an inflatable steamboat that S gave him.
Stan (takes out rubber duck and inflates it): Duh! Why didn't I think of this before?
The rubber duck turns into a steam boat. On the side it said, Steamboat Billy. Stan gets on. Then Stan uses the steering wheel to drive the boat at fast speeds. Then the Steamboat jumps over the high school party in Maui.
Stan: East my dust, meth heads! Hope you flunk!
Scene 8:
On Steamboat Billy, Stan has finally reached his destination. Stan sees the Dinosaur Theme Park and witnesses people being killed. To avoid being caught, Stan gets into a scuba suit and dives into the water until here reaches the Island Fortress. Stan sneaks up on a guard and uses electrical wires to shock him.
Stan: Finally! After a 14 hour flight, and getting sidetracked! I made it! Time to stop those gays!
Just as Stan was about to enter the Island Fortress, he is stopped by more guards.
Guard #1: Halt! What is your business here!
Guard #2: You a tourist?
Stan: I have a beef with the gays inside! Know how much they love 'beef' (laughs)
Guard #1: That was a hateful joke!
Guard #2: Prepare to die!
Stan (takes out victrola): No, you're both going to dance!
The victrola gets turned on and the Ren and Stimpy song Happy Happy Joy Joy plays. The victrola emits a mind control wave that immobilized the guards and made them start dancing.
Guards (singing and dancing): Happy Happy Joy Joy! Happy Happy Joy Joy!
Stan: Need to get in, without being noticed. But how......how......how.....
Indian: HOW?
Stan (punches out Indian): Who asked you!
Looking into his pocket, Stan finds the window cleaners outfit and puts it on. Then he climbs about 5 stories and starts cleaning windows. Manny and Peddi notice.
Peddi: A window cleaner!
Manny: You here to clean our windows?
Stan (talking in Brooklyn accent): Wash your windows? Super Service! Help Yourself!
Peddi: We never seen or heard of you.
Manny: We didn't hire no window cleaner!
Stan (talking in Brooklyn accent): How do you like your windows, mac?
Manny: Don't call us Mac!
Peddi: That's a straight guy's nickname!
As Stan starts doing the windows, Manny and Peddi get a better look and realize it's Stan. So, they get Trapjaw to go after him.
Manny: It's Stan!
Peddi: He's here to stop us! And blow our whole dinosaur operation out of the water! EEEEEKKKKK!!!!
Manny: Don't worry, honey pop! We have Trapjaw!
Peddi: Trapjaw!
Trapjaw enters the room full of computers, printer, and a sonar radar.
Peddi: Trapjaw! Get Stan Smith!
Trapjaw: RRRROOOOOAAAARRRR!!!
Manny and Peddi watch as Trapjaw comes after Stan. Trapjaw climbs to where Stan is and throws a derby at him. Stan falls to the ground.
Stan: Ouch! Man, crash landing!
Looking up, Stan sees Trapjaw.
Trapjaw: RRROOOAAAARRR!!!!!
Stan (screams): It's like that robot from Bad Dudes! You're going down, punk!
Trapjaw fights Stan with boxing and karate, Stan tries to do the same. Trapjaw then has Stan in a headlock, and Stan manages to escape and tries to fight off Trapjaw in a same fashion. Trapjaw punches Stan and knocks him out, and drags Stan to his doom!
Scene 9:
Stan was in Manny's and Peddi's lair. The place with the bridge next to their office looked like an expensive hotel room. Peddi and Manny had Stan in a tall vase with pebbles falling on his head. The pebbles made a ticking sound as the pebbles were hitting Stan on the head.
Manny: Tick Tock! Tick Tock! Tick Tock! One of my favorite Kesha songs!
Stan (groaning angerly): Grrr, you'll never get away with this!
Peddi: We got you, my handsome!
Manny: And your little dog, too!
Stan: Go to hell! What are you talking about? I don't have a dog!
Peddi: We just said that because we're huge fans of the Wizard of Oz! Judy Garland was fab-u-lous!
Manny (giddishly): Tearjerker would be impressed!
Peddi (giddishly): We accomplished something he never could!
Manny: Getting Stan Smith! (laughs)
Peddi: As you know, Stan, we have all of these dinosaurs here that eat tourists.
Trapjaw comes and breaks the vase Stan is in and carries Stan over to Manny and Peddi. The dinosaurs are still chasing and eating tourists.
Manny: Good boy, Trapjaw!
Peddi presses a button and a net falls on Stan that lifts him up into the air on a hook.
Stan: What are you going to do to me?
Peddi: Our dinosaurs have had a big dinner, even our T-Rex!
A door from the floor opens and it reveals the T-Rex.
Manny: It just ate 1000 tourists, and it has some more room.....but not for Jell-O! Hehehehehe!
The T-Rex jumps out and tries to get Stan who's stuck in the net.
Peddi: And...for...desert.....
Stan: Where are you going with this? What's the desert?
Manny: YOU!!!!!
Stan: Oh (beep). If only there was some way out.....
Suddenly, the power goes out, and the dinosaurs were being taken away by boats from the government.
Stan: Saints be praised! I'm saved! By my fellow Republicans who work for the government! Thank God for the patriots!
Scene 10 Conclusion:
The T-Rex jumps out, crushes Trapjaw and runs away until it is caught by the goverment boats. A bunch of soliders who were working for Manny and Peddi were running around the lair, and coming down in A mysterious cloaked figure in a black ninja suit came onto the scene and beats up all of the soliders one by one as they were coming at the cloaked figure with weapons. Then the cloaked figure frees Stan from the net.
Stan: Wow, thanks! Who are you, anyway?
The cloaked figure reveals herself to be Sexpun T'Come!
Stan: Sexpun! You made it through the skin surgery! You're white again! I'm allowed to date you!
Sexpun: Think nothing of it, babe! Also, that surgery made me even more powerful and sexier!
Stan: What's happening to the dinosaurs?
Sexpun: The goverment is taking them so we can send them to fight in Middle East!
Stan: Awesome idea! They can eat the Arabs!
As Stan and Sexpun were about to kiss, Manny and Peddi hold them at gunpoint!
Manny: If there's one thing we hate, it's a happy reunion!
Peddi: Especially with straight people!
Manny: You may have killed our soliders and taken down our Dinosaur Theme Park, but you'll never get past us!
Stan: Yes, I can!
Sexpun and Stan prepare to fight Manny and Peddi. Stan gives Sexpun the Tyler Perry feather, and Stan readies the Pee Wee Herman bow tie.
Stan: Put that in an ear, Sexpun!
Sexpun: Gotcha!
Manny and Peddi were charging after Sexpun and Stan. Sexpun puts the Tyler Perry feather in Peddi's ear.
Peddi (a'la Medea): You crazehh as hell! I oughta punch ya in da face! I do all the cookin' and cleanting, and living foh da lort!
Manny (enraged): You turned by lover into a black woman, you bitch!
Stan manhandles Manny and puts the Pee Wee Herman bow tie around Manny's neck. The Pee Wee's Playhouse theme song plays.
Manny (a'la Pee Wee Herman): Heh! Heh! Heh! Heh! (giggles) Today's secret word is....touch! Heh! Heh!
Sexpun and Stan run away.
Stan: Why are we running?
Sexpun: When I snuck onto this island, I planted bombs all over the island fortress!
Stan: The natural spy stuff!
Sexpun and Stan escape the island fortress by the skin of their teeth. The Pee Wee's Playhouse song faded. The island fortress and Dinosaur Theme Park has exploded and was no more. They both go on one of the goverment boats where they are greeted by B.
B: Well done, Stan and Sexpun! We could not have done this without you!
Stan: All in a days work and a job well done, B! Oh, and thanks for giving me my girlfriend back!
B: She's not a black mamma jamma clone anymore! You are free to date her now that she's white.
Sexpun: I missed you so much!
Stan: And I you......
As B heads the goverment ships back to Honolulu Stan and Sexpun finally make love and have sex. Stan decides not to tell Sexpun about Titty Nipsqueeze. Somewhere off in a distance, someone was watching the whole thing in a palm tree. It turns out to be Tearjerker. Who was still alive all along. Tearjerker still had a scar from when the swordfish got him.
Tearjerker: Bah! Curses! Foiled again! Even get pissed off when my henchmen fail! Never should've trusted those gays! What was I thinking when I fakes my death and made them executors of my estate? Fear not, for myself! Because....The world shall hear from me again......
Then Tearjerker's face appears in the mushroom cloud in the explosion of the island fortress.
Tearjerker (echoes): This world....shall hear from me again!
THE END...........................?
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