FicWad

A bolt of lightning illuminates the bedroom mere seconds before the thunderclap sounds, and Kyou, sprawled out on his back, too exhausted to pull the blankets up completely, can do nothing but listen to the hated pattering against the roof. When lightning flashes, he turns his head away and closes his eyes with a grimace. When thunder rumbles, the vibrations radiate through him, throbbing like a sore tooth.

He hates this. He's hated it for as long as he can remember -- this lethargic weakness that plagues him and leaves his limbs feeling as heavy as lead and as useless as overcooked soba. And all because of the rain.

And, had Kyou's strength not been so completely sapped by the elements, he would have been able to work up an impressive head of steam over the whole thing, from his exhaustion to the jokes he knows they all make about cats and water. Well, maybe she didn't make them, but that stupid Dog and that damned Rat do, he's sure. As if there wasn't enough to hate about being the Cat, he's got to put up with Shigure's idiotic jokes into the bargain. And Yuki... he hates putting up with the fucking Nezumi's smug bullshit.

Just thinking about the Rat makes Kyou's temper surge, even in his present state. His lips curl in a silent snarl as he rolls onto his side, as if turning his back on the streaming window will allow him to ignore the power the weather has over him.

He'd long ago understood that the Rat was special, was everyone's favorite/, was /important/, but understanding a thing doesn't mean Kyou has to accept it. Yuki wasn't any more or less "special" than /any of them, not that he could have verbalized such a thought to anyone -- well, aside from Shishou. He understood, at least.

As the Cat lay curled on his side, his thoughts wander past all of the Rat's adoring fans. A faint tendril of frustration struggles against the lethargy when, of all of them, the Ox comes to mind. In a very strange way, aside from martial arts, Yuki is one thing he and Hatsuharu have in common.

A lifetime ago, Haru's hate for Yuki rivaled Kyou's own -- another zodiac animal made a fool of by the Rat. Kyou remembers the anger in the young Ox when they were in Shishou's dojo together. And, for the Cat, at least, having someone else share in that frustration, that hatred with him was... well, it wasn't what you'd call "reassuring," but it was nice to know he wasn't alone in his hate. In fact, when they were small, Haru almost seemed to compete against Kyou's hatred with his own.

Now, obviously, things are different.

Thunder crashes again and, with a grunt, Kyou rolls onto his stomach and buries his face in his pillow.

Yes, things are different now. Now he doesn't care to compete against Haru and, most of the time, Haru doesn't care to compete against him. But when Haru goes Black, it's an entirely different story. When that happens, they are true rivals.

But why? Kyou has nothing Haru wants -- not the respect of the family, not a place in the Juunishi, /nothing/. Rivals are only rivals when there's something at stake. So why does Haru continue to act as if there is something between them that's worth fighting for? It's not like it is between Kyou and Yuki -- there, Kyou is fighting for a place within the Juunishi; he's fighting for inclusion. What the hell is Haru fighting for? What does he gain if he's able to defeat the Cat?

Nothing.

Lightning flashes again, a clap of thunder close on its heels, and again Kyou feels aggravation flutter in his chest.

Another clap of thunder, closer this time, and the house goes completely silent, aside from the rain hitting the roof and windows: the electricity's gone out. That makes the pattering on the window that much louder, and Kyou can feel consciousness washing away under the steady fall of rain.

And then a bubble of thought slowly rises to the surface of his mind, as if through tar. It is unlikely he will recall this realization when the rain has stopped and he's awake again, but for now it hovers in the unfocused clarity that exists on the twilight of slumber.

Kyou has something -- someone -- upon whom he can focus his anger, his hate. Of course, he's hated Yuki for so long, Kyou sometimes forgets who the deserving recipient really is. But the Cat has a different relationship with the Juunishi's god. He's seen how they struggle with it -- that enforced love, and while he too is bound to Akito, it's not quite in the same way.

But Haru... Haru cannot fight the one who matters. Neither can Kyou, for that matter, but he has a reasonable replacement, at least. He doesn't feel as if he must control his anger until his restraint snaps like a rubber band. In fact, Kyou realizes dimly that in some very strange ways, he's almost freer than the Ox who will -- and he hates that he's making this comparison, since he hates everyone's "Cat" comparisons -- probably always wear that yoke. Haru will always feel the need to rein in his anger, and perhaps that is why Haru (Black Haru, at least) continues to view Kyou as a rival: his anger is a free, wild thing, and while it's gotten him into trouble more often than not, he does not keep his rage a prisoner inside of him.

And, despite everything, his rage is the one thing that does not keep Kyou a prisoner.