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AN: The first scene in this chapter is based on my fic “Catharsis”, in case anyone’s interested. (It’s not posted anywhere yet but I’m hoping it will be soon.)

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Chapter Three: Painful Routine

Severus had never decorated for Christmas, so he found the lights and snowflakes and the full-size Christmas tree plastered in brightly-coloured hangings rather bewildering. The pile of gifts under the tree was also huge—so much so half of them couldn’t fit under the tree at all.

Looking closer around the room, Severus saw other things that didn’t exist in his own house—the one in his own reality. A giant teddy-bear in a rocking-chair. Shelves filled with children’s books. A toy box patterned with stars.

“Lily …”

She said nothing, but motioned for him to follow her up the stairs. Severus obeyed, terrified of what he would find at the top.

The door to Severus’ bedroom was ajar, which was not normal. He preferred to sleep with it shut. Lily beckoned him in, and he saw himself—a version of him, anyway—fast asleep in his bed. The room didn’t look very different from what he was used to.

“What am I supposed to be seeing?”

“There’s no need to whisper; you can’t hear you,” Lily replied. “And, that’s what.”

She pointed back towards the door.

A small figure had appeared, shuffling into the room. Severus drew in a sharp breath. Even in the dim light, he could make out Harry Potter’s features.

The boy must have been about the same age as in the previous … visit. Five maybe? He was in pyjamas and clutching a stuffed bat. There was something a bit awkward about the way he walked, as if he was still learning, but when he reached the bed he bent his knees and tried to jump on, grasping the bedclothes and clambering quite expertly up onto the mattress.

Once up there, he crawled over to alternate-Severus and knelt down next to his face. “Daddy.”

Despite everything he’d seen, Severus hadn’t quite been prepared for this.

Alternate-Severus mumbled something in his sleep.

“Daddy?” Harry made the toy bat land on alternate-Severus’ shoulder. “Nibbles say hap-ay C’is’mas.”

For a moment there was no response. Then:

“Does Nibbles know what time it is, Harry?”

“Tick-aw time?”

“Oh, I asked for that,” alternate-Severus sighed into the pillow.

Harry grinned and jumped onto his father—the watching Severus winced, but alternate-Severus didn’t seem to mind—and inserted his tiny hands down alternate-Severus’ neck. A moment later he started laughing.

“Aah! Okay, okay! Aah! All right, Harry, I’m getting up!”

“C’is’mas!” Harry said happily as alternate-Severus sat up, causing him to slide down the bedclothes.

“Yes, it’s Christmas Day … technically,” was the reply, punctuated by a yawn and a glance at the clock.

“Is Arn’ Min Un-c Abis cum?”

This babble must have made sense to alternate-Severus, for he smiled and said, “Yes, they’re coming.”

“Yeh!”

Seeming more awake now, alternate-Severus grabbed Harry and started tickling him in return, grinning. “You thought you could escape the Tickle Champion, did you?” Harry squealed and almost rolled off the bed, but was caught just in time. “See? Daddy wins every time.”

Harry stuck his tongue out.

“None of that cheek, young man. Now go and start running your bath.”

“’kay!”

After being gently deposited on the floor, Harry toddled off out of the room.

“Seen enough?” Lily asked quietly.

“What’s wrong with his speech?” Severus asked, following her out of the room as his double got out of bed.

“What do you think? The Dursleys.” Lily’s hands clenched into fists.

“Oh.”

Severus wasn’t sure what else to say. Here was proof that … somewhere, somehow … he had actually fulfilled Lily’s promise. Well, not at first, obviously; but still …

“When you first took him from them,” Lily said, as if reading Severus’ thoughts, “he didn’t speak at all. He’d never learned to walk either. He was terrified of everyone. He didn’t know how to play.”

“How old was he?”

“Nearly four. Now he’s six.” She paused. “You can’t deny how happy he is with you. How happy he could have been with you. And you were happy too; don’t deny it.”

Severus felt a lump in his throat and tried to force it down. “Lily, I can’t change the past. He’s grown up now; it’s too late for … all that. What do you want from me?”

“I’ve got more to show you.” Lily stretched out her hand again.

Severus glanced upwards at the sound of a child’s laughter, his throat constricting. It hurt to watch both father and son so happy, but he didn’t want to leave.

“Severus,” Lily said softly, and he reluctantly took her hand.

Once the whirlwind died down, he saw Harry’s childhood had passed. They were in the Gryffindor common room—at least, Severus guessed it was by the garish décor. A teenage Potter was sitting quietly, watching his friends play chess.

“Is this …”

“This, is Christmas present,” Lily replied. “What is happening now, in our reality.”

“They still can’t see us?”

“Correct.”

Severus frowned slightly as he observed the scene. Something didn’t feel quite right.

Weasley and Granger—Ron and Hermione—kept giving Harry anxious glances. He was looking in their direction, but his mind seemed to be elsewhere. Severus’ eyes fell on a piece of broken mirror that Harry was turning over and over in his hands. He had a mad urge to try and take it away from him.

After a few minutes’ tense silence, apart from the game, Harry winced and put a hand to his forehead, letting out a soft moan. Ron and Hermione immediately dropped their game.

“Harry?”

“It’s him again, isn’t it?”

“I’m fine,” Harry muttered through gritted teeth.

“It’s not a vision, is it?” Ron asked, biting his lip nervously.

Harry shook his head. “No … just … normal pain. It’s been getting worse since … you know.”

The other two exchanged glances. “Harry,” Hermione said slowly, “maybe you should go to Dumbledore …”

“And say what? He already knows Snape’s lessons aren’t working. If the git can’t listen then Dumbledore can’t do anything about it; he can’t teach me himself. I can’t go through that again.”

“But if this keeps getting worse—”

“I’ll be fine, Hermione.” Harry stood up suddenly, and they both started.

“You okay, mate?”

“Yeah … just left something in the dormitory. Back in a moment.”

Severus didn’t need Lily’s gesture this time to follow him. Once Harry was in the dormitory and alone, he closed the door, cast a silencing charm and sank to the floor, clutching his scar and crying out in pain.

Again, Lily tried to reach out to him, but of course she couldn’t do anything.

Harry’s cries crescendoed into screams, tears running down his cheeks, and he fought against the floor as if it were the intruding Dark Lord.

Eventually, he quietened, and just lay there breathing hard for several minutes before getting unsteadily to his feet. His scar was puffy and red. Harry massaged it for a moment, looking in the mirror, before performing a glamour charm. Instantly, the scar looked normal, and any evidence he had been crying disappeared. With that, he picked up a book without looking at the cover and returned to the common room.

“You were a while,” said Ron, looking slightly worried. “Everything okay?”

“Yeah,” Harry said. “Just took me a while to find it.”

He settled back in the chair and opened the book, looking for all the world like he was reading it. Severus somehow doubted he was. Ron and Hermione watched him for a few moments, before apparently deciding he was all right, and returning to their game.

Severus didn’t need to see the look on Lily’s face to know that it wasn’t the first time Harry had done that. He could tell from the way he had gone about it with no hesitation; as if it were a routine. With a jolt of worry, he saw the boy had gone back to fiddling with his mirror shard.

He felt sick with shame. It was his fault Harry was in such agony. If he had just tried to help him from the start …

“Severus,” Lily said, holding out her hand.

“What are you showing me now?”

“A different present.”

TBC …