Categories > Books > Harry Potter

Just Some S***

by darkmagiciannerd 0 reviews

Just some s*** that came out of my a** and somehow ended up on the internet. Read at thy own peril.

Category: Harry Potter - Rating: PG-13 - Genres: Fantasy,Humor,Sci-fi - Characters: Hermione,Luna - Warnings: [!!!] - Published: 2014-12-01 - Updated: 2014-12-05 - 1293 words

In the great hall -- a room the size of a basketball stadium minus the bleachers, at Hogwarts -- a giant, seven-story castle built on un-plottable land in Scotland, United Kingdom, several hundred young witches and wizards gathered for the welcoming feast.
You see, Hogwarts is more than just some giant castle, it is a heavily enchanted castle which houses a school for witchcraft and wizardry. The students of this school sat at four long tables, representing the houses of the four founders.
The table with the red table cloth and golden place mats seats the students in the house of Godric Gryffindor.
The table with the yellow table cloth and the black place mats seats the students from the house of Helga Hufflepuff.
The table with the blue table cloth and the bronze place mats seats the students from the house of Rowena Ravenclaw.
The table with the green table cloth and the silver place mats seats the house of Salazar Slytherin.
Now, close your eyes and imagine yourself peering at this crowd through glasses charmed to show magical aura. Though there would be some variation in each person's aura, they would generally look similar, yes?
Not quite, go back to your imaginary scene and pay particular attention to the brunette girl with curly hair and hazel eyes. She is at the Gryffindor table. Her name is Hermione Jane Granger. Her aura is a milky white where the others are grayish, and white gold where the others are yellow gold. Remember this.
Now, turn away from the Gryffindor table for a second and look for the girl with dirty blonde hair and a dreamy look in her royal blue eyes. She is at the Ravenclaw table. Her name is Luna Lovegood. Her aura is black where Hermione's is white, and crimson where Hermione's is white gold. Remember this.
Now,turn your attention away from the Ravenclaw table and look for the girl with long blonde hair and light green eyes. She is at the Slytherin table. Her name is Daphne Greengrass. Her aura is sharp violet where Luna's is Black, and Sterling silver where Luna's is crimson.
Now, you may ask,.where are you going with this?
Hold your horses, I'm getting to it, sheesh!
Now, if you have a copy of Advanced Aura Reading, get it out, if you please. If not, just follow along.
(pg 214, Advanced Aura Reading )
• off white
• Machine White
• Milky White
Symbol of purity, (common in angels, uncommon in light wizards, rare in virgins; unseen in devils, dark wizards, and slags )
(pg 345)
White Gold
Symbol of spiritual purity and protection. (Common in guardian angels and Spirit Guides, uncommon in saints; unseen in anyone else.)
Conclusion: Hermione Granger is a … cue the drum roll … if you can't figure it out on your own then wait for it to be revealed later.
(pg 212)
Symbol of fallen purity. (Common in fallen angels, uncommon in dark wizards, rare in slags; unseen in heavenly angels, light wizards, and virgins. )
(pg 340)
Symbol of corruption. (Seen in devils, daemons, and vampires. Unseen in anyone not of these three. )
Conlusion: Luna is … cue drum roll … if you can't figure it out then calling you retarded would be an insult to retarded people.
pg. 145
Symbol of combined divinity and mortality, also a symbol of royalty. (No further specifications.)
pg. 146
• Pure
• Sterling
Symbol of royalty and wealth in Ancient Egypt. (The fringe of the Pharaoh's formal robes, as well as his crown were silver.)
Daphne is decended from the Egyptian god Ra through her, to many degrees, great grandfather, the last Pharaoh.
Now, you can stopped pretending because it is your turn to get sorted.
You are Daphne's cousin.
You are sorted into Slytherin cue mass cheering.
You and Daphne hug before you sit down beside her.
As Albus Dumbledore finishes his decidedly senile rant (you know that it is a trick to make people underestimate him. He is your grandfather and had tutored you at his daughter's (your mother's) request ever since you were five. Granted, his teaching methods may many times be quite unorthodox; your grandfather, the famed defeater of Grindewald, is one heck of a teacher ass nd one heck of a wizard.
"Fucking senile," you hear the eldest son of Lord Nott mutter.
"That's the point, Theo," you muse, "anyone who hasn't been taught by Professor Dumbledore, known fondly to myself as my grandfather, will underestimate him. That counts everyone who has entered this school during his tenure as headmaster. Well, everyone who didn't have him as a tutor. You forget than he has access to the youngest potions master in all of Britain. Also, Grandfather is no slouch at potions himself. Heck, even The school healer could probably whip up something as simple as an anti-dementia potion. So, grandfather's mind is just as sharp as the day he defeated Grindewald."
"Wait," Nott said, "I don't get why a Gryffindor would be so manipulative."
You smirk, "Grandfather never said that he was a Gryffindor, and if anyone bothered to ask, he'd tell them that he is a proud Slytherin."
You could hear several gasps around the Slytherin table as they took in this little piece of public information that no one had ever bothered to look for.
Nott, however, just nods. "That makes more sense. Slytherin Alumni don't advertise their house unless directly asked."
"Then why is he against the Dark Lord," someone asked.
"How many people here would honestly support the Dark Lord, if he returned today, without him having to resort to threats."
Only a few people raised their hands. Among them were Malfoy, MacNair, Goyle, and Parkinson.
"Okay, I am now going to check you for compulsions and potions," you state firmly in a tone that allowed for no argument. You wave your wand in intricate patterns ever each of them. The results came up positive for everyone except Goyle.
The ministry still had s standing death warrant out for Death Eater sympathizers. You now know that Hoyle is as good as dead in the eyes of the law. Well, his cure was simple, a swift execution.
Noir Nex!
Goyle dropped dead with the signs of a heart attack. Only you know the true cause. It was for the best. No one deserves to have their immortal soul stuck inside of a dementor.
You counter all of the compulsion charms and put a few nasty surprises for anyone who attempts to cast more.
You use a neutralizing potion on each of the potion victims. Then you give them a special brew that would fuse with their DNA to counteract any more such potions.
You give your safeguards to everyone else as well. Better to be safe than sorry.
It is now done. A generation would pass without any junior Death Eaters. Grandfather's plan was a complete success.
Author's note:
Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter. If I did, I'd have fully developed AT LEAST three multi-dimensional characters EACH book, and teenagers would act like fucking teenagers (pun intended).
This is just some shit that came out of my ass and somehow showed up on the internet. Please flame and dislike as much as you please!
Daphne: Don't do it. She's too fragile. I don't want to have to comfort a sobbing author just because morons can't take a joke.
Me: Aw! The Ice Queen of Slytherin does have a heart.
Daphne: Alexandra Kimberly Night, don't you dare accuse me of going soft.
Me (soft and seductively): Whatever you say, my Queen.
Daphne (smirking): I don't remember giving you permission to flirt with me, Ms. Night. Perhaps you need to be punished.
Me: Yes, I am a bad girl and need to be punished!
DMN out!
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