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The Origins Of Darth Odious
0 reviewsDarth Odious devotes his life to evil, after his teacher, Darth Brutus, is killed by a woman. Darth Odious vows to get revenge.
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When Darth Odious was a young man, it was recognized that he had a talent for manipulating the force. He was taught that there were two sides to the force, a male side and a female side. He was taught that the male side of the force led to strength and wisdom, but the female side of the force led to weakness, and confusion. Naturally, all of his teachers were male. Darth Odious had two teachers, one named Darth Macho, and another named Darth Brutus.
Darth Macho was a cruel and unforgiving teacher. He relentlessly put Odious through drills, forced him to do push-ups and sit-ups for hours, until his arms ached, and constantly yelled at him. Darth Brutus took a different approach. Darth Brutus acted like a friend, not like a teacher. Darth Brutus often took Odious hunting, on other planets, explaining that, if your space ship crashed on another planet, you may have to search for food on that planet, and that meant you had to go hunting.
On one of his many hunting trips, Darth Brutus took Odious to a planet that was almost entirely covered with forest. After landing their space ship in a dense forest, Darth Brutus said, "We'll be leaving our advanced weapons in the ship. Although advanced weapons like laser swords are more efficient, we will be using primitive weapons". Darth Odious asked what kind of weapons they would be. Darth Brutus replied, "The bow and arrow! Bows and arrows were the favorite weapon used by tribal warriors and hunters in many primitive societies! But suppose your laser sword and your other electronic weapons were lost, then you would have to use primitive weapons, like bows and arrows!"
Darth Brutus taught him how to hunt with the bow and arrow, and after they had killed a few animals in the forest, Darth Brutus taught him how to start a fire and cook the meat he had killed. Darth Brutus took Odious on many hunting and fishing trips, to many different planets in the system, and taught him the survival skills that he would need in a variety of different environments. Darth Macho scoffed at this, saying, "Bah! You are coddling that boy, Brutus! You're too soft on him!" Darth Brutus replied by saying, "I have complete confidence in the boy. Just give him time, and he will learn his lessons well".
Learning hunting, fishing, and survival skills were not the only thing that the young Darth Odious had to concentrate on. He also had to learn how to fly various types of space ships, do repairs on them, how to use and repair weapons, and how to use and repair computers. He also had to learn the religious and spiritual traditions of the all-male cult that he was a member of. Everything was going well, until he heard bad news, one day. He was in a space garage, when the heard the news. There was a space cruiser parked on the floor of the garage, and Darth Odious was laying under it, repairing some wiring on the bottom of the ship. A repairman came in, and he said to another repairmen, "Have you heard the news? Darth Brutus was killed!" Darth Odious peered out from underneath the ship, leaning forward so he could hear the two men talk.
Finally Darth Odious got up, and walked towards them. He asked, "What did you say about Darth Brutus?" The repairman said, "He was killed yesterday. It was an outright assassination. He was walking down the street and someone attacked him and slashed him to death with a laser sword". Darth Odious asked who did it. The repairman said, "He was killed by a woman named Darth Vulva." Darth Odious was stunned by this. He said, "A woman? He was killed by a woman?" In a fit of rage, Darth Odious kicked his tool box, and his tools went flying into the air. He swore, shouting a string of obscenities that cursed the foul woman who had killed Darth Brutus.
A repairman said, "Hey! Calm down!" Darth Odious walked towards the repairman, ominously, shaking his finger at the repairman, saying, "Darth Brutus was my teacher! I knew him well! He often took me on hunting trips, to other planets, he taught me how to hunt and survive in the forest! I loved that guy! He was more than a teacher to me, he was a friend, not just a teacher!" The repairman said, "Oh, I'm sorry, I didn't know you knew him personally". Darth Odious screamed, 'Yes, I knew him personally! He was my friend!"
Darth Odious went to Darth Macho. He didn't expect that he was going to ask Darth Macho for guidance, he just wanted to see if Darth Macho had anything to say about the death of Darth Brutus. Darth Odious actually hated Darth Macho, but he felt that talking to Darth Macho was the right thing to do, under the circumstances. Darth Odious went to Darth Macho, and when he came into the room, Darth Macho, said, "Well, it's you. Why are you here, my young student?" Darth Odious said, "I heard that Darth Brutus was killed. They told me that a woman named Darth Vulva killed him. What can you tell me about Darth Vulva?"
Darth Macho frowned, and said, "Darth Vulva is a leader in the intergalactic feminist movement. They are organizing feminist groups on several different planets. In some isolated cases, there has been violence, they usually try to identify whatever males are the most important, and kill them. Darth Brutus was obviously deemed to be an important male target, and that's why they killed him." Darth Odious was nervous, his body was shaking with rage, he said, "I want to know where she is. I want to kill her!" Darth Macho looked at the young man intently, and he said, "Remember your training, Odious. Don't let your anger and rage control you. If you really want to kill her, you have to make a plan. Think of it, step by step, and think of how you will carry our your plan. Do it methodically, do it coldly, don't let your anger make your actions unstable."
Darth Odious took a deep breath, and he said, "All right. I'll make a plan. I want revenge. I want to avenge the death of Darth Brutus." Darth Macho said, "Wait here, and I will bring you everything you need". Darth Macho returned in a few minutes, and gave Odious a suitcase full of weapons. He said, "Take these weapons. I've ordered a space cruiser for you. It is a class nine space cruiser, the best in the fleet, it's loaded with fuel and weapons. You will find it in garage fourteen." Darth Odious turned around and walked out of the room. As he walked out, Darth Macho shouted, "May the force be with you!"
After Darth Odious had left the room, Darth Macho laughed, and said to himself, "Maybe there's hope for him, yet. He's not such a wimp, after all!" In the space cruiser, Odious found a robot. He asked, "What are you doing here?" The robot said, "I was instructed to accompany you on this mission, sir. I will be your assistant." Darth Odious started the ship, and flew it into orbit. First, he had to decide where to go. He asked the robot for any information about Darth Vulva. The robot started reciting a history of the political career of Darth Vulva, it sounded like it was straight out of the news and history data banks. Darth Odious said, "Skip the news and history, I just want to know where she is. What was her last known location?" The robot said "Vulvatarkus". Darth Odious asked "What is Vulvatarkus?" The robot replied that it was a D-7 class planet in the galaxy's outer rim, population approximately three million, mostly humans. The planet was taken over by radical feminist groups, and they used it as a base for training young women who had joined the feminist movement. Darth Vulva renamed the planet Vulvatarkus, using her own name, Vulva, and the suffix Tarkus. Darth Odious said, "She must have had a big ego, if she named the planet after herself, set a course for Vulvatarkus".
Using the hyper-space drive, the trip to the outer rim planets took only a few hours. Darth Odious spent the time doing research on Darth Vulva. All the information in the computer data banks said that Darth Vulva was a feminist organizer, and she was active in organizing radical feminist groups on several different planets. She had talked about creating a feminist empire that would someday include more than a hundred planets all over the galaxy. She ship's computer alerted Odious that he was coming close to the planet Vulvatarkus. The robot was getting a little too chatty, so Odious shut it off. He didn't want anything to distract him. He went into the ship's clothing locker, and got a prison uniform, and put it on. Since males were usually not allowed to visit the planet Vulvatarkus, it was most likely that the only males on the planet were male prisoners. Darth Odious decided to disguise himself as a prisoner, that was probably his only way to get in. He landed the ship, in a cluttered area where a lot of other ships were parked. Now he had to turn on the robot. When the robot was turned back on, it immediately started talking. Darth Odious said, "Shut up! Stop talking! Stop talking and listen! I have landed the ship on the planet Vulvatarkus, we are on the planet. I have put on a prison uniform, so I am disguised as a prisoner. I want you to lead me through the streets. If anyone asks what you are doing, just tell them that you are taking a make prisoner to a cell, for interrogation, is that understood?" The robot, said, "Yes sir, understood".
Darth Odious and the robot got out of the ship and walked through the streets. At one point, the robot asked, "Which way should I go?" Darth Odious said, "The force will guide me, go to the left! There, on the left, walk down that street!" The robot turned to the left and walked down the street, with Darth Odious following behind. Darth Odious saw a limousine with several women standing near it, he could sense that one of the women was Darth Vulva. Darth Odious whispered to the robot, saying, "There is a limousine there, up ahead, walk towards it slowly". As they came near the limousine, Darth Vulva stepped forward, and said, "What are you doing? Is that a male? There are no males allowed on this planet!" The robot said, "I am taking this male prisoner to a cell to be interrogated."
Darth Odious could sense that now was the right time to strike. He reached into his shirt, and pulled out a laser sword, turned it on, and leaped towards Darth Vulva. In an instant, his laser sword slashed through her neck, and cut her head off. Her head rolled along the road, and fell into the gutter. The women standing around screamed. One woman shouted, "Call the guards! Call The police!" Darth Odious didn't wait around. He ran, and threw a few grenades at some female police officers that tried to chase him. The female cops got the robot, they shot it with an electronic pistol, and brought it down, but Darth Odious didn't stop running, he knew the robot was expendable. He ran towards the ship, got inside, and started the engines. In a minute, he was off the planet. Within hours, he was back home, contemplating his victory.
Darth Macho was a cruel and unforgiving teacher. He relentlessly put Odious through drills, forced him to do push-ups and sit-ups for hours, until his arms ached, and constantly yelled at him. Darth Brutus took a different approach. Darth Brutus acted like a friend, not like a teacher. Darth Brutus often took Odious hunting, on other planets, explaining that, if your space ship crashed on another planet, you may have to search for food on that planet, and that meant you had to go hunting.
On one of his many hunting trips, Darth Brutus took Odious to a planet that was almost entirely covered with forest. After landing their space ship in a dense forest, Darth Brutus said, "We'll be leaving our advanced weapons in the ship. Although advanced weapons like laser swords are more efficient, we will be using primitive weapons". Darth Odious asked what kind of weapons they would be. Darth Brutus replied, "The bow and arrow! Bows and arrows were the favorite weapon used by tribal warriors and hunters in many primitive societies! But suppose your laser sword and your other electronic weapons were lost, then you would have to use primitive weapons, like bows and arrows!"
Darth Brutus taught him how to hunt with the bow and arrow, and after they had killed a few animals in the forest, Darth Brutus taught him how to start a fire and cook the meat he had killed. Darth Brutus took Odious on many hunting and fishing trips, to many different planets in the system, and taught him the survival skills that he would need in a variety of different environments. Darth Macho scoffed at this, saying, "Bah! You are coddling that boy, Brutus! You're too soft on him!" Darth Brutus replied by saying, "I have complete confidence in the boy. Just give him time, and he will learn his lessons well".
Learning hunting, fishing, and survival skills were not the only thing that the young Darth Odious had to concentrate on. He also had to learn how to fly various types of space ships, do repairs on them, how to use and repair weapons, and how to use and repair computers. He also had to learn the religious and spiritual traditions of the all-male cult that he was a member of. Everything was going well, until he heard bad news, one day. He was in a space garage, when the heard the news. There was a space cruiser parked on the floor of the garage, and Darth Odious was laying under it, repairing some wiring on the bottom of the ship. A repairman came in, and he said to another repairmen, "Have you heard the news? Darth Brutus was killed!" Darth Odious peered out from underneath the ship, leaning forward so he could hear the two men talk.
Finally Darth Odious got up, and walked towards them. He asked, "What did you say about Darth Brutus?" The repairman said, "He was killed yesterday. It was an outright assassination. He was walking down the street and someone attacked him and slashed him to death with a laser sword". Darth Odious asked who did it. The repairman said, "He was killed by a woman named Darth Vulva." Darth Odious was stunned by this. He said, "A woman? He was killed by a woman?" In a fit of rage, Darth Odious kicked his tool box, and his tools went flying into the air. He swore, shouting a string of obscenities that cursed the foul woman who had killed Darth Brutus.
A repairman said, "Hey! Calm down!" Darth Odious walked towards the repairman, ominously, shaking his finger at the repairman, saying, "Darth Brutus was my teacher! I knew him well! He often took me on hunting trips, to other planets, he taught me how to hunt and survive in the forest! I loved that guy! He was more than a teacher to me, he was a friend, not just a teacher!" The repairman said, "Oh, I'm sorry, I didn't know you knew him personally". Darth Odious screamed, 'Yes, I knew him personally! He was my friend!"
Darth Odious went to Darth Macho. He didn't expect that he was going to ask Darth Macho for guidance, he just wanted to see if Darth Macho had anything to say about the death of Darth Brutus. Darth Odious actually hated Darth Macho, but he felt that talking to Darth Macho was the right thing to do, under the circumstances. Darth Odious went to Darth Macho, and when he came into the room, Darth Macho, said, "Well, it's you. Why are you here, my young student?" Darth Odious said, "I heard that Darth Brutus was killed. They told me that a woman named Darth Vulva killed him. What can you tell me about Darth Vulva?"
Darth Macho frowned, and said, "Darth Vulva is a leader in the intergalactic feminist movement. They are organizing feminist groups on several different planets. In some isolated cases, there has been violence, they usually try to identify whatever males are the most important, and kill them. Darth Brutus was obviously deemed to be an important male target, and that's why they killed him." Darth Odious was nervous, his body was shaking with rage, he said, "I want to know where she is. I want to kill her!" Darth Macho looked at the young man intently, and he said, "Remember your training, Odious. Don't let your anger and rage control you. If you really want to kill her, you have to make a plan. Think of it, step by step, and think of how you will carry our your plan. Do it methodically, do it coldly, don't let your anger make your actions unstable."
Darth Odious took a deep breath, and he said, "All right. I'll make a plan. I want revenge. I want to avenge the death of Darth Brutus." Darth Macho said, "Wait here, and I will bring you everything you need". Darth Macho returned in a few minutes, and gave Odious a suitcase full of weapons. He said, "Take these weapons. I've ordered a space cruiser for you. It is a class nine space cruiser, the best in the fleet, it's loaded with fuel and weapons. You will find it in garage fourteen." Darth Odious turned around and walked out of the room. As he walked out, Darth Macho shouted, "May the force be with you!"
After Darth Odious had left the room, Darth Macho laughed, and said to himself, "Maybe there's hope for him, yet. He's not such a wimp, after all!" In the space cruiser, Odious found a robot. He asked, "What are you doing here?" The robot said, "I was instructed to accompany you on this mission, sir. I will be your assistant." Darth Odious started the ship, and flew it into orbit. First, he had to decide where to go. He asked the robot for any information about Darth Vulva. The robot started reciting a history of the political career of Darth Vulva, it sounded like it was straight out of the news and history data banks. Darth Odious said, "Skip the news and history, I just want to know where she is. What was her last known location?" The robot said "Vulvatarkus". Darth Odious asked "What is Vulvatarkus?" The robot replied that it was a D-7 class planet in the galaxy's outer rim, population approximately three million, mostly humans. The planet was taken over by radical feminist groups, and they used it as a base for training young women who had joined the feminist movement. Darth Vulva renamed the planet Vulvatarkus, using her own name, Vulva, and the suffix Tarkus. Darth Odious said, "She must have had a big ego, if she named the planet after herself, set a course for Vulvatarkus".
Using the hyper-space drive, the trip to the outer rim planets took only a few hours. Darth Odious spent the time doing research on Darth Vulva. All the information in the computer data banks said that Darth Vulva was a feminist organizer, and she was active in organizing radical feminist groups on several different planets. She had talked about creating a feminist empire that would someday include more than a hundred planets all over the galaxy. She ship's computer alerted Odious that he was coming close to the planet Vulvatarkus. The robot was getting a little too chatty, so Odious shut it off. He didn't want anything to distract him. He went into the ship's clothing locker, and got a prison uniform, and put it on. Since males were usually not allowed to visit the planet Vulvatarkus, it was most likely that the only males on the planet were male prisoners. Darth Odious decided to disguise himself as a prisoner, that was probably his only way to get in. He landed the ship, in a cluttered area where a lot of other ships were parked. Now he had to turn on the robot. When the robot was turned back on, it immediately started talking. Darth Odious said, "Shut up! Stop talking! Stop talking and listen! I have landed the ship on the planet Vulvatarkus, we are on the planet. I have put on a prison uniform, so I am disguised as a prisoner. I want you to lead me through the streets. If anyone asks what you are doing, just tell them that you are taking a make prisoner to a cell, for interrogation, is that understood?" The robot, said, "Yes sir, understood".
Darth Odious and the robot got out of the ship and walked through the streets. At one point, the robot asked, "Which way should I go?" Darth Odious said, "The force will guide me, go to the left! There, on the left, walk down that street!" The robot turned to the left and walked down the street, with Darth Odious following behind. Darth Odious saw a limousine with several women standing near it, he could sense that one of the women was Darth Vulva. Darth Odious whispered to the robot, saying, "There is a limousine there, up ahead, walk towards it slowly". As they came near the limousine, Darth Vulva stepped forward, and said, "What are you doing? Is that a male? There are no males allowed on this planet!" The robot said, "I am taking this male prisoner to a cell to be interrogated."
Darth Odious could sense that now was the right time to strike. He reached into his shirt, and pulled out a laser sword, turned it on, and leaped towards Darth Vulva. In an instant, his laser sword slashed through her neck, and cut her head off. Her head rolled along the road, and fell into the gutter. The women standing around screamed. One woman shouted, "Call the guards! Call The police!" Darth Odious didn't wait around. He ran, and threw a few grenades at some female police officers that tried to chase him. The female cops got the robot, they shot it with an electronic pistol, and brought it down, but Darth Odious didn't stop running, he knew the robot was expendable. He ran towards the ship, got inside, and started the engines. In a minute, he was off the planet. Within hours, he was back home, contemplating his victory.
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