FicWad

Levi
“What?” My whole world crashed down on me, and Hanji covered her face with her hands and began to cry harder, her sobs sounding loudly through the halls. She became hysterical and I held her tighter to my body, her face pressed in to my chest as I rocked her like a baby. My heart beat like a tight drum as I stroked her trembling back.
“Hanji,” I cooed to her to grab her attention, and she calmed herself a little. “Hanji, are you sure?” I pulled her up by her strong wrists so we could meet eyes, and I could tell by their clouds of worry she was positive.
I closed my eyes to collect myself and I rested my head on her shoulder, my face buried in her sweet smelling skin. If Hanji really was pregnant, there wasn’t much we could do about it. I never wanted children-how could I knowingly bring an innocent in to a world where their life could be snuffed out in a twinkling by a monster I had no control over? But secretly, I wanted Hanji to be pregnant, so we could play house and live a humble facade; I wanted to settle down. I felt age yellow my bones, but courage and fight strengthened my heart.
I kissed up Hanji’s neck to the top of her head, and stood up, helping her up beside me.
“The only way to be one hundred percent sure,” I began, “is to go to a doctor, so let’s go to the Infirmary and see what they say there. There’s no need to worry until we’re completely sure.” I tried to reassure her, and I lifted her hand to my lips, my grey eyes never leaving her amber. She nodded her head and tried to smile as she fought back sniffles. I touched her cheek and then held her soft hand, and, together, we walked to the makeshift Infirmary in the middle of town.
The Infirmary crawled with volunteers, mostly young girls and childless or jobless women, whose faces grew grey with the horror of Humanity’s war against steaming demons that seemed to have crawled from the depths of Hell itself. Hanji trembled as we walked through the white curtains strung together for the military as a makeshift hospital, and I brought her face close to the crook of my shoulder to hide her from the rotting men and women, who wept in agony as innocent children eased their charges into blissful forever sleep.
Ahead of us in the middle of the makeshift cobbled paths within the tent was a huddled up group of nurses, talking amongst themselves in hushed whispers. As Hanji and I approached their little group, I cleared my throat to announce our presence without interrupting their conversations. The nurse directly across from us looked up and her jaw dropped slightly as she nudged her speaking coworker. The speaking woman stopped talking and looked up to us, and I felt Hanji tremble harder as the dying man at our feet cried out a final time and we heard his last breath escape his lips. One of the nurses came to us as she saw our distress.
“How can I help you, sir?” The two women behind her whispered pointedly about us, but this woman seemed to not recognize us. I cleared my throat to gather my courage.
“My wife,” I began, and I felt Hanji’s breath catch in her chest, “may be pregnant and we wanted to confirm whether or not she is.” I spoke quietly so only the nurse before us could hear me. The nurse paled and smiled weakly.
“Okay, I can take you two to a more private area to check then.” The woman walked and we quickly followed her. We passed more bodies in decaying beds until we passed through more curtains to a less crowded area, where the living soldiers were attended to. There weren’t many there.
The woman took us to the very last bed and gestured for Hanji to sit as she reached under the bed for a clipboard with official documents on it. She looked up at us from the brown wood clipboard through her thin eye lashes, her face becoming wary. Hanji looked down at her feet to avoid the woman’s knowing gaze, and I took her hand softly, caressing it lovingly as I looked to the woman.
“Since you two came here to the military Infirmary, I’m assuming you’re not refugees from Wall Rose, but soldiers dressed in civilians’ clothing. All nurses are taught the rules and regulations of the soldiers so we can be aware of it if the soldiers break those laws and end up here. Pregnancy while inducted is High Treason because it renders the female soldier unable to fight for the Cause, and is cause for execution of the new born child.” I turned my back from the woman and faced Hanji, still holding her hand. I kissed her lips softly and rested my head on her forehead as my fingers traced her jawline and I felt cold tears spill from her eyes silently. The woman shuffled towards us and rested her hand on my shoulder and she rubbed her thumb on my skin encouragingly. I didn’t look at her as she came closer to whisper in our ears, and Hanji turned her face away from the woman.
“But I won’t make a record of your visit here,” she whispered, and Hanji’s face shot up to look at the woman again, and, hesitantly, Hanji embraced the woman as she shook with sobs.
“Thank you,” she cried, “thank you so much!” The woman rubbed Hanji’s back, and I nodded to her with gratitude. The woman let go of Hanji and brushed the tears from her cheek. Then she ruffled through drawers next to the white hospital bed Hanji sat on, and she pulled out a small glass vile of a dried purple plant.
“Brew this in to a tea tonight and drink it. In the morning, if your first urination of the day is blue, then you’re pregnant. If it’s normal, then you’re not.” She smiled at Hanji as she gave her the vile and patted her hand. “Good luck,” she whispered, and then we left.
We went back to our little corner and, as the sun set below the grey horizon, we brewed the little plant in our neighbor’s kettle. Hanji drank the whole pot and she fell asleep in my arms.
When I woke the next day, Hanji was not at our site, and I assumed she had went to the bathroom. I borrowed our neighbor’s kettle again to brew tea as we waited for our breakfast rations, but the rations never came. After a long while, very much after my tea became cold, Hanji walked back to our corner, her face pale and forlorn.
I knew.
Two days passed between us in silence, with nothing more than meek loving touches speaking through the quiet. I did not sleep those two long nights, and then I broke the silence between us.
“Hanji,” I breathed in to her sleeping ear as she laid against me. “Are you really asleep?”
“No,” she whispered as she rolled on to her back to look at me. I propped myself on my side with my elbow up.
“I was thinking,” I began,”….let’s run away together.” Her eye brows furrowed and she reached up to brush the hair from my face. My hair had gotten very long since I last cut it; it brushed my jaw, but there were more important things than the length of my hair. Hanji stayed silent for a long time.
“What do you mean?”
“I mean, let’s get away from all of this.” I paused. “I want to settle down.” I rolled on to my back and held my hands on my stomach to stare up at the black ceiling with Hanji.
“Settle down?”
“And start our family together.” She sighed happily.
“That’s the dream, isn’t it?”
“Let’s make it a reality. Let’s really do it.” She was silent for a moment.
“Where would we go?”
“Anywhere you want to, my love.” She breathed deep, and I closed my eyes.
“Well, I’ve always wanted to see the mountains.” I smiled and rolled over to look at her again.
“I’d like that.” I kissed her nose and she smiled. “Let’s leave tomorrow night, same time as now.” She nodded and curled up against my chest to fall asleep to the sound of my beating heart.
Hanji
I woke up too early to the sound of running boots on the stone floors of the makeshift bulwark, and Levi stirred next to me, asleep, his bed head tickling my neck. I sat up and rubbed my eyes, groping the cold floor beside me for my glasses, and when I found them, I put them on as the footsteps slowed down and stopped at the edge of our sleeping corner. I looked up to see the soldiers’ Garrison regiment emblem boldly proclaiming their status, and I shook Levi to wake him up. He growled and rolled over to sit up, and when he saw the men before us, he sat up in full attention. He pulled the covers up over his bare chest instinctively to cover the scars on his shirtless body as he angrily glared at the soldiers.
“What’s the meaning of this,” he spat out. The sky was still black with the faintest hints of purple on the horizon; we hadn’t fallen asleep long before.
“Commander Erwin is summoning the presence of Levi Ackerman and Squad Leader Hanji Zoe.” The oldest soldier smiled smugly at Levi because of the lack of his title as he and I stood up to get dressed, and I hid my stomach, although I knew I wasn’t showing yet. I just didn’t want to take the chances. The men eyed me as I got dressed and color fled my cheeks, and I could taste Levi’s rage permeate the air as he glared intently at the men.
Once we were all dressed, the soldiers led us out of the makeshift bulwark to a carriage manned and flanked by more Garrison soldiers, and they forced us in to the carriage. Levi sat across from me on the red cushioned seats with two soldiers flanked on either side of him, the same as myself. We glanced worriedly at each other, but we rode in silence for most of the day.
We arrived at our destination deep within a forest on top of a steep mountain within a valley. A gurgling gorge travelled through the valley to the west where the setting sun kissed its deep blue waters green, and Levi and I were escorted out of the carriage and in to a white plaster castle-one of the Scouts’ original headquarters.
Once we entered the castle, Levi and I were separated, and my heart beat hard in my chest as I looked upon the worry in his handsome eyes a final time before I was led through a turning winding, spiraling rot iron stair case. It felt as if we walked for miles and hours through the stairs and tall dark halls before we arrived at a massive circular red door, embroidered with gold leaves and roses. In the middle of the door was the crest of Wall Sina and, behind the tight up-do of the woman’s hair, the Scouts’ Wings of Freedom crest billowed behind her. ‘For the Glory of Humankind’ was written in metal gold above and below the woman and the Wings.
The soldier in front of me knocked on the door loudly, and the door swung open for me to see Levi standing at the side of the tall room, flanked by soldiers as well still, with Commander Erwin sitting at his mahogany wood desk and General Pixis at his right hand, a slight smile playing on his lips. Pixis gestured for us to enter, and the soldier behind me closed the door as we all entered. Levi and I spared a look and then I sought Erwin’s twinkling blue eyes as the sun set upon the tall pine trees that traced the cascading valley and rocky mountainside. Pixis pointedly looked at the two groups of Garrison guards and waved his muscled hand at them.
“Dismissed,” he said with triumph, and the guards left the room. All that was left was Levi, Erwin, Pixis, and myself.
“Hanji my dear!” Pixis clapped his hands as he turned to me. “I’ve heard so much about you and your brilliance, but not enough about your beauty!” I narrowed my eyes at his flattery and stayed silent. “Please have a seat.” He gestured to the seat beside me, and I took it. “Levi, you as well,” he added, sparing a look at him. Levi’s face was blank as he sat down as well, stretching out comfortably.
The room was awkwardly silent for a moment as Levi’s impatience and restlessness ate away at my nerves. I felt vomit bite its way through my stomach and in to my throat, but I fought it down.
“Tea, anybody?” Pixis looked to Levi, a warm smile crinkling his weathered face.
“Cut the piss Pixis. What do you want with us?” Levi growled, himself keenly aware of Pixis’ infamous manipulations. As much as Erwin would not admit, he and the older man were too much alike for the goodness of the King.
“Levi,” Erwin scolded, and Levi sat up straight in his seat, not in a good enough mood to keep his cool. I felt dizziness wash over myself; pregnancy symptoms besting me. I gripped the arm of the chair to settle myself, but no man paid attention to me.
“Oh whoopsies, seems I left my manners at the last shit fest I partied at,” Levi spat with icy venom as he sat at the edge of his seat, his arms resting on his knees. Erwin’s face colored and he scowled, his eyes speaking unsounded curiosities to Levi who ignored him.
“Now gentlemen, no need for discord! My good friend Erwin and I have congregated to offer a solution to your problems,” Pixis said, catching our attention. My eyebrows shot up as my hand went to my stomach; I was cramping badly. Pixis looked from my hand to my face and he smiled politely.
“So the rumors are true,” Erwin breathed, and he rested his forehead in his hands before looking back up to us. I knew the nurses from the Infirmary had talked about Levi and I’s appearance there.
“What rumors?” Levi turned white.
“Hanji is pregnant?” Erwin questioned as he looked to me, and I blushed softly.
“Yes,” I admitted, and Levi gaped at me, aghast with my absurdity, but something told me to trust Pixis and Erwin in the moment.
“Erwin and I have a proposition for you, Levi,” Pixis said, and Levi turned to him, listening. “It’s a win-win for both you two and for us as well, so don’t give me that look.” Levi’s face didn’t change as he stared at the old man.
“I’m waiting,” Levi said as he crossed his arms over his chest.
“Hanji will be moved to the compound we are in now, where she will be safe and be attended to as she goes through her pregnancy. She will also be able to take care of her child once it’s born. She will be protected, safe, and cared for seven days a week, 24 hours a day.” Pixis smiled. “The catch is,” he began, “she must build means to capture the Female, Armoured, and Collossal Titans.” I gasped and felt excited giggles bubble out of me.
“Oh sir,” I could hardly contain myself, “you flatter me with a challenge I accept!” My mind raced with ideas and I brewed with the thought of the experiments and dissections of such strange beasts. My mouth watered with excitement and Pixis laughed at my antics.
“Excellent!” He cheered, but Levi looked conflicted. “Oh Levi don’t look so glum; we didn’t forget you.”
“You will return to your position and rank as Lance Corporal Levi Heichu Rivaille Ackerman with full blessings.” Levi gaped at Erwin as he spoke, his body leaning in closer and closer with each tantalizing word. “What do you say, Levi?” Erwin said, a twinkle in his crystal eyes. Levi took a deep breath and closed his eyes with thought, taking a moment to think.
“I accept the return,” he said as his eyes opened and I squealed with glee.
“How exciting!” I chirped, kicking my feet like a child. “I can begin today, right? RIGHT?!” I screamed, jumping up to slam my hands on the desk. Pixis and Erwin were taken aback as I squeaked and screamed with enthusiasm, and Levi stood up to take my arms in his.
“Calm yourself Shitty glasses. This much excitement isn’t good for anyone!” He pulled me back and hugged me as I twitched in his arms.
“Both of you can begin working again tomorrow,” Erwin said and I half laughed half screamed.
“THE TITANS WILL BE MINE!” I raised my open hands to the ceiling and laughed manically and Pixis exchanged a look with Erwin as Levi ushered me out of the room.


Early June
Hanji
Time at the Castle passed quickly, what with my experiments and welding employing most of my days and nights. I ate and slept more than I wanted to for the sake of my growing baby belly; the baby’s needs were more important than my own, more than even Levi’s. Levi was busy with Erwin and training new Scouts that graduated every year- we had more than we had ever had- and he came to visit me as much as he could in his spare time, which was generally once or twice a week. I missed him a lot, but I understood he was busy as much as I was, and I was happy to see the steely glint that he had when he worked return to his eyes.
But as the months passed quicker and June approached, I watched as Levi became more distant and quiet than he had before. It was saddening to see him become upset, and I tried to comfort him as much as I could, but I knew I couldn’t fix his aching heart; the anniversary of Petra Ral’s death approached fast.
On the day itself, I was the one who traveled to see Levi, my big belly hidden by my long and thick orange and purple dress skirts. I fiddled with its laces and hemmings as my carriage took me to the Trainees’ bulwark, where Levi and Erwin planned the next expedition to reclaim Wall Rose. All of the population knew there would be another draft soon, and civil unrest ran rampant throughout the white cobbled streets as fat rich men dined on meats while the old and sick and young starved in the streets. I always felt hungry.
When the carriage arrived at the small bulwark, I saw familiar faces; the titan shifter boy talked with Armin Arlet, who scratched at light fuzz growing on his chin; Mikasa Ackerman sat closely to Eren as Jean Kirstein attempted to get her attention; Connie Springer and Sasha Braus play-fought while Annie Leonhardt absentmindedly stared at the crowd. There were just as many-if not more-new faces I did not recognize among the young recruits as well. They all donned their dark green cloaks, their Wings of Freedom billowing on their backs. I felt pride for them, and tears of triumph burned my eyes.
The carriage came to a sudden halt and the side door opened in a flurry as a small man in black jumped in and sat beside me, his longer black hair pulled back at the sides.
“Levi,” I sighed, my heart racing as he took my hand and softly kissed the freckled top of it.
“I’ve missed you, Four eyes,” he said, and he took my chin with his finger to press his lips to mine, and he kissed me tenderly. I closed my eyes and rested my head on his shoulder while the carriage began to move again. I reached down and held Levi’s hand, caressing it with my thumb, like always.
“Where are we going darling,” I said and he reached up to hold my cheek with his other hand.
“Away,” he smiled, but I saw the pain in his eyes. He knew what day it was as well as I did, more so than I did.
We rode in silence for a short time before the carriage stopped and Levi helped me out of it. I wobbled and held my belly as I steadied myself (I was very dizzy during my pregnancy), and Levi led me to a blooming cherry tree in a hilly field not far from the main town. Spring kissed the air and earth, and the warm day smelled of sweet lilies and succulent cherries.
We sat in the shade of the pink blooming tree and talked about nothing at all and everything about it. We laughed about nothing, kissed with everything, and loved with all.
After a long moment, Levi became very quiet and distant.
“My love, what’s on your mind?” I reached towards him and touched his knee, but he did not look up from the grass as the warm breeze ruffled its long green blades. He breathed for a moment and picked at the grass.
“Today, I lost my squad.” I gripped his knee and he looked up at me. “…lost Petra.”
“I know,” I breathed.
“I’m sorry; I know I shouldn’t talk about her anymore. She’s dead, so why does it matter? Why should I care?” He looked to the ground and wiped his face as I scooted closer to him.
“No Levi, don’t say that. You can talk to me about anything, and if it’s bothering you, then you should very much care.” We stayed silent for a long time while Levi fought back tears.
“I should’ve saved her. I know I could’ve.” He shook his head and I took him in my arms.
“No, you couldn’t have saved her. You weren’t meant to save her that day.” He sobbed in my shoulder and I kissed his neck timidly. I cooed quietly to him in his ear as I held him, and I waited until he calmed down a bit.
“Let go of what you had in the past and hold on to what you have in the present. Things move on and life goes on, whether or not you like it, and you can either be strong or be swept away with it all. You stayed strong, but I need you to keep being strong. I need you to be strong for yourself…for me…and for our baby, our future.” Levi looked up and kissed my lips eagerly, and I kissed him back, my hand rubbing the nape of his neck. He kissed down my neck and collar, down my chest until he reached my belly. He kissed it and put his hands on my sides.
“I will be strong,” he whispered to my stomach. “I’ll be strong for all of us.” I wiped his tears away delicately and sang to him softly until the day grew cold with the night.
September
Levi
I readied my horse along with the other Scouts, Erwin walking through the troops to check everyone’s readiness.
“Tch…” I sighed irritably, ready to leave for our expedition already; the hours of the morning waned too quickly. I wanted the casualties to be over already. No, I wanted for all of the Walls to be reconquered with everyone alive and Hanji’s and I’s baby to be born in a safe world; our child was due very, very soon.
At last we made our way through the cobbled streets to the outer gate of Wall Sina, and we fled quickly though the high stone gate in to death.
Hanji
I sat on the porch of the Castle, tired and sore from my work and my baby, enjoying a cold cup of thick milk. In the distance, I heard light booming. It sounded like heavy rocks hitting the earth, and the hairs on my skin raised.
Two of the three Garrison soldiers assigned to keep watch over me flew through the castle with their 3DM gear in to the trees. The third, a young woman, came on to the porch to my side, and I looked up at her.
“Titans have broken in to Wall Sina,” she breathed. Screams from the forest echoed in to the porch. “I HAVE TO SAVE MY FRIENDS!” She screamed and she, too, disappeared in to the trees as I stood up. I dropped my cup of milk and it shattered on the cement ground I stood on as I heard the woman scream horribly.
A thirty meter titan stood at the edge of the valley above the trees, its dark eyes dead set on the castle I was alone in.