FicWad

As they rode through the gate, Levi had to bite his tongue. The mission they had set out on was a complete failure due to the rain. Why the hell are these people throwing their lives away for something so unpredictable? It wasn't Levi's choice in the first place to join the Survey Corps. He was content living in the underground fighting over scraps of food. He watched people die before him while the surface dwellers lived in ignorance. It sickened him, the thought of how the government just covered them up. The people of the underground had worked far harder than these pigs of Sina. It's not like his life was any different since joining the Survey Corps. He now understood the pain of bearing the so called "Wings of Freedom" on your back. Isabel, Farlan, and Levi were all forced into becoming members of the corps when they got caught by the scouts. It was all part of a crazy scheme to assassinate Commander Erwin Smith. Unfortunately it didn't turn out that way because for some crazy reason Levi decided to join this brigade of misfits. Why didn't you kill him when you got the chance? Isn't that why Isabel and Farlan risked their lives? Isn't that why they died? You can't even avenge them properly you worthless piece of shit.
When they got back to base, Levi never uttered a word. Not to Commander Shadis or Erwin. The sewer rat hid away with his thoughts in isolation. The soldiers' cabins were empty at this moment because everyone was at the mess hall for dinner. It was a perfect opportunity for Levi to slip away unnoticed. Nobody was there to bother him, or see him lift up a plank from the floor. Isabel had left her handkerchief before the journey. She had lodged it in the slats of the floor for safe keeping. Levi had remembered her talking how it belonged to her mother, on one of those long nights after a job. As he stared at the tattered piece of cloth and ran his fingers over the embroidery, he was flooded with memories now painful to him. There was not much to live for in the underground, and Isabel and Farlan had given him something to keep fighting for. He remembered the first encounter with Farlan, and how they ran from the MP together. That was the first time the raven had learned to trust someone. When they had obtained the 3dmg, it was one of the best days of Levi’s life. He remembered flying with Farlan and watching the shocked looks on the faces of the people below them. And then, there was the day Isabel came to their door. She was scrawny and clearly malnourished like most people underground. What had stood out to Levi were the bright red welts on her face, and the dark bruises on her arms. When they decided to take her in, she told them about the ruthless abuse she endured by the MP and merchants around, just because she was a seemingly weak girl. The trio shared the dream of reaching the surface one day.We reached the surface but at what cost? We were supposed to be here together. Levi sat awake that night, long after everyone else had gone to sleep. He was too numb to be hungry, let alone sleep. But a hollow anger had filled him to the core, forcing him to keep his eyes open. It was not Erwin’s fault that Isabel and Farlan died, it was his own. And so on that night, Levi Ackerman vowed to become the best he could be so his friends’ deaths would not be in vain. So it is always this way.

He had not expected to get called up to Shadis’ office so soon after the mission. It’s probably for some stupid bullshit someone started about you. Levi grimaced as he knocked on the door. He didn’t want to talk to him, let alone run into Erwin. The door was opened quickly by the one and only person Levi hated, to whom he shot an icy glare. Speak of the devil. The blonde showed no response as Levi sat down hastily in front of Shardis’s desk. “Levi Ackerman I take it?” The commander said while skimming a paper with his eyes. Levi rolled his eyes in response.
“Yes, sir,” the raven let out a muffled growl. The commander only laughed as he stared at the short soldier.
“Well, since your comrades died in battle, and they have no other family besides you, I’m permitted to give you their ashes.” Shadis replied, his expression turning grim. Levi did the best he could to mask his emotion as two small boxes were handed over to him. Such valiant lives buried in ash, the thought only froze Levi more. As he turned to walk out the door, the commander’s voice stopped him once more. “And Levi, keep up the good work in your training. You really are a fine soldier.” He turned around and mumbled a “Thanks.” With that he closed the door behind him and ran to his cabin. As his boots clicked against the floor he hoped that no one would ask him why he was running. Especially that Hanji girl, she seemed to have a way about barging into people’s business. As he opened the door to the abandoned cabin he breathed a sigh of relief. He just needed to be alone with nobody to make snide remarks about him. Levi and his friends were already frowned upon enough as it was, and he really didn’t feel like getting mocked now that he was all alone. As he placed their ashes with the handkerchief his heart shattered and he grew even colder. The only way he’d be able to avenge them is if he worked his way to the top. With his fist curled over his heart, Levi sank to his knees and saluted their ghosts.

Humanity’s strongest. Levi never started off with that title in the survey corps. At first he was known as the freak from the underground, and the soldier nobody should mess with. So it came as a surprise, after Shardis retired, that he was once again called to see the commander. He reluctantly placed a hand on the knob of the office that he dreaded. Levi had somewhat grown to respect Erwin, but that still didn’t change the feeling deep inside that he had once meant for Erwin to be dead. Guilty? Is that what this feeling is? The blonde looked up as the stoic soldier sat at the desk before him. “Ah, Levi, I’ve been expecting you.” Ocean blue eyes peered into steel gray. Levi let out a small ‘tch’ sound, keeping his cool demeanor.
“What do you want Commander Smith?” Levi asked with an undertone of sarcasm. He still had to call him by his official name, even though they were on speaking terms now. Like he would consider Erwin a friend, that’s almost like saying he’d become friends with Hanji. The blonde commander smirked at Levi’s show of brash sarcasm. Even though he was cynical to a fault, Levi was one of the corps’ best soldiers alongside the squad leaders, Mike Zacharius and Hanji Zoë. But yet Erwin never chose to promote them. He chose the broken man to be his second in command out of everyone else. Levi had skill and a demeanor that Erwin admired. He was the perfect soldier, humanity’s strongest.
“I would like to give you a promotion.” Levi’s eyes grew wide at Erwin’s offer. Why did he choose me out of all people? The short, stoic man was at a loss for words. There must have been a mistake. There’s no way anyone would choose a person like you to give a promotion to. “Levi,” Erwin’s concerned voice snapped him out of his thoughts. “How would you like to be my second in command? You certainly have the potential to lead these soldiers, and humanity to victory.” Levi looked at the man he once wanted to kill. How can you accept such an offer? He swallowed his pride and decided to put his trust in the commander.
“Yes Commander Smith, I accept your offer. I trust your decision.” The blonde smiled as the short corporal turned to walk out the door.
“Oh and Levi, you can call me by my first name now.” Levi curtly nodded in response before the door closed behind him. Corporal Levi Ackerman, Humanity’s strongest. He liked the sound of that.

The corporal showed no outward emotion as he flew through the sky. Blood coated the ground, staining the grass crimson. As Levi walked past his comrades who had fought so dauntlessly, he wondered how each of their families would react. He could still hear their agonized screams in his head, and remembered how he remained grave in return. Sure he could've saved them. He could have had them standing here by his side, instead of counting their corpses with cold eyes. As Levi rode alongside Erwin, Hanji, and Mike his silence was reminiscent to that of the first mission. It was no secret what had happened to the special ops squad. So as they rode through the gate Levi mentally braced himself for the shouts and vicious onslaught of insults from the citizens. They had lost a great deal of soldiers on this mission. Many citizens called out Erwin on this failure and complained about lost taxes. As Levi rode, a man with a cheerful smile walked beside him.
"Ah, Corporal Ackerman, How's my daughter eh? Did she fight well on this mission?" Levi couldn't bear to meet his gaze. "Corporal is there something wrong? Petra did return with you right?" The words were like daggers, piercing Levi's skin. I have no right to break him the news, not like this. It should have never been like this!
Levi stoned his emotion and with a soft tone replied "Petra fought bravely up until the very end. Sadly, like most of my squad, she sacrificed her heart for humanity. She will be greatly missed." As Levi rode on, he didn't dare to look back. His squad had never deserved to die and it was entirely his fault. What kind of leader are you to let your men die? But Levi had to make the choice back in that damned forest. He had to remain emotionless in times of danger. Whatever the cost, they fought for humanity. As Levi returned to base he locked himself away once more and sat alone with his emotions. Isolation is the only thing he knew.
The survey corps had no time for funerals. Sure it made them look like cold heartless people but they had to move on as quickly as possible. So as Levi stood alone by their makeshift graves, he couldn’t help but feel hatred. Petra, Eld, Oluo, and Gunther all died for that brat Eren. But Levi never placed the blame on the kid; it wasn’t his fault it and it never will be. Levi was the squad leader after all; he had to take responsibility for what he did. So as the corporal sat alone he could never look them in the eyes. Everyone he had ever trusted died below his grasp. “Forgive me.” His voice came out in a faint whisper. And as the rain poured down on his broken form, he swore he could see his fallen comrades walking away in the distance.

“COMMANDER!” Levi’s eyes widened in terror as the blonde smiled away the fleeting moments of his life. Both Hanji and Levi rushed down from the trees to kneel at their commander’s side. His blood stained the land red, painting the grass bright crimson. Erwin only laughed at the concern on his two subordinates faces. He welcomed death, as a true commander would. It was their only fate from the beginning. Why do you have to leave me too? Don’t die bastard! The commander was the man who turned Levi’s life around, and here they sat, sharing their last moments.
“Please don’t take your last breath, E-Erwin.” Hanji’s voice was trembling and hoarse from holding back tears. Erwin smiled again, seemingly in denial that he was bleeding to death.
“I have all the faith in both of you. Levi, take over for me. I trust you over anyone. Thanks for everything.” His eyes grew blank as his pulse faded away. Hanji sniffed back a sob and Levi gently took the bolo tie from around the former commander’s neck. They carried his body back to the walls along with the bodies of the other soldiers. As Levi rode through the gate at the head of the scouting legion he could hear the shocked cries of the citizens. Erwin Smith had sacrificed his heart for humanity in the end. Levi wasn’t all too sure that he was ready to take on the burden Erwin had left behind, but he had to, or else all his friend’s deaths would be in vain. They rode back to the survey corps base, mourning the loss of their fine commander.
As the soldiers carried the casket, Levi sighed in disbelief. He’d never thought he’d live to see Erwin’s name imprinted on a tombstone. If anything, Levi thought that he would be the one to die before Erwin. He gently clutched the bolo tie that now hung around his neck, feeling the weight on his shoulders grow heavy. Why did you have to die, asshole? As the soldiers stood around the casket, Hanji spoke some words. The survey corps never did things the proper way. “We are gathered here today, to honor the life of a brave commander. Erwin Smith was a great man, despite what people think. Sure he sacrificed many soldiers, but that is part of the job description. He was always thinking brightly despite the sorrow that weighted his soldiers. He will be dearly missed. Fly free in the afterlife, Erwin.” A round of cheers acknowledged the worth of Hanji’s speech. Levi knew he was expected to speak too, but the words felt frozen on his tongue as the new commander faced his soldiers. Words weren’t something that came easy to the man. But he forced himself to speak anyway, so he could pay Erwin the respect he deserved.
“Listen here, soldiers and brats. You already know that I don’t talk that much. But Erwin was more of a man than I could ever be, so I need to pay my respects. He was a brave commander and one of the only people I could put my trust in. If it wasn’t for him, I would not be here right now. So pay him the respect he deserves. It’s not his fault that people have died, they signed up on their own accord. They pledged their hearts to humanity.” Levi stepped down and stopped talking, not looking his soldiers in the eyes. The cheers that came after were half-hearted, burdened with sorrow. So the corps sat in silence as the casket was buried in the ground. As the soldiers walked slowly back to base Levi and Hanji stayed behind. “Who do you think will be next, Hanji?” Levi murmured. The brunette turned to the shorter man fighting the tears in her eyes.
“I don’t know, Levi. But let’s not worry about the future.” Levi nodded in response. I hope that she won’t leave me too. They walked back in silence, letting the rain fall on their heavy footsteps. For the first time in Levi’s life, he realized that he didn’t have to mourn alone.

It was unnecessarily sunny that day. The ex-commander of the survey corps looked on at the world with cold eyes. He carried nine flowers with him, symbolizing nine brave souls. I might be joining you soon. Levi knew he was on his way out. It all started when he began to forget the names of his soldiers. That was when Hanji was still there at his side to help him. She died from sickness in the previous year. All that dangerous science had finally took its toll on her. Some days his memory loss was so bad he couldn’t remember his name. Something was eating him away from the inside. Levi started with Isabel and Farlan’s graves. He couldn’t exactly remember how they died because of his illness but he still missed them dearly. He remembered them fighting bravely but not what it was for. The faded memories of his past infuriated Levi. He wanted to remember, but it was impossible. He moved on to the graves of Squad Levi. This memory was more vivid and still affected him greatly. Petra, Eld, Oluo, and Gunther were some of the bravest people he knew. Other than their deaths and a little of the time they spent together, it was hard for Levi to remember them too clearly. He still remembered the sense of comradery he felt for them though. Mike and Hanji’s graves were next. He could still picture all the late nights they spent together, laughing and drinking the pain away. Mike had sacrificed his life for Erwin, but sadly it was in vain. Hanji and Mike were some of Levi’s closest friends. They were the only people he could trust besides Erwin. Those two had managed to crack Levi's icy shell of emotion. He walked slowly to Erwin’s grave. Erwin was the man who had started it all for Levi. He gave him the wings to change the world. Levi would never be able to pay Erwin back for what he did. As the man stood alone in silence he looked to the sky and smiled a bittersweet smile. A rainbow dotted the sky above the walls. He relished in the faint memory he had of Isabel seeing a rainbow for the first time, and knew somehow his friends were still out there waiting for him.

It’s funny and tragic how life can change so easily. They never expected it to end like this; he never expected it to end like this. Levi somewhat wished he had more time, when he saw the blurry faces he barely recognized surrounding him. His memory was foggy now, as a blond haired boy held his hand. “Is that you, Armin?” Levi muttered weakly with a cracked smile. The blonde nodded with tears in his eyes. “Look at you, you’re a commander now. Don’t cry brat. And Mikasa and Eren are here too?” Levi looked over to the duo. Mikasa stared on worriedly, and Eren was silently fuming.
“Please don’t go, Levi!” Eren cried, scared at seeing humanity’s strongest so weak. As Levi looked around the room at the remaining soldiers of the 104th he smiled.
“Listen, before I go, I want to say… I’m really proud of you all. I’m sorry that I can’t hold on any longer. You’ll be alright without me. Goodbye, everyone. ” The words were painful as Levi’s breathing grew raspy. He could hear the stifled cries and gasps around the room. His vision was fading fast and for once he genuinely smiled. Where he was going, he wouldn’t have to worry about the weight of the wings of freedom anymore. He wouldn’t have to live alone anymore. Levi had complete faith in the soldiers he left behind. His mind went blank as he left the world, flying free away from the harsh reality they lived in. Humanity’s strongest was no more. So it’s always this way forever and ever. So ist es immer grausam und schön.

A/N: The translation of the German part is "So it is always cruel and beautiful."