FicWad

Chapter Four: Covert Plans and Affairs

Varia felt rather uneasy as she followed Jowan down the hallway. He was acting very strange, and somehow she had a feeling that this situation he was in was something far more serious than just being worried about the fact that he hadn't been called yet to take his Harrowing. The two of them passed a couple of templars along the way and she noticed him visibly stiffen when they walked by, even though they were two of the nicer ones and even uttered a friendly greeting upon their approach. Varia returned the sentiment to the two men – Ungar and Moran, she remembered Cullen saying their names were – and gave them an apologetic smile for her friend's cold behavior.

"Before we go in," Jowan stated as he stopped just outside of the Circle's small chapel, turning to her and wringing his hands nervously in front of him, "I just want you to promise me you won't repeat a single word of what you are about to hear."

"Jowan, what is going on?" Varia asked him, reaching out to take one of his hands in her own in an attempt to calm its shaking.

"I just... Promise me," he requested once more, his fingers grasping at hers and squeezing them almost desperately. "I need help and you're the only person I can turn to, but I cannot tell you what's troubling me unless I have your word that you will breathe none of this to anyone else within these tower walls."

"You have my word," Varia swore, squeezing his hand back. "You know you can trust me with anything."

"Good," Jowan said with a relieved sigh. He then released her hands and waved her along, continuing into the room and over to the corner farthest away from the door, where one of the Chantry sisters who looked over the chapel was praying.

"I've brought her," he said to the young woman, who had dark auburn hair partially pulled back into a bun. The woman stood and turned to them, smiling at Varia and holding out a hand to Jowan, who took it in his own and joined her at her side.

"Jowan... What's going on, here?" Varia asked once more, her gaze traveling back and forth between them. The young woman blushed, casting her hazel eyes downward for a moment before looking to Jowan to explain the situation.

"A few months ago, I told you that I met a girl," Jowan informed her, then gestured to the girl at his side with his free hand. "This is Lily."

"An initiate?" Varia blurted out, then looked around to make sure she hadn't been overheard before lowering her voice and continuing. "Jowan, that's forbidden!"

"So you can see why we wish to keep it a secret," Lily said, her grip tightening on Jowan's hand at her side.

"Lily's been given to the Chantry, and isn't allowed to have... relations with men," Jowan further explained. The two of them shared a look and Lily's cheeks turned a light shade of pink. Varia could only gape at the two of them. How had they managed to keep something like that a secret from everyone? She hadn't even had the slightest idea that her best friend had been sneaking around with a Chantry girl, let alone bedding one. Then again, her mind had been preoccupied for over a year with how to keep her own indiscretions from being discovered by everyone else in the tower.

"I'm not going to tell anyone, Jowan. Your secret is safe with me," Varia repeated in a mere whisper, her voice carrying to them despite how quietly she was speaking. She owed him as much for not ever telling him of her own forbidden relationship.

"Thank you," Lily replied, smiling gratefully at her.

"And that's why I'm so troubled," Jowan continued to explain the situation. "Well, part of it. See, I found out why I haven't been taken for my Harrowing yet: they're going to make me tranquil!"

"What?" Varia asked, her grey eyes blinking in surprise and her grip tightening on the new robes in her arms to keep her hands from trembling. Surely that couldn't possibly be true. Jowan might not be the most skilled apprentice in Ferelden, but he certainly had potential and he always tried his best. He didn't pose any threat to others, either, so there was no actual justification for him to be robbed of his very dreams and emotions.

"It's true," Lily confirmed. "I saw the paperwork on Greagoir's desk yesterday."

"No," Varia denied the idea, shaking her head. "That's impossible. Surely, it's all just his idea. Irving would never agree to it."

"But he did agree to it," Lily corrected her. "The forms bore his seal upon them. He approved the Rite of Tranquility to be performed on Jowan."

"They're going to take away all that I am, Varia!" Jowan said, his voice strained with emotion. "My hopes, my dreams, my love for Lily, all gone!"

Varia just kept shaking her head, in silent shock. The First Enchanter was a good man. He did everything in his power to protect the mages within the tower, even those who had not yet undergone their Harrowing. The last person who had been made tranquil had been done so over ten years ago – and that had been done at the apprentice's own request, because he hated himself for his magic due to his own family and friends casting him away as some abomination of the Maker's creation. Not even Irving's most eloquent speech about the goodness of magic could turn him around. Now he worked with Owain in the storage facility. She couldn't imagine how horrible it would be to see Jowan there, every day, not even remembering the years of friendship they had shared or the love he had for the woman at his side.

"Why would they do this?" she wondered aloud. "Irving would never just agree to make you tranquil simply because Greagoir said so."

"There's a rumor going around about me," Jowan told her. "People are saying I'm a blood mage."

Varia looked at him, remembering what Irving had said about someone in the tower practicing blood magic. It wasn't possible, though. Jowan couldn't be the one he had been speaking of. He knew the dangers of consorting with demons, and the punishment should he be discovered doing it. Surely he wasn't stupid enough to risk his very life. Then again, he had been growing increasingly desperate to prove himself in recent months so he could finally take his Harrowing. But, no... She would have known if her best friend was a blood mage. She might have missed that he was sneaking around with an initiate of the Chantry, but blood magic was harder to hide. Still, she had to hear it from him.

"Are you a blood mage?" she asked, holding his gaze steadily with her own.

"Of course not!" Jowan answered without missing a beat. "Look, I've been sneaking around at night to meet Lily, and someone must have seen me and thought I was doing something forbidden. Which, granted, I was – but it wasn't blood magic, I swear!"

"I believe you," Varia told him, nodding.

"Thank you," Jowan said, breathing a sigh of relief, "but it's still not safe for me here anymore. I need to get away from the tower."

"That's where you come in," Lily added. "We need your help to destroy Jowan's phylactery so that we can escape and make a life together, somewhere far away from here."

Varia's large grey eyes went even wider when she heard Lily describe what they were planning to do. As if the two of them being together wasn't already dangerous enough, they wanted to run away from the tower, as well. And, apparently, they also wanted her to help them do it.

"Is that even possible?" she asked, weighing the dangers of what they were asking her to help them accomplish in her mind. Unlike Jowan, she had already taken her Harrowing and, therefore, couldn't be made tranquil by Chantry law. So if they were to be caught, the only possible outcomes for her would be to be placed in solitary confinement for a very long time – which she knew from everything Anders had said about it wasn't any fun at all – or death. They were probably banking on her having extra immunity to harsh punishments due to being the First Enchanter's apprentice, but Varia doubted even that could help improve her standing when it came to defending herself after committing such a serious crime against the Chantry's laws regarding mages in the Circle.

"It's absolutely possible," Lily assured her. "And we have devised a plan that we can easily carry out with your help, now that you are a fully-fledged mage within the Circle."

"You're asking me to put a lot on the line, here," she told Lily before turning her eyes toward Jowan once more. "You know what will happen to me if we're caught, right?"

"I know," Jowan said quietly, unable to meet her eyes. "And I'm sorry I have to ask so much of you, but you're the only person I can trust and I need you right now."

Varia sighed, glancing at Lily once more before looking back to her best friend. For thirteen years, they had been together at the tower. He had been the only apprentice who didn't make fun of her and call her names when Irving finally placed her with the rest of them two weeks after she first arrived at the tower. He had protected her from the bullies, stood up for her, comforted her when she used to hide in corners and cry because of the children being mean to her because she was the only elf. He had sat with her on many sleepless nights after two of the templars tried to assault her, and though he had protested at first about her growing friendship with Cullen following the incident he had never once come right out and told her not to be friends with her personal savior. She had even been in love with him, once – though it was probably more of a crush than actual love – but he hadn't noticed the hints she had been dropping about her feelings for him. Or had he?

"Jowan, why didn't we ever..." she asked before she could stop herself, letting the question hang between them, knowing he could easily fill in the blanks on his own. His dark blue eyes immediately snapped up from the floor and met hers, his mouth opening and closing slightly though no sound was coming forth from his lips.

"Yes, why didn't you, Jowan?" Lily asked in a teasing voice, crossing her arms over her chest and smirking at him. "You're always talking about her."

Jowan looked at his lover, still gaping in shock, then slowly turned back to Varia and shook his head a bit in apparent disbelief at what he was hearing before answering.

"It never crossed my mind. You're like a sister to me!" he told her, then paused for a moment before adding, "You didn't... like me as something more than a friend, did you?"

"Well, maybe," Varia admitted, looking away from him shyly and blushing. "A little."

"I see," he said after a short pause to let her admission sink in fully. "Why bring it up now, especially with... you know, things. And Lily. I... love her, and... You know, I'm just going to drop this."

Varia smiled a bit, amused at how uncomfortable Jowan suddenly looked, then turned back to Lily.

"Tell me what you need me to do," she said to the other woman, who blinked at her in surprise.

"You mean, you'll help us?" she asked, her voice full of surprise. Varia guessed she hadn't been very hopeful that a newly-minted mage would be so willing to put everything on the line for the sake of a mere apprentice and an initiate of the Chantry.

"Of course, I'll help," Varia told her with a smile. "I'll miss Jowan, of course, but I want him to be happy and I certainly don't want to have to see him every day as a tranquil mage, knowing that I could have helped prevent it from happening."

"Oh, thank you!" Lily exclaimed, tightly grasping both of her hands. "The Maker has surely blessed us both by sending you to help."

"So, what is it you have planned?" Varia asked once more, getting a bit antsy. They were still alone in the chapel, but at any moment someone else could walk in on the three of them and discover their conspiracy.

"I can easily get us into the repository," Lily told her. "However, there is a problem. You see, the phylacteries lie behind a door sealed by two locks. The First Enchanter and Knight-Commander each hold one key. It is merely a door, though. What is a door to a mage, especially one with your power?"

"I see you weren't joking about Jowan talking about me," Varia remarked with a small smile, looking over at Jowan. Her smile fell when she saw a rather distraught look on his face. She almost asked him what was wrong, but figured he was just nervous about whether or not their plan would succeed. She forced her smile back into place and returned her attention to Lily, who continued explaining their plan to her.

"As you have probably already surmised, there is no possible way for us to get our hands on both keys. Jowan said he once saw a rod of fire melt through a lock, though, so we were hoping you might be able to go to the stockroom and retrieve one. Jowan can't do it because he is still an apprentice, and I obviously wouldn't have reason to be asking for such an item."

"Why go to all of this trouble at all, though?" Varia asked. "We should just go to the First Enchanter and explain the situation to him. Once he sees that Jowan really isn't a blood mage, he's sure to call off the Rite of Tranquility."

"If only it were that simple," Lily answered with a faint smile. "The templars, as you no doubt know, are in charge of all the mages here. They might order the Rite be performed on him just as easily for seducing an initiate the the Chantry as they have for their suspicions of him being a blood mage. And the First Enchanter needs to keep the peace between the mages and the templars. Bringing this to his attention would do nothing but invite more trouble."

Varia sighed and nodded her head, closing her eyes briefly for a moment to collect her thoughts. This was going to be dangerous, and Lily was right – Irving had to keep the peace between the Chantry and the Circle. If she was caught helping the two of them, he would have no choice but to agree with whatever punishment Greagoir decided to hand down to her. Even if... No. That would surely kill him to do, and he was like a father to her. She could never cause him that sort of pain.

There was only one option: to not get caught.

"I'll do it," she finally said, reaching out to take one of Lily's hands in her own. "I will do everything in my power to help you two find happiness together, but it might not be a very quick retrieval. After all, I have to make sure I do this in a way that will prevent me from drawing any suspicion upon myself. You understand, yes?"

"Of course," Lily agreed. "Neither of us want you to end up in prison – or worse – simply for trying to help us. Take whatever steps are necessary to make sure your tracks are covered, but please do so in as timely a manner as possible. The templars could come for Jowan as soon as this evening."

"I'll do my best," Varia promised. "You two should stay here, for now. Try to keep out of sight in case someone else comes by to pray, so you won't have to explain what you're doing here together."

"Oh, don't worry," Lily assured her with a sly grin. "Jowan and I have gotten quite good at laying low in recent months."

Varia couldn't help but return the other woman's smile, thinking how she probably would have had a very similar response to that request if their roles had been reversed. She bade both of them goodbye, hesitating for a moment when only Lily replied, and discretely left the chapel. She began to walk toward the stockroom, then realized she was still holding the robes Irving had given her in her arms. Sighing a bit to herself, she turned around and followed the circular hallway in the opposite direction, toward the mages' quarters where she would now be staying so that she could deposit her new belongings with the rest of her things that had been brought upstairs for her.

She took each step slowly, fussing with the hem on the skirt of the garment and wondering if they had thought to have it shortened and taken in to better fit her smaller elven frame. Really, though, she was trying to think of anything but how much of a hypocrite she had just been. The first thing that had come out of her mouth when Jowan revealed his relationship with Lily had been to point out how forbidden it was, when she herself was romantically involved with a templar. Truth be told, however, she couldn't really say which of them was committing the bigger sin. Yes, the templars were meant to watch over the mages and keep them in line without question, but Lily was an initiate in the Chantry. Girls like her were meant to be pure and untouched, and they took vows of chastity – vows which Jowan freely admitted he and Lily had already broken. At least she and Cullen had yet to take their relationship that far. Not that neither of them wanted to... the right situation to do so simply had yet to present itself for them.

The sound of metal gently clanking against the hard stone floor of the hallway caught her attention and Varia looked up to see her love standing just outside the door of the rooms she would now be occupying. She momentarily stopped in her tracks and simply watched him as he continued to fidget nervously, staring down at his gauntlet-covered hands, then called out to him. Cullen looked in her direction at the sound of his voice, his green eyes fixing upon her face, and he smiled shyly as a blush crept across his cheeks.

"Cullen? What are you doing here?" she asked as she approached him, keeping her tone light and conversational.

"I... I wanted to make sure you were all right," Cullen told her. "Th-They picked me as the templar to strike the killing blow if... if you became an abomination."

Varia could hear the sorrow in his voice when he told her what task had been assigned to him the previous night, and she couldn't help but reach out to him and place her hand gently upon his armored shoulder.

"Would you really have struck me down?" she asked him, her thumb just barely grazing against the side of his neck before she let her hand glide down the rest of his arm.

"I would have had no choice," Cullen said, his voice full of quiet sorrow. His gaze fell briefly upon her lips before he raised his eyes once more to meet hers. "I serve the Maker, and I will do as I am commanded."

"Then I suppose it's a good thing that I am so talented and brave, isn't it?" she asked him, her lips turning up in a smirk as she quoted the things Miranda had overheard him saying about her.

"Did Jowan tell you I said that?" he asked her in reply, the color of his cheeks darkening once more.

"No, he didn't. Apparently, you made enough of a show carrying me back to my bed the way you did to get the gossips talking, though."

"I... I'm sorry," he apologized, making sure to keep his voice low so no one would overhear what they were discussing. "I just needed to hold you, and... and I volunteered to take you back to your dormitory without thinking."

"It's fine, love," she told him, her voice just as quiet as his. "You don't happen to have a moment to spare right now, do you?"

"I really should be getting back to my duties," Cullen insisted, casting a look down the hallway in the direction she had just come from. "As I said, I simply wanted to check on you and see how you were faring."

"Please?" Varia requested, leaning a bit closer to whisper into his ear. "I promise to only take a moment of your time, Ser Knight."

She took a step back and smiled at him, then walked casually into her new quarters. Cullen hesitated a moment behind her, looking around carefully to make sure no one was around to see him, then followed her into the room. He watched her as she set down the robes she had been carrying on top of her trunk and removed her staff from her back to lean against the wall, and then she turned to him and all sense of propriety went out the window.

They moved toward each other at the same time, her arms wrapping around his neck even as his encircled her small waist, their mouths finding one another with a practiced ease. It wasn't the sort of gentle kissing they usually engaged in with one another during their stolen moments behind large bookcases and in dark alcoves, but a passionate warring of lips and teeth and tongues as they each relished in the taste of one another they had both feared they would never experience again. Varia's hands moved up along the back of his neck, her fingers dancing delicious torment down his spine as they gently caressed his skin before threading into his dark blonde curls, and Cullen responded in kind by tracing the outline of her body with his hands. She felt his hands grip her tighter, pulling her to him possessively, and let out a small moan which came out more like a whimper of frustration. The sexual tension had been building between them for months, and she had already passed her breaking point long ago. They had needed to be careful, before, but now that her new living quarters afforded them more privacy she hoped that perhaps they would soon finally be able to be rid of the thick plate armor which had always helped keep them in check so as not to allow their passions for one another to be taken too far.

Cullen was the first to pull away from the kiss, though his lips remained close to her own, and their breath mingled as they each fought to regain air in their lungs and control over their bodies' urges. He continued to lay soft kisses upon her full, swollen lips, his eyes closed and his grip tightening on her waist as though he was afraid she was nothing more than a dream and if he woke up she would be gone.

"I'm so glad you didn't fail your Harrowing," he told her once he had finally caught his breath, his voice deep and husky with lust, though she could imagine the painful images he was conjuring up in his mind at that very moment. "It would have killed me if I had to..."

His voice broke, unable to form the rest of the words, and Varia kissed him softly as a small laugh escaped her throat despite the seriousness of his statement.

"Are you saying you have no faith in my abilities?" she asked him, aware that he – like everyone else in the tower – knew full well that she was one of the most powerful mages currently living within the tower.

"I was still scared," Cullen admitted, opening his eyes but unable to look at her face. "It's a dangerous test. Even if you came out of it alive... Some mages are just never the same after what they see in there. I'm glad you're still my Varia."

He reached up to caress her cheek with one of his hands, finally looking into her grey eyes once more, and became transfixed by the way the flecks of silver in her irises reflected the light from the torch on the nearby wall. It was one of the very first things he had noticed about her when he came to the tower: how beautiful her eyes were and how the light reflected in them. It would have devastated him to never be able to look into those eyes again.

"You haven't exactly made me 'yours,' just yet," she corrected, moving closer to him once again. She leaned up to nip at his jaw with her teeth, her lips curving into a smile against his skin.

"Though that might soon change," she added in a whisper.

Cullen closed his eyes and groaned, his head swimming with images of the sinful things those five simple words promised. Varia knew he wanted it as much as she did, even if he had never verbally expressed his desire to bed her. The way he looked at her and held her and kissed her were more than enough to give away his desires.

"I should go," he said, pulling away from her reluctantly. Varia simply nodded, though she grasped his hand and held fast to it until he completely backed away from her. Once out of her reach, he stared at her longingly for moment before finally turning away and walking out of the room to resume his duties.

Varia sighed heavily as he faded from her doorway and went over to her new bed, allowing herself to fall backward onto the soft, downy mattress. Her mind began running through the events of her day so far. She had awakened from her successful Harrowing; been declared a full mage of the Circle; met a Grey Warden; learned her best friend was about to be made tranquil on a false suspicion of him being a blood mage; discovered he was also in a forbidden relationship with a Chantry girl; agreed to conspire with him and his lover to help them both escape the tower; and promised herself to the man she loved... and it wasn't even midday, yet.

As she let her eyes fall closed to allow herself to rest for a minute and gather herself before she went back out to begin her part of the plan to free Jowan from the templars' hold on him, she wondered what else the day had yet in store for her.