Categories > Books > Harry Potter > Not Again!

Chapter 10

by Forty_Two 0 reviews

Paths diverge.

Category: Harry Potter - Rating: R - Genres: Humor,Parody - Characters: Harry,Hermione - Warnings: [!!!] [V] [?] - Published: 2015-06-22 - 1354 words


Chapter 10

As Harry and Hermione were Flooing back to the Hog's Head Inn, an International Post owl was winging its way toward Hogwarts with a message for Mary Sue. It arrived just in time for the Sunday morning mail deliveries.

"What's it say?" Harry leaned over to get a peek.

"Wow!" Mary Sue gasped, passing the piece of rice paper over to him.

"What's it say?" Hermione leaned over from Harry's other side to sneak a peek of her own.

"Hand that back over here!" Mary Sue practically grabbed the message from Harry's hand after only a few moments.

"It's an offer to appear in some sort of anime fic about somebody named Naruto or something," Harry related to Hermione. "They like Mary Sue's fashion sense and her style, they say, and they're making her an offer to jump over there and play a real character."

"Instead of just a plot-device, you mean?" Hermione asked.

"How did you know about that?" Harry studied her guardedly.

"If you two didn't want others to overhear, you should have used a privacy spell. Are you a wizard or aren't you, Harry? Honestly!"

"You say that a lot," Harry observed.



"Oh, honestly! Don't you have better things to do than keep count of my word choices. You're about to lose a plot-device, if I'm not mistaken," the bushy-haired one pointed. Sure enough, Mary Sue was striding up to the High Table, straight to the Headmaster.

"Dumbledore!" she said, slapping her job offer down in front of him, "It looks like you're in luck!"

The Headmaster glared at her for a long moment before he made a point of picking up the message slowly, deliberately, as if her rushing had not a whit of bearing on him.

"I see," the old wizard finally nodded, having read the entire page twice. "You're leaving Hogwarts, then? You realize that you'll forfeit your magic," he reminded the Girl-in-Black - while fighting his urge to express the enormous smile he was feeling on the inside. "Then again, you may not need it there," he waved the letter.

"Actually not," Mary Sue smirked. "I won't lose my magic."

"You seemed quite proud of your cleverness in tricking Hogwarts into accepting you as a student. I feel it is my duty to advise you that breaking that magical contract will result in the loss of your magic." But I certainly hope that you're foolish enough to do it anyway, he added silently.

"But I'm not leaving Hogwarts, Dumbledore," the impudent girl smiled broadly. "I'm only taking a sabbatical. Check the rules! It's in there under 'studying abroad' and I should think that Japan qualifies! I have until a year from next September to return. Maybe I'll teach Harry some Japanese when I get back. A third language never hurts."

"A third language?" Dumbledore frowned.

"My ward speaks English and Parseltongue," Mary Sue shrugged, "so Japanese would be the third."

"What!? Harry's a Parselmouth!??" Dumbledore gasped.

"You didn't know?" the Girl-in-Black grimaced. "Oops!"

"No, I didn't - and by the way, since you are leaving the country, you will be forfeiting your role as Harry's ward."

"Au contraire, Pierre!" Mary Sue shook her head. "Other students' parents leave the country all the time. They don't give up their parental rights just because they go on holiday. I'll be Harry's legal guardian while I'm gone and after I get back. Owl me if you need me."

Damn! the Headmaster stewed. How is it that a child of her age is in possession of this much knowledge? "Minerva!" Dumbledore tore his angry glare away from the girl standing in front of him and turned to his deputy. "Please assist Miss Sue in getting her trunk packed and allow her to use your Floo. I want her out of the castle within the hour."

"Yes, Headmaster!" McGonagall rose from her seat. "Come with me!" she cast a frown at Mary Sue.

"Just a sec! I have to say good-bye to Harry, first!" Before the Deputy Headmistress could protest, the Girl-in-Black was running back down the aisle to the Gryffindor table.

"You're leaving!? Now?" Harry stood to meet her.

"I get the niggling suspicion that Dumbledore is eager to be rid of me," Mary Sue smirked. "See you a year from next September, if not sooner," she smiled and then, to Harry's utter astonishment, she grabbed him into a hug and kissed him full on the mouth! "I've been wanting to do that for months!" she explained to Hermione, whose shocked expression nearly matched Harry's. "Take care of him while I'm gone. He regularly requires someone to stop him from doing something really stupid." With that, Mary Sue turned and ran up the aisle to join the fuming Deputy Headmistress. "Oh - and he needs a plot," she called to Hermione over her shoulder.

The buzz of conversation throughout the Great Hall gradually returned to normal levels. Over at the Slytherin table, Draco Malfoy grinned evilly as he planned his revenge on the Boy-Who-Lived with his Slytherin henchmen (and henchwomen). The Hufflepuffs were in general agreement that the departure of the girl with the sword was a good thing, even if they weren't quite sure why. She always made them feel uneasy, somehow. The Ravenclaws had all pulled out their copies of the Rules and Regulations and were busily searching for other loopholes that might be lurking there.

The Gryffindor table was arguing back and forth between two factions. One side liked having the Girl-in-Black in their House. She was a true Gryffindor, they contended, unafraid of anything - even Dumbledore! And the way she'd backed down the blonde prince of Slytherin? Priceless! The other faction pointed to the hourglasses that tallied the House points and noted that with Mary Sue out of the castle, perhaps their hourglass might have a chance to collect some rubies.

Hermione was ignoring all that. She was busy whispering to Harry. "Why did she kiss you like that! And what did she mean about a plot!?" the bushy-haired one demanded.

"Not here," Harry shook his head. "C'mon."

Hermione followed him to what had become her favorite place within Hogwarts, the library. The room was empty, as everyone else was in the Great Hall, and the two chose an isolated table in the far corner.

"Okay! So why did she kiss you?" Hermione hissed, still trying to be quiet because she was in the library. "Is she your girlfriend?"

"No! Technically, she's my mother!"

"WHAT!!??" Hermione's shout would have brought Madam Pince running, but the librarian was sill at breakfast.

"Dumbledore appointed Mary Sue as my legal guardian last summer. My aunt and uncle kicked me out of their house, so it was either Mary Sue or the Malfoys."

"I see!" Hermione relaxed some. "So is she really eleven, like us, or is she much older?"

"Who knows," Harry shook his head. "She skips around a bit and I think her age changes when she does. I wonder how old she'll be in Japan?"

"I'll never understand magic!" Hermione fretted. "What did she mean about a plot? What were you two plotting, and how am I to help you?"

"That's just it - we weren't plotting anything."

"Right!" the girl furrowed her ample eyebrows accusingly.

"We weren't!" Harry insisted, "And that's the problem. We're in a story, here, and we don't have a plot."

"A story? You mean like a timeline, as in Hindu philosophy, where our reality is merely the dream of Brahman? When he wakes up, we vanish? When he goes back to sleep and dreams again, a new reality is created?"

"Something like that, except that the 'god' is just some fan-fiction author and we're in his story."

"Mary Sue was right!" Hermione announced. "I'll have to keep a close watch on you. You're down-for-the-count barmy!"

"No I'm not!" Harry retorted. "Why do you suppose I referred to her as a plot-device? Huh? We're all just characters in a work of fiction!"


"Honestly!" Harry smirked. "You say that a lot, you know!"

"Hon... Oh shut it, Harry Potter!"

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