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Tohru: Hello. My name is Tohru Honda. I used to live in a tent…Wait, maybe I shouldn't start off like that. Hello again! I-wait, I really shouldn't say again, because I was trying to start over so it was like I never said the first line. But I really did say the first line so I guess I should say, "Hello again" instead of just, "Hello." Um, I don't know. What do you think, Kyo?
(Tohru looks at Kyo who sits across from her with his elbow on the table in front of him and his chin in his palm. He looks agitated.)
Kyo: I think you should hurry up with this damn introduction.
Tohru: Hm…what about you, Shigure?
(Tohru turns to look at Shigure who sits to the right of Kyo)
Shigure: Are you recording this?
(Shigure is looking right at the camera…)
Tohru: Oh, actually I am. How'd you know?
Kyo: There's a camcorder on the freakin' table!
Tohru: Yeah, I put it there. I'm going to send this tape to my uncle so he can know how things are going. I'm really enjoying my time here at the Sohma house. It's been fun.
Yuki: You said, "It's been fun". I hope that doesn't mean you plan on leaving us.
(Yuki is sitting to the left of Kyo…the far left…He's staring at Tohru worriedly)
Kyo: You're leaving?! Again?!
(Kyo stands up and bangs his fists on the table to make an impression)
Tohru: Oh, of course not! I could never leave you guys!
Yuki: Calm down, you stupid cat. And take a seat before you break the table.
Kyo: Shut up, ya damn rat! You should be more worried about me breaking your face!
Yuki: As if that could ever happen.
Kyo: Oh yeah? You don't want to test it today! I've been training since the last time!
Yuki: What a shame. Because I know you still can't win.
Tohru: Kyo is glaring fiercely at Yuki. Oh, but don't worry they do this all the time. Usually Kyo starts a fight, but Yuki finishes it.
Kyo: Hey, what the-?!
Tohru: Oh, I'm sorry! Did I say something wrong?!
Kyo: (sighs) No, just forget it… Geez.
Shigure: Let's stop recording for now. I'm so hungry! If only someone would cook for me! I'd be so grateful!
Yuki: You know miss Honda is going to cook.
Tohru: Oh, I should hurry! I am late on preparing lunch! I'm so sorry! Shigure: It's okay. Just don't let it happen again.
Yuki: (hits Shigure in the back of the head)
Shigure: Ow! I was only kidding!
Kyo: Yeah, right. (looks at Tohru) …
Tohru: Is something wrong, Kyo?
Kyo: No! Why would you think that?
Tohru: Well, you just looked at me.
Kyo: So? I can look wherever I want, can't I?
Tohru: Yeah, that's true, but…
Kyo: No, wait…(sighs) That was rude, wasn't it? Sorry. I just noticed you changed your hair a little bit. It's…cute.
Tohru: Wow, you really think so? (smiles) Thanks!
Kyo: …Your welcome. (smiles) … (turns to see Yuki staring at him) Ah, what the hell do you want?! Can I help you, sir?!
Yuki: I was just enjoying this new romantic comedy show you've put on for everyone to see.
Kyo: Wha-?!
Yuki: Romantic, because you're obviously trying to win miss Honda's heart. Comedy, because it's not like she'd ever be interested in someone like you.
Kyo: Excuse me?!
Tohru: Well, actually, I like Kyo a lot. You know, I've always been a fan of the cat from the zodiac and once there was a time that I said if the cat was a real person I'm sure we'd be the best of friends. If we could be friends I'm sure we could be more than that too. I mean, there's a thin line between friendship and romance between a girl and a guy so-
Kyo: You like me like…you'd be my girlfriend?
Yuki: (gasps)
Shigure: Kyo…did I just hear what I think I heard? It must be raining Kyos and Shigures outside! (chuckles)
Kyo: Shut up! I'm talking to Tohru! Not you, so butt out! And don't ever say that dumb phrase again!
Tohru: Are you asking me to be your girlfriend?
Kyo: …Yes…
Tohru: I-…yes. The answer is yes, Kyo. I will be your girlfriend.
Yuki: Miss Honda!
Kyo: Haha! Take that, sissy rat boy! The best way to beat a man is to take the girl he loves as his own! Looks like you need to go lookin' for a new love interest cause Tohru Honda is taken! First I beat you at this! Next, I beat you at life! (fist pumps the air) Whoo!
Tohru: Hold on a second! Yuki likes me too?!
Shigure: Don't forget about me! I've loved you ever since I first laid eyes on you!
Kyo: No, he doesn't like you like that, Tohru. Even if, who cares? He's just a dumb rat.
Yuki: She only said yes, because she pities you. As she's said before; she feels sorry for the foolish cat. Always making dumb mistakes and not thinking before he acts.
Kyo: Oh yeah? Well, I'm dating Tohru!
Yuki: Ugh! Stupid! (walks out the room)
Tohru: Wait, I'm about to make lunch!
Kyo: Aw, are you sad little rat?! Looks like you're the foolish one is this story! (laughs triumphantly)
Tohru: Kyo, I think that's enough! (touches Kyo's chest) Whoops...
(An orange cat sits looking down at the floor…)
Tohru: I'm so sorry! I forgot that you'd turn! I just wanted you to stop picking on Yuki! I thought that-
Kyo: I'm going to my room… (walks out)
Tohru: Kyo?
Shigure: Wonder what caused that sudden mood change. Maybe the smell of your delicious food will make him return?
Tohru: Oh, right! Lunch! (runs to the kitchen)
(After Lunch…)
Tohru: Wait, Kyo's still not here? He hasn't come to eat his lunch…
Shigure: He's in his room sulking for some reason. (shouts) KYO! TOHRU IS DOWN HERE IN NOTHING BUT A BRA AND PANTIES! WHAT A GLORIOUS VIEW! I'M SURE IT ALL FEELS BETTER THAN IT LOOKS!
Tohru: Shigure! D-don't say that! Please!
Shigure: He's not coming. He would've been down here by now. He must really be upset. But why?
Tohru: I should probably bring him his food before it gets cold. (picks up Kyo's food and walks to the stairs)
Yuki: (to self) This is the worst…
Shigure: What's wrong? Being overcome with jealousy?
Yuki: I must admit…I am rather fond of Miss Honda. (gains an angry expression) But I will never be jealous of that stupid cat! I'll have to win Miss Honda over somehow! She deserves way better than that idiot! (stands and walks out the room)
Shigure: (sing-song) I smell drama! (normal) It's time to think, Shigure. How can you make this more stressful for everyone else, but fun for you?
[Kyo's Room]
Tohru: Kyo?
Kyo: (sits on his bed) What?
Tohru: Would you like your lunch?
Kyo: I'm not really hungry…
Tohru: Why?
Kyo: I'm just not.
Tohru: Did I do something wrong?
Kyo: No.
Tohru: (sits next to Kyo) If you want I can feed this to you.
Kyo: Wha-n-no. That's alri-
Tohru: Say ahh! (holds the chopsticks to Kyo's mouth)
Kyo: …Uh…a-ah-ahh?
Tohru: (feeds Kyo some of his lunch) I forgot to ask. Do you like it? I added something special to yours.
Kyo: Really? What did you add? It tastes…good.
Tohru: I cut up some leeks and soaked them in-
Kyo: LEEKS?! (spits) Disgusting! Are you trying to kill me?! I hate that crap!
Tohru: But you couldn't even taste them in-
Kyo: Yes, I did! I just lied to you so you wouldn't cry or something!
Tohru: Then why tell me the truth now?
Kyo: Cause! I felt like it.
Tohru: … (giggles) Okay, Kyo. Well, maybe you'd like some rice balls.
Kyo: That's okay. I don't want to be greedy.
Tohru: Oh, it's alright! I can-
Kyo: Tohru…I really want to be your boyfriend. But I-…I don't think I can make you happy. We can't do anything like other normal couples can.
Tohru: We can find a way to make it work. Anytime I want to hold you-I don't mind snuggling with you as a cat!
Kyo: (slight gasp) …You don't get it.
Tohru: What do you mean?
Kyo: I don't want to talk about this anymore. I should've never brought it up.
Tohru: But Kyo, does this mean you don't want to be my boyfriend after all?
Kyo: That's not what I said. I want to, but-…aw, hell!
Tohru: What? I told you it's okay. Maybe we can figure out a way we can touch each other. You're upsetbecause of the curse, right? We could go ask Akito if there's something we could do. Or maybe-
Kyo: Just get out! I'm sick of this already! I said I was done taking about this so enough!
Tohru: Oh, uh, okay. I'm sorry I said whatever I said to make you mad. I'll leave now. (walks out his room) Oh, man, we haven't been together long and I'm already screwing up-oh boy…
Kyo: Wait, I-…(grunts) Damn!
[Downstairs]
Yuki: Miss Honda, where are you going?
Tohru: Um…well I don't really know yet, but I've made Kyo angry so I'm going to leave like he told me.
Shigure: When will you be back?
Tohru: I'm not really sure yet… See you. (exits)
Yuki: (glares at Kyo when he enters the room) What did you say to her?
Kyo: Shut up, ya damn rat. (looks down) I don't have to answer to you.
Shigure: Does this have something to do with your sex life? I've written just the book for you. Let me go get it.
Kyo: I don't want to read that smut! And we don't have a sex life! We couldn't have one if we wanted. We couldn't have…anything…
Shigure: Of course you could! There's a thing called male enhancement-
Kyo: Shut the hell up! You know damn well that has nothing to do with what I'm talking about!
Shigure: (chuckles) You need to learn how to take a joke.
Kyo: Nothing about this situation is funny!
Shigure: (sighs) Even if you can't make physical contact with Tohru, you can still enjoy your time together. And you never know…there could be a solution to this curse problem we have. We just need to find it.
Kyo: You said "could". So there could also not be one.
Shigure: But there probably is.
Yuki: Why do you say that?
Shigure: I don't know… I just really believe there's a way to reverse the curse.
Kyo: Yeah, well, some of us know better.
Shigure: You've got to have more faith.
Kyo: Excuse me for living in reality.
Yuki: You're not going to go after Tohru?
Kyo: What do you mean, "go after"?
Yuki: You told her to, "Get out".
Kyo: I meant my room; not the house! Aw, man… I really have to apologize now… But where could she have gone?
Yuki: Perhaps she's with Uo or Hana.
Shigure: I don't know where else she'd go.
Kyo: Then I'll check with them first! (runs to the door)
Yuki: Do you even know where they live?
Kyo: Uhhhh-
Yuki: That means, "No".
Kyo: Well, where do they live then?!
Yuki: How should I know? And it's not like I'd tell you even if I knew.
Kyo: Wha-?!
Yuki: Stupid cat. Truly foolish, indeed.
Kyo: What'd you say, you sissy little rat boy?! I'll make you sorry you ever met me!
Yuki: It's far too late for that.
Kyo: What'd you say to me?! Speak up! I can't hear you when you whisper all the time!
Yuki: I wish I couldn't hear you, but you scream all the time. It's hard to even think with all the noise.
Kyo: I guess I should start lowering my voice! Maybe you'll think the next time before you say something stupid like this again and I won't have to kick your ass, ya damn rat!
Yuki: Shouldn't you be looking for Tohru instead of screaming foolishly at me?
Kyo: Nice try, but you're not getting outta this one, ya pansy!
(Kyo attempts to punch Yuki, but he dodges and kicks Kyo into a table)
Shigure: Let's not break anything, you two.
Yuki: Stupid cat. I'm going to look for miss Honda. (walks out)
Kyo: You're not finding her before I do! The race is on! (runs out)
Shigure: It's about time! I thought they'd never leave. (picks up the phone and dials a number) Hey, Aya, it's me! The house is empty so you can bring all the girls over! It's going to be a fun afternoon!
(Outside Tohru is walking down a path and comes across a house…)
Tohru: Oh, what's this? I wonder who lives there. Now, that I think about it I've walked down this path many times before and I've never seen the person that lives there. Maybe I should say hello. (knocks on the door)
Innocent Young Lady's Voice: Yes? Who is it? I'm coming. Just a moment.
Tohru: Oh, wow, she sounds really nice. (knocks on the door)
Innocent Young Lady's Voice: I'm coming. One moment, please.
Tohru: I don't know why, but she kind of sounds familiar. Do I know this girl? Hey-(knocks again)
Before I could finish speaking the door flew open and a cute young girl in a green dress with a cat pack on her back swung a bat at my face. It hurt really bad! That's when I realized I did know this girl. It was Kagura Sohma!
Kagura: I said I was coming, dammit! You didn't have to knock on the door so much! I was moving as fast as I could! What was I supposed to do?! Put on big red shoes and paint myself blue?! What do you want from me!?
Tohru: Ouch…! (rubs her face) That bat is really hard… I didn't mean to knock so much I just-
Kagura: Tohru? When did you get here? What happened to your face?! Come in! I'll get the first aid kit!
(A little later after Tohru comes inside…)
Kagura: Oh yeah, that's right… (looking into an empty first aid kit) I used the last of everything when Ritsu came by the other day…
Tohru: You…hurt Ritsu?
Kagura: Not on purpose! I swear it wasn't! You have to believe me! I thought he was trying to peep at me in the shower, but it turned out he was only walking by and I had left the door open! I shouldn't have invited him in when I hadn't taken my shower yet! I know that now! And I'm sorry! I apologized to him and he said it was okay! He really did! He said it was okay so can we all just forget about it?! Tell me you won't tell Kyo! I don't want him to think I was cheating on him because I wasn't! I would never-
Tohru: Okay okay! I understand! I didn't need to know what happened! I was just-
Kagura: You believe I'm sorry, don't you?! Because I really really am! It was an honest mistake that any girl could make! I'm sure Shigure, Yuki, or even Kyo has walked in on you in the shower or during a bath! (gasps) …
Tohru: Umm-
Kagura: Has Kyo seen you naked?! He has, hasn't he? It's okay! You can tell me! I won't get mad! I just want to know! I need to know so please tell me! Tell me, won't you?! TELL ME!
Tohru: Relax, Kagura! He hasn't seen me naked! Well, at least I don't think he's seen me naked. If he has he hasn't said anything to me about it. Would he say something if he saw me? I'd imagine it'd be a pretty awkward conversation and I'm not sure how I would react. I mean especially since I know I don't have the best body. It's not like I have the worst body or even a bad body-at least not in my opinion. Kyo might think so though. I hope he doesn't. That'd make me…well kind of sad. I mean only because Kyo an I have a special friendship or at least I think we have a special-
Kagura: What are you doing walking out here alone?
Tohru: Oh! Well, see, Kyo kind of told me to get out and so I left. I made him angry so I was going to give him time to calm down. I already apologized, but I guess I should apologize again later just to make sure he's okay.
Kagura: Would you like to spend the night with me?
Tohru: Oh, that sounds wonderful! I'd love to!
Kagura: Great!
Tohru: Let me just call Shigure to let him know what I'm doing.
(A short while later…)
Kagura: There's only one bedroom. You can sleep in there.
Tohru: Wait, you only have one bedroom in your house? Do you live alone?
Kagura: This isn't my house. It's my secret hideout. I come here to watch Kyo.
Tohru: To watch him? How do you do that from here? Wait, "secret hideout"? You're out in the open.
Kagura: (sits at a computer and types something) Watch this.
Computer: Say a command.
Kagura: FIND KYO, DAMMIT!
Tohru: Was the expletive necessary? Or the screaming, period?
Kagura: I didn't scream.
Computer: Kyo Sakigami. 2 searches. Is this who you wish to locate?
Tohru: Who? And you searched for him twice so you-
Kagura: NO! I WANT MY FUTURE HUBBY!
Computer: Kyo Sohma. 999,999 searches. Is this who you wish to locate?
Kagura: YES!
(A box appears on the screen that shows Kyo running down a street…)
Tohru: So you…watch Kyo from this computer?
Kagura: Yes. I usually only use this for when I want his location though. I don't watch him all day. Then I'd seem like some freak stalker and I know if Kyo ever found out he'd be mad at me. You won't tell him, will you?
Tohru: Of course not. Your secret is safe with me, Kagura.
Kagura: Thank you. I'd make you dinner, but the last time I put a pot on the stove; I burned a whole house down.
Tohru: What?! How did you manage to do that?!
Kagura: I had the stove on high and I was keeping a close eye on it, but then I saw Kyo. Out the corner of my eye. He was outside my window. He seemed afraid for some reason. He was about to run so I had to console him. I went out to display my love and soon enough Kyo said he smelt something burning and when I turned around the house was covered in flames!
Tohru: That's so sad.
Kagura: No, it isn't! It's okay! I have another home! Not this one, but my real home! So don't worry about me, okay?
Tohru: Okay. I'd be happy to do the cooking.
Kagura: Thank you so much Tohru! I'll repay you in some way! I know! You're invited to me and Kyo's wedding!
Tohru: Th-thanks…
I'm not so sure I should ever tell Kagura that Kyo asked me to be his girlfriend. Then again I don't even know if he still wants to be… After dinner Kagura told me stories of her and Kyo when they were children until she fell asleep. She really does seem to care for Kyo. I almost feel bad for liking him the way I do.
(Yuki stands with Uo and Hana in front of a store…)
Uo: Sorry, I haven't seen her today.
Hana: Is Tohru alright?
Yuki: Yes, the stupid cat-I mean Kyo-got mad at her and told her to get out.
Uo: What? Orange top? Geez…him and his temper…
Hana: We'll help you look for Tohru.
Yuki: Thank you.
Uo: She's our friend. We have to help.
(Kyo knocks on a door some distance away…)
Tohru's Grandfather: (opens the door) Yes?
Kyo: Is Tohru here?
Tohru's Grandfather: Sorry, I haven't seen her. Is everything-
Kyo: (runs) Dammit!
(Kyo runs to the hospital…)
Woman: Sorry, she's off to-
Kyo: Damn! (runs) Where are you, Tohru?! You stupid girl! Why would I ask you to be my girlfriend and then tell you to get out the house?! UGH!
Chapter 2: Kagora the Matchmaker
(Tohru sits up in a bed and stretches…)
Tohru: What a good night's sleep! I should make some breakfast for Kagura. She's been such a good host to me. It's only right. (makes her way to the kitchen and takes a bowl from a cabinet)
Kagura: (peeks in the kitchen)What are you doing?
Tohru: (jumps, gasps, and turns to see Kagura) Oh, Kagura, it's just you. You scared me. I was-
Kagura: Is that my bowl? It looks like my bowl. I hope that's not my bowl.
Tohru: Uh, I'm sorry I-
Kagura: It is my bowl, isn't it?! Give it here! Please! I said give it!
(Tohru hands Kagura the bowl and she snatches it away from her)
Kagura: Kyo gave me this bowl. You didn't know that, did you?
Tohru: Uh, no, I didn't know tha-
Kagura: Kyo gave me a lot of things before you two got together. Did he ever tell you about the time he asked me to marry him?
Tohru; I-I think Kyo mentioned it once-
Kagura: So he talks about me?! Does he tell you he loves me, because he does. And I love him back just more than he does me. But the love he has for me is way greater than the love he has for you. (moves closer to her face) I'm sorry, but it's destiny! I am the future Mrs. Kyo Sohma!
Tohru: Hey, how'd you know we were dating? You didn't know yesterday and you didn't leave the house. I don't think… But he said something to me before I left. He said he'd like to date me, but he's afraid he can't keep me happy-what with the curse and all. Well, that's basically what he said. I told him we could find a way to make it work, but he-
Kagura: That's my Kyo!
Tohru: Huh? What do you mean?
Kagura: Don't you get it? He was lying to you! He only told you that he'd date you to spare your feelings! He's nice like that! But he had to come up with an excuse, because in reality he knows we were meant to be! Oh, Kyo! Your kindness knows no limit!
Tohru: Oh, I don't know. He really seemed like he meant it-
Kagura: I can see our bright future so well now I think I need to protect my eyes! (puts on sunglasses) That's so much better!
Tohru: Um, Kagura-
Kagura: "I DO, KYO SOHMA! I DO!" (kisses a picture of a seemingly angry orange cat) Mwah!
Tohru: Kagura!
Kagura: Huh? Oh, how insensitive of me! Are you angry at me? Do you want to scream? Do you hate me now?
Tohru: No, I-
Kagura: Oh, thank goodness! I had hoped we could still be friends. I'm so sorry Kyo doesn't love you, but you'll find someone else. I promise. I'll even help you find someone else. Come on! Let's go! (runs outside)
Tohru: Oh, uh, wait for me!
I figured it'd be best if I just went along with Kagura. I wouldn't want to make her angry. She took me to some store I'd never heard of which is really strange, because it had a ton of customers. Kagura had put on gloves and a large coat, but it was a really hot day so I didn't quite understand why she did it.
Tohru: It's so hot. Why would you put on a big coat like that?
Kagura: It's just a precaution. Do I look silly?
Tohru: Uh, no, I was just saying that I wouldn't want you to feel uncomfortable or pass out or anything due to the heat I mean it's really hot and that's a big coat and with the addition of the gloves I figured-
Kagura: Look over there, Tohru.
Tohru: What?
I looked to the area Kagura was referring to and there appeared to be a boy staring in my direction. He started to walk over as soon as I noticed him.
Kagura: (whispers) Say hello.
Tohru: (smiles) Um, hello! I'm Tohru Honda!
Boy: (picks up toilet paper on the shelf behind Tohru) Great, 4-ply.
Kagura: How dare you ignore her! Say hello, dammit! (grabs the boy and throws him into the shelf knocking it over and making a huge mess)
Tohru: You didn't change…could it be because you're wearing those gloves? That's not what you meant by precaution, is it-
Kagura: I have no idea. Let's move on. Hey, you! (points at a random boy) Come kiss Tohru!
Boy 2: I would, but-(sneezes) I have a cold-
Kagura: Don't you dare make excuses! It's hot outside so how could you catch a cold?! COME KISS HER NOW OR DIE!
Boy 2: B-but I-
Kagura: KISS HER, DAMN YOU! (punches him in the face repeatedly then slams him on the floor)
Tohru: K-Kagura, I think you should calm down! People are starting to look over and I think someone just went to get security-
Kagura: OH NO! (kneels by Boy 2) What happened to this poor boy?! Are you alright?! Who would do such a thing to such an unimportant character?! SECURITY! Come quick!
Tohru: I'm not sure you should be calling them! I think we should go!
Before I knew it we were surrounded by security!
Security: Miss, step away from the boy.
Kagura: Of course.
As Kagura was moving someone in security grabbed her hand and she snatched away from them so hard her glove came off! He tried to grab her again and…
Kagura: (now a small boar-she hangs by a hoof in a man's fist) …
It was silent for a few moments. I was scared memories would have to be erased! But then somehow…
Kagura: (shakes in frustration and swings up to kick the man in the face; kicks several times in the air and then gives a him final kick to the ground) Don't touch me! Who's next?!
The rest of security ran, but she was somehow able to catch them all and…knock them out. Everyone in the store that saw just thought they were seeing things or that there was a loose animal in the store, but not many even saw her. And security didn't remember anything when they woke up. Isn't that fantastic? I had put on her glove so she wouldn't lose it. We looked strange. I had the left glove and she had the right. I completely forgot I had in on the whole time though. After that, we went to get pizza together.
Kagura: I'm sorry I couldn't find anyone for you at the store. But I won't stop looking!
Tohru: It's really okay, Kagura! I'm fine with being single or maybe someone will come along-I don't know! (nervous giggle)
Kagura: No girl is ever okay single! We all want someone to snuggle up to at night! (gasps) I know the perfect guy for you! Haru!
Tohru: Haru? Why would you say that?
Kagura: Because he just walked in the door! (points at Hatsuharu who is entering the pizzeria) Haru! Come over here, won't you?!
Tohru: But didn't he say he was in love with Yuki? I don't want to-
Kagura: You still tried for Kyo even though he said he was in love with me!
Tohru: What? No I-I didn't even-he never even said-
Kagura: Don't lie! Stop lying! You said yourself he said we were getting married! That means we're engaged and we're engaged because we love each other and since we love each other he loves me and I love him! There's no one way relationships around here!
Tohru: Okay!
Haru: Hey, Tohru.
Tohru: Hi, Hatsuharu! Is Momiji with you?
Haru: Yeah, he ran in before me to the restroom. (sits down next to Tohru) What are you two doing here?
Tohru: Kagura's trying to hook me up with someone. But I told her I didn't need her to!
Haru: I thought you were dating the cat.
Kagura: Why would you think that?! Who told you that?! Please don't tell me it was Kyo!
Haru: No, Shigure told me. He said Kyo got upset that he couldn't get freaky with Tohru so he said they weren't dating, but they might as well be.
Kagura: That's not true! Tell Shigure he's wrong! He's really wrong! Kyo wants to have sex with me, but I won't let him until after we get married so if you give it up it means you're easy and he's only using you until after the wedding! I'm sorry, but you'd be really stupid to do that!
Tohru: I don't think Kyo would do something like that.
Kagura: How much do you know about Kyo, because I know TONS of things!
Tohru: I think I know a good amount.
Kagura: He likes to sleep to the right on his bed!
Tohru: He has a hard time expressing his feelings.
Kagura: He's the cat of the zodiac!
Tohru: He really hates leeks.
Kagura: He's in love with me!
Tohru: He wants to beat Yuki so bad and-
Kagura: Last week when he came home from school he took the alternate route in order to avoid confrontation with me! It takes him 7 minutes longer to get home that way!
Haru: Uh-
Momiju: Tohru! You're here! You're here! Yay! Aww, I want to sit by Tohru! Can you sit by Kagura, Haru? PLEASE?!
Haru: No. (looks at Tohru) I like being this close to Tohru.
Momiji: WAAAAAHHHHH! I WANT TO SIT BY TOHRU! WAAAAHHH-
Haru: (sighs) …No.
Momiji: HARUUUU!
Kagura: You can sit by me, Momiji. I don't mind.
Momiji: I want to sit by Tohru-
Kagura: You will sit by me NOW!
Momiji: WAAAHHH! KAGURA'S YELLING AT MEEEEE!
Tohru: Kagura, please! Momiji, it's okay-
Kagura: TAKE A SEAT! (grabs Momiji and puts him in a headlock) I said SIT! SIT! SIT, DAMN YOU!
Momiji: AAAAHHHH! TOHRU, HELP!
Tohru: AH! Kagura, stop!
Haru: ...! I'm about sick of this. (stands)
Tohru: H-Haru?
Haru: Momiji. Shut your damn mouth! No one wants to hear you whine all the time! Do us all a favor and grow up! Get some hair on your balls! Stop acting like such a crybaby!
Tohru: Hair on his…balls?
Haru: And you, Kagura! You're just too freakin' loud! Someone needs to muzzle you and teach you obedience! You being so rough makes me question whether you're really a girl or not! Maybe you do need some sex! It might loosen you up! Too bad Kyo doesn't want you! Get over yourself! Know what? Both of you can just kiss my-
Kagura: (grabs Haru and begins hitting him against the window) How dare you disrespect me! I'LL DESTROY YOU!
Momiji: (continues whining) He called me a baby! WAAAHHH!
If anything I was learning new things. I mean, I thought Kagura only attacked Kyo, but apparently that wasn't true. I guess she really is just showing her love. But then why did she attack those people she didn't know at the store? Maybe she did know them and I just didn't know. I don't know… While they were fighting and Momiji was crying I decided to go outside to get a breath of fresh air. And I saw Kyo.
Tohru: Kyo? What are you doing out here?
Kyo: I want you to come back home. I-…I miss you, okay?
Tohru: You do?
Kyo: I just said it, didn't I? (sighs) Look, I just-…I'm sorry I yelled at you and told you I wanted you to leave. I didn't mean it. And when I told you to go I didn't mean I wanted you out the house. I was angry. And not at you. Myself because-…because-…well, Because I-
Tohru: You want to get freaky, but you know you can't touch me?
Kyo: W-w-wha-?! What did you say?!
Tohru: Haru had said that Shigure told him you were upset, because you couldn't get freaky with me like you wanted. That's why you said we weren't dating.
Kyo: What the hell?! That's not true! N-not that I don't wanna-I mean wait, no! What I mean to say is that-…aw, screw it. Nevermind. Just come back home, okay?
Tohru: Okay! But so you know, I didn't need an apology. I shouldn't have kept talking like I always do. But I was going back home anyway. I only stayed at Kagura's place, because she asked me to. I called Shigure to let him know. I wonder why he didn't tell you.
Kyo: What the-you did?!
[FLASHBACK TO YESTERDAY NIGHT]
Shigure: Oh, is that so? You'll be staying with Kagura? I see. I'll make sure to tell Yuki and Kyo! Don't you worry! (hangs up as Yuki walks in)
Yuki: Who were you speaking to?
Shigure: Tohru. She says she's spending the night at Kagura's.
Yuki: Is she angry with Kyo?
Shigure: No, not at all. But let's keep all this a secret from him.
Yuki: Why?
Shigure: Because it'll be funny! (laughs)
Yuki: (sighs as Kyo walks in) Whatever.
Kyo: What's so funny?
Shigure: Knock knock!
Kyo: Seriously?
Shigure: Who's at your door, Kyo? Knock knock! Better answer! It might be Tohru!
Kyo: What?! Shut up! Fine, I'll play this stupid game! Who's there?!
Shigure: (chuckles) Not Tohru!
Kyo: Wha-?! You just said it might be now it's not?! Don't tell dumb jokes like that! It's not funny!
Shigure: Says you. I found it rather amusing.
Kyo: I'm goin' back to my room. (walks out)
Yuki: You're really enjoying this, aren't you?
Shigure: True.
[END OF FLASHBACK]
Kyo: I'm gonna kill him!
Tohru: Oh, no, please don't. I'm sure he just forgot.
Kyo: Forgot, my ass! Wait a second…did you say you stayed with Kagura? She's not around, is she?!
Tohru: Actually, she's in the pizza shop.
Kyo: Let's go before he comes! (holds out a hand)
Tohru: But what about the curse?
Kyo: You're wearing that glove so it's alright.
Tohru: (looks at the glove on her left hand) Oh, right! You really want to…hold my hand?
Kyo: Stop thinking so hard about it! Either take my hand or don't! I don't care! All I know is we need to-
Tohru: (grabs Kyo's hand) …
Kyo: …Uh…okay then…let's go home.
(Kagura stares from the doorway of the pizzeria…)
Kagura: KYO! Is that you, my darling!? I've been so alone! You haven't called me or sent an email. I haven't gotten a postcard or a post on my wall… Hm? (looks directly at Tohru's hand in Kyo's) …
Kyo: (lets go of Tohru's hand and runs) Oh no!
Tohru: W-wait, Kyo!
Kagura: (runs after Kyo) GET BACK HERE YOU TWO-TIMING PUNK! I'M GOING TO KILL YOU!
I don't really know what to say. I mean I know Kyo likes me. He said so. But can we date when we can't do a lot of the things normal couples do? Maybe…there's a way to negate the curse? I should ask Shigure or…someone like Hatori. He'd probably know.
[The Sohma House]
Kyo: Shigure!
Yuki: Shigure went to the main house to speak with Akito.
Tohru: Why?
Yuki: I'm not sure. But welcome back, Miss Honda.
Tohru: Thanks, Yuki! (smiles)
Kyo: Stop talking to that damn Yuki! Come with me.
Tohru: Oh, okay…
(Tohru follows Kyo…)
Yuki: I hate him… (turns to see Kagura staring in through the window) Ah! Kagura?
[Outside]
Yuki: So you're saying you have a plan, but you need my help?
Kagura: Would you be willing to assist me in retrieving my beloved Kyo?
Yuki: …You have a deal. Let's work together to break them apart!