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Deidara: I call this; TRUE ART!

1-THE ANNIVERSARY OF THE AKATSUKI: PART ONE

FACT: ALMOST EVERY NARUTO CHARACTER IS ALIVE IN THIS…SOMEHOW…

(The Akatsuki Hideout)

Pain: Konan. The roll.

Konan: Yes, Pain. (clears throat) Pain.

Pain: Your god is present.

Kakuzu: He put himself…on the list?

Konan: Konan, which is myself.

Kakuzu: (sarcastically) Is it really?

Konan: (glares at Kakuzu) Anyway…Itachi? (looks to Itachi) …Itachi?

Itachi: (sighs)

Konan: You're supposed to say, "Here".

Itachi: You can clearly see I'm here. I don't need to speak to verify it.

Konan: Fine. Kakuzu?

Kakuzu: …Here.

Konan: Sasori? Sasori? Sasori? (looks around) Who knows where Sasori is?

(Silence…)

Konan: Hm…Tobi?

Tobi: That's me! I'm here! I'm here!

Konan: Zetsu?

Zetsu: Here…

Konan: Kisame?

Kisame: Hee hee hee! Present and accounted for!

Konan: Hidan?

Hidan: I'm right here!

Konan: Deidara? Oh, he's not here. That's it, Pain.

Pain: Where is Sasori and Deidara? We cannot continue without them.

Konan: (sighs) Darn...

Hidan: I don't see why not! I mean come on everyone knows Deidara's the most annoying most useless member of the Akatsuki! Maybe we can get something done, huh?!

(All look at Hidan…)

Hidan: What?

FACT: IT WAS ONCE THOUGHT THAT DEIDARA WAS THE MOST ANNOYING BUT THEN…

Itachi: Yeah, he's the most annoying.

Pain: Hidan. You cannot catch a fish simply by watching the river flow. No…Zetsu. Discover their location and bring them back here expeditiously.

Hidan: Wait, what'd you just say?

Zetsu: Of course… (fades away)

Hidan: Hey, how the heck did he do that? Is that a jutsu? That was cool. I-

Kakuzu: Shut up, Hidan.

Hidan: Hey, don't tell me to shut up! You don't want me to get mad! When I get mad I get angry and when I get angry I-

Kakuzu: Shut. Up.

Hidan: Do you want me to unleash the wrath Lord Jashin has bestowed-

All: SHUT UP!

Hidan: Stop telling me to shut up!

Kakuzu: Then shut up!

[In a grassland before a small village…]

Deidara: Are you ready?

Sasori: For what?

Deidara: To witness sweet sublimation! What else?

Sasori: And what could be more sublime than one of my puppets?

Deidara: You're kidding right? How many times do I have to tell you those…freak wooden people aren't even close to being the ultimate?

Sasori: And your Play-Doh is?

Deidara: It's not Play-Doh! Shut up! Stand there and bask in art's presence!

Sasori: Are you going to make me wait all day to see this "art"?

Deidara: Wait a minute! (creates some clay spiders that enter the village) Here one second… (buildings begin to explode and people scream as he sends out 2 giant clay birds that fly to the village and cause a huge explosion) And gone the next! Beautiful! Aren't you in awe? Doesn't this just feel you with glee?!

Sasori: I'm confused…

Deidara: Huh?

Sasori: I thought you were showing me art. This just looks like a giant mess. Sloppy work. I'm not impressed.

Deidara: How dare you! The rubble isn't the art! The explosion was!

Sasori: That's even worse. How many times must I inform you what true art is?

Deidara: You can't inform me of something you don't know! Why don't I tell you?

Sasori: So you remember what I've taught you after all?

Deidara: You didn't teach me anything, Sasori! True art…

Sasori: Lasts a lifetime. Or at least for a long while. It is to be admired and-

Deidara: That's not what I was going to say! True art…is an explo-

Sasori: (yawns)

Deidara: Don't yawn while I'm talking! Sasori: I can't stop bodily functions.

Deidara: I don't want to hear that crap! You did it on purpose!

Sasori: Are you going to whine about it?

Deidara: Shut up! I wonder if that Akatsuki meeting is over yet.

Sasori: I wonder if you'll ever be able to recognize true art.

Deidara: I can recognize true art! You know what? You're calling your little collection of Pinocchio and friends art which means you think they're beautiful and some of them are boys so that means you're calling guys attractive! Come out of the closet, Sasori!

Sasori: Keep dreaming, Deidara. My puppets have no gender. They are tools. Weapons. Nothing more. What good would being called male or female even do for them now?

Deidara: True…whatever! Hey, I don't dream about that! I like the ladies.

Sasori: (chuckles) That must be why you like explosions. They remind you of the girls you try to talk to. They're here one moment, you ask them out, and they're gone the next.

Deidara: What the-?! That's not true! You probably make puppets cause you don't have any friends!

Sasori: Who needs friends when you have true art?

Deidara: I agree. I don't know why you said it though.

Sasori: I don't know why you agreed. You know nothing of true art.

Deidara: I know everything about true art! You're the one that-

Zetsu: (forms in front of them) There you two are.

Deidara: AHH! Where the heck did you come from?!

Sasori: What do you want?

Zetsu: I was sent to bring you to the meeting.

Deidara: No. We're skipping. I don't want to sit through another one of those boring meetings.

Sasori: If we don't go Pain might come out here himself.

Deidara: So?! I'm not scared of Pain!

Sasori: But you'll have to hear all that "god" nonsense.

Deidara: Ugh, that's true…dang it! Fine. I'm coming.

[At the Akatsuki hideout…]

Pain: Your god will look past this slip up. But only this once. Do not take my kindness for granted. You may bow and thank me for my kindness.

Deidara: How about you bow and kiss my-

Konan: Deidara!

Deidara: What?

Pain: He is an ignorant fool. Pay his stupidity no attention. We may begin the meeting.

Deidara: You bastard!

Konan: There are two things we need to discuss. Number one…there is a new plan that will be set into motion when Pain gives the word. Be ready. Let's not have any problems out there. Deidara.

Deidara: What the-?! Why would you call me out?! What about Hidan?! What about Kisame?!

Hidan: Hey, can you believe they said I was more annoying than you? I mean, come on! That's so not true!

Deidara: Why would you tell me that? I knew you were stupid but geez.

Hidan: Hey, you take that back!

Deidara: Or what?

Hidan: Or I'll get mad! Lord Jashin doesn't take too kindly to people like you and neither do I!

Deidara: What the heck are you talking about? No one even said anything about your false god.

Hidan: "False"?! You've done it now! Let's take this outside!

Deidara: No. I've already gotten comfy in this chair. I'm not getting up just to kick your ass. Leave me alone.

Hidan: I'll be the one kicking your ass! Come on! You scared!? I'd be with the way you just insulted Lord Jashin! No one who disrespects him breathes for long after that! You understand that, right? You don't know how refreshing it is to-

Deidara: Oh my god! You're irritating! You're annoying voice is making my head hurt!

Pain: Yes, Deidara?

Deidara: What?

Pain: You called out to me, did you not?

Deidara: No. I didn't.

Pain: You said, "Oh, my god." And that is me. So what is it you desire?

Deidara: You're not my god! Shut up!

Pain: You blaspheme constantly yet your god is so forgiving. You must pray to me for forgiveness at night.

Deidara: No, I don't! Can we hurry up with this meeting, please?!

Konan: Oh, I almost forgot, but you and Hidan speaking reminded me. Everyone voted on who was the most annoying in the Akatsuki last week and here are the results. The list is as follows from mostannoying to least: Hidan.

Hidan: What the-?! Kakuzu, can you believe that?!

Kakuzu: (sarcastically) No…

Konan: Deidara.

Deidara: How am I next?! What the heck is this crap?!

Sasori: (snickers)

Deidara: Shut up, Sasori! How is Kisame not next?! Or Zetsu! His presence alone is annoying! Wait a minute, no! Pain should be number one! All that, "Your god is here. I am a god. You will know pain. You simply cannot see the forest for the trees"-what about all that crap?! That's annoying! He was the most annoying on my list! I hate him more than Hidan!

Hidan: You be quiet, sissy art boy!

Deidara: What'd you call me, believer of a non-existent god?

Hidan: You little-

Deidara: Do something!

Pain: Enough. For a god commands it. So let it be.

Deidara: You don't tell me what to do!

Konan: (clears throat) Next is…uh…(looks at Pain)

Pain: Yes? Do not be afraid to speak.

Konan: Nothing, Pain. Next is Kisame.

Kisame: But how?!

Konan: Then me?! What the-?! We're done with this list. It's obviously wrong.

Deidara: Yeah, obviously!

Hidan: No kidding!

Konan: Now finally…who can tell me what tomorrow is?

Deidara: A day I can sleep in.

Konan: No. And raise your hand.

Deidara: What the-?! This isn't an academy for young ninja. I don't have to raise anything, but my voice if you continue to piss me off!

Hidan: (raises his hand) Pick me! I know what it is! Pick me! I know the answer! For the love of Jashin-call on me, Konan!

Itachi: (raises his hand)

Deidara: You're actually participating?

Konan: Yes, Itachi?

Hidan: Hey, my hand was up longer than his!

Itachi: Is the answer…"something stupid"?

Konan: No!

Itachi: I bet you 100,000 ryo it is.

Hidan: Ah, I can still answer! (waves his hand in the air) Konan!

Tobi: (raises his hand) Ooh ooh ooh! (sing-song) Oh, Konan...

Konan: Yes, Tobi?

Hidan: You called on Tobi before me!?

Tobi: It's time for the annual Tobi festival where everyone from the Land of Fire comes to celebrate the birth of me-the greatest ninja to ever live!

Deidara: First of all that's called a birthday. Second of all, why would the Land of Fire do that? Third of all, no one likes you.

Tobi: That's not what your mom said last night, Deida-chan!

Deidara: Wha-?! I'm about to kill you for a few good reasons!

Konan: Calm down, you two. You always start such a commotion, Deidara.

Deidara: It's not my fault! Ugh!

Konan: No one really knows what tomorrow is?

Kisame: It's not the day I obtained my sharkskin, so no.

Zetsu: Is it the day Itachi slaughtered his whole clan?

Itachi: Is it the day after Zetsu fell victim to a genjutsu and wasn't missed by anyone? It can be.

Zetsu: Uh, no.

Sasori: (gasps) I know what it is!

Hidan: I thought we were raising our hands! No fair!

Kakuzu: Shut up.

Hidan: But-

Kakuzu: Now.

Sasori: Tomorrow is the day…(tearfully) It's-…it's the day that Deidara finally accepts true art and throws all that Play-Doh in the trash!

Deidara: It's not Play-Doh!

Sasori: It's not art either.

Deidara: Explosions are art in its truest form, Sasori!

Sasori: Why do you think they put paintings up in museums and build statues for the public? It is a form of art and though they aren't my cup of tea they have the aspect of time correct.

Deidara: What do you mean? Cause I can understand there are many forms of art. Its just we're talking about true art here.

Sasori: Yes, exactly. You see, art should be admired for a long time as I've told you many times before.

Deidara: I can admire art. I do admire art.

Sasori: Can you admire it without blowing it up?

Deidara: The explosion is art!

Sasori: Take a look at this? (pulls out a beautiful painting)

Tobi: What are they talking about?

Itachi: They're unbelievable...

Kakuzu: Are they really doing this right now?

Konan: (sighs) They always do this.

Deidara: That's pretty amazing. Did you do that?

Sasori: No. I stole it. I thought it would look nice on my wall.

Deidara: Yeah, you know, it would now that I think about it.

Sasori: Yes, well, let's enjoy this painting.

Deidara: Yeah, let's…I'm bored with it now. (takes the painting and throws it into the air and sends a clay bird after it making it blow up the painting) Marvelous! Did you guys see that?! How exciting! What a perfect display of-

Sasori: I just spoke about putting that on my wall…and you destroy it…

Deidara: Oh! My bad! Just kidnap that Sai kid and make him paint you another.

Konan: Are you two done?

Sasori: I suppose.

Deidara: Yeah.

Konan: Anyway…

Hidan: Can I answer the question now?!

Konan: Yes.

Hidan: Thank you! Tomorrow is the day Lord Jashin-

Kakuzu: (sighs loudly) Oh, sorry. Did I distract you?

Hidan: Yeah, you did! It's alright. I remember what I was saying. Lord Jashin-

Kakuzu: (sighs louder)

Hidan: …Lord Jashin-

Kakuzu: (sighs really loud)

Hidan: Are you tired, Kakuzu? You should get some rest. Tomorrow, Lord Jashin-

Kakuzu: Oh my god, shut up, Hidan!

Pain: Yes? I am here, Kakuzu. What was it you said? "Shut up Hidan"? As you wish. Quiet yourself Hidan.

Hidan: Aw man! Fine!

Kakuzu: This group is hopeless.

Itachi: Are you just now realizing that?

Kakuzu: No. I'm just now speaking on it.

Konan: You were wrong anyway, Hidan. Tomorrow is the Akatsuki's anniversary.

Deidara: Since when do we celebrate that?

Konan: Everyone is to receive a gift from each member of the Akatsuki. We will exchange at midnight tomorrow. Be here. That is all.

Pain: You all are dismissed. (disappears and Konan does as well)

Deidara: Oh great. I don't want to do this crap.

Sasori: Me either.

Kakuzu: I'm sure no one does.

Hidan: Yeah, so stop whining and suck it up.

Deidara: You wish, sicko.

Hidan: Huh? What do you mean?

Kakuzu: If you don't know don't worry about it.

Deidara: I'm going to get Pain a leash for his bi-

Sasori: Deidara.

Deidara: I mean…for his dog. And then I'm going to get her a collar and muzzle. She should be pleased. She'll get more than one gift.

Kisame: Everyone! Get me something good and wet!

Deidara: Eugh…

Tobi: (stands shoulder to shoulder with Deidara) What's the matter?

Deidara: He's so ugly-ahh! What the heck, Tobi!? (pushes him to the ground) Get away from me!

Tobi: Ow! That hurt!

Deidara: Good!

[The Leaf Village…]

SEVERAL FACTS: THE VILLAGE IS DESTROYED OFTEN BUT TIMES HAVE BEEN REDUCED EVER SINCE JIRAIYA BECAME HOKAGE. YES…JIRAIYA IS HOKAGE. HE'S DONE WELL, BUT MANY ARE SKEPTICAL OF HIS DECISION TO BUILD A STRIP CLUB IN THE VILLAGE. MANY BELIEVE THAT HE FAVORS KAKASHI AND NARUTO OVER EVERYONE ELSE. WELL, THAT'S WHAT GUY THINKS. HE IS NOT JUST MIGHT GUY, BUT MIGHT PERRY GUY! NEJI, FOR SOME REASON, IS NOT THE SAME AS HE WAS BEFORE. HE DIED(YES HE DIED AND NOT LIKE IN THE SHOW OR MANGA). HE IS NOW WAY MORE ARROGANT AND EVEN MORE SKILLED. SAKURA HAD DIED, BUT SADLY SHE'S BACK. SASUKE HAD KILLED HER, WHO IS EXTREMELY CRAZY-JUST A HEADS UP…SAKURA IS ANNOYING AND DOES ABSOLUTELY NOTHING BUT YELL AT NARUTO. NARUTO HAD DIED FIGHTING A THREAT TO THE VILLAGE. IT ENDED IN BOTH OF THEM DYING SO HE SUCCEEDED. HINATA WAS ANNOYING AND BETRAYED THE VILLAGE BUT IS NOW BACK AND SEEMS NOT TO REMEMBER ANY OF THAT. TSUNADE DID SOMETHING FOOLISH AND LEFT THE VILLAGE AND I BELIEVE SHE DIED LATER ON, BUT NO ONE IS AWARE OF HER LOCATION NOW. THIS STORY IS MOSTLY ABOUT DEIDARA AND THE AKATSUKI SO YOU MIGHT NOT SEE THEM MUCH.

Naruto: Hey, what's Gaara doing here?

Gaara: Didn't I tell you I'm not Gaara anymore? It's the Kazekage G5. Get it right.

FACT: GAARA CALLS HIMSELF G5 FOR SOME REASON…I DON'T REMEMBER WHY…BUT HE SAYS HE'SFLYER THAN A G5 AIRPLANE. AND HE AND SASUKE DON'T LIKE EACH OTHER FOR SOME REASON. HE ALSO DOESN'T LIKE MOST OF THE NINJA IN THE LEAF HONESTLY…AND WAIT UNTIL YOU SEE THE SAND VILLAGE…HAHA…

Naruto: Yeah…right. Anyway, what are you doing here?

Gaara: A few of my ninja spotted someone in an Akatsuki robe in the Sand just a few moments ago. They were buying something from a store apparently…that doesn't sound right though. I came to make sure everything was alright here.

Naruto: Really? How'd you get here so fast? You must've used those awesome teleportation scrolls!

Gaara: Yeah. They really come in handy. I sure didn't feel like walking 3 days. Then again I probably would've just sent Temari. I'm not even supposed to be out here on my own. That's the life of a kage though. Know what I mean? Oh, wait…

Naruto: Whatever! Obviously I'm supposed to be Hokage one day! That's why I was brought back to life!

Gaara: Yeah, and Pain was brought back so he could show the world pain. Yeah, that's right.

Naruto: Quit with the sarcasm! Anyway, I guess you should go tell pervy sage.

Gaara: No duh, Naruto. Geez. (walks past him)

Tenten: Hey, Gaara.

Gaara: Bye, Bon Bon.

Tenten: My name is Tenten!

Kakashi: There are two Akatsuki approaching the village. We need to take precautionary measures.

Naruto: Agreed!

Guy: Don't worry I'll save the village like I always do.

FACT: THAT IS A HUGE LIE...

Guy: Remember…who was it that beat Zabuza and Haku? Who was it that beat Pain? Who beat Orochimaru? Me.

Kakashi: What? I don't think that's right.

Shikamaru: I know it's not right.

Guy: Quiet Shikamaru! Let your superiors speak.

Kakashi: We don't have time for a discussion, Guy! Let's get to Jiraiya.

Guy: Fine. Even though I know I can take 'em. Let's do it your sissified way.

Naruto: What could they want now? They don't still want me…do they?