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Anna's Excuse
0 reviewsAnna tries to reason with herself on adopting Kirika-chan is a bad idea.
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Chapter Fourteen: Anna’s Excuse:
Entry #23
March 26th, 1983.
My name is Kimoto Daisuke. I am eighteen years and I’m a single dad.
I have a confession to make. I’ve tried to kill my daughter—twice. I got that scared of her. Anna-chan is part of that generation. I can’t give her over to the Mother. I can’t!
He sighed.
Two nights, I tried to smother her…
-Anna-
Papa tried to kill me. He really tried to kill me. He really tried to kill me. I drew my knees to my chest. He wasn’t the only one.
Haruka murdered four of her children. Her mother tried to kill her and Juriko while she was pregnant with them. It doesn’t stop there.
The research was sickening. Everyone in Papa’s family has either tried to or killed their children. For months, I kept quiet. After all, dead things can’t have babies and I’m an impregnable waste land down there. I thought everything would be fine with this arrangement.
That was fine until we found Kirika-chan.
Oh boy… She’s cute, don’t get me wrong. I just can’t… Asato-kun’s asking the impossible of me. Me raise a kid? I shut my eyes. That’s not right. I mean… What if… I lifted my hands as if holding a pillow. I could see Papa doing the same as he stood over me. Could I do it?
I am not a monster. Still, filicide runs in my family. I know we aren’t always bound by the fate of our families, but still…
I rolled over onto me side. I didn’t want to risk it. The problem was Asato-kun wouldn’t understand. He’s already grown attached to that child. I couldn’t rob him of that.
I puffed up my cheeks. What the hell? I’m sounding like an asshole. That child needs us. There lay another problem.
Viper’s Teeth basically wanted to torture her. I buried my head in my hands. She’s just a baby! However, where else could she go? Daiyu’s only eighteen years old. She’s probably still in school. What about the baby’s grandparents? Do they want custody? I gritted my teeth.
My head hurts. Shit! I rolled over onto my back. I need help.
The Mother was still asleep inside of me. I didn’t know how to wake her up. Asato-kun wanted to talk to her. Oh, I almost forgot about that.
How could I? All I saw was red. I try not to think about it. Still, I cannot escape the sensations. The knife. Her screaming. The blood sailing everywhere. When I was in the mental institution, I dreamt about that night for days. Funny thing, it didn’t scare me. I felt apathetic afterwards. While I was in the institution, it felt like watching paint dry. I cut myself off from everything. Part of me didn’t even want to go home.
I don’t know if I’m fully back yet. I could confirm one thing: This baby wouldn’t be an answer. I pressed my hand onto my forehead.
I’m so sorry, Asato-kun. I can’t do what you are asking me this time. I lowered my arm and dozed off.
Entry #23
March 26th, 1983.
My name is Kimoto Daisuke. I am eighteen years and I’m a single dad.
I have a confession to make. I’ve tried to kill my daughter—twice. I got that scared of her. Anna-chan is part of that generation. I can’t give her over to the Mother. I can’t!
He sighed.
Two nights, I tried to smother her…
-Anna-
Papa tried to kill me. He really tried to kill me. He really tried to kill me. I drew my knees to my chest. He wasn’t the only one.
Haruka murdered four of her children. Her mother tried to kill her and Juriko while she was pregnant with them. It doesn’t stop there.
The research was sickening. Everyone in Papa’s family has either tried to or killed their children. For months, I kept quiet. After all, dead things can’t have babies and I’m an impregnable waste land down there. I thought everything would be fine with this arrangement.
That was fine until we found Kirika-chan.
Oh boy… She’s cute, don’t get me wrong. I just can’t… Asato-kun’s asking the impossible of me. Me raise a kid? I shut my eyes. That’s not right. I mean… What if… I lifted my hands as if holding a pillow. I could see Papa doing the same as he stood over me. Could I do it?
I am not a monster. Still, filicide runs in my family. I know we aren’t always bound by the fate of our families, but still…
I rolled over onto me side. I didn’t want to risk it. The problem was Asato-kun wouldn’t understand. He’s already grown attached to that child. I couldn’t rob him of that.
I puffed up my cheeks. What the hell? I’m sounding like an asshole. That child needs us. There lay another problem.
Viper’s Teeth basically wanted to torture her. I buried my head in my hands. She’s just a baby! However, where else could she go? Daiyu’s only eighteen years old. She’s probably still in school. What about the baby’s grandparents? Do they want custody? I gritted my teeth.
My head hurts. Shit! I rolled over onto my back. I need help.
The Mother was still asleep inside of me. I didn’t know how to wake her up. Asato-kun wanted to talk to her. Oh, I almost forgot about that.
How could I? All I saw was red. I try not to think about it. Still, I cannot escape the sensations. The knife. Her screaming. The blood sailing everywhere. When I was in the mental institution, I dreamt about that night for days. Funny thing, it didn’t scare me. I felt apathetic afterwards. While I was in the institution, it felt like watching paint dry. I cut myself off from everything. Part of me didn’t even want to go home.
I don’t know if I’m fully back yet. I could confirm one thing: This baby wouldn’t be an answer. I pressed my hand onto my forehead.
I’m so sorry, Asato-kun. I can’t do what you are asking me this time. I lowered my arm and dozed off.
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