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Chapter Six: Too Little Just Not Too Late



"I tried to take a picture of love; didn't think I'd miss her this much. I wanna fill this new frame but it's empty. I tried to write a letter in ink; it's been getting better I think. Igot a piece of paper but it's empty. It's empty. Maybe we're trying; trying too hard. Maybe we're torn apart. Maybe the timing is beating our hearts. We're empty."

Three Weeks Later-

Coherent and incoherent all at once, Harry sat with his ankles crossed out in front of him and his forehead pressed against the glass of the window watching the highway zoom by. His heart hurt like a tiny needle had been jabbed into it; like a pint of acid had been dumped on his feelings; like he'd lost the love of his life, only ironically he hadn't realized that she was the love of his life until after he'd lost her. Bummer, yeah? Yeah. It had been two weeks since he'd seen Micah; since he'd spoken to Micah; since he'd talked about Micah. She doesn't even exist, he thought to himself. I'm going crazy, it's like I don't even know her anymore. Did I ever? His thoughts began to darken the longer he'd kept the lack of communication going. Although, that's not to say that she hasn't been either. Neither of them has said one word to the other.

"Harry?" asked a quiet voice, startling Harry out of a slumber he hadn't realized he'd been in. Harry looked up and saw Zayn staring at him with a sad smile. "Mind if I sit?" Harry nodded and curled his legs underneath him to give Zayn more room on the tour bus couch. "How're you doing?"

Harry stretched his arms some before answering, "I'm pretty good." He yawned. "Ready to go home and sleep like a baby." He smiled and looked back out at the window, it was now night time and the highway was lit with car lights and zooming lamp posts."What about you?"

Zayn smiled and nodded, "I'm pretty good! I don't think you are though." He looked down at his hands and twiddled his thumbs.

"What do you mean?" asked Harry.

"You haven't spoken about her or what happened that night. None of us know and you've been in a funk for nearly three weeks now."

Harry looked over at his friend before closing his eyes and leaning his head back on the wall. "Let's not talk about this, okay?"

"You have to tell us Harry or Simon says we'll have to end the tour early and refund all of the tickets...he's not too happy with having that as an option."

"Let him."

"Harry, c'mon, I know you don't mean that. We're all tired but we can't do that to our fans. Please tell me what happened, get it off of your chest, and if it's really bad then we'll all help you get through it nice and easy."

Harry took a deep breath and opened his eyes, "okay."

"Mind if I tell the others to come here?"

Harry shook his head 'no'.

Zayn called over the other three in the band and they came strolling over with awkward smiles on their faces.

"Okay, I'm gonna tell you what happened but please don't make a big deal out of it. Don't make me feel like even more of a dick than I already do, please. Lou? Can you do that?" stated Harry.

Louis bit his lip and nodded, "yes of course."

Haz took in a deep breath and leaned his head back again. Closing his eyes he said, "Okay after the Alan Carr interview Micah texted me and told me that she loves me, no scratch that, that she's in love/ with me. Ifucked up and told her that I only love her as a friend and that I just really didn't want anything more than that with...with her. So I knew I hurt her then but she was still going to Houston to see us and I figured I would make it up to her then. As you guys can remember, the show in Houston was absolutely phenomenal and so much fun and Micah was even there and goofing with us on stage. Well, after the show I asked her if she wanted to go spend some time together, you know, as my apology and whatnot." /Deep breath./ /"We went to the beach and we talked about something. Uh, we talked about why she loved me. I started crying to her and begging her not to love me because, we all know, I don't deserve it." Louis opened his mouth to say something but was cut off by Harry. "I couldn't stop crying, and I don't know why. I loved hearing her say, 'I love you', I couldn't get enough of it. Then, um, before I know it we've made our way back to the hotel and were going to her room because we wanted some privacy...then we...I...took her virginity." He squeezed his eyes closed even tighter and drew out a long shaky breath. "She told me that she loved me then after we'd done it and I couldn't say it back." He opened his eyes and looked desperately at his band mates. "I told her that I don't love her, but I do! I really do! I-I didn't know what to do! I felt like I didn't love her, but when she left without a single word or look my way, I realized that I did. That I do. We haven't talked since I said I didn't want her. I-I'm so scared that I've lost her."

The four boys stared at Harry with somber eyes and sat motionless for a moment before Niall said, "that is a predicament it seems," the other three boys nodding.

"Why is it that you think you don't deserve to be loved by Mick?" asked Louis, narrowing his eyes.

Harry shook his head, "I know how I am in relationships. I know what I'm capable of doing. I'm not good." He looked down at his lap.

Louis reached out and grabbed hold of Harry's arm and squeezed, "you've lost sense of what you really are, Haz. You're thinking of yourself as some type of bloody womanizer, when you're not. That's society talking. It's not you at all!"

"Yeah, Lou is right, you're so much better than what people make you out to be. Just, for some reason, you've began to believe what they say about you," added Zayn.

"How could she love me though?" asked Harry.

"Harry, have you ever tried to step out of your own shoes and look at you and Micah's relationship from someone else's point of view?" asked Liam.

Harry shook his head.

"Try it right now, in one of our shoes, no wait, in Micah's shoes right now. You're a nerdy teenage girl with a past that you can't hide and scars from cutting and suicide attempts. You've gone to one concert in your whole life and you end up being invited back stage, you didn't buy a pass you were invited by one of the band members who seemingly cannot stop gawking at you. You go and meet him and you two instantly become best friends, slinging you into the lime light of his life as one of the world's most famous teenage pop-stars. You go from being depressed and unhappy to famous in one day. Overnight actually. Your life has completely changed, for the better, all because a superstar named Harry Styles actually saw you as ahuman being and not just another fan in the crowd, and he saved you. Now Harry, now that you've been in Mick's shoes, you can maybe see why she would love you. You're a good guy-I'm sorry understatement-you're a tremendous guy. You make time to be with her even though you live in London and she lives in New York City; you taught her to drive the European way in your Audi; you buy her things unexpectedly; you stick up for her when there's hate; you fly her out to see you because she can't afford it herself; you make her life so much better and you don't even care to do it either, you're just doing it because she's your best friend and you love her as that. That's why she loves you Harry."

Harry had looked shyly down at his lap again and flushed a rosy pink color,"do you really think she could?" he asked pulling at a seam in his jeans.

"Are you fucking kidding me?! She's loved you for forever Harry, you were just too fucking dumb to realize it!" added an excited Zayn.

"Now that you finally believe that she loves you, and you finally see that you love her too, the question remains. What to do now?" asked Niall.

"Go get her!" chanted Louis.

"Oh, yeah, yeah do that!" said Liam.

Harry shook his head, "I can't when we've still got the rest of the tour to do in the US before we can do anything with our spare time." He was still smiling shyly at his hands. "She really loves me?"

Louis ruffled Harry's curls, "yeah Haz, she really does."

"I have an idea actually," said Niall. "Harry you're a romantic guy when it comes to females, we all know, write her."

The other four boys in the band looked at Niall like he was from a different species.

"What?" they all asked.

"Write her a letter. Spill out your feelings and your thoughts! Spray it with some of your cologne and send a rose petal with it in the envelope! She'll never see it coming!"

"Okay," he said.