FicWad

Chapter Eight: I Confess...



"If we could only have this life for one more day; if we could only turn back time, you know I'll be your life, your voice, your reason to be, my love. My heart is breathing for this moment in time. I'll find the words to say, before you leave me today." - One Direction

Current Time: Trump Soho -

"Harry....love me."

"I, I do Mickey, I do love you."

"Harry, you're...bzzzz bzzzz."

"Wh-What? I can't. I can't hear you."

"bzzzz bzzzz"

BZZZZ.

BZZZZ

Harry groaned and moaned and tossed and turned in his bed. Trying to force his dream to continue as it was, but having no accomplishment, he finally sat up and yanked his phone from its charger on the wall and looked at the screen.

MICKEYYYYY! Sent a Text Message @9:53 a.m.:

"HAZ! PLEASE TEXT ME BACK. PLEASE!!! I really need to talk to you. I think you know why so please when Icall answer the goddamn phone. x."

He didn't know what she was talking about; in fact he hadn't realized where he was until after her call came in.

BZZZZ

BZZZZ

He groaned and cursed before decided to answer the call.

"Hey Mick I was ju-" he had attempted to say.

"What the fuck is wrong with you Harry?Huh?"

"What? What do you mean what's wrong with me?"

"Simon called me."

"Why would Simon call you?"

"Did you really quit the band?"

"Why did Simon call you?"

"Harry, are you okay?"

He looked up from staring at his bed covers and took in a sharp breath of realization. "Yeah I'm great."

"Why are you lying to me? You can't just-"

"Micah, I'm not lying to you."

"Where are you?"

He looked around his hotel room and down at the patron and tequila and wine bottles thrown about the floor and the balcony doors wide open and the view of New York City. "Umm. Well I'm here in...wait, why?"

"Simon said that Liam told him you'd left the hotel and that he figured you flew home or somewhere else."

"Somewhere else? I'm at home."

"Will you cut it with the lying already Harry?"

"I'm not lying Micah. For fuck's sake, I'm home where I'm supposed to be."

"The boys have checked in with your mom and Simon checked your flat. You're not at home, so where are you?"

"Oh yeah?"

"Where are you Haz?"

"Take a guess."

"Stop it. Where are you?"

"....At the Trump Soho."

"In...in New York?"

Even though he knew she couldn't see him, he only nodded. He nodded because he wasn't really sure if it was the best idea to be there. He nodded because after all, would she really accept him? Should he be embarrassed? He didn't know. He just nodded.

"Hello?"

"I'm here."

"Harry what are you doing in New York?"

"I..." he looked around the room once more and down at his tousled clothes that he still wore from the time he left the photo shoot. "I don't know."

"Are you okay?"

"Yeah, I'm great."

"I'm coming to get you. I'll be there in-"

"No. No. Stop. I'm fine Micah."

"The hell you are! I know you, remember?"

"It's been a year, no you don't"

"That's bullshit. Get dressed."

"There's a coffee shop around the corner from here. I'll meet you."

"Okay when?"

"In an hour?"

"Okay I'll see you then Harry."

"Wait, Micah?"

"Yeah."

He opened his mouth to say the three words that had been at the tip of his tongue for far too long only to shut himself down and keep them away again because of fear. "See you later."

"You too."

The conversation he had dreaded was stalled and postponed, and he was okay with that. He still wasn't too knowledgeable on how he was going to tell Micah that he loves her. He still wasn't able to pinpoint everything he knew he had to say in order to get her to understand what she deserved. He got out of the bed and walked to the bathroom. He looked himself in the mirror and, like never before, he felt afraid of what he saw. He felt afraid of what he would say. He felt afraid of what she would say. He felt afraid of what she would see: the side of him that she's always known or the side of him that not even he is sure exists? He could feel the sweat spotting on his neck and palms.

"/Oh man just breathe/," he'd said aloud to himself.

"I'm tryin," he'd replied.

"It's Micah. What's she gonna do?"

"Forget me."

"You know that isn't going to happen. Just go out there and be yourself."

"Being myself is what got me into this trouble."

"That wasn't you. That was your fear. You've got the cat in the bag Harry."

He closed his eyes and leaned forward with his hands on the counter top. "I can do this." For the next hour he spent his time changing and re-changing clothes at a number of seven times. He felt like a boy going on his first date. It wasn't a date, he knew. It was a confession. A confession of everything he'd ever felt and everything he'd ever thought and everything he'd ever been afraid of feeling. It was a definite confession; he couldn't back out of it now.