FicWad

HERE FOR YOU

I was daydreaming a little and fighting an internal battle with myself as I watched Darren and the girls go through their dance routine for our show.

'He must know what he is doing to me. Surely. Then again, maybe he has no idea. To him I am the epitome of straightness. I'm one of the blokes. I have a steady girlfriend, I like to get drunk with the boys, and I appreciate a great looking lady when I see one. Why would he think I'm anything but straight? Why would I think it for that matter?'

Except that when he flirts outrageously with me on stage I get so hot for him that I'm glad I've got my guitar to hide behind. I figured I could live with that, but the trouble was it was starting to affect me off stage as well. He didn't flirt like that when he wasn't performing, but he is very emotional and affectionate. He's a touchy-feely sort of guy. That had never worried me, that is just Darren, he's always been like that, but I found myself wanting to be touchy-feely back.

He is a very attractive man, both physically and inside. But he is most definitely a man, so why was I finding myself so attracted to him. In early photo shoots they used to do him up so he almost looked feminine, but he's not, he's just in touch with his feminine side. He doesn't mind baring his heart and soul to anyone willing to listen, he's done that for years in his lyrics. I've never been that way. I keep very much to myself, like my private life to remain private. Now here I was studying him when he was just being himself, when he thought no one was watching. And I was hooked. It scared the hell out of me. Why was he having this effect on me?

I shook myself out of my little self induced trance when I noticed he was staring at me quizzically.

"Anything wrong Dan?" he asked as he sauntered towards me.

"No, no, why would there be?" I stuttered back.

"It's just that, you were staring at me, lost in your own little world there mate. Are you sure you're OK?" he asked with concern in his eyes. His eyes, his beautiful blue, searching eyes. I shook my head, /'snap out of it Dan' /I berated myself.

"No, I'm fine, sorry Doze, just lost in thought," I offered.

He stepped a little closer and softly whispered, "Dan, if there's anything wrong, you know I'm here for you."

I couldn't help but smile at him and relief seemed to wash over him.

"Really Darren, I'm fine, and thank you."

He cocked his head to the side and studied me through half closed eyes. He didn't really believe me but offered me one of his sweetest smiles and nodded before he turned and walked away. /"I've got to be more careful." /It took me all my effort not to watch his leather clad arse as he walked off.

.............

A couple of weeks passed and I had managed to avoid Darren for most of it. We were in the middle of our world tour so there were obviously times I couldn't help but see him, with practice, sound checks, promotion and on stage of course, but on the whole I managed to keep my distance when I didn't have to be there. I thought it would be better that way, not to put temptation in front of me, and maybe this infatuation, or whatever it was, would pass. I locked myself away in my hotel room as much as possible, didn't socialize much with anyone.

During the Australian leg of the tour I had my girlfriend with me so that made it easy, but she didn't come overseas with us, so it became a little harder to make excuses for myself all the time. Darren started questioning me again, wondering if there was anything wrong.

"Dan, you've been very unsociable lately, are you sure everything is all right?" Darren asked.

"Sorry Darren, yeah I'm fine, maybe I'm just a bit home sick." I answered.

"Well, you are coming out with us after the show tonight, no excuses, you can't keep locking yourself away like this." he insisted.

I eventually caved in. How could I not? He is very persuasive when he wants to be. So the whole band went out to a club after the show. Darren was really hyper like he often is after performing. He has a hard time coming down from the high. I really just wanted to go crash but instead decided instead to drown my sorrows in the bottom of a beer glass. I downed quite a few Heinekens as I watched him on the dance floor with the girls. He was dancing so seductively with them, that I found myself wishing I was in their place.

Darren is always surrounded by people. He attracts people to him. He is a very likable guy. Despite that, he has quite a few insecurities about himself. You wouldn't think it unless you know him well, as well as I know him. If he has lots of people around him I suppose he feels loved. He really has no reason to worry though, he is loved. I suppose I am the complete opposite, I'm quite happy with just my own company because I've never really been insecure about myself. Well until this tour that is. Now I was questioning myself all the time. Questioning my sexuality which was something I just never imagined I would have to contend with.

Darren looked up at me from the dance floor and our eyes locked for a long moment. The spell was broken when Ben slapped me on the back and muttered something about joining them on the dance floor. God it was getting hot in there, I had to get out. Brushing Ben off, I quickly scanned the room and noticed a corridor leading off to a lounge area. Taking my beer with me I headed that direction hoping it might be a little cooler and easier to breathe in there. I found myself a comfy lounge chair in a dark corner. I slumped down in it and put my head in my hands, not knowing what to do about these feelings I was having.

A soft touch on my shoulder shook me out of it. I looked up straight into the beautiful blue eyes of the one causing me all this confusion.

"Danny, please.....what's wrong?" he whispered.

That was the end of me, I couldn't answer. My throat just sort of closed up and I was suddenly fighting to hold back tears. In an instant his arms were around me, pulling me to his chest as he squeezed onto the armchair with me. "I'm here for you Dan," he whispered into my ear as his fingers gently rubbed my back and my head.

I found myself calming while I was encircled by his arms, but then the closeness got too much for me and I had to pull away. He couldn't see me like this, he would see straight through me. He'd be disgusted with me. But as I pulled back our eyes locked again and I found I couldn't move, lost in the depths of his blue eyes.

I don't know who moved first, I assumed it was me, but the next thing I knew our lips were pressed together in the most gentle yet sensual kiss. His lips parted and my tongue sought immediate entrance. I couldn't get close enough; I was almost sitting in his lap. It was about then that reality hit me. What was I doing? This was my best mate. I was making out with my best mate! And to top it off, it was right smack in the middle of a public place. The press would have a field day with this. My head started to spin and I jumped to my feet. I turned and ran as fast as my now very wobbly legs would take me, bowling over anyone or anything that stood in my way. I vaguely thought I heard my name being called but the noise and the fear and the adrenaline were fogging my brain. I escaped through the club's front doors and into a waiting cab. As the cab sped off I turned to look back just in time to see Darren burst through the doors onto the sidewalk. His eyes were wide and face was white with fear, or was it disgust?

After that night, I retreated even more into myself, into my own little haven. I hated myself. I couldn't face him. What was I thinking, kissing my best friend like that? At times I found myself wondering if Darren had enjoyed it. He didn't exactly push me away. But then, it had happened so fast. On one hand I was trying to convince myself that he did enjoy it, had kissed me back, but my memory was vague due to the amount of alcohol I had consumed that night. On the other hand I didn't want to believe it. I wanted him to be as disgusted with me as I was with myself.

Darren tried so many times to get me to talk but I refused to speak about anything other than work. I avoided being alone with him all together. He was getting more and more agitated and it started to affect his work. He was taking it out on the other members of the band, Leonie or anyone that got in his way. He stopped begging me to talk, but I knew we had to. I was the cause of this. I had made his life so miserable. I had to face the music, so to speak.

Late one night, after getting stuck into the contents of my mini bar, I decided it was time to speak to him. With a little Dutch courage on board I thought I could face him, cope with his disapproval, his disgust. So I knocked on his door. I heard a bit of shuffling, cursing and then the door flung open. He was standing there in his boxers and a T-shirt, hair every direction. He looked divine.

"Oh God Darren, I've woken you. I'm sorry, I thought you'd still be up. Just, just wanted to talk...." I offered, making to turn away, "I, I'll see you in the morning."

"No, no Daniel, it's okay, really..." he replied, grabbing my wrist, not letting go. "Please, come in."

With that he pulled me into his room and quietly closed the door behind him. He leaned against the door, invitation in every curve of his body. 'Now, Daniel, you're imagining things.' I told myself. I felt my knees go weak at the sight of him. I knew then that I couldn't trust myself; I had to get out of there.

"Darren, I'm sorry, this really can wait till morning, you go back to bed." I insisted. I moved toward to door, toward him, but he refused to budge, blocking my escape.

"Daniel, you are not going to do this again. I have you here, you want to talk. So do I. I have some questions Daniel, and you're not leaving till I get some answers." He was determined.

Silently I gave in, walked further into his room and flopped down into one of the lounge chairs.

I stared at my fingers folded in my lap for a long time. After some time I became aware that he was hovering beside me. He took a deep breath then came round and kneeled at my feet, looking up at me, encouraging me to look at him.

"Daniel, please, what is going on with you?" he pleaded, "Why won't you talk to me?"

I turned my head to the side; I couldn't look at him as I spoke. "Darren, I, I'm sorry that I, um, that I kissed you, at the club."

"Are you sure you're sorry Daniel?" his voice was soft and non-accusing, "because, I'm not sorry." My head snapped around to meet his eyes once more. A slight insecure smile was tugging at the corners of his mouth.

My mouth was hanging open now. I only realized it when Darren reached up and gently lifted my chin to shut it. His smile was now broadening, but still a little unsure.

"In fact Dan, I was rather hoping we could do it again." he whispered.

/'No, no, no, no, no. This can't be. He can't....we can't feel this way. This isn't right.' /I told myself. I felt my head start to spin, much like at the club. I felt like I was in a foggy bubble or surrounded by cotton wool or something. I jumped to my feet nearly knocking Darren over and started pacing around the room in a panic. Darren was again hovering in front of the door blocking my exit. I remember grumbling something like "Darren, get out of my way, I want to leave."

Through the fog I heard his reply, "Are you sure you want to leave Daniel?"

Why was he doing this to me? I cannot lust after my best mate. I cannot lust after a man. Sure he's an attractive man, but he is definitely a man. His body is most definitely masculine, hairy and hard. Hard and firm against my body. Realization hit me; his body was pressed against mine.

His soft voice permeated the fog. "Danny, you know you don't want to leave."

"No Darren, this can't be, you can't feel this way about me," I whimpered, "I can't feel this way about you."

"Daniel, you can, you know you can." he whispered. "Relax upon your rules Danny. They don't apply anymore."

The fog lifted and I found his face inches from mine, staring into my eyes, pleading silently. With the lifting of the fog my inner turmoil seemed to lift as well. Resistance was useless. I knew then that this was something we both wanted. Needed. I knew then that I loved him more than anything or anyone. I leaned in to him and our lips met in the most loving and gentle kiss. When we finally broke the kiss, he started feathering tiny kisses all over my face, down my jaw line and then onto my neck. I buried my face in the crook of his neck and breathed in the wonderful scent that was Darren.

Breathless little whispers were now escaping his lips between kisses.

"Daniel....I....oh God, Daniel....I've wanted you...so long, oh God, please....need you....love you."

I pulled back from him to look him in the eyes. They were now almost fogged over with lust and love. I wanted him so badly right then, in every way possible. There was no more doubt in my mind. This was right.

"Darren, I love you," I whispered. His eyes now focused on me, but the lust and love were still visible.

His lips crushed mine in the most passionate kiss I think I had ever experienced. His body was writhing against mine and I could feel his hardness pressed to mine. My hands sought the hem of his T-shirt and slipped up underneath it, gliding over the smooth skin of his back. His hands were doing the same to me as he set about driving me insane with his movements. I couldn't get enough of him.

I decided it was time to turn the tables so I slipped my hands back down and under the waistband of his boxers, coming to rest on his smooth buttocks. I pressed him closer to me grinding our erections together. His breath seemed to catch in his throat for a second, and then he deepened the kiss. Our tongues were fighting for dominance, as were our hands.

He then brought his hands around to my chest, seeking out my nipples. I backed him toward the bed and gently pushed him back. Our reluctance to break the kissing meant that I rather ungracefully fell with him, landing on top of him. I was now writhing on top of his beautiful body, humping him like some over excited puppy. Reluctantly we broke the kiss in favour of much needed air. He rolled me over so that he was now on top.

"Daniel, you have far too many clothes on." He whispered in a gravelly voice. I had never heard his voice sound so deep and seductive. He pushed my T-shirt up and started nibbling on one nipple then the other as a gasp of surprise escaped my lips. He then pulled the T-shirt over my head, his eager eyes scanning my body. I returned the favour with his T-Shirt. So many times I had seen his naked chest, and now it was mine to touch. I reached out and took his nipple between my finger and thumb and gently squeezed. His eyes closed and his moan of pleasure was nearly enough to make me come there and then. His hands then made short work of my belt buckle, followed by the buttons of my jeans. He sat back on his heels and gently pulled my jeans down not breaking eye contact with me. I managed to kick off my shoes and Darren removed my socks and pulled my jeans off completely. He flung them across the room, and his eyes devoured my body once again.

He moved to sit between my knees and ran his hands up my thighs to rest on my hips. A shiver of excitement went through me when his tongue popped out to wet his bottom lip. Those lips, how I wanted them on me. Anywhere on me. But one place in particular was well past the wanting stage, one part needed those lips. He bent forward and nuzzled my erection through the fabric of my boxers and my hips involuntarily rose to meet him. He looked up at me, his eyes fixed on mine, as he hooked his fingers into the waistband on my boxers and gently tugged them down, flinging them in the same direction as my jeans.

Without diverting his eyes from mine he leaned forward and took my erection fully into his mouth. I thought I had died and gone to heaven. The heat, the wetness, the feel of that luscious mouth on me was beyond my wildest fantasy. He sucked and pulled and swallowed taking my cock so deep I had to fight not to come immediately. I wanted this to last forever.

"Darren, I...oh my God, Darren, I love you, Daz no, no, no, I'm gonna come." I managed to rasp out. He quickly withdrew from my hardness and I immediately regretted my words.

His breathing was ragged, the strain of stopping affecting him nearly as much as it did me. "Dan, I want you inside me, I want you to make love to me."

I couldn't speak, so I did the next best thing I could to show him my approval. I dragged him up and kissed him passionately then rolled us both over so that I was now on top. I quickly did away with his boxers and tentatively reached out and touched his erection. I wrapped my fingers around it and gently stroked as I watched the look of ecstasy on his face. He looked so beautiful, flushed with arousal. So wanton, yet so innocent and fragile. Suddenly I was afraid, scared shitless. I had no idea what I was doing.

"Darren," I whispered into his ear, "I've never, um you know, with a man before. Um, I, I don't want to hurt you." He silenced me with another passionate kiss then whispered in my ear, "Don't worry Dan, I'll be fine, we'll just take it slow okay."

He reached over to his nightstand drawer and pulled out a condom and a little tube of lubricant.

He slowly rolled the condom on to me, prolonging my agony, then wiped lube onto it. He then squeezed more lube onto his fingers and reached down between his legs. I kissed him with abandon while be prepared himself for me.

He tore his mouth from mine panting for breath. "I want you now Dan, please," he whispered.

I positioned myself between his legs and took my erection in my hand to help guide it into him. As I inched into him his eyes clouded over with the pain, so I stopped moving and stroked and licked his nipples while I waited for the pain to pass. His eyes seemed to focus on me again, then he placed his hands on my bum and without warning pulled me deeper while he raised his hips to meet me. His tightness was overwhelming. I let out a strangled moan at the mere intensity of it. He then pulled my face down for a fiercely passionate kiss and started moving his hips. I soon enough got into rhythm with him and our bodies moved together in exquisite harmony.

I knew I wasn't going to last long. It was all too much. The feel of him, his scent, his ragged breath on my neck, his faint little whimpers, all were compounding to quickly send me over the edge. Fingers running through damp hair, bodies slick with perspiration, hands gliding over every inch of skin that we could touch, pulling each other closer. Closer.

The sensation of my cock inside of him and his own trapped between our bodies were all the stimulation he needed to send him over the edge.

"Daniel, oh my God, Daniel, I'm coming!" he screamed. Our now frantic movements together with the tightening of his body around my cock were enough to send me over.

"Darrrrrrrren!" I screamed as I came deep within him, at the same time feeling the damp warmth of his come between our bodies. I collapsed on top of him as I rode out the aftershocks of the most amazing orgasm I had ever experienced. Darren trembled under me with his own aftershocks.

I removed my weight from him and rolled to the side. We lay quietly facing each other, our bodies touching, our legs entwined, our faces just far enough away from each other so that we could still focus. Darren was rubbing little circles on my bare shoulder and I was gently twining my fingers through his chest hair.

The magnitude of the situation suddenly hit me. I felt a lump form in my throat and my eyes started to well up. The look of serenity on Darren's face changed to one of concern, of insecurity.

"Dan, you okay?" he whispered.

"I'm fine Darren," I managed to say smiling at him and the insecurity left his face. "It's just that I, I don't know, I just never imagined I'd be lying here with you like this, it's sort of unreal."

"But, are you happy?" he asked, concern creasing his brow again.

"I'm very, very happy Darren." I replied, smiling broadly.

He took my face between his hands and started planting tiny butterfly kisses on my eyes, my cheeks, my forehead, as tears spilled onto his cheeks.

"Darren?"

"It's okay Danny, it's just I, I'm just so happy, I, I never imagined.....never thought it would be so wonderful, never really believed it would ever happen. I just....can't....believe it." He managed to whisper between sobs and kisses. "Daniel, I've loved you for so long. And now that I have you here, I, I never want to let you go."

I took him in my arms and kissed away his tears. "Darren, I love you, you never have to let me go.... I'm here for you. Always."


The End