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Naruto no Himitsu!
A SasuNaru One-Shot

Disclaimer:
The usuals.

Author's Note:
I suck at titling. Give me a break. Anyway, this is just a little one-shot thing I came up with (too much bishie-filled anime and manga for me, I think) in-between chapters of my other fics. It's an AU (as to get rid of the possibility of using jutsu/s) and was written /purely for the sake of /entertainment/ (how else can I emphasize this?) - namely, my own... and yours if it so tickles your fancy.

Language Notes:
For the sake of it, any Japanese terms I use will be in italics (together Naruto's thoughts and certain emphases). And just in case you don't know: "-ko" is a commonly used ending for (Japanese) girls' names. Uh... read and you'll understand.

X x X

"Lip gloss?" not too much and with a flourish, "Check."

"Just the right amount of eye shadow?" a touch there and a touch here, "Check."

"Not too much mascara?" maybe a tad more at the bottom, "Check."

"Dress?" it was a gorgeous pale orange tonight, "Check."

"Heels?" and of course they matched, "Double Check."

And finally, "Wig?"

"Uhm..."

Uzumaki Naruto frowned into the mirror. Where had he put that thing? Looking around his small apartment, he sighed to himself once again considering if he really should get around to cleaning the place up a bit. He brightened when he saw the familiar blonde locks on the sofa. He rushed to it, hoping that it wasn't too messed up and sighed with relief after ensuring that it was okay. He walked back to his (rather grungy) mirror and grinned after putting said wig on. He grabbed his brush and started fixing it.

He really needed to thank old man Jiraiya (pervert or not - why did he even have such a thing?) for giving him such a nice high quality wig. Forget the fact it cost him a small fortune (well, it was as far as he was concerned), he just loved being able to style it anyway he wanted. Tonight, he decided he would do two ponytails. He wanted to look cute.

Yes, Naruto had a secret and it was, really, a rather spicy one. He couldn't let anyone else know, of course. That would be suicidal. Both for his life and his manly pride. Yeah, you heard right. /Manly /pride.

Now, don't get him wrong. Just because he was currently dressing himself in women's clothes and wearing make up and the like, it didn't mean he was /gay/. Nope, no way, not in the least.

He wasn't gay, dammit.

As far as he was concerned he was still head over heels in love with lovely Haruno Sakura. Never mind the fact that the only thing he actually ever wanted to talk to her about was make up and what would be the best way to make his rather round face smaller so he'd look more feminine, he was still in love with her. Yes, he was, dammit.

Sadly, he couldn't talk to her about that stuff.

That would be suicidal too. Only, this time, for his (non-existent) love life.

He was doing this for his job. Yes, that's right. He was working. Living on his own, apparently, wasn't easy - he realized this a few months ago when his parents' savings suddenly went down to only a few thousand yen. Man, being an orphan was tough. He was starving and willing to do /any/thing for something to eat. That was when he found old man Jiraiya's pub - it was the only place not too far away from his apartment that was hiring. He'd begged Jiraiya to give him a job, but was told the only opening they had was for girls. Naruto begged and begged and said he'd do "absolutely anything for a job!"

Naruto wondered now if that had been the right thing to say. Perhaps he'd been a bit too... vague? In any case, Jiraiya had a sudden twinkle in his eye, gave Naruto a dress and a wig, told him to try them on... and hired Naruto on the spot when he came out of the bathroom looking like an innocent little blonde girl. Well okay, 'little' might have been pushing it... but you get the idea. And so, Naruko the waitress was born.

Now, Naruto couldn't really complain. Though he worked night shifts, he slept in class most of the time anyway - whether or whether not he'd had enough sleep the night before was irrelevant. As far as the school was concerned, Naruto was a lazy ass, that's why he slept in class. The pub was far from his school so no one he knew would ever come to a place like this, and besides, no one would really recognize him in his "uniform" anyway. And, it also paid quite well - he hasn't missed a single rent or electricity deadline so far, and he got to eat all the ramen he wanted during breaks. Of course, losing his first three paychecks for the wig was a pain, but it was needed, so he was content. Besides, it /was /a nice wig. It seemed pretty worth it as far as Naruto was concerned.

All in all, Naruto was pretty satisfied. He was happy with his job - old man Jiraiya (the owner) and old lady Tsunade (his wife) were very nice people, regardless of the fact that they argued like crazy because he was a pervert (wasn't it illegal somewhere to sexually discriminate when hiring?) and she was bossy (surely slavery was illegal in this country!).

He just had to make sure no one he knew ever found out... you know, for obvious reasons.

Naruto yawned as he made his way to the pub, taking the side alleys. He would've dressed up at the pub... but the bathrooms there were absolute sties. He'd complained to Jiraiya once, but was only told to clean it up himself. Naruto laughed. As if. And so, it became a ritual for him to dress into his uniform the moment he came home from school and take the side streets - as to stay away from actual people - to the pub. He had to admit, he was a pretty cute girl... but he had yet to come across any real trouble.

He knew taking that Aikido class after school last year was a good idea.

If anything, he was gathering a little fan club of his own. Something for which old Jiraiya was thankful for - he had at least twenty regular customers now. As long, of course, as Naruko was around.

"Naruko-/chan/!"

He opened the door and smiled his princess smile (he hated to admit that he was, actually, quite the natural) at the regulars who visited the pub only for "her" sake. Naruto chuckled on the inside. Really, it was kind of fun. Dressing up and wearing make up and doing his hair... it was all worth it to see the little hearts that practically formed in the eyes of these poor, clueless guys. Oh! If only Naruto could see the faces they would make if they were to find out he was a guy. It made Naruto feel all warm and fuzzy on the inside. He was, after all, a troublemaker at heart. Unfortunately, he couldn't rip off his wig anyplace other than at home.

He'd love to.

But he'd get fired... and that wasn't really an option.

"Here's your order, Iwashi-/kun/" he smiled. Surprisingly, he found it relatively easy to get into character and his voice wasn't really too hard to change either. In more ways than one, that disturbed him. Of course, for a girl his voice was rather deep and husky... but he passed it off anyway. He didn't really think that was entirely normal for a seventeen-year-old... but... ah well. He now had a job and that was really all that mattered.

This was the only time in his life he was thankful for... uh... the fact that he was slightly vertically-challenged for his age... as a guy.

He just needed a bit of milk, that was all.

(/Cow's/ milk, you perv.)

He started walking back to the counter with a tray full of empty dishes, when something caught his heel (damn these high heel shoes - honestly, Naruto would love to be able to resurrect the masochist jerk who invented them and kill him with a spork) and he started falling over. He shut his eyes and braced himself for the fall and the subsequent crashing of china that would come afterwards... but it never happened. He opened an eye to see the ground and to find that he was still holding the tray in his hands. Suddenly, he became aware of the fact that someone was holding him by the waist.

"You're not very light, you know."

Naruto started and nearly dropped the tray. He straightened himself and the arm that was snaked around his waist let go. He turned around, almost afraid to look at his savior whose voice sounded way too familiar.

"You're clumsy, aren't you?" Uchiha Sasuke was dusting himself with one hand and holding an empty cup in the other - it must've fallen off the tray... hmm, his reflexes were pretty impressive - Naruto's jaw dropped. Oh. My. Fucking. God. Holy fucking bullshit! What the freaking fucking hell is that asshole doing here?! /He couldn't think of enough profanity. Ah well, might as well add /crap in there somewhere. Oh /crap/!

Naruto looked around. He needed to get away... now/. Panic was boiling in his stomach. Of /all the people to see him, it just had to be the bloody Uchiha?! Was he cursed/? He felt beads of sweat snake their way down his forehead... damn, now his make up was going to run. He was going to die. He was sure of it. He was /so going to die.

He was too young to die!

"Are you going to take it or not?" Sasuke looked up, an annoyed look on his face, handing Naruto the cup.

Naruto continued looking down. He took the cup wordlessly, bowed and walked away as quickly as possible. Yeah, he just needed to avoid him. He was curious as to why he was here at such an out-of-the-way place... but, that didn't really matter. The point was he was here at all. Stay away. /Stay away/.

Naruto watched from the corner of his eyes and saw Sasuke sit down at the bar. /Shit/. Naruko was on bar duty tonight.

Naruto prayed to the gods and asked forgiveness for all his numerous sins and begged them to let him enter heaven tonight. He wasn't entirely looking forward to burning in hell.

Naruto looked at Sasuke once again when lightning didn't strike and kill him. /Hmph/. Even in public the guy exuded a sort of untouchable aura. It was almost sad and Naruto would've pitied him - if only he didn't hate the guy to his core. To be honest, Sasuke looked a little lonely without his fan club following him around... ha! That suited the bastard.

Naruto didn't really remember why he hated Sasuke so much... all he knew was that Sasuke hated him almost as much as he hated him/. Almost. Not quite... but almost. Close enough. They were "rivals"... that and the fact that Sakura-/chan was obsessed with him annoyed Naruto. A little. Just a little.

But really, did the bastard have to be better than Naruto in /every-/fucking-/thing/?!

And he didn't appreciate the way he kept hurting Sakura-/chan/ by rejecting her every time she asked him out. Naruto would've killed to be in his position... and yet this guy took it for granted. That wasn't very nice.

"Excuse me," Sasuke called. "Waitress?"

Naruto huffed and pretended to be busy with someone else's order. Really, was that anyway to talk to a lovely, innocent girl? /You're not very light/, he'd said. Ha! What manners. Sometimes Naruto wondered what all those girls after him saw in the bastard. Okay, so maybe he was a little hot (though Naruto hated admitting that). His personality was the worst around though.

"Na...ru.../ko/...­chan," Jiraiya sang into his ear causing him to jump. "Someone's calling you."

"Shit!" Naruto cursed.

Jiraiya shook his head. "That's no way for a lady to talk, Naruko."

Naruto gave him the evil eye. "Yes sir."

Sometimes, just sometimes, he really just wanted to poke those smiling eyes out with a red hot iron poker. Oh yeah. That would be so yummy. Naruto shook pleasant mental images aside and prepped himself to face his doom. How was he going to handle the situation? How was he going to explain himself? Then again, would explaining anything to the bastard do any good at all?

"I thought you'd never show," Sasuke said to the menu when he reached him.

"I'm sorry, sir," Naruto said in his highest and girliest pitch yet. It was killing him, but it was necessary.

"Set A and a beer," he said again to the menu. Yes, that's it. Keep staring at the menu... don't put it down...

"Is that all, sir?"

Sasuke put the menu down - /God dammit! /- and looked up, "Yeah."

Automatically, Naruto looked away, "Alright then!"

Yes! /I've survived somehow. Now, to get away... /Then, Sasuke's voice echoed in Naruto's brain. He almost had a heart attack.

"Naru-...?"

"Naruko-/chan!/" Ah! Thank you table 7! It was his new favorite number! He loved the number 7!

Fifteen too-short minutes later, he was forced to give Sasuke his order. He held his breath. He wasn't recognizable in this make up, was he? He was careful enough to hide the scars on his face with enough foundation and concealer... he shouldn't be recognizable.

He shouldn't be.

He wordlessly placed the tray in front of Sasuke.

"Thank you," he said, looking up.

By habit - curse the stupid habit! - Naruto smiled at his customer (cue violin music and sparkly background, let's toss in pink flowers while we're at it) and said, "Your beer's coming in a sec!"

0.35 seconds later, Naruto realized his mistake. Blushing, he looked away again. /Holy crap/. Was it just him or... did Sasuke's eyes actually grow wider for a split-second? Uh... yeah. It was just him, wasn't it?

Please. Let it just be him.

He shouldn't be recognizable!

He gasped. Was his make up running?!

Oh god. This was not good for his heart.

A few minutes later, he returned to Sasuke to give him his beer. This time Sasuke didn't say anything. He seemed to be very interested in his food. Naruto was only too grateful. He couldn't wait for him to leave. He sent Sasuke telepathic threats for good measure.

Five hours later, around 12:30 AM, Sasuke was still there, sitting in the same bloody spot, sipping his stupid beer.

Naruto was very ready to kill something. He was jumpy and very nervous.

He looked around. The pub was pretty much empty... just an old man sitting in the corner sleeping and a drunk singing to himself at a seat near the front door. Oh, and bloody Sasuke. What was he doing here?! Naruto sighed. It was time to start getting the late ones out. Jiraiya and his wife had already left a couple of hours ago. Naruto had been around long enough that Jiraiya trusted him to lock up and clean up the place for the next day. Technically, the policy was to close and lock up when all the customers leave... voluntarily.

However! Like hell was Naruto going to stay in that dump for god only knows how long just because a couple of drunks were unconscious. Besides, what they don't know won't kill 'em, right? Right.

Naruto managed to get the drunk out and rouse the old man, hoping that Sasuke would get the point and leave on his own. Well, the bastard apparently didn't since by the time the pub was emptied... he was still bloody sitting on his fucking chair drinking his sixth god damn beer! Naruto was really about to lose it.

He went back behind the counter and started cleaning up - loudly. Finally, he gave up. Sasuke was not moving.

"Uh, sir," he coughed lightly, "the pub will be closing soon..."

"When?"

Naruto stared at him. "Uh. At one."

"Okay."

Dammit/. Naruto fought the urge to use the knife he was currently sharpening to kill the annoying bastard. /Leave! God damn it!

"Anno ne," Naruto ventured, still high-pitched. Must get him out... Now. "If you don't mind my asking, what's a handsome guy (Naruto wanted to barf) like you doing all alone in a pub like this? Surely your girlfriend must be worried or-"

"I'm trying to avoid some nasty people."

Naruto was surprised at this. Nasty people? Was he involved in some "nasty" busi-

Ah.

Ah...ha...ha...hahahaha...

"Trying to run away from your fan club, I see."

Sasuke stopped sipping mindlessly from his beer and looked up at Naruto, eyebrow raised.

"I didn't say anything about my fan club."

Shit/. "Ah well, you know," Naruko scratched her head innocently. "A guy like you... surely /would have a fan club... heh...heh..." Okay, time to shut up right now. Right. Now.

Sasuke snorted.

"Those girls are annoying. They think they know me. They claim to fall in love with me and shit. But honestly, what do they even know about me, huh? I don't get it. I give them the cold shoulder, act like the perfect bastard and son of a bitch... and they still won't leave me alone," Sasuke shook his head and resumed drinking his beer. "They seriously need boyfriends."

Naruto stared. That was the most Sasuke ever told him... ever. Then again, no. He was talking to Naruko.

Hm. That was kind of sad.

"You know," Naruko said nonchalantly (regardless of the fact that Naruto's heart was going 100bpm , still afraid that Sasuke's going to tell the whole school tomorrow about his part time job), "girls like a challenge. Maybe they're after you because you're still single. You know... it's sort of telling them Yeah, I'm free and up for grabs! I'm the perfect cool guy. Come after me!" She laughed a small laugh. Naruto was getting sicker by the minute. "In my opinion, you are the one who needs a girlfriend."

Naruko paused.

"Then again, maybe if you do get a girlfriend... those frightening girls would go after /her/."

Naruto slowly understood Sasuke's predicament. He looked at him questioningly.

"You're not staying away from girls because you know whoever you pick will probably lose her life... are you?"

Naruto hoped to god not. He did not need a reason to respect Sasuke.

Sasuke was looking at him now, surprise in his eyes. Sasuke was looking into his blue eyes... and not letting go. And heavens, Naruto did not know why his heart suddenly skipped a beat. Okay, so, he was a little... good looking.

Wait. No. Let's not get confused here. Naruto was a /guy/. How'd he even know the difference between hot and not hot /guys/?! This was all Jiraiya's doing! Argh! He was corrupted!

Suddenly, Sasuke's laughter interrupted his thoughts. Naruto stared at him slack-jawed. The Uchiha - the emotionless, I'm-King-Of-The-World-All-Must-Bow-Down-To-Me Uchiha... was... /laughing/. Holy shit. Naruto didn't even know he was capable of doing such a thing.

"You're an interesting," Sasuke paused and looked at him, "girl."

Naruto's heart was beating against his chest and he was afraid Sasuke could hear it. Ah, girl... okay... he didn't... recognize her... him. He didn't... Wait... why had he paused? Why... Argh! Confusion!

"Naru...", Naruto almost fainted, "/ko/... /chan/, was it?"

Naruto smiled weakly, unable to answer. Heh...heh...heheheh...heh...

"You seem to have a fan club of your own."

Naruko laughed. "Oh really, they're just a bunch of silly boys."

"Your boyfriend must be worried."

Naruko kept smiling. "Oh... I don't have one!"

Sasuke looked up. "Oh really? That's a surprise."

"Whatever do you mean?"

Sasuke looked at him again with those bloody, oh god he'd never noticed how deep they were before, eyes.

"A girl like you," he said softly, "I'm sure you have tons of guys after you. Why not just get one?"

Naruko sighed. Oh god, when will this night end?! "Well, the right one just hasn't come along, that's all."

Sasuke laughed again. Naruto hated to admit... it sounded pretty good. His laughter. It sounded... nice. A part of Naruto wondered why Sasuke couldn't be like this at school. It would be nice to see this... less obnoxious and friendlier Sasuke at school.

Then again, maybe the fact that Naruto picked fights with him every time he saw him would contribute to the fact that he never saw Sasuke in anything else other than a foul mood.

"By the way," Sasuke finally said, draining his mug. "The reason why I choose not to go out with any of the girls in my precious fan club has nothing to do with me being nice."

Ha. Naruto figured as much. He was just evil, this bastard.

"It's more like... there's already someone I like."

Naruto stared. Okay, he was not ready for this. Sasuke... Sasuke was confiding in him? Con-/bloody/-fiding! It was a historical moment! A moment of truth! A- ... no. Wait. Sasuke was confiding in Naru/ko/ not Naru/to/. He mustn't forget.

Naruko tilted her head and looked at Sasuke, gently asking him to continue. Naruto wanted to puke. Again.

Sasuke smiled. Naruto's heart skipped a beat - Stop bloody doing that, what the hell! - and he didn't know why. So what Sasuke looked good smiling like that... almost... pretty... Naruto wanted to bang his head somewhere.

"He hates me though."

"Oh! I'm sure that's not true!" was Naruko's expected and automatic answer.

"We always argue."

"At least you two talk and know the other exists, yeah?"

"We always fight. Physically."

"Physical contact is always good."

Sasuke smirked and looked at his watch, prompting Naruko to do the same - isn't it strange how one person looking at the time can suddenly make the whole room wonder what time it was? - Naruto's jaw dropped. It was nearly 1:30 AM.

Sasuke stood up. Naruko smiled at him and bowed. "Come again some other time, Sasuke-/kun/!"

Sasuke stared at him.

"I don't remember... giving you my name."

Naruko continued smiling mindlessly. Oh shit. Oh shit. Oh shit. WHAT?!

"I... uh," she said, still smiling, sweat dripping, "I'm... psychic!"

Sasuke stared again, this time eyes a little wider. He snorted.

"You really remind me of a friend of mine, Naruko."

"Oh?"

"Yeah, and the funny thing is... his name's Naru/to/. Interesting coincidence, eh?"

Naruko wanted to disappear into nothingness - disintegrating right about now into a pile of dust would be quite lovely. Yes.

"He's an idiot," Sasuke continued.

Naruko's eyebrow twitched. "Is he now?"

"Totally."

Naruto wanted to punch him. Oh yeah, so much. Must... punch... arrogant... good for nothing... son of a...

"Well, I guess I should get going," he said finally, interrupting the beautiful images of a bleeding Sasuke in Naruto's mind. "Ne/, /you know how you said you didn't have a boyfriend?"

Naruko nodded.

Sasuke smiled - Naruto could almost imagine the bouquets of flowers in the background. Okay. Time for a puke-a-thon - and reached out to touch Naruko's chin, causing Naruto to gasp.

"I rather like the idea of winning that position, actually."

With that, Sasuke turned around with a flourish - well, okay, not really... but it would've looked so cool if he had a cape - and left the pub and an open-jawed Naruto behind.

What the fucking hell was that?!

Was Sasuke... hitting on Naruto?! ... Wait, no. Of course not.

Naruto smiled, gears of the demon already turning in his head. He was hitting on /Naruko/.

Cue evil laugh.

This was going to be fun. Heh... heh... heheheheheheheheh... heh.

Naruto started happily cleaning up as he planned the demise of his poor, poor, clueless rival.

Suddenly, he dropped his cloth.

He hates me though.

He hates me... though...

Naruto's jaw fell open (for what seemed like the thousandth time that night! Wow!).

HE?!

X x X

The next day, Naruto couldn't sit still. The whole day at school he'd done everything he could to avoid the Uchiha, not wanting him to put two and two together. Naruto realized - painfully - last night that there weren't a lot of blue-eyed blondes around. So far, he knew he was safe. Sasuke was hitting on Naruko after all. He thought she, or rather he, was a girl.

Good. Now his evil plans of Uchiha domination could take place.

(Cue evil music and laugh.)

Naruto paused, not even trying to pay attention during Math anymore. Not that he ever did anyway.

However, something troubled him. Had Naruto heard wrong? Surely he had... because... well... if he'd heard it right/... then... the implications were huge! Sasuke... /the perfect man Uchiha Sasuke... was... well... crushing on... a /guy/.

"He" hates me though.

He looked around the classroom to see potential gay guy candidates.

He saw Sasuke sitting lazily towards the front, "looking" at the board... but Naruto knew he wasn't really seeing anything. He was a master at the art - heck, he perfected it. You know, the whole "make it look like you're paying attention in class when you're really not" technique. It was a classic. Anyway, moving on...

Hmm... Sasuke was wearing black...

Naruto tried to push away the evil voices in his head that said Sasuke looked pretty good today in black. Hell, the guy wore /nothing else/. It felt as if he was trying to prove a point to the world that, what, he was emo?

Wait... no... focus. Naruto was pushing those thoughts away... not freaking dwelling on them.

Naruto remembered Sasuke saying how he was doing everything he could to get rid of the girls...

Argh! Away /from Sasuke. Thoughts /away from bloody Sasuke, dammit.

Naruto sighed and tried his best to concentrate. Kiba... could be a possibility. Shikamaru? He was smart enough for His Highness... Naruto crossed his arms and pouted. Wow... this was big news. Uchiha-/sama/ was... Naruto had to laugh... gay.

But... wait.

He was hitting on Naruko wasn't he?

Naruto scratched his head.

Did that make him bi?

Naruto gasped.

/Holy shit/. Too much information... /too/... much information.

Naruto shook his head and laid it on his desk. Actually, another thing bothered him as well.

Last night, Sasuke had called him... you know, apart from idiot/... a friend. Naruto smiled to himself. That felt... for reasons unknown to him... rather nice. He never thought Sasuke considered him a friend. All he ever felt from the guy was animosity and hatred - hmm, maybe Naruto really /should stop picking fights with him, huh? - it felt nice to find out he meant more to the Uchiha than just a punch bag (a fact that rather irritated Naruto a little, too).

Wait. Wait just a freaking minute.

Why exactly did it feel good? Didn't Naruto hate that bastard?!

Naruto moaned into his desk. Too much thinking in the morning hurt.

And yes, two in the afternoon was morning as far as Naruto was concerned.

X x X

Six hours later, Naruko was sitting behind the bar being very bored. Not a lot of customers showed up today and she had nothing really to do. Apparently, exams started tomorrow and everyone decided (a majority of Naruko's fan club members were grade 11 and 12's) to pull a good-student routine (for possibly the first time in their lives) and stay home and study. Naruto laughed. It was kind of funny. Ah well, he still got paid the same and for doing nothing. It was cool.

But still, why wasn't Sasuke here?

The bastard didn't need to study, for heaven's sake. He was a bloody genius. Even his brother was a bloody genius. God dammit... the whole lot of them (Uchiha's, he meant) were freaking geniuses. What could Sasuke possibly hope to achieve by studying/? One could not officially /get 120% on an exam. Naruto mumbled to himself.

The tinkle of the bells at the door (sort of) roused Naruto from his mumbling.

"Irrashaimase/!" he said out of habit. /Welcome!

"You look bored, Naruko-/chan/."

Naruto looked up, wide-eyed. He almost said Sasuke/... but ha ha! He wouldn't be making /that mistake again!

"Uchiha-/san/!" she greeted cheerfully (heh heh).

Sasuke stared at him. Naruko continued smiling, though this time a little perturbed.

"When did I give you my last name?"

Naruko's smile grew strained. Argh. What the fucking stupid... god damn... blah!

"I'm... /psychic/, remember?" She laughed weakly. Oh god.

Sasuke smirked. "Ah. Right."

"Same thing as yesterday?" she smiled.

Sasuke nodded. "If you still remember it."

Naruko smiled mischievously at Sasuke, "How could I forget what you ordered?"

(Cue sparkles!)

Sasuke looked a bit taken aback. Naruto grinned on the inside. Yeah, that's right. Naruko's going to flirt with you... and you're going to fall miserably in love with me - I mean, Naruko - and then... she'll break your heart! Buahaha!

Let's forgive Naruto for his complete stupidity and naivety, shall we?

Naruko spent the next couple of hours sending Sasuke suggestive looks and conversing with him with... well... okay. Technically, Naruto had no idea how in the hell he should flirt. But, did that really matter? A cute girl was paying attention to the Uchiha - that should be more than enough, right? Naruto laughed on the inside.

At around 11:00 PM, the two of them were already alone. Suddenly, Naruko wasn't feeling very comfortable and confident anymore. Tonight was the first time Naruto ever talked with a Sasuke that was so free... so... defenseless. He was actually an okay guy when he didn't have his Don't-Come-Near-Me look. Naruto... actually... liked talking to him. Uh... No. Naruko liked talking to him. Yeah, that's it. Naruto coughed. Naruko was the one who-

Sasuke looked up, concerned. "You okay?"

Wait. Naruko and Naruto were one... right?

Naruko smiled. "Oh yeah."

Naruto was getting confused... but he pushed all that aside. It was time to concentrate. Remembering all that Jiraiya had taught him (yeah, he was a bloody pervert), Naruko leaned forward and rested her chin on the back of her hand which was on the counter facing down, and watched Sasuke drink. Sasuke looked at her over the rim of his mug with a raised brow. She just smiled.

Sparkle attack!

Sasuke blushed. Ha! Naruto grinned. Sasuke looked pretty cute blushing. He continued watching him with heavy lids.

It didn't really occur to Naruto that he just called Sasuke cute.

Hmm, actually, Naruto hadn't been able to sleep much the night before... and right now he was feeling just a little bit sleepy. Maybe that was the reason why Sasuke suddenly looked very good under the dim lights. Naruto laughed softly. Naruto had - though he hated to admit it - fun today. Talking to Sasuke and getting to know him better. He'd known the bastard for god only knows how long but he never really got to know know him... until tonight... and last night. Naruto wondered briefly why he felt nice about that, and he finally dozed off.

Naruto woke up suddenly. He stood up, hitting his head on something above him. Argh. Where am I? He looked around. He was still at the pub... looking at the clock, his stomach dropped. 2:00 AM?! How long had he been sleeping?!

He jumped when he saw Sasuke still there looking intently at him.

"Sa-Sasuke!"

Sasuke smiled to himself, drinking from a full mug. "I couldn't just leave you, could I? Someone could've just waltzed right in, raped you and robbed you, /dobe/."

Naruto gaped at him. He... stayed here... for this long?

"I hope you don't mind, but I helped myself to some more beer. I'll pay, of course."

Naruto was still staring, open-mouthed, at him. Sasuke looked at him and laughed.

"You look cute all terrified like that."

"Sa-Sasuke... you..."

Sasuke raised an eyebrow. "My, calling me by my first name in such an informal matter... didn't know we were so close."

Naruto shut his mouth and looked away. Sasuke had just called him - no, Naruko, he'd called Naruko - "dobe" ... that was what Sasuke called... /Naruto/. Naruto reached up and touched his head. His... wig was still intact. He was sure Sasuke hadn't touched him... he would've woken up. But... he looked uncertainly at Sasuke.

"Don't worry, /usuratonkachi/," he said, draining his mug. "I didn't touch you."

What... what in the hell was with the sudden influx of nicknames?! Naruto was slowly getting unnerved.

"I may act like a son of a bitch, but I'm not a bad person, you know. I wouldn't touch a girl without her permission. Besides," he said, resting the mug on the bar top. "I was fine just watching you sleep." He smiled at Naru.../ko/. But... somehow, Naruto's heart skipped a beat. Again. He gulped.

Sasuke leaned in and held Naruko's chin. "You're a very beautiful girl. You should avoid falling asleep like that in front of guys. You have no idea how many of them would want to ravage you."

He let go and looked her in the eyes.

"Including me."

Naruto gaped at him again. Okay. The game was starting to get a bit too dangerous... maybe he should stop it? Yeah. "Ravaging" was not something Naruto considered... and he didn't want to be found out that way. That would just be embarrassing for him more than anything else, really. Yes... let's end the game.

"Really, stop keeping your mouth open like that. It makes me want to kiss you."

Before he knew what was happening, Sasuke's mouth was on his. Oh god! Should he move away? Yes! He should! He wasn't expecting this! Shit! He's a /guy/! God dammit! A guy!

Naruto tried to move away... but Sasuke held him fast. Because his mouth was open to begin with, Sasuke's tongue found it easy to penetrate him. It was doing some interesting things with his own tongue - sliding over it, then teasing it... tasting it. This was Naruto's first kiss, so he didn't know what to do. He basically just stood there. However, it took a lot of willpower to suppress the moans that were dying to come out of his throat.

Fucking shit. Was he actually /enjoying /it?

Naruto's lungs started to burn - he needed to breathe. Saliva dripped on his chin. His tongue was being molested by Sasuke's. He was turning into mush. Naruto couldn't think straight - this was so not happening right now. No way. No.

Suddenly, Sasuke let go of his tongue and started licking Naruto's lips, allowing the both of them to breathe, but still sending shocks of electricity down Naruto's spine all the way to his toes.

Shocks of electricity?!

Suddenly, Naruto was very thankful that he was behind the bar for he didn't think Sasuke would appreciate the fact that Naru/ko/ was getting hard in places... uh... girls didn't usually get hard.

Sasuke licked the saliva that dripped on Naruto's chin and kissed his way to Naruto's neck. Then, finding a spot just below his jaw, he started sucking. Hard. Naruto's eyes opened wide. This time, he let the moan escape - he couldn't suppress it anymore.

Suddenly, Sasuke let go and with a smirk bade Naruko farewell.

Naruto stared after him through the pub windows. Sasuke just stole his first kiss.

A freaking guy just stole his first kiss.

And what's worse...

Naruto had... enjoyed it. He winced at his arousal.

Where was the fucking shower when you needed one?!

X x X

Naruto cursed in the boys' bathroom at school the next day. The sadistic bastard had given him a hickey. A fucking /hickey/. He'd hidden the thing as best as he could with his concealer, but he was still uncertain. Something about the fact that Sasuke had actually made out with him rather scared him... and the fact that Sasuke marked him scared him even more.

Maybe... just maybe... Naruto had bitten off more than he could chew when he chose to play this game? Just maybe, while he was planning the demise of the evil Uchiha devil-spawn... he'd miscalculated?

Naruto touched his lips...

He... had enjoyed that kiss a little too much. A part of him... sort of wanted a bit more.

Naruto laughed. Sasuke was kissing Naruko not him. He was being silly... Naruto's eyes opened wide. Did that mean that he wanted Sasuke to kiss /him/?!

Suddenly, Naruto thought he sounded a little crazy. Naruto and Naruko were the same person. He was being a retard for differentiating them like that. Naruto scratched his head. He was getting a little tired thinking about this.

But he couldn't help it. Sasuke had stayed with him... all that time? It must've been hours... and they had an exam today (which Naruto did study for - he knew he probably passed, though barely since he fell asleep about half-way through it). Naruto scratched his head. Sasuke... was actually a pretty decent guy, wasn't he?

Well, he was to Naruko anyway.

Suddenly, the door opened and a familiar voice echoed through the walls.

"There you are."

Naruto nearly jumped.

Sasuke walked over to him and held his shoulder, pulling him down one side.

"Sasuke-/teme/! What do you think you're doing?!"

It was an instinct... Naruto just naturally reacted this way when faced with the Uchiha. He just... couldn't help himself. He just had to beat up the jerk. He just had to.

Sasuke looked him in the eyes, smirked, and walked away.

God! He hated that arrogant son of a-

Naruto paused. Was... was Sasuke... looking at...

Naruto looked into the mirror.

It was okay. The hickey was invisible.

Naruto sighed in relief.

But still... why was Sasuke...

/Shit/.

X x X

Naruto waved good bye to another customer and asked him to Please! Come again! /Though he smiled, Naruto was still troubled. Sasuke couldn't possibly know... it was impossible. He knew by himself that he was practically unrecognizable in his "uniform" and besides... Sasuke would never kiss /him in his right mind. (Naruto had conveniently "forgotten" the fact that he had just recently established the fact that Sasuke might possibly be bisexual.) No way in hell... and Naruto knew this.

Yes. He was kissing /Naruko/.

Naruto sighed. Somehow, saying that out loud (in his head) felt a little... sad. He regretted ever starting this evil plan of his (without realizing how utterly stupid it was to begin with). How was he supposed to know that in the process of trying to make the Uchiha fall for him - uh, her - he would fall for him instead?!

Naruto gripped the counter top, eyebrow twitching. What did he just... think?!

He couldn't help it though... Sasuke was... nice. And Naruto had known him for so long... so long...

He was tempted to bang his head on said counter top (or anywhere, really)... but knew that would just scare away a few customers. Jiraiya would not appreciate that. Naruto was going crazy... ha... ha... ha...

He just hoped he didn't have to see Sasuke today. He didn't think he could manage.

The tinkling of bells was heard, and Sasuke's unmistakable voice caused Naruto's heart to both beat really quickly and stop at the same time (was that even possible?). Naruto wished he would just drop dead. He smiled weakly. He couldn't act... not today.

Sasuke looked concerned, but Naruko waved him away saying it was nothing. She really needed to end this thing. Tonight. Thinking of the passionate kiss Sasuke gave her last night... Naruto was suddenly very worried about Naruko's virginity. That and the fact that if Sasuke chose to make a move on her, he would not appreciate finding himself a handful of sock instead of breast. He wasn't looking forward to that confrontation. Nuh uh.

A part of him wished Sasuke would just disappear.

Another part wished he stayed.

Well, Sasuke stayed. (Surprise, surprise)

At around midnight, they were alone again in the pub. Sasuke was drinking beer and Naruko was trying her best to keep busy. Suddenly, the distinct sound of the bar door opening and approaching footsteps made Naruko jump.

Oh no. Oh hell no.

Next thing he knew, Sasuke was behind her, arms around Naruko's waist, and mouth on the same spot he'd given her the hickey yesterday.

"You're good at hiding it, aren't you?"

Naruto had to suppress a shudder when Sasuke's breath touched his skin. Still, Naruto had to laugh. He couldn't believe he (Naruto) was actually gay. That was... kind of funny, really.

"Sasuke," she said firmly. "Stop it."

Sasuke didn't listen. He turned her around and crushed her mouth with his. Again, Naruto felt himself turning into a useless pile of mush. God... he didn't know he was so weak.

Sasuke's hands started wandering... his leg started pushing up in-between her thighs, and Naruto was more or less ready to let his legs give in. However, the fact that he was getting hard woke him (and caused him to crash painfully into the cruel reality of the present). Okay... time to stop. Time. To. Stop.

"Sasuke," he gasped, panting for breath since Sasuke didn't let him breathe until now. "You need to stop. Please."

"Why?" Shit, his voice was husky.

"Because!"

Sasuke laughed into her mouth.

"Sasuke!"

"I like it when you say my name like that."

Naruto wanted to pull his hair out. His own, not Sasuke's... though pulling Sasuke's would probably be more effective. If anything, Naruto realized he was only turning him on /more/. Not that Naruko was pulling away or pushing him off or anything either. This was not good... if his knee got any higher he was going to...

Ah. Too late.

Naruto shut his eyes. Bracing himself for Sasuke's inevitable reaction...

Nothing happened.

Naruto opened his eyes. Sasuke wasn't... stopping. Did Sasuke fail to... ah no. That's impossible... if the way Sasuke was grinding against him and causing him to breathe short gasps was any indication.

Wait. /Grinding against him/?!

"Sa-Sasuke-/teme/!" he said, no longer keeping his pitch high. "How long have you known?!"

Naruto was confused.

Sasuke stopped. Looked at him... and laughed.

"What do you take me for, /usuratonkachi/? An idiot?"

Naruto's eyes opened wide.

Sasuke smiled. "I know those eyes anywhere."

"Y-You...! You're playing with me!" From the very beginning! Naruto wanted to yell.

Let's ignore the fact his heart fluttered when Sasuke said that overly cheesy line.

Sasuke's eyes suddenly grew serious.

"Who said I was playing?"

He resumed molesting Naruto's mouth and with his left hand, reached in underneath Naruko's blouse.

"Now... let's get rid of these socks..."

/Owari/!

X x X