Categories > Anime/Manga > Naruto > Sakura's Secret

Sakura's Secret

by arichang 4 reviews

[One-Shot] The Last of the Secrets Series. When Sakura is exposed to Yaoi and SasuNaru Fangirlism... she is affected in the weirdest of ways. Well, weird for her anyway.

Category: Naruto - Rating: R - Genres: Erotica, Humor, Romance - Characters: Naruto, Sakura, Sasuke - Warnings: [?] - Published: 2006-08-22 - Updated: 2006-08-23 - 8798 words - Complete

Sakura no Himitsu!
A Sakura-centric SasuNaru One-shot

Unfortunately, the only thing I own is the unhealthy habit of procrastination and idle imagination, from whence came this fic.

* This fic is dedicated to (and written for) my muse and love, Meii-/sama/. It's her birthday! I hope it makes you laugh, love. *

Author's Note:
Admittedly, you needn't read the first two ("Naruto's Secret" and "Sasuke's Secret") to read this... though this was written as, again, a companion fic. Much like "Sasuke's Secret", this is not a sequel exactly (which is why it's its own separate one-shot)... and to be frank, it has almost no relationship to the first two whatsoever... However/, it does take place three years after and it also /does take place in the same world. Also, I'm proud to say this shall be the last of the "Secrets" series... For all those who have supported (read: reviewed) and read them... Thank you.

On a side note, if you're confused at the end of the story... that's good. That means I succeeded. I wanted to try writing something that was similar to this (anime) movie I watched a while back-Perfect Blue- has anyone watched it before? It was fairly interesting. Admittedly it was a bit predictable since it wasn't the first of its kind... oh but wait, no... I'm not supposed to be doing a movie review here. Okay... time to shut up.

X x X

Haruno Sakura yawned and stretched as her alarm clock rang at six o'clock in the morning. After smashing the thing to silence, she turned over to her side, still only half-awake, to be greeted by a picture of Team 7. On her window sill stood proudly the picture frame, and covered with little hearts was her scowling Sasuke-/kun/.

She sighed a happy and content sigh.

Yes, it was time to get up. Another day has dawned, after all! Inner-Sakura grinned. Another day to win Sasuke-/kun/'s heart.


She jumped off her bed and rushed off to do her daily morning routine. She didn't need to meet the others until nine... but really, there was a reason why she got up three hours before that. If you wanted to win a boy's heart... you needed to be perfect in every way.

Two and a half hours later - God, what was she even doing/?! - Sakura was humming her way to the bridge where Team 7 usually met. She was in an amazingly good mood this morning and she mused, as she practically /skipped along, how she was sure something good and interesting was going to happen today. She could feel it in her bones - today was a day of reckoning. A day... when... things would change! Yes, definitely.

Maybe Sasuke-/kun/ would finally realize that they were perfect for each other and finally accept her proposal of mar- ... dinner. Maybe... just maybe... and here Sakura gushed as a faint pink blush showed themselves on her pale cheeks... he might actually ask her out for once. She grinned.

Today... for sure... something good was going to happen.

"Get off me, /dobe/!"

Sasuke-/kun/'s voice entered Sakura's ears. Little hearts immediately formed in her eyes and she looked around to determine where his angelic voice was coming from.

"No way, /teme/! Like hell am I gonna let you win!"

Ah. And the voice of the devil soon followed suit; it seemed to be doing that quite a lot of late. Sakura frowned. She'd hoped she would be able to hang out with Sasuke-/kun/ on her own today. Naruto didn't always have to be around. Seriously. She hoped he wasn't being totally annoying - the two boys were probably arguing (and) or fighting again. Inner-Sakura huffed. If that Naruto dared harm a single hair on Sasuke-/kun/'s head - not that he would be able to, after all Sasuke was so much stronger - Sakura would tear him into tiny little pieces with her bare hands.

Sakura's ears perked up as she heard someone gasp.

Hmm... that was strange. She made a face as she tried to figure out where the voices were coming from.

"Ah!" that was definitely Sasuke-/kun/'s voice, "Not there, /dobe/!"

"Heh," Sakura heard the blonde boy reply, a tone of glee in his voice. "You can't hide your weak spot from me, /teme/."

Sakura's eyes opened wide. Weak spot? What? What was happening? Was Naruto /winning/? No way! Not possible! She continued following the voices. She felt her heart tighten as she heard a moan that definitely did not sound right. The most frightening thing was that it sounded like /Sasuke/.

She stopped in front of a brick wall and leaned against it. Straining her ears, she knew the voices were coming from just around the corner (she knew at least that much from shinobi training). Counting backwards from three, she prepared to jump and surprise them.

"Naruto!" she shouted, "What do you think you're doing to my precious Sasu-"

She stopped. She looked around her... a small squirrel blinked at her for a while, and continued on its way. That was /weird/... she could've sworn she'd heard them around here somewhere...

"/T-Teme/! That's cheating!"

"Cheating? You call this /cheating, usuratonkachi/?"

Sakura turned around... and heard voices coming from inside the house behind her.


That was somewhat... abnormal... Looking to her right, she spotted a small crate. She ran to it and dragged it under the window - it was rather high - and stepped up on it. What were they doing in a place like thi-...?

Sakura's hands flew to her mouth as she gasped.

Her eyes flew wide open.

Sakura sat up straight and panted as she squeezed the alarm clock in her hands. She looked at the time - 7 AM. She closed her eyes and wiped the sweat that was pooling around her eyebrows. She needed to hurry or she would be late for work again. As she gingerly got off her bed, she cursed in her head. That was the fourth time. The fourth fucking time this /week/... and it was bloody Wednesday! She sat back down at the edge of her bed, and allowed herself to fall backward with a sigh.

Was this normal?

To dream about the love of her life... with... Sakura shook her head. This was all because of Ino. Yes... Definitely! It was because of her that Sakura was as corrupted as she was right now.

Wait... corrupted? What did that mean, exactly?

She cursed as she got up again. What she hated the most about those horrid dreams was the fact that she'd wake up right when it was getting, er, "good" as some people would put it, she supposed... and leave her completely and utterly... well, sexually frustrated. That in itself was something she couldn't understand. She couldn't possibly enjoy all that... crap... It was abnormal!

She shook her head again as images of Naruto gasping and writhing began to refill her brain, unwanted though they were. She was definitely going crazy - she was sure of it.

X x X

"And cut!" shouted the director. "Good job, everyone! It's a wrap!"

Shuffling of feet was heard as the crew of roughly a hundred people cleaned up and made their way out of Studio 7 to return to their regular lives. Sakura sat on her chair and drank from a bottle of cool water. Now, she didn't hate her job - she got paid too well for that - but it was tiring. Though she'd idly fantasized about becoming a famous actress as a child, she never would have dreamed how positively irritating it was to have a group of stalkers chasing you all the time; back then, she had thought it was the most amazing (and flattering) thing in the world. Boy, was she wrong. Thinking back to her high school days, she suddenly felt extremely ashamed at how she treated Sasuke... and embarrassed. But the attention the Uchiha got back then probably prepared him for the life he was living now.

"You promised," cried an irritated-sounding Naruto a few feet away. "Bastard! You promised!"

Sasuke waved him away. "So? I told you: something came up."

Naruto stared at him. "What the fuck?!"

"I'll see you tomorrow."


Sakura watched with curiosity as the two most important men in her life separated at the studio doors. She wondered what they could possibly be arguing about now/. True the two had been "rivals" ever since... uh... the beginning of time... however, they'd all grown up somewhat and their arguments had dwindled down to the occasional disagreement concerning scripts and fighting choreography. It wasn't very often one would find the two arguing and leaving in anger. In fact, the two of them had become rather close. Sakura was only one of the many few who were surprised by the sudden intimacy the two suddenly began sharing almost three years ago. It was hardly noticeable at first; however... after the third time Naruto passed a test with a slightly more than average grade, the fact that the Uchiha had been tutoring him (in secret) finally came out. And of course, not a lot of people failed to note the fact that instead of the usual death threats Naruto /used to issue Sasuke almost fifty times a day, Sasuke started usually receiving actual civil greetings. The most surprising fact was that Sasuke himself would reciprocate.

To be completely honest, Sakura was pleased. She realized that the two boys had finally grown up and stopped acting like children. Admittedly, it had felt like quite a loss to her when Naruto had stopped pursuing her (it had been quite a blow to her pride and confidence when he suddenly started looking at her as a friend)... but she knew that all he had for her was a childish crush and letting go of such crushes was part of growing up.

She sighed.

Now, if only she could get rid of that childish crush she had for Sasuke. She still remembered the time when she'd been rejected so cruelly - Sasuke had made it perfectly crystal clear that he had no romantic interest in her whatsoever, and that he was very sure that he would never have any in the near (or distant, in that matter) future. In fact, he had made it sound as if he was giving her an ultimatum: Stop pursuing me or I shall cease being your friend/. /He had left her no room to speculate or misinterpret his words. A part of her had wished that he was a bit vaguer (like how he'd usually reject her)... but knew that was only taking the easy way out. She also knew that Sasuke had done was for her own sake; he'd wanted her to grow up.

But... growing up was hard. So was letting go.

She knew in her heart that she was still very much in love with the stoic Uchiha... she wasn't entirely sure why... she just knew she was. She had to be. She thought about him every day, after all.

Even dreamed about him.

She shook her head as dreams from that morning returned to her mind.

God dammit... what in the hell was going on?! Seriously?!

"God," Naruto sighed (and thankfully interrupted her thoughts as they began taking a different, more dangerous route) as he sat down beside Sakura, on his own chair, "I hate that selfish bastard."

Sakura turned her head to look at him, raising an eyebrow. "What did you do this time, Naruto?"

Naruto blinked. "Why's it always gotta be me who's the bad guy?"

"Because Sasuke-/kun/ is perfect, of course."

Naruto regarded her for a moment, with a strangely serious look in his eyes. Then, he combed his blond hair with his right hand and scratched the back of his head with a grin - it was a gesture Sakura had learned he used when feeling awkward or nervous.

"Oh yeah?"

She looked at him. "Yeah."

Naruto looked away. "I don't think so," he mumbled. "The guy can't even keep stupid promises."


Naruto grinned again. "It's a secret."

"God," Sakura moaned, standing up. "What are we? In tenth grade? You sound like he's standing you up for your date or something."

Sakura watched as Naruto started.

"Date?! What are you talking about?!"

Sakura laughed. "I was /kidding/. Geez."

Naruto blinked at her. "Oh."

She rolled her eyes. "Gee, Naruto... had no idea you were so stiff."

He laughed and scratched the back of his head again. "/Ne/, Sakura-/chan/..."

"Please, don't call me 'chan' anymore... We're too old for that."

"You call him Sasuke-'kun', don't you?"

She paused. Damn... he was right. "That's different."



"Because you're still in love with him?"

Sakura stilled and looked away, suddenly finding the east wall more interesting than it was supposed to be. She was still in love with him, wasn't she? She was... right?

"Please, Naruto," she said, waving away what he said, "that was way back when we were /twelve/."

Naruto didn't say anything for a while. She picked up her backpack and started walking away.

"Well, I'm out... I'll see you tomorrow, Naru-"

"I think you should give it up, Sakura-/chan/," Naruto suddenly spoke up. "It's kind of... hopeless. Besides, you deserve someone better than him."

She paused.

"Stop calling me 'chan', Naruto."

She could hear the grin on his face. "/Gomen/, /gomen/... Sakura.../chan/."

She moaned. "God dammit, Naruto. Have you forgotten? I still have pictures."

Naruto suddenly stood up.

"You said you destroyed all of them!"

"I lied. Duh."

She turned to gave him a sneer and then walked away. The look of horror mixed with shock on Naruto's face made her smile - almost cheering her up immediately. Naruto was a great guy; he always made her laugh... always knew when to cheer up and when not to say anything. They'd been together since they were little... together with Sasuke... and the three of them had grown quite close. Well, as close as Sasuke would let anyone anyway. Sometimes, it irritated her a little and indeed there were times when she would get jealous of how much closer Naruto seemed to Sasuke... but it was a guy thing. She supposed guys understood other guys better than girls would ever understand them.

Guys were like puppies, after all. They fought as a way of showing companionship... or something retarded like that.

"Sakura! You're lying!"

She chuckled and ignored Naruto's persistent protests. How could Sakura possibly lose such important photographs? A cross-dressing Naruto was not something one would easily forget. Admittedly, he'd looked rather cute in that skirt he was wearing that day, though she'd never say such a thing to his face, of course. She grinned as she recalled the priceless memory.

A bunch of girls and herself had decided to follow Sasuke-/kun/ one day (not that they did anything else, really), concerned about his sudden disappearances after school. The big question was this: was he secretly dating someone outside of the fan club? What else could explain his slightly happier-than-normal mood? They'd followed him into a strangely out-of-the-way pub and were dumbfounded to find him talking with and actually smiling to a strangely tall blonde girl. Upon closer inspection (that is, after barging in and demanding to find out who she was), they'd realized it was nothing but their good old friend Naruto. It had taken them 30 seconds to digest the information... it was Sakura who had finally broken the dumbfounded silence by saying, "Naruto's... gay?" and in effect, the rest of them had started laughing till their stomachs hurt. It was not something any of them had expected.

Of course, the next day the whole school knew about Naruto's secret, and soon afterward, the poor guy was out of the job. Apparently, he had been quite popular and his fans were not pleased to find out he was a guy. That sent half of the student population into a second wave of laughter. Poor Naruto had been the subject of endless catcalls and whistles for nearly an entire year. Of course, the boy did nothing but grin it off like he did everything else... for all intents and purposes, it seemed as if it was Sasuke who looked most annoyed. The fact alone that Sasuke didn't seem at all surprised about Naruto's occupation made a few quite curious - but the immediate pleasure of teasing a very embarrassed-looking Naruto drove much speculation aside... besides, it was common knowledge back then that the two were best friends; no matter what either of them said. About the only other person who didn't seem so surprised was Neji-/sempai/... but he had always been an emotionless sort of person. Thinking about it now, Sakura realized she never really did find out how Sasuke knew about Naruto's occupation - or maybe he just hadn't cared enough to show any form of surprise (then again, why had the endless catcalling made him look annoyed?). She needed to remember to ask him the next time she saw him...

Speaking of which...

"I know I promised you, idiot," said a rather irritated Sasuke, a few feet away.

Sakura jumped behind a plant and hid. Hmm... why had she done that? It was a childish and really meaningless act, but a part of her felt as if she'd just walked into something she wasn't supposed to witness. Call it instinct, maybe.

Who was Sasuke talking to?

"And you're not keeping it," came the response. Sakura blinked.


But... hadn't she just left him a few minutes ago?

"I'm sorry."

"You think that's gonna work?"

"Look, what do you want me to /do/?"

Sakura heard Naruto sigh impatiently. "Nothing. Forget it."

Sakura shifted in order to see the both of them clearer; the conversation was intriguing. What was this promise they kept talking about? Why did she, their official female best friend, not know about it?

"Wait," Sasuke almost whispered. He sounded exasperated. Sakura watched as he grabbed Naruto's elbow. "Look, I hate it when you're like this."

"When I'm like what? Difficult?"

"Mad at me."

"I'm always mad at you."

"Like I said, I hate it."

Suddenly, Sasuke pulled Naruto and pushed him against the wall.

"Get off me," Naruto's voice dripped with anger. "What do you think you're doing, /teme/?!"

"Shut up for a second, /dobe/."

"Like hell-"

Naruto's displeasure was swallowed by Sasuke's eager-looking mouth. Sakura's eyes grew wide. What the hell?! Naruto pushed Sasuke away only to be brought back into a passionate kiss. Sakura continued watching as Naruto's hands eventually fell to his sides.

"I'm sorry, okay?"


Sasuke started kissing Naruto's neck, and Naruto let lose a sensual groan. Sakura gripped the straps of her backpack, and bit her bottom lip. What... the... hell...?

"You can stop now," said Naruto, sounding uneasy. "Someone might see-"

"Do I look like I care?" Sasuke was still busying himself with Naruto's jaw.

Naruto moaned as Sasuke did something Sakura couldn't see properly. "Well, I care."

Sasuke stopped and looked up at him. "Fine."

He grabbed Naruto's wrists and dragged him away. Leaning away from the plant to get a closer look, Sakura almost choked to see Sasuke drag a protesting Naruto into the janitor's closet.

X x X

"/Ohayou/, Sa-/ku/-ra.../chan/!" Sakura was greeted - much to her dismay - by a bouncing blond pony-tail and extremely pale blue eyes. To be completely honest, Ino was the last person she wished to see at the moment.

"What do you want, Ino?"

Ino pouted. "Ohh...? Sakura-/chan/, you sound like you're in a bad mood."

"Really." It wasn't a question.

"Had another dream, I wonder?"

Sakura stopped in her tracks, eyebrow twitching.

Ino faked a gasp and with a squeal of surprise, ran off, giggling. Unfortunately for Sakura, she'd learned the (very) hard way not to share anything with Ino - the pig would simply not let it go. She sighed. But... then again, the girl had a reason to give Sakura hell.

After all, Sakura had issues.

As far as she was concerned, she probably needed some form of professional help... or something. She'd woken up this morning, once again, in a state of disarray and displeasure - not to mention sexual frustration. A part of her, much to her irritation, wondered what in the /hell /happened in that janitor's closet. Of course... that was not something she was even supposed to be thinking about.

However, what bothered her the most was the fact that recently her dreams had started becoming rather... real. Too real. Many times, she found herself unsure whether it was a dream... or whether she was awake. She would just suddenly find herself 'waking up', not even remembering if she actually went to sleep or not, not to mention /when/. The thought was actually rather scary.

Though the quality of her dreams made it difficult (she had no idea she had such a powerful imagination really), she was working on immediately identifying any scene that involved Sasuke molesting a whimpering Naruto as a dream. They had to be. /Definitely/. No questions asked - they were just dreams. Yes.

But... of course, that didn't change the fact that her dreams were slowly driving her crazy with their frightening frequency and uncanny tendency to be much too realistic.

When the whole issue had first started, she was able to easily tell they were dreams. After all, they weren't ninjas in real life. The only times they were ninjas were in the show the three of them (together with a few other classmates) acted in - a rather popular TV show that was called Naruto for reasons she didn't know.

Seriously, what kind of idiot would make Naruto - of all people - the main character of a TV show? Sasuke was much more suitable... but now, that was beside the point.


It was fairly simple to distinguish reality and fantasy - a dream concerning kunai and binding jutsus was definitely just that: a dream. That was where all her dreams - or rather, nightmares, she should call them really - had all started. Back then, she often found herself walking in on Naruto expressing his love for his best friend after a serious fight or while one of them was dying in the other's arms. Oftentimes, Naruto would take Sasuke while he was underneath him and... uh... never mind.

She had no idea when (or why) she'd begun dreaming of... uhm... well, dreaming that particular sort of dream in the workplace situation. It was bizarre - strangely enough, a turn on... but still bizarre.

And disturbing.

And unnatural.

And... well... okay... she could list out way too many words.

Oh! But let's not forget twisted... yes... it was definitely /twisted/.

She once against cursed Ino in her head as she recalled the time Ino had introduced her to her doom. She now knew that Ino had no other intention but to drive her nuts. And why would Ino do such a thing? Well, the pig wanted her role. And what better way to steal Sakura's leading actress role than to drive her into insanity so she could disappear into a mental institution somewhere in the North Pole? Yup... that was definitely it.

Her thoughts were suddenly put on pause as she stopped, spotting a depressed-looking Naruto sitting on a bench just outside the studio. She stared at him for a little while before finally walking up to him. Naruto? Depressed? The two words were practically oxymoronic. Something was up.

She forcefully pushed away the images of Sasuke moaning and gripping Naruto's hair as the blond used his teeth to... uh... she coughed. Now was not the time... not that... /any/time... was the...

Argh. Whatever.

"What's up, Naruto?" she asked, mind still working to calm down.

Naruto looked up and smiled at her. "Nothing. Why?"

The look in Naruto's eyes immediately shut her mind up.

"Don't lie to me - it's written all over your face, stupid."

He blinked. "Huh?"

She smiled at him, sitting down next to him. "You were never good at hiding your emotions, you know." That was probably why he made such a good actor. It came naturally to him... as for Sakura, she had to study the art and practice it. It was like bookwork for her.

Naruto grinned. "Oh yeah?"


Naruto sighed, looking away. After a while, when she didn't move, he spoke up, "/Ne/, Sakura-/chan/, can I ask you a question?"

"Sure. And it's about time."

Naruto scratched the back of his head with a grin. "I know you've never had a boyfriend before, and, like, you might have no idea-"

She smacked him on the head. "Get to the point, Naruto."

He rubbed his head, wincing. "Okay, okay."

He took a deep breath. "Suppose you had a boyfriend."

He looked at Sakura, as if to ask for permission to continue. She nodded.

"And you really, really like this boyfriend... maybe even love him... but... the boyfriend's mad at you. What do you do?"

She blinked. Was Naruto having girl problems?

She tried to push away the demon that raged pure jealousy at the fact that the clumsy oaf had managed to start a relationship before her. Could she help it if she was dedicated to Sasuke?

"Well, that's hard to answer, Naruto," she began, careful to choose her words. She wanted to know more. "What did I do to make my boyfriend so mad?"

Naruto looked down. "Well, let's just say this boyfriend... he's rather popular. He has a bunch of other girls after him and stuff like that... because of that, your relationship has been kept secret for ages. You want to tell everyone, but you can't; even though it kills you every time you see another girl clinging on to him and you just want to rip her bloody arms out and say that he's yours," Naruto's voice started slowly getting louder. "You don't say anything."

"But, I would say something..."

"No, you wouldn't. He's really popular, right? And... well... let's just say that if the press finds out, it'll be a huge issue. But then, the biggest problem is that he's always bugging you about it. He keeps saying he wants to tell everyone and stuff. You know that the girls annoy him and that the only reason he probably wants to tell everyone is so that the girls would leave him alone... but you also know that if the both of you say anything... he might actually lose his job or something." Naruto's voice went down again. "The most annoying thing is that he keeps saying he doesn't care," he sighed. "Why doesn't he realize that I /do/?"

Sakura blinked. Wow...

Sakura sighed. How was she supposed to answer something like that?

"Well, first of all... I wouldn't be stupid enough not to say anything, you know?" she said matter-of-factly. Naruto looked at her and blinked. "As far as I can tell, you made it sound as if my imaginary boyfriend really cared about me. Even though he had all those other girls chasing after him and flirting with him and stuff... he still chose /me/... and that would make me really happy, I think. And proud," she smiled at Naruto. "Furthermore, before it all began, I probably already knew dating him would have 'issues' - but I still decided to date him anyway. This means, I was prepared for the consequences. I wouldn't be scared of what the press does, I think."

Sakura was intrigued - she needed to know who Naruto's mystery girl was.

Naruto leaned back and rested his head behind the bench, apparently in deep thought. Looking at him now, Sakura realized that she had never noticed before how muscular and masculine Naruto had finally grown to be. Apparently his personal fan club had quite a substantial reason to exist. The baby fat that was there five odd years ago had all vanished and Naruto now had a strong and irritatingly sexy jaw and... Sakura blinked.

"Naruto," she gasped, reaching out and pulling his collar down. "Is that a hickey?!"

Naruto's hand immediately flew to the offending (albeit, intriguing) mark. He had obviously tried to hide it. He had failed horribly though.

"Wh-what?! Nah... What are you talking about?"

Sakura stared. "Who?! Who is it?!"

"What's that director?" Naruto shouted to an invisible person apparently ten feet away. "You calling me? Okay!"

Sakura reached out to grab his arm, but missed.


Naruto stopped, a few feet away.

"Thanks, Sakura-/chan/."

She paused, watching his back.

"By the way," he continued, still not turning around. "Do think about what I said yesterday. I know you're still in love with him... but... I think it'll be better if you forgot about him."

Naruto ran off, barely missing the projectile (which had magically materialized out of no where) that was sent his way by a fairly irritated Sakura.

X x X

Sakura gulped.

What was she doing?

'Naruto gasped and moaned as Sasuke made a wet trail with his mouth and very talented tongue down his neck to his abdomen. The raven-haired boy smirked at the writhing of the boy beneath him and took note of the enticingly sweet mewl the boy made when touched in certain areas.'

It had been four whole days since her last relapse. She was proud of that... that record. Why on earth was she breaking it now?

'"Teme," Naruto said. "You can't do this here!" Sasuke merely smirked in response. Why not? Why couldn't he do it here? No one could see what he was doing and no one would walk in on them in the copier room. Well, he at least hoped so.'

But... Naruto had left her thoroughly irritated today. After their little conversation in the morning, he'd avoided her as best as he could and ran off right after the last scene. Also, apart from irritated... he had left her a little confused.

She thought she'd dreamed that conversation.

Ah well...


She needed a release.

'Sasuke's hands traveled down to Naruto's pants and slowly began to undo his zipper.'

However, was this really the "release" she needed?

Sure, reading porn was a great way to... uh... calm down... but...

This kind of porn?

'Naruto tried again to protest, but was only prevented when Sasuke stuffed his finger into Naruto's mouth, asking him to suck and make it wet.'

Sakura shut her eyes.

She really, really did have issues, didn't she?

She sighed, and forced herself to click the not-so-very small (yet so increasingly difficult to find) "x" at the corner of her screen.

She failed.

So, she turned off her monitor instead.

She softly hit her head on her desktop table and moaned. This was all bloody Ino's fault. Yes... She groaned again as a slow motion picture of a half-naked Sasuke molesting a fully clothed Naruto in the shower began playing in her dirty, dirty mind. She threw open her eyes, hoping to dispel the disturbing - and for some strange (and probably retarded) reason, arousing - image.

That's it. It was official: Haruno Sakura had issues.

Serious ones.

Honestly... it was hard enough as it was to talk to the both of them... she didn't need a recharge nor a reminder why she'd been feeling awkward around Naruto and Sasuke the past couple of months.

The past couple of days had been cool. She'd managed to have actual conversations with Naruto without thinking too much about their (Naruto's and Sasuke's) "secret" lives which obviously didn't exist.

So... why in the hell was she allowing herself to relapse?

She held back the hand that yearned to turn on her monitor again.

Sakura only remembered too well how this whole thing had started.

"What's so funny, Ino?" had been Sakura's question of death.

"Nothing, just reading this fanfic," was the response.

"Fanfic?" was Sakura's stupid inquiry.

"You've never read fanfic before?"

Sakura had blinked and was extremely annoyed when Ino burst into short fits of laughter. Apparently, Naruto was a fairly popular TV show, and like most popular TV shows, there were those out there with too much free time on their hands and they figured they had nothing else better to do with their lives... and so they wrote what was called "fan fiction" or "fanfic" in short. Some stories were pointless and poor attempts, others were way too out-of-character and felt as if it was a different story altogether but their names were used... while others still were brilliant pieces of art with both story and impressive style.

Of course, there was the smut too.

Plot and smut always made a good story, that was what Ino had said. Sakura had stared at her for a full five minutes, blinking and gaping like a fish out of water. Ino smirked and told her to come over. After a few clicks of the mouse, Ino showed her a fic called Alone in the Dark or some other lame title like that.

'Sakura gasped as Sasuke's hands traveled across her back. He pushed her against the locked door, and her hands desperately tried to stuff the uncooperative key into the lock. A stray moan escaped her lips as Sasuke's tongue did-'

Sakura had gasped and looked away.


Ino mewled with glee. "You like?"

"What the hell!"

"Hey, hey... I didn't write this crap," she said, going back to what she was reading before. "Don't kill the messenger, geez." Upon looking, Sakura realized that Ino was reading a fic that had Shikamaru and herself making out in a forest somewhere. She blinked, as her eyes quickly scanned the page before her. She had no idea roots could be used as...

God! People were so perverted!

"I can't believe you're reading this junk!"

"I can't believe you're /not/."

Sakura stared at her in disbelief.

"Think about it... aren't you at all interested about what people write about you?"


"Trust me, Sakura," Ino had said with a mischievous grin, "Sasuke's not the only one you're paired with."

Sakura's eyes grew wide.

"And you certainly aren't the only one that's paired with Sasuke."

Sakura's eyes grew even wider.

"In fact... the SasuSaku pairing is one of the more... unpopular ones."

"What?!" Unbelievable. "Who's he paired up with, then? You?!" There weren't a lot of girls in the show.

Ino blinked at her... and laughed again.

"You're naïve, aren't you, Sakura-/chan/?"

Sakura's eyes gave way to confusion.

"Here," Ino said, giving her a piece of paper with a web address scrawled on it. "I suggest you check it out. Now, leave me alone."

Sakura had returned home that day, unsure if opening something that was called "Adult Fan Fiction dot Net" would be a good idea. It certainly sounded intimidating... not that she hadn't ever read porn before... but really...

She realized now, when it was much too late, that it had been a dreadful mistake.

At first, when she'd first discovered the addiction people had with something called SasuNaru, she had laughed. Most of the stories were unrealistic and out-of-character... and really... the "lemons" as they were called... most of them were ridiculous. Sure, there were a few with interesting plots that related to the actual show - and she had to admit, she felt like telling the producers about the site so they'd stop with the meaningless fillers they were currently filming and have actual interesting ones - but really, Sasuke and Naruto didn't have to fuck like rabbits every other chapter... did they?

Sakura blinked. Then again... it was "Adult Fan Fiction".

But what in the hell was "smex"?

And really, to be honest... she had no idea guys could...

She shook her head.

Why was she even thinking about this?

She sighed as her mind returned to the present.

The last time she'd read a fic, it had taken her almost three days to finally look Naruto and Sasuke straight in the eye again. It was always like this. She'd read something... and whenever she saw Naruto and Sasuke together, her mind would do all sorts of retarded and twisted things and she'd end up with a nosebleed or some other bloody blush that often misled people into thinking she wasn't feeling well. Of course, she never said anything to counter that particular diagnosis.

People didn't really need to know that she read about her two best friends fucking each other.

They also didn't need to find out that she'd started... well...

Okay... so maybe she had a few story ideas she wanted to try writing.

Not that she would ever have the time to ever finish them... but you know... idle imagination was... fun... somewhat.

Her fingers combed her hair in frustration as she gave up and turned on her monitor. She could feel the brain cells slowly dying out in her brain - the more fics she read, the dumber she knew she got.

And definitely the more perverted.

Seriously, after that one fic... she didn't think she could think of a paintbrush the same way again.

And she often had to leave the room whenever Sasuke walked in with a pen.

And don't get her started on their fight and action scenes. Since the two men did their own stunts, it was fairly difficult for Sakura whenever she watched Sasuke grab Naruto and body slam him to the ground and grip his wrists from behind and sit on his back, in order to prevent the blond from moving. The way both of their muscles flexed in the studio lights were strangely ero-

... See? She was definitely becoming retarded.

Or crazy.

Of course, she knew Naruto and Sasuke were slightly confused by her sudden change in behavior... but they were kind enough not to say anything about it and simply waited for her to return to normal. Well... at least that was what she thought anyway.

The door bell rang and caused her to start. She cursed as she was forced to minimize the internet browser just when Naruto was supposed to practically scream in a fit of ecstasy.

Upon reaching the door, and looking through the... hole thing, whatever it was called... she never really did know, she was startled to find Sasuke standing at the other side of her door. She furrowed her eyebrows for a moment and slowly opened the door. This was... uncommon.

Hell, she didn't even know Sasuke knew where she lived.

"I'm sorry," he said, face unchanging. "Am I disturbing anything?"

Yeah... you're just about to finish fucking Naruto senseless in the other room...

"No, of course not," she said. "What's up?"

Sasuke walked in and stood in the middle of her small (yet exceedingly classy) apartment living room.

"I... don't know."

Sakura closed the door and looked at him.

"Uh," she said, feeling rather awkward. "Want some tea?"


Sakura disappeared into the kitchen, heart going a hundred beats per minute. Now, if this were three years ago, she would probably be in a flurry of excitement and ungrounded anticipation, absolutely sure that Sasuke was here to confess his undying (yet not displayed) love for her. Unfortunately - or maybe... fortunately? It depends on how you look at it, really - it was not three years ago and right now all she could think of was what Sasuke was doing to an unsuspecting Naruto in her computer.

Which was weird... since... she was still in love with him.

Wasn't she?

Returning to the living room, she gave Sasuke his tea and taking her own, she sat down on her sofa and watched as Sasuke looked around, looking a bit lost. Eventually, he decided to sit down on a dining room chair. He took a sip from the hot tea and sighed. Sakura continued watching... trying her best not to think of what Sasuke had done to Naruto last week when he found out Naruto was "cheating on him" with Hinata; let's just say the tea found better use being licked off a soaked Naruto's chest. Of course, Naruto wasn't really cheating on Sasuke and was merely helping out a confused Hinata who wouldn't own up to her feelings for a certain shady, quiet dude. Of course, you don't find that out 'till chapter five but...

Uh... wait no...

"So," she said, hitting herself on the inside, "there something you wanted to talk about, Sasuke-/kun/?"

Sasuke looked at her. "I thought I told you to stop calling me 'kun', Sakura."

She shrugged. "Old habits die hard."

Sasuke smirked. "Yeah, they do."

She looked at him, this time concern obvious in her eyes. "Are you going to tell me what's wrong, or do I have to force it out of you?"

Sasuke stared at his mug. "Let's pretend you have a boyfriend, Sakura, even though I know you don't have one and you'll probably feel awkward about talking to me about this sort of thing, and I honestly don't want to make you-"

Sasuke found himself rubbing his head as an irritated Sakura stood up, vein throbbing, eyebrow twitching and another materialized projectile poised for a strike. Did everyone have to act like she was a bloody virgin?! She probably knew more about sex than everyone in this whole fucking studio (with the exception of Ino, probably) put together, god damm-

She stilled.

Was Sasuke having girl problems?!

"Okay, okay, I'm sorry," Sasuke said, wincing.

"Get to the point, Sasuke."

Sasuke smiled. Sakura blushed and looked away. Somehow... this conversation felt strangely familiar.

"Let's say you're in love with this boyfriend, okay?" he continued. She nodded. "But, you know... you're popular, right? You're an actress. You have lots of other... uh... guys, after you. And you want more than anything to tell these guys to go fuck themselves and leave you alone, but you can't because your boyfriend won't let you."

She blinked. "Why not?"

"Well, let's just say there's an issue there somewhere. But that's not really the problem. You're willing to wait for your boyfriend 'till he's ready to tell the world about you... but it gets irritating when no matter how many gi- uh... guys... cling on to you for dear life, your boyfriend just doesn't seem like he /cares/. He doesn't look the least bit... you know, jealous. At all. And it kinda makes you wonder if he's really serious about you," he took another sip from his cup. "It's as if he's ashamed of going out with me or something," Sasuke sighed, once again not looking at Sakura anymore.

Sakura blinked. She couldn't imagine /any/one being ashamed of going out with someone like Sasuke. And wow, Sasuke really sounded like he was... serious... about this girl. Whoever the lucky bitch was.

"Well," Sakura ventured, ignoring the fact that the situation really, really felt uncannily familiar. "Since he has yet to dump me, I figure he cares about me as much as I care about him, you know? After all, with all the attention I'm getting... if I were him, I would probably dump ... uh... me... I wouldn't be able to stand seeing my lover with lots of other ... guys." She shook her head. It was getting a bit... confusing. "Anyway, point of the matter is, you said I was willing to wait, right? Then I'll wait. I owe him at least that much, /ne/?"

Sasuke looked at her, a tired look in his eyes. "Yeah..."

"And as for the whole he not being jealous thing," she said, finally remembering something though she was unsure what, "maybe, just maybe... he's just pretending not to be jealous? You did say he didn't want to tell people, right? Well, if he were openly jealous, surely people would notice... besides, he probably just doesn't want to be a source of trouble for you... uh... me."

Sasuke's eyes opened wide for a sec, and he smiled. Sakura's heart skipped a beat... she had never seen Sasuke smile like that before.

"Yeah," he said, softly, "he's that kind of guy, actually."

Sakura smiled and nodded.

The door bell rang again. Sakura blinked. Her apartment sure was busy... She stood up when Sasuke made to stand up and told him to sit still. She walked over to the door and was surprised to find a troubled-looking blond itching to get in.

"Sakura-/chan/," Naruto said when she opened the door, "I need to talk to you. I can't-"

"Naruto," Sasuke's voice sounded dangerous. "What are you doing here?"

Naruto paused, eyes wide. "Sa-Sasuke?"

"Uh," Sakura said, suddenly feeling really cold... the temperature had suddenly dropped. "I'll go get some more tea."

Disappearing into the kitchen once again, she strained her ears to hear the conversation taking place outside. Something sounded like it was up. She wondered what that something was.

"What are you doing here, /dobe/?"

"I should be asking you the same question, /teme/."

"What was that really important thing you wanted to talk to Sakura about?"

"So, this is the thing that suddenly 'came up', huh?"

Sakura gulped. All the way in the kitchen, she could feel the uneasy atmosphere that had suddenly developed. Seriously... what was it with the two of them. They'd been acting so weird recently. She returned to trying to listen to their conversation.

"Do you really want to end this, Naruto?"

"You have no right to be asking me that."

"Why not?"

Naruto grumbled something Sakura failed to catch. After placing the tea cups on a tray, she slowly made her way out, making sure she wasn't caught. She knew, for some reason, that the moment she retuned the two men would stop talking. In fact, an instinct told her Sasuke would probably leave. For some reason or other, she felt like she wanted to hear the conversation more.

"Look," Sasuke said in a little more than exasperated voice. "It's not as if you really /care/, do you? God dammit, Naruto, I'm tired."

"So am I."


Sakura heard Sasuke walk away from Naruto. She leaned out and looked through the corner, and saw Naruto holding Sasuke back. Her sight was obscured so she barely saw the both of them.

"Wait, Sasuke," he whispered. Sakura had barely heard it.

"What is it /now/, /usuratonkachi/?"

"Is it really... that easy... to just walk away?"

Sakura saw Sasuke's eyes soften as he regarded the blond who was staring at the ground.

Was it just Sakura... or did the whole thing seem a little...

Uh... never mind.

"It's your fault, you know."

"Yeah," Naruto responded. "I suppose it is."

"Dammit, Naruto."

Sasuke reached out and grabbed the hand Naruto was using to hold him back. He brought the hand to his lips and kissed it. Sakura's heart skipped a beat... that wasn't normal. That... just wasn't normal.

Naruto pulled his hand back and rubbed the spot Sasuke kissed him as if it burned. Sasuke sighed.

"Why must you make it so difficult?"

"Shut up, teme/. This is Sakura-/chan's place... you can't be doing shit like this."

Sakura watched as Sasuke's eyebrows furrowed in frustration. Naruto had walked back and Sakura was unable to see him now. Sasuke followed suit.

"Do I really look like I care about something like that?"

"Please, Sasuke, don't start."

"You started it, /dobe/."

Sakura heard Naruto gasp, then curse, while Sasuke was telling him to shut up. Sakura gripped her tray, a stray bead of sweat snaking its way down from her forehead. Slowly, she inched out of her position to get a better look...

... and dropped the tray with a deafening crash.

She woke with a start and sat straight up, knocking over the can of pop she'd placed next to her keyboard. She moaned as she wiped her damp forehead. Oh god... it was starting to get scary. Little by little, she was losing the ability to tell when the dream started and when the dream ended.

They were getting too real.

Maybe she really should start writing her own fiction.

She sighed as she looked to her right. 3AM.

/Bloody hell/...

To be honest, she was afraid of going to sleep... god only knows what would happen next.

Though, she had to admit... seeing Sasuke molest Naruto on her sofa... was a bit... she coughed... exciting.

Argh. Screw that.

X x X

"You don't look so good, Sakura-/chan/," Sakura had had no idea (back then) how completely irritating it was to hear Ino's voice first thing in the morning. Of course, now she knew all too well.

It was no surprise really that she didn't "look so good". She'd hardly slept at all. More than anything, she wanted to scream bloody murder into the blonde's face.

"Go... fuck a pole, or something, Ino."

"Wah," the blonde replied, though not without a smirk. Sakura hated how much Ino enjoyed her anguish. "/Touch-y/."

Sakura rolled her eyes. She was so not in the mood... she really felt as if she was starting to lose it. Her sanity, that is. She wouldn't be surprised if in the next morning she found herself being wheeled into a mental ward in some god forsaken hospital in the middle of no where. She rubbed her temple as she slowly made her way to the studios.

She had a freaking head ache... and it /hurt/.

"Okay, okay," she heard Naruto's voice through the throbbing in her head. "I get it."

"Do you really?" that was definitely Sasuke.

"Yeah, yeah," Naruto replied. "I do. I'm sorry, alright?"

Sakura could've sworn she heard the black-haired boy smirk. She looked around; they were probably around that corner, behind one of the trailers.

"You think that'll be enough for me?"

Sakura blinked. Oh /great/... she was dreaming again, wasn't she?

Naruto chuckled. "I don't know... it should be though."

"What makes you think that?"

"Well, you did say you loved me for what I am..."


"What if that's all I'm willing to give you, /teme/."

Sakura heard Sasuke laugh. "I won't stand for it."

"That's not fair."

"No," Sasuke said. "You're not fair."

"Why's that?"

There was a silence.

"Never mind-"

"Don't be stupid, bastard," Naruto's voice interrupted, impatiently. "Of course I love you."

Another silence. Sakura rubbed her temple.

This was getting ridiculous. Her dreams... they were tormenting her beyond...

She sighed. This was just cruel.

She squared her shoulders and stood tall. She began walking. She was going to face this head-on, if it were the last thing she did. She wasn't going to hide and she wasn't going to let this bother her. She was going to-

She tried to stop herself from gasping as she saw a Sasuke being pushed against the wall by a Naruto who was impatiently sucking on his neck as if to mark him for all eternity. Sasuke was desperately trying to get Naruto's orange jacket off him and...

Wait... something was off.

Sakura watched, eyebrows furrowed.

She heard Sasuke gasp as Naruto let go with a smack. Naruto was then pulled into a tongue-battle with the black-haired boy and they both bucked against each other.

Her eyes narrowed. Something was definitely off.

Suddenly Sasuke's eyes opened and he stopped short. Naruto looked up, confused and then looked at the direction Sasuke was staring at. Naruto's expression of horror and dread was truly a hilarious contrast against Sasuke's look of absolute calm and amusement.


Sakura was taken aback.

That was the first time she was ever addressed in her dreams.

Ah well.

She stared at Naruto, then at Sasuke.

"I-It's not what it... uh... looks like," Naruto tried to extricate himself from Sasuke's grip, only to be forced back into an embrace from the stronger one. "Sasuke-/teme/, stop it!"

Sakura continued staring.


"Sasuke! Sakura-/chan/'s right-"

Then it clicked.

"You're doing it wrong," Sakura interrupted.

Both boys stilled and looked up at her, wide-eyed.

"Naruto, you're holding Sasuke wrong... if you do that, he's gonna get a bruise there and then you won't be able to..."

Ah well... it was weird, but... really... she was gonna wake up eventually anyway.


X x X

"What was the website Sakura-/chan/ told us about?" Naruto was impatiently pushing down on Sasuke's shoulders as he typed on the keyboard. He sighed.

"Get /off/, /dobe/," he said, though not entirely hating the boy's enthusiasm. "I can hardly type with you hanging on to me like that."

"You sound like you hate it."

Sasuke smiled. He had a point... but he didn't need to let him know.

Naruto's eyes opened wide as the page loaded.

"Is... that..."

Sasuke's hand froze over the mouse.

"Gimme!" Naruto pushed him aside.

Sasuke tried fighting back but failed. He winced as he rubbed his butt, having just fallen off the chair.

"Oh my god!" Naruto shouted, pointing at the screen. "I can't believe you're fucking your brother behind my back!"

X x X

In another country, far, far away... Itachi sneezed.

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