FicWad

I sat in the living room as my mind wandered. No matter what I did I couldn't control my thoughts, it was very irritating. Once more I looked at the blank sheet in front of me. Frustrated with the fact that I had been craving to draw for months. And now when I have the chance, I couldn't think of one possible thing to draw. I slammed the cover of the booklet. I shook my head, rubbing my temples. Sighing deeply I tossed the booklet on the coffee table besides me.

After taking a few calming breathes I collapsed on the couch. To make myself more comfortable, I bent my right leg, tucking it under my left leg that stood straight. My arms were above my head as I gazed up at the ceiling. As I continued to gaze at the ceiling my mind wandered. Little by little my head began to fill with ideas, questions, and things I had been meaning to think thoroughly. Suddenly my vision blurred, the only clear things were my thoughts, and I closed my eyes, breathing steadily.

Then a faint scream began to fill my ears. My lids popped open. I lifted myself up on my elbows, looking around the room carefully. The high-pitched screams grew louder and lauder. The couch beneath me began to shake. It wasn't until after a few minutes passed did I realize the couch wasn't shaking, but it was . . . me? To make matters worse, my breathing had become very shallow. Was I panicking? Why? For what reason? Slowly my head began to spin. I leaned against a single elbow and attempted to stop the spinning by rubbing my temple. The girl's screams still filling my ears. I once more collapsed on my back, head spinning, and fear growing.

Slam! The girls screams stopped and continued to lay there on the couch, I didn't move an inch. I felt a small tap on my back, but I refused to look. I had closed my eyes as I placed the pillow over my ears and had not opened them since. The pillow was ripped from my grasp and a familiar voice made me open my eyes. Our eyes met for a moment, they were round with fear. Carly asked me if I was okay, I slowly looked away and nodded my head.

Carly looked at me and closed the door behind her, watching me carefully. She slowly walked over, putting her purse down on the table with her keys as she passed it. "Are you okay?" a worried expression was upon her face, I really must have freaked her out. Standing I nodded, giving her a cheerful smile. I don't believe she feel for it, I think my eyes gave away that I was not fine at all. But she only nodded back and gave me a fake smile, "If you insist." Slowly I began to calm down, thankful that Carly had not pushed the subject further. She turned and hung her jacket. A few minutes passed of pure silence and it was making me slightly nervous. Carly must of noticed because she coughed so I could turn my attention onto her. "So what are you wearing tonight?"

I smiled, thankful that she broke the silence. "Nothing special." I shrugged my shoulder and Carly sighed deeply as she gave me a hard look. "What? Were you expecting me to get all fancy and dress up? You know me, I don't do that anymore." I sat on the couch and grabbed the pillow, wrapping my arms around it and resting my head on the top of it.

Carly rolled her eyes and took a deep, calming breath. I could tell that I was most likely getting on my friends nerves this evening. "I know you don't, but you haven't gone out in ages as well. I thought it was a sign saying you were going to go back to your old self. You know, when we would go out all the time together and you would get dressed up. You'd impress the guys with your stunning looks."

I laughed, "Stunning looks huh?" Sighing I tossed the pillow on the couch. "You honestly thought I'd do that again. That was a long time ago Car, the only reason I use to do that was because I wanted to impress. And at the time I was still . . ." I cut my sentence short, looking at the floor. For a moment his face reappeared in my mind, but I quickly pushed the image back. My mind however would not listen to my actions and continued down that path. Growing very impatient with myself I tried again to push the thoughts back. It wasn't working one bit so I gave up and began to stare blankly at the floor, remembering the past. I mumbled to myself as the thoughts came back, frustrated that I was not able to control my thoughts today.

"That was when you were still together with Tynan." I gave a small gasp as I stopped mumbling rude remarks under my breath. Looking up I spotted compassion in her eyes. A sad smile across her lips as she continued to look at me. I nodded, slowly breaking the connections our eyes had held. I turned away and thought about it for a second, gazing at a panting I had in the corner. My eyes had glazed over slightly, stinging from my attempts to not let myself cry. Not again, not for him. Carly sat down on the table, patting my hand. I blinked my eyes and turned back to her. "I think its time to stop mourning. It was such a long time ago, you should really move past it." Again I nodded, still not speaking a word.

"So what are you going to do? Are you going to get dressed up, or are you going to have me make you get dressed up."

I laughed, the threatening tears now gone, "I guess I'll just have to dress up." I looked up at her and slightly nudged her on the shoulder. "I really don't have any choice, do I?" She raised a brow as I said this, grinning as she nodded her head.

Smiling she hugged me, "No, not really. Anyways, I can't let you look plain for the guys. I've never introduced you to the guys, but they're picky. And come on, all my friends are good looking. I have a reputation to hold up." I laughed and smiled, rolling my eyes at her remark. "Anyways, you never know. Maybe someone will catch your eye, or even maybe you'll catch some ones eye."

Chuckling I gave her a questioning look. "You really think I'll catch some ones eye." I rolled my eyes once more, "You've got to be joking me." She shook her head. "Well more likely I'll catch some ones eyes because I don't have any intentions meeting someone. As you said, your friends are picky." I grinned at her, winking.

Carly patted my leg and stood up. "Yeah, its true. You are the pickiest friend I have." She looked at her watch and sighed. "It's time to get ready. You have 1 minute to get to your room or I will drag you into it." She winked and walked around the couch towards the rooms. Sighing I watched her enter her room while tapping her watch. I chuckled, rolling my eyes at the impatience of my friend.

I looked at the time on my watch. "30 seconds!" I rolled my eye again and looked at the coffee table in front of me. My gaze settled once more onto my sketchbook, slowly my mind wandered back onto the voice that was screaming in my head. Looking away I thought about it, Why did that happen? I shook my head and looked once more at the sketchbook. My eyes glazed over as questions started to form in her mind, Why was I so scared? It was only a voice, and where did it come from? Once more I shook her head. "10 seconds left. Get a move on!" I jumped in my seat, I had forgotten that I was still in the living room. I turned in my seat and faced Carly's room to see her walking once more into her room. Sighing I stood up from the couch, still looking deeply at my sketchbook, as if it had the answers I was seeking. "Your minutes up."

I turned around in place and faced Carly. "W . . . wha . . . what?" I stuttered as I looked at her. She repeated herself and I nodded, "oh right. Sorry I was thinking." She rolled her eyes and made some smart aleck remark about always thinking. I gave her a cold stare; "Well I'm sorry if I think." She turned away from me and walked into her room. Shaking my head I turned and walked down the hall. But still the event of my mental break down was still at the back of my mind. It was confusing, but as I turned once more into my room I shrugged it off and thought of it no more. "Maybe I do think to much", I muttered to myself as I began to get ready. I shrugged, And who knows, maybe someone will catch my eye.