FicWad

Lulu found herself a quiet corner of the Via Purifico and set to work tearing out part of the inner lining of her dress to use as a bandage for her arm. Although it was in much better shape than it would have been if Rikku hadn't been there, there hadn't been time to do more than a partial healing; not even enough to fully stop the bleeding. And the guards who'd lead her to the pit and shoved her in had been anything but gentle as they dragged her through the halls of the great temple.

She couldn't blame them for that after what she'd done, of course. In fact, she was a little surprised that they hadn't killed her straight out. But, then, a slow death from starvation in their maze would be much worse than if they'd merely turned their guns on her. Perhaps that was what they'd been thinking.

She examined the length of cloth she'd managed to tear free appraisingly. It was dirty; everything on her was from the track through the Sanubia desert and from the sweat and blood shed in the fighting after. Everything save...

She lightly touched the bandage wrapped around the wrist of the same arm the bullet injury was in, frowning thoughtfully. It wasn't quite as neat as it'd been before the raid on Bevelle, but it was still a great deal better than the piece of her dress would be without anything around to clean it. But she remembered Cid kneeling before her, carefully tending to her wounds, and somehow it felt wrong to undo that work and leave the cut bare.

She picked at the edge of the bandage for a moment more, than huffed out a small laugh and muttered to herself, "Lulu, you're being ridiculous," before unwinding the end of the bandage. It wasn't as though it were an either-or situation, she realized, starting a tear with her teeth then ripping off the end of the end of the bandage from it. All she needed was enough to make sure that the cloth covering the wound was clean, and he had overbound her wrist at least enough to do that. And even if he hadn't, she thought as she covered what was left the bullet's entrance hole with the clean scrap of bandage and began securing it to her arm with the strip of her dress, this sudden strange sentimentality would have had to be ignored. She would have left her wrist uncovered in the first place if Cid hadn't insisted on taking care of it; her arm was in much greater need of attention.

That done, she sighed and leaned back against the wall. It felt like it had been days since she'd had a chance to relax, not just a few hours since she'd been comfortably resting on Cid's couch. She still couldn't really allow herself to unwind, not when a fiend might come across her at any moment and force her to stand and fight, but at least she had moment to try and gather her energy.

But she quickly realized that couldn't just rest, not when she was shaking off the urge to sleep almost as soon as her back touched the wall. If she gave into that urge she knew it was unlikely she would ever wake again, not when fiends could catch her scent at any moment. And so, in searching for something to keep herself awake, she found the radio.

"...Cid?" she said quietly into the tube, feeling a little ridiculous. What were the chances that such a small device could really allow her to communicate with someone however far away he was by now?

Luckily, she didn't have much time to convince herself that nothing would happen before the radio suddenly crackled to life in her hand. "Lulu? That you?" Cid said on the other end, his voice sounding sleep-roughened.

She was surprised to find herself ridiculously comforted just by hearing those three words. She hadn't realized until then how reassuring it could be just to hear someone who was friendly and concerned, and who wasn't busy having to worry about their own life. "Yes, it's me," she said in a more normal tone. "I'm sorry if I woke you."

"Nah, been to busy tryin' to work out everything that's wrong on the ship to sleep yet," he replied. "Besides, I wanted to stay up 'til I got word that all y'all got out've there safe. Everyone all right?"

"No," she said slowly. "We have... We've been sentenced to death. They've branded us traitors to Yevon."

The was a long pause on the other end, and, for a moment, she thought he might have just cut off their conversation there for not saving his daughter from the church. Then he finally said, "I think maybe you oughta tell me the whole story."

"There isn't much to tell that you don't already know. Yevon is..." She trailed off, needing to press her forehead against her knees and shut her eyes tightly to brace herself against the sudden, almost overwhelming, twist of despair within her now that she was thinking about this without anything else to distract her attention. She hadn't felt such dismay since the day she'd heard that they'd found Chappu's broken body washed up on the Djose shore, a feeling so intense that she almost shook from the pain of it. "The church is /corrupt/," she said finally, when she'd pushed the feelings back enough to do so. "Right to its heart. Everything we believe in, everything we've put all of our faith and hopes into, the Maesters have made a mockery of it all."

As an Al Bhed, Cid had every right to laugh at that information, or boast that his people had been right about the church all along, or simply act as if he just didn't care at all. Lulu would have understood any of those reactions, although they would have lead to her never opening up to the man again. Instead, sounding uncomfortable, but at least as if he was honestly trying to make her feel better, he said, "I'm sure it ain't as bad as all that, now. If it were, people would've heard of it by now."

"Not when Maester Mika himself is part of it. He is dead already, just like Seymour. I don't know how long they've been hiding this, but... I believe his mind is already becoming that of a fiend, for all that his body looks the same as ever. The things that he said--telling us that death rules Spira, that Sin will never be defeated--I can't believe that he would say things like that if he were still in his right mind. And the other Maesters just /go along with it/, as if the teachings mean nothing to them! And, even beyond that, we found Bevelle itself full of the very machina they would excommunicate anyone else for having even one of." The more she spoke, the more she found her sorrow being pushed back by much more comfortable anger. "It's no wonder Sin continues to be reborn, when Yevon only needs to look to the leaders of the church to see that they don't repent at all."

He spoke slowly when he replied, seemingly feeling out his response even as he said it. "Well, you know I can't say much about that. But, whether y'all are the ones who're right about Sin or not, that sorta behavior ain't right. Especially not for folks claimin' to be your leaders. I know if I tried anything like that, my people'd run me out on a rail."

"You must be a good leader for your people, Cid." Lulu sighed and stretched out her legs, no longer feeling the need to keep herself curled into a ball like a frightened child. "You know, you don't need to act concerned about all of this for my sake. I know you must be glad to hear that our religion is fracturing like this."

"Now that ain't fair to say. I've got to thinkin' lately, an' I figure you've gotta be a damn vindictive person to be happy to hear there're people on their way to havin' a fiend in charge of them, and I like to think I'm not that bad. Not when I know that there're plenty of decent folks like you out there who're just unlucky enough to be born Yevonites. I can't wish somethin' like that on them. I'm not gonna lie to you an' say it wouldn't make me happy as a water flan on a rainy day to see The Church of Yevon crumble, but I want to see it happen on account of people realizin' its teachings don't work, not because you've got a bunch of bastards in charge of you."

"I suppose I can understand that," she said, not wanting to get into a debate about the truth of Yevon. "...And you may be a better person than I am. I don't know that I could be so noble in your position."

"Yeah, well, I've had a lot to think about lately. Not that long ago I'd've felt that way m'self." He sounded embarrassed, but she couldn't think of why.

Not wanting to continue down that potentially volatile line of conversation, Lulu instead turned to what she needed to say but had been avoiding. "Cid, I need to ask your forgiveness."

"Eh? For what?"

"I told you I would protect Rikku, but I was unable to do so. I tried my best, but she returned when one of the guards injured me instead of running for freedom. And after that they separated us, so I don't even know where she is now."

There was another long pause, and when he spoke again his voice was a little rougher. "Yeah, well, I could've told you that would happen. My little girl's not one to let a friend go down for her."

"But, you told me to--"

"I told you to watch out for her, not to give up your life to pull her ass out of the fire. Maybe you've noticed by now; we aren't much for sacrifice. Look, it's not that I don't appreciate you tryin' to protect her, but we Al Bhed got a sayin'; 'dyga uhmo ouin lusnytac.' It means that when things get the worst they can be, the one thing you don't abandon is the people you give a damn about. Rikku'll take your help, but not if it takes your life."

"Still, I need to apologize. For having to tell you she has been condemned to death, if for nothing else."

"You don't gotta apologize for that either. You're still alive, aren'tcha? So live/. Get yourself out of there, an' bring my Rikku an' all the rest of your friends with you. If you don't see a way to do that from where you are, /find one." His tone was fiercer than she'd ever heard it, and she suddenly realized that this was Cid: Commander of the Al Bhed speaking, not Cid: man who would so obviously begin doting on his niece the moment they met. This was the man who was such a great leader that his people would follow his orders even when they were to destroy their own city, and the difference from the double-speak in honeyed tones that was all she ever seemed to hear from the maesters was striking.

"I will try," she said. "If there is any way at all, I will do my best to find it."

"So, what're you waitin' for?" he asked, returning to the more jovial tone she'd grown used to. "Get to it!"

"I will," she said, pushing herself to her feet even as she did so. Somehow he made her feel confident that in some way everything would turn out all right. "Goodbye, Cid."

"Be seeing you, Lulu," he replied as she put the radio away.

She flexed her arm as she turned back toward the passageways she'd walked through on her way to the spot she'd rested, feeling the sharp stabs of pain that shot through it from what remained of the gunshot wound and judging how much she'd be able to use the arm to help shape her spells as she decided which direction to set out in. The decision, she found, was very easy to make, as as soon as she stopped speaking with Cid she became aware of the sound of voices not that far off.

A burst of intense relief shot through her when following those voices lead her to Yuna, already accompanied by Auron. She was so glad to see that she had been wrong in her belief that they would be more lenient on a summoner than on her guardians, that Yuna wasn't locked up in the temple somewhere waiting for Seymour to carry out whatever plans he had in store for her.

"Lulu, I..." Yuna started, but trailed off. But she didn't need to say anymore, Lulu could read the apology on her face easily.

"It's okay," she said kindly. "I know."

Yuna gave her a brave smile, then turned and continued deeper into the maze, leaving her two guardians to follow behind. Lulu meant to stick close to her side, but instead Auron held her back until there was just enough room between the two of them and her for them to talk privately in low voices. "You're favoring your left arm," he said. "It wasn't injured at the trial."

She didn't ask how he'd noticed that when she'd barely moved it in front of him. Auron seemed to notice everything around him; it was foolish of her to think she could keep anyone from noticing she was wounded until they'd made it to safety with him around. "There was a conflict with the guards," she said simply.

The corner of his lips lifted in the way he had where she couldn't tell if it was meant to be a smile or a smirk. "I thought that I heard someone putting up a fight when they were gathering up the condemned. You're lucky that you're a guardian."

"Am I?" she asked drily. "It doesn't seem to have saved me from the punishment any other traitor would be given."

"Perhaps not. But it saved you from bleeding to death on the floor of your cage. The men chosen as guards in this temple are, in their own twisted way, the most devote soldiers the church can produce. They would never taint their hands with the lifeblood of a guardian if there was any chance they could get her down here to die a 'natural' death instead."

"I see. I had wondered why they spared my life then." She touched the hole in her sleeve, almost invisible with the dark strip of lining wrapped around her arm under it blending into the sleeve around it, and focused her eyes on Yuna. "Don't tell her. Rikku healed it enough for now before we were separated; Yuna can't be wasting her energy out of worry for me when we don't know what's ahead of us."

"I didn't intend to," he said, starting to speed up to catch up with Yuna. "As long as you don't put too much strain on that arm. As you said, we don't know what's ahead of us."

She watched him walk away from her, and considered how matter-of-factly he'd talked about the taint in the church. She remembered how cynical he, twice a guardian -- the last time for a high summoner even! -- seemed about the church when she overheard him speaking with Tidus from time to time, and during the rare moments when he was so unguarded with the rest of them.

Now, with the new knowledge she possessed, she wondered how long it had been since the day the realization of the corruption in the church had struck him like a punch to the gut.

And she wondered how he had dealt with that grief.