Categories > Anime/Manga > Gravitation

[Songfic] And So It Goes

by Topaz_Kat 0 reviews

A small character study using the lyrics of Billy Joel's song to study Yuki and Shuichi's relationship from within Yuki's mind

Category: Gravitation - Rating: PG - Genres: Romance - Characters: Shuichi, Yuki - Warnings: [!!] - Published: 2006-08-27 - Updated: 2006-08-27 - 880 words - Complete

Title: And So It Goes
Author: Topaz kat
Rating: pg
Discliamer: I don't own anything, I just fix it.
Author's note: Yuki's Mind (that's warning enough I think)

[In every heart there is a room
A sanctuary safe and strong
To heal the wounds of lovers past
Until a new one comes along]

They say that time heals all wounds. "They" are wrong. Wounds of the heart can kill, they can also stagnate your life. I am not the only one to build walls around a broken heart-it's a lot easier to keep others at arm's length than it is to trust that they won't smash the remains of what's left to dust.

That doesn't mean I can't say the words, play the part, or romance with the best. But romancing is easy when you keep your heart closed but your mouth, ears, and eyes open. I learned to play the game, romance the soul. Words come easily enough when it's all you hold stock in.

[I spoke to you in cautious tones
You answered me with no pretense
And still I fear I said too much
My silence is my soul's defense]

I've been in hard covers long enough to know decent writing when I see it. what I first saw was not decent writing, but it had some potential. I am not one to focus on what-could-bes, but how terrible it was then. It's not my job to fix other people's writing, nor is it my concern.

It was amusing to see you react as you did-without beating around the bush that you thought my points were crap. It was refreshing to see someone who could answer me back with nearly as much sarcasm as I can. I found out later that you had taken a closer look into what I had said and saw what I didn't say; your writing is still a bit poor, but you're learning to see what I see.

[And every time I held a rose
It seems I only felt the thorns
And so it goes, and so it goes
And so will you soon I suppose]

If love is a rose, I want pruning sheer and gloves. How can I offer sweet nothings when I've only smelled dirt and fertilizer? One day falls into the next, one false lover into another broken heart, I can't say that I ever really expected someone as cheerful, sweet, and loving as you to stay around.

[But if my silence made you leave
Then that would be my worst mistake
So I will share this room with you
And you can have this heart to break]

Cold indifference does not measure up well against excitable warmth. The walls built so carefully around my heart were starting to wobble against the onslaught of caring in your eyes and words. Soft and sweet words I was beginning to long for (though I couldn't yet repeat or speak them myself) made me realize that I could not last without them, perhaps I just really needed to listen and hear them.

No longer as indifferent, but still wary, I had to unlock my heart to you. I had more than a few doubts, and I certainly questioned any wisdom I may have posessed at one time, but the door was open now, and I was waiting. Waiting for you to either open the door or to seal it shut forever.

[And this is why my eyes are closed
It's just as well for all I've seen
And so it goes, and so it goes
And you're the only one who knows]

That night, that terrible night, you were attacked. I won't say violated, only those who've never experienced it can use such sweet words. I held you close, holding my breath and my eyes closed. I didn't need to see the wounds, I knew where they would be from my own experience. i'd seen it bfore on myself, and so prepared to be pushed away. It wasn't because I was cold, but I had needed to close my heart afterwards-why should I expect you to be stronger than me?

One hour flowed into the next, and I still held you close, expecting to hear the finality any moment. It never came. You asked why and how eventually, and so I answered. I never expected to be held or comforted-even now. But you knew my secret now, and you're the only one.

[So I would choose to be with you
That's if the choice were mine to make
But you can make decisions too
And you can have this heart to break]

I'd let you in, choosing for the first time to allow another's presence into my heart. I waited, prepared for heartache and pain while you hld onto me tightly. When I realized that you had not only not let go, but were offering comfort to me for all I had seen as well as taking comfort in the knowledge that I knew and understood, I could hold back neither the tears nor keep the walls up any longer.

[And so it goes and so it goes
And you're the only one who knows]

One tear followed another, and at last someone knew that my frozen heart could thaw.
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