FicWad

Title: [Songfic] I'm a Bitch
Author: Topaz Kat
Rating: pg-13
Pairings: 4xD, 1xD; hints of 2x3 and 4xR
Disclaimer: If I owned them, the show would have been a lot more interesting. Song is by Marideth Brooks, and I first heard it via watching an AMV called "The Valentine Video" set to Faye Valentine from Cowboy Bebop.
Warning: I used to really like Quatre, but over the last few years, I've been able to get a new look at him, and I've decided that I don't like him as much as I used to. He's not exactly a bad guy in this fic, but he's not the greatest either.


[I hate the world today
You're so good to me I know, but I cant change]

Quatre looked over at his lover, watching Dorothy sit up slowly from her bed, she looked mad again. She hadn't been herself lately, she always seemed angry. "Maybe you should take the day off, let us handle the war for a change rather than running yourself ragged. I'm sure it can't be good for you, or your soul."

[Tried to tell you but you look at me like maybe I'm an angel underneath
Innocent and sweet]

"I'm fine Quatre", she snapped a bit as she got up. "Trust me, I can handle the negotiations, I've always been good at it. I'm like you, remember, been raised around pompous politicians my whole life. There isn't one man out there that I can't out-argue and out-debate. Especially, when it comes to war."

"All the same Dotty, it can't be good for you. I mean, you've been so stressed out lately. And besides, arguing all day with those politicians isn't right for you, you're too gently of spirit to be able to put up with it for much longer and I'm afraid that it will hurt you."

[Yesterday I cried
You must have been relieved to see the softer side]

She sighed a bit, shaking slightly as she held back the tears. She felt his arms around her shoulder, whispering sweet words in her ear, telling her that it was okay for her to cry, to just let out all the pain she was feeling. He said that it was good for her to finally admit that the pressures were getting too be too much to her.

[I understand how you'd be so cunfused, I don't envy you
I'm a little bit of everything all rolled into one]

Dorothy pulled away, taking a deep breath, getting ready to prepare herself. "Thanks Quatre, I'm fine. Now, I just have to put on my game face and go to town on those fools." She pulled away, feeling the confused look in his eyes upon her. Yes, she was that good, there were times where to fight the only way she could, she had to swallow her tears and get ready to do battle.

[I'm a Bitch, I'm a lover]

She could out-argue any politician alive. She was Relena's right hand woman in providing data and arguments, pushing for compremises and agreements to be met.

At home, when all the arguments were done, she would lay back, reading her one small passion, the very rare, well-written romance novel. At night, all her true self came out, he was sure, she was confident and sweet, gentle and loving, a very tender lover.

[I'm a child, I'm a mother]

She still got emotional at times over the death of her uncle and cousin. Everytime she did, the blonde young man would hold her, caring for her until she was done crying. There were many times when in the same minute of her tears ending, she would turn to a little child, who was also sad about one of their losses, and pull them close, comforting the child until they were done crying too.

[I'm a sinner, I'm a saint]

Quatre may have been raised Muslim, but he wasn't as religious as he could have been. Dorothy was like him in that sense. She could, and would, break many of the religious rules that she had been raised with, but often in the course of helping someone else. She had been raised not to drink, but she would join in with Duo, shot for shot and glass for glass as he mourned, helping him to re-connect with the dead while still alive.

[I do not feel ashamed]

Quatre shook himself out of his musings as he saw her walk over to the window and open it. He gasped to himself, blushing as she leaned out of the open window, her robe falling off, revealing her rather skimpy nightgown. She just wanted to feel the breeze on her skin, he knew, but damn he wished she would cover up.

[I'm your Hell, I'm your dream
I'm nothing in between
You know you wouldn't want it any other way]

She drove him crazy with her tough and rough ways, and yet he loved her. He knew that deep in his heart, he wouldn't be able to put up with it from anyone else.

[So take me as I am
This may mean you'll have to be a stronger man]

She stormed down the hallway, cursing the many diplomats that she and Relena had just left. The young Prime Minister laughed gently, watching Dorothy make threating motions towards the invisible people that pissed her off in some form or another. The blond man walking down with them laughed gently, feeling a bit uneasy at the ruthlessness of her actions. He truly hoped that he hadn't been wrong in feeling that she would be able to eventually succumb to her more natural personality of a calm, quiet supporter.

[Just assure that when I start to make you nervous
And I'm going to extremes
Tomorrow I will change
And today won't mean a thing]

He watched as a moment later, she caught up with a fellow pilot. Heero looked up at his sparring partner, handing Dorothy her foil. "Why don't you work off some of that aggrssion against something that might appreciate it a bit better than invisible morons?"

Quatre watched as her face melted. The strain leaving her completely. She looked up at Heero, raising a black eyebrow and nodded her head. "Oh yes, that would be wonderful," she gave him a wink, flirting slightly. "I know how much you hate weak women."

Son of a gun the blond man watched his girlfriend. She just shrugged it all off.

[I'm a bitch, I'm a lover
I'm a child, I'm a mother
I'm a sinner, I'm a saint
I do not feel ashamed
I'm your Hell, I'm your dream
You know you wouldn't want it any other way.]

The time was wearing on, as was Quatre's nerves. Dorothy was starting to drive him crazy. There were times where she could be her calm, light, gentle, smiling self. Letting out her true self was appearing to get more difficult though, she would withdraw from time to time, simply laying on the bed, looking up at the ceiling and thinking. She was lost in thought, clearly upset about something. He didn't like it at all.

"You shouldn't keep so much inside Dotty, you need to let it all out, you're obviously hurting badly, why don't you want to talk about?"

She sat up, giving him a soft glare. "Quatre, just becuase I'm upset doesn't mean I need to talk about everything all the time. All I want to do right now," she said as she got up, grabbing a bathrobe and storming into the bathroom with it, stripping her clothes off at the same time, "is to be alone while I figure some things out. Okay?"

"Sure, Dorothy, that's okay. Do you want me to come in and help you calm down? Give you a shoulder to cry on?"

She rolled her eyes and shut the door.

[Just when you think you've got me figured out,
The season's already changing]

He was finally starting to get it, he thought. Dorothy's problem really was the diplomats. It had been ages since she had relaxed and gone on a vacation. He knew that he needed to do his part and push her into a break, before she broke herself.

He sat down with her at the lunch table, preparing to pitch his thoughts for her. He gave her a small smile, reaching across the table to hold her hand. She blinked a few times, looking up at him. "What is it Quatre?"

"I think we need to have a break Dorothy. You have been so frazzled these last few weeks, I can see that the pressures of your work are getting to you. I want you to take the next few days off at least. I'll even take a break from my work with them to go with you."

"Quatre," she began, "you're right in part. But why do you think that you're not burned out too? Why do you think it's just me?"

"Well, look at you, you're always upset, shaking even a bit. You're more fragile than I am Dorothy, I need to protect you. Now, where would you like to go for your vacation?"

She looked away from him, staring out the window. She saw a few of the others from their team and waved at them. "I think you're right Quatre, maybe I do need a break. How about we all do something crazy tonight?"

Quatre brightened instantly, "like what?"

"How about Kareoke?"

[I think it's cool, you do what you do
And don't try to change me]

They had all been drinking something, even him with his beer. Heero had been working on a few bottles of sake, Duo and Trowa were sharing a couple of bottles of vodka, Dorothy and Relena had been slaming back rum with a vengence. Of course, they had gone in disguise so that the two women weren't easily noticed right away.

When it had been Dorothy's turn to sing a song, she picked an old one that only Duo recognized. It was an odd song, full of the contradictions of women, and how they blended together. Quatre thought it was silly. He did notice though, that as his girlfriend was singing, she was slowly edging closer to his Japanese team mate, eventually sitting in his lap.

He saw red. When she finished her song, he took her off to the side, demanding to know what she thought she was doing.

"You were right about one thing today Quatre," she explained gently, trying to calm him. "I do need a break, but not from my work. I need a break from you. I care about you Quatre, but you're trying to control, or mold me into something I'm not, and I'm sufficating. I can't be what you want me to be Quatre. I can be sweet and gentle, but I can't be that all the time. I wasn't raised to be a boyish girl or girly boy. I was raised to be a strong woman, and doing that means that at times, more often than not for me personally, I must be that way. But you don't like it, do you?"

"I don't like it becuase it's not you Dotty... you're this gentle, soft lady."

"No, Quatre, I'm not. This is me, as you see me, before you. Pushy and bossy, with a soft side. Quatre, I'm sorry, but I can't be what you want me to be."

He closed his blue eyes, seeing what he hadn't seen before. "I'm sorry Dorothy. I thought I could give you what you needed... what you wanted. I'm guessing that Heero is more of the type of mate that you need, right?"

She shrugged, "he's a good friend at least." She gave him a hug, "thank you for letting me go."

[I'm a bitch, I'm a lover
I'm a child, I'm a mother
I'm a sinner, I'm a saint
I do not feel ashamed
I'm your Hell, I'm your dream
You know you wouldn't want it any other way.]

The blond man smiled, watching his former girlfriend fence with his best friend and her new lover. He could have kicked himself. Why hadn't he noticed before that she was suffocating under his hand, for here she was now, blossoming in her own strange power as she dueled with Heero.

He looked down as he hand was grasped by someone else's, following the hand up, he saw clear sky looking at him. Relena smiled, "they work well together, don't they? Heero can give her support with out babying her. And she can give Heero a run for his money as often as he needs it." He couldn't help but agree.

[I'm a bitch, I'm a tease
I'm a goddess on my knees]

Dorothy kissed Heero gently, she had just executed a very skilful argument so well that her opponent, a war hawk from "before", had been painted into a corner and couldn't get out. She loved it when she won, so did he.

He kissed her back, feeling her draw away, giving him a teasing wink. "Catch me if you can Heero Yuy, I don't give up easy, and you'll never chain me to anything or anyone."

[When you hurt, when you suffer,
I'm you're angel under cover]

Quatre ran into the hospital wing, Dorothy, Relena, and Duo hot on his heels. Trowa and Heero had just returned from a rather nasty mission that not a one of them knew about, and it had been driving them all crazy. The blond man watched as his American friend ran over to the green-eyed boy he loved, making sure that he was still in one piece aside from the breathing mask he had on.

He looked over as Dorothy went over to where Heero lay, running her fingers through his hair, making sure he could feel her touch. "Baka," she whispered softly, wanting to not wake him. "Baka, baka, baka, if you wanted my attention, you didn't have to try to kill yourself." Heero opened his eyes and smiled up at her, he would be laid up for a while, but at least he had a personal nurse to help take care of him.

[I'm in love, I'm revived,
Can't say I've never lied
You know I wouldn't want it any other way]

Quatre watched Dorothy as she sat on the couch, reading a book. Heero was sleeping in the next room, and he and Relena had been invited over for tea to keep her company so that she wouldn't go crazy. She put her book down as Relena got up to powder her nose.

She got up, checking in on Heero, and after deciding he was okay, she returned to the room, a soft smile on her face. Looking over at her ex, she gave him a small smile. He smiled back, "you're in love, aren't you?" He asked her, watching to see what she would do in response to his observation. He could tell that she dearly loved the man sharing her bed now, moreso than she had him.

She shook her head, "nah... not me." The twinkle in her eyes and the light blush on her cheek told him she was lying to herself. He gave Heero about six months before he would hear her confession, and hoped that he would be able to handle her cameleon moods, each of which were to be charished.