Categories > Original > Humor
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Math Test
(#) feauxen 2017-03-28
1-If one point is here, and the other is there, then it seems quite clear to me that there's no faster way to go between the two.
2-Since the logarithm of 1 is 1, and the logarithm of 2 is 1.141, and the logarithm of 3 is 1.732, and the logarithm of 3 is also a decimal that requires much work (which requires much patience) logarithms require patience. As logarithms are part of the mathematical field of study, the most virtuous field there is, acquiring more of said knowledge grants one virtue. As the process requires patience, patience=virtue, quite clearly. You might even say to a layman that patience is a virtue.
3-As everyone knows, the rare cattywumpus hex is constructed by first arraying two opposing pentagrams, then placing a third, smaller, and most importantly portable pentagram engraving in the center. However, the cattywumpus hex is also the least stable of hexes, failing in its intended purpose (found on the appropriate page of the reliable Urban Dictionary) more than 73% of the time.
4-As the French would say, nous allons jambe à tête pour les grenouilles, Liberté, Egalité, Fraternité! (We go from leg to head with frogs, Liberty, Equality, Fraternity!) Why they say this I have no idea, but they are the foremost experts on trisecting frogs.
5-Well that's simple, I get the biggest piece, because I tell everyone we'll use radians. They ask for a fractional portion, not knowing that radians divide their portions in half! We never agreed to divide this pi equally, after all.
6-Well, let's see, if you subtract Armageddon from the 23 of December, and then add the rapture, you get approximately...oh dear. It appears that all hell will break loose in the year six hundred and sixty six PA, or Post Apocalypse. I suppose we'll just have to wait for the apocalypse to get an exact date!
7-HELP ME! I GOT ALL EVIL TO SPROUT A SQUARE ROOT AND NOW IT WON'T LET GO OF MY ARM!!!
8-Ahem. Mr. Evil, do you mind if I just call you All for short? Good. See, I have this lovely graph prepared just here, and it proves that once you reach this point here, enough is equal to enough. Do you understand? That means you should let go of my arm and stop stealing my bone marrow. I'm going to need that someday...NO you may NOT have my blood too!
9-Well this is quite simple calculus, actually. If we simply take the limit of the function of sanity as our input approaches MY BLOOD we find that it nears negative infinity. This means Mr. Evil, that were you to begin using my blood as food, I would reach my limit and go INSANE! Do you want that? NO!
10-WHO DO YOU THINK IS TO BLAME, MR. I'M ALL EVIL ALL THE TIME? WHO ELSE COULD BE TO BLAME YOU BLOODSUCKING COW! I WILL REPLANT YOU ON THAT TRAIN TRACK UNLESS YOU STOP SUCKING MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW!
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OH THAT'S IT! WE'RE GOING OUT TOGETHER! COME AND GET US, TRAINS!!!Author's response
Nice! I liked your reply better than my post!
I'm not sure whether turning All Evil loose on an unsuspecting world should cost you points or earn you bonus points. I don't like to encourage Mr. Evil but it IS rather funny.
Sorry about your arm. BTW, the trains were HO scale model ones, because I figured something like this might happen. And also because real trains violate the FicWad terms of Service.
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