FicWad

I can feel the sand between my toes as the sun goes down on summer.
The grains of sand fall so effortlessly, colliding with the others
Becoming unidentifiable
Easy to lose and be forgotten.
I could only wonder if I was destined to be the same.

Anxious is how I feel.
I wonder what new obstacles are to come.
Why can’t I go back to when I had fun?
Instead, my summer friend is gone
and left me alone to ponder what’s to come.

School has begun. I can see now that my summer friend has gone, leaving me to shiver in my feelings of self-doubt—
Feelings of insecurity rise as I walk through those doors.
Another year of fake people, hoping to fit in. Another year without my summer friend by my side.

Yes, the day was not good when you left. You took my freedom to be me, changed who I was. Now, I’m left to make a whole new identity.
I hope for the day my summer friend comes back, it’ll be just as sunny and warm as before.

But summer never stays.

Soon I’ll be pressured into joining clubs I don’t want to be in.
I won’t be able to be myself anymore without you.
As I get lost in thought on my next test, I’ll be thinking of you and why you left.
I’ll remember your warmth that felt like a blanket around me—I’ll remember how easy it was to be me when I was with you.

I ask myself: What would life be like if you stayed?
Would it be easier to be me?
Would you be an everlasting memory?
Or easily forgotten,
Like the grains of sand that lie in the sea.

I want to be like how I was with you,
calm and happy.
But anxiety rises within me and I wonder how it’s possible to make it through this school year without you.

Maybe I’ll discover something new about myself without you.
Maybe I’ll learn to love the winter as much as I loved you.

But of course,
What I dread most is change; It’s neither satisfying or pleasing.
When I step foot through those doors, everything about me changes.
I’ve become the tiniest grain of sand in an epic ocean.