FicWad

We walk in silence-but it is a comfortable silence. This is particularly surprising to me, seeing as only minutes ago I'd found myself quite frustrated with my lack of ability to do much of anything. It is also somewhat surprising that Mariku has not said anything, since he has been the one to call me back from silence each time I'd fallen into it today.

But now-silence.

Part of me is grateful for the silence and welcomes it. I suppose this is due to my conviction to tell Mariku the reason for my return to Domino and a need to sort through my thoughts and emotions before putting them to words. Yet, would all the time in the world ever be enough to decide upon the best way of expressing myself to Mariku? I somehow doubt it. But I am grateful for the time that I have.

As we approach the apartment complex, my thoughts temporarily shift from their track as I realize that it is not yet five o'clock and nowhere near dusk. What if Dorobou won't let us in? No, that's ridiculous-Mariku is hurt, surely Dorobou will let us back in... But what if he isn't even there?

Apparently Mariku has been having a similar train of thought, as he finally breaks the silence: "Do you think he'll be there?"

"I don't know... Maybe." My reply is weak, and I am aware of this. But I am also aware that I do not know what to do or say anymore. Then again, did I ever?

We enter the building, and I am surprised when the landlady calls to me from where she is standing on the first landing. "Bakura-san!" She continues to speak as she climbs down the stairs and approaches us: "Dorobou-san left a short while ago, but informed me that you were out without your own set of keys. There was a spare set that you two hadn't picked up earlier, so I was hoping I'd run into you in order to give it to you."

As she hands the keys to me, she seems to finally take notice of Mariku's arm. "Oh my! Are you all right? Is there something I can do to help?"

"Thank you, Jinu-san, but I have a First Aid kit upstairs." Mariku merely nods to affirm this. Jinu-san gives Mariku-kun her good wishes before she takes off, but take off she does, and rather quickly at that. I suppose she hates the sight of blood, even though the blood flow has been successfully halted.

While we wait for the elevator to arrive on the ground floor, silence arises between us once again, but quickly dissipates when Mariku speaks. "I guess we're lucky that Dorobou isn't here. He probably wouldn't have exactly been thrilled about us returning early..."

I shake my head. "I think he would have been more concerned about your safety than our arrival time."

He looks at me, and I meet his gaze. /Are you?/-The question is clear in his eyes, but he does not vocalize it, most likely because he already knows my answer.

There is the quiet chiming of a bell as the elevator doors finally slide open, permitting us entrance; Mariku enters, and I quickly follow, nearly bumping into him. As the doors close behind me, I look up to meet Mariku's curious glance, and I can't help but suddenly feel as though he is much taller than he really is. (1) Or maybe I just feel shorter. Whichever the case may be, the vague sense of vertigo leaves me a bit dizzy, and I slightly lean against Mariku's shoulder.

"Bakura..."

He must be uncomfortable with the way I'm leaning again him, so I straighten up. "I'm sorry, Mariku-kun..." I shouldn't have leant against him in the first place-I'm an idiot.

"For what?" His gives me a questioning look, but I turn to avoid eye-contact, too embarrassed to respond. He sighs-a frustrated sound-and, surprisingly, pushes the emergency stop button as the elevator approaches the fourth floor, one below mine.

I blink at him in surprised confusion. "Mariku-kun...?"

He holds up a hand, signaling me to stop. For a moment, he says nothing and just looks at me with an increasingly uneasy expression, before he starts. "I'm sure you remember how I said earlier that I didn't want to know what it is that you've been hiding until you were ready to tell me, but..."

His expression wavers, and it is all I can do to stare at him blankly for fear of losing it altogether. "God, I think I'm losing my mind..." he goes on, just slightly above a whisper. "I'm almost certain that I already know what your secret is, if intuition is worth anything, but I don't know, and I can't handle this uncertainty for much longer."

He breaks eye-contact, shifting his gaze to the ground. "I'm sorry, but I need to ask you, and for you to be completely honest with me-what is it that you have been keeping from me these past five years, Bakura?"

There it was, the question that I've been fearing, the question that I foolishly thought that I had escaped for the time being.

"What..." the words become stuck in my throat for a moment, and I make a small choking noise. "What do you think it is?" I don't want to reply to his question in the form of a question, but curiosity gains the better of me. What suspicions does he harbor? What if he's right, what if he already knows?

He offers a small, sad smile. "That's not very fair, you didn't answer my question."

I lower my head, trying to hide my embarrassment. "I'm sorry..."

My heart jumps up into my throat when he lifts his hand to my chin so that my face is turned upward. "You're blushing."

I can't respond; I'm completely, utterly frozen in place. God, why is he doing this? Why is he so close? Why...

"You want to know what I think your secret is?"

I manage a small nod.

"You told me earlier that you had been running away from me when you disappeared five years ago, yet now you've come back to find me." My eyes widen at this. "Why do you seem so surprised? You've already more or less admitted this much. However..."

He leans closer. Much, much too close. "...I don't think you were really running away from me. I think you were running away from something in yourself that you couldn't handle, that you were too fearful to face."

He moves forward so that his head is next to mine; I involuntarily shiver as his warm breath strikes my ear.

"You love me. You've loved me for years. That's your secret, isn't it?"

I feel hot tears coursing down my face, and I feel Mariku brush them away with his thumb. It seems so unfair that he should know before I had the chance to tell him, so completely unfair that he have had these suspicions while I was still suffering an internal maelstrom of emotions, of fear and doubt and God knows what else.

Yet... shouldn't I be glad that he knows? Even if I did not tell him directly, shouldn't I be grateful that he knows how I've felt all this time?

The next thing I know, the only thing I am aware of is his lips covering mine; the feeling of his body against mine, pushing me against the elevator wall; his strong hands tangled in my hair, holding my head close to his, my mouth against his.

I never knew it was possible to feel such a surge of... intensity.

I pull away, breathless. "Mariku..."

He looks at me intently.

I feel somewhat embarrassed to ask this, but... "Do you think you could start the elevator moving again?"

Mariku blinks, but then a small smile graces his lips, and he depresses the emergency button. "I'm sorry if I got a bit carried away." ...Is that a blush?

I offer a quirked smile. "Don't be sorry-you've saved me from the embarrassment of having to ask if you reciprocated my feelings."

It shouldn't be possible to feel this happy, this light-this /free/-after so many years of running away and living in fear of utter rejection. But it is possible, and very real, and I am unbelievably thankful for that.

As the elevator doors open on the fifth floor, my attention suddenly returns to Mariku's arm; it seems that during our little... ahem... his wound managed to reopen, and a thin red line has snaked down to his hand. "You're bleeding again..."

He looks down. "It seems I am."

"You could be a bit more worried about it, you know. I hear that infection isn't exactly a world of fun."

"I didn't say I wasn't worried; I just noted that yes, I am bleeding again."

During our offhand banter, I manage to unlock and open the door to my apartment, and I immediately head toward the bathroom with Mariku in tow, trying to ignore a rather embarrassing insinuation he makes.

"You know I was just kidding," he states defensively.

"Still, you ought to know better-I've got scissors, after all." I emphasize this by holding up the pair I used to cut the gauze for his bandage and snipping at the air. "And I seriously doubt you want to be castrated."

"Okay, okay! Remind me not to offend you when you're overrun with hormones."

"Are you calling me a PMS-ing woman?" I raise an eyebrow, something I learned how to do from Dorobou.

He looks frantic for a moment and holds up a hand-the one not attached to the arm I am bandaging-in defense. "No. Definitely not. In no way am I suggesting you are female."

"Good. Because I am tired of people acting like I'm a girl..." I try to suppress a sigh, but fail to do so.

Surprised by the touch of his hand against my cheek a moment later, I look up to meet his worried glance. "Are you thinking about those guys at the ice cream place?" I simply nod. "They were assholes-people like them don't know anything and aren't worth worrying over."

"But your arm..."

He shakes his head. "No. They're nothing, and this wound is nothing. You have no idea... I was seriously ready to kill them, Bakura. I hadn't felt so angry before then since a time when my other side was still around. I couldn't stand the thought of them harassing you, and I... if they hadn't run away, I easily could have come very close to killing either of them." He turns away slightly.

"That's not something I'm proud of, you know?" He continues. "The knowledge that I could kill a person... that I have killed other people... it's not something that's easy to accept. But if I had to, in order to protect you from those scumbags earlier today, I would have."

"Mariku..." I don't know what to say. It truly is touching that he would have protected me at any cost, but I would never wish him to do anything that would affect him so negatively. "...Thank you."

There's a moment of silence, much like the other times today when there were no words between us, but rather an nearly tangible sense of peace. He pulls me close and we just sit there on the bathroom floor in one another's arms, ignoring the chill of the tiles beneath us and the rest of the world around us.

For now, I am happy just to be with him, and I wouldn't trade this moment-or any moment since the elevator ride-for the world.




Notes:

(1) Bakura is 176cm tall; Mariku is 180cm.