FicWad

Seer

She Who Wonders

It was four days later when I snuck out of my room. I had been assigned to my quarters to heal for another three days, but I was getting stir crazy and I felt perfectly fine. All my wounds had healed except for the light pink scars that would be gone in a few days. I was still having nightmares though. Every night I had only gotten an hour or two of sleep. Whenever I tried to sleep it was like replaying that night I was attacked over and over in my head, the dreams becoming worse and more terrifying every time I tried to sleep… I had to do something to keep myself busy. I had even considered trying to sneak back into work. Then, Captain Abarai had requested that I come to her home to practice for the festival. I was told that Captain Hitsugaya had turned her down, but… I was sorta walking down one of the halls in her house, being led by an attendant. Hopefully he either wouldn't find out, or wouldn't be too mad if he did. It wasn't like I was doing anything dangerous. The most I had to worry about was Rukia dropping her fan on my head.

To help me sneak around I had worn a kimono today. Once you got away from the squad barracks, moving around the rest of the Seireitei unnoticed was best done dressed like a civilian or a noble attendant. With my deep blue and white kimono on, I fit the bill perfectly. It was one of the nicer kimonos that I kept in my barracks room, and since I had been heading towards the Kuchiki manor no one gave me a second glance.

"Lady Abarai," The attendant called out as she paused by an open doorway. "Miss Ria Yamamoto has arrived for you."

"What?" Rukia's voice rang out from the room. Footsteps thumped rapidly and Rukia's head popped out from around the doorway. "You're supposed to be in bed!" She accused me as she dramatically pointed her finger in my direction. Of course, my condition had been explained to her. I shouldn't have expected otherwise.

I laughed lightly as I came up to the doorway and entered the large room. "I am feeling fine Lady Rukia," I said as I looked around the room. Standing against one wall an empty stand for her kimono stood tall while another attendant had the shimmery blue kimono draped across one arm while she fussed with the hem. Across the room my koto laid across its stand with a small raised cushion behind it. The room was barren besides the two objects, perfect for Rukia's practice.

"Does Toshiro even know you're here?" Rukia asked as she followed me back into the room. Today she was dressed in a kimono of similar shape to the one she would be wearing for the festival dance. With the longer sleeves and bottom hem she looked like a vision of perfect nobility. The purples in her kimono brought out the exotic highlights in her blue eyes and accentuated her black hair that she had braided over her shoulder.

I turned to her and gave her my best dazzling smile. "I'm not to return to duty for a few more days. This isn't duty, this is play."

She let out a sigh. "When Toshiro hears that I let you stay-"

"Actually, it's Lieutenant Rangiku you have to worry about," I said with a small laugh. "I haven't actually seen the Captain since he dropped me off at our med bay, which is really annoying because he still has my kanzashi. Rangiku is the one who's been giving me orders and checking on me constantly." I ran my fingers through my hair and let out a sigh. "She's worse than a mother hen sometimes."

"Really?" Rukia said with widened eyes. "I guess I can see that coming from her."

I walked over to my koto and scooped up my picks. Quickly I inspected them to ensure that I hadn't damaged them before I started slipping them on my fingers. Unlike the stock finger picks that came with a square tip, I had filed these down into points to help with the precision of my sound. I wore four on my main hand and three on my other, the uneven number odd to some people but it allowed me to do more complicated chords at once. Turning back to Rukia as I secured the last pick and with a smile I asked, "Ready?"

She nodded and pulled a fan from her sleeve.

We practiced most of the morning, refamiliarizing ourselves with the speed of the movements and punctuating our actions together. Rukia truly was a vision to behold as she danced. She had been doing this dance for years now. Even with the small mistakes she would make as we worked through the steps she was gorgeous. I could only hope that the music I played was enough to compliment her.

"I think it's time to eat," Rukia said as she put her fan down on the edge of my koto. I smiled up at her and started slipping my picks from my fingers.

"Are we eating in?" I asked as I stood, picking up my zampakuto from where I had placed her against the wall.

"I think we should go out," she said with a firm nod as she turned and headed for the doors. I followed her as she led a steady path through her manor. We stopped to slip on our geta before she led us off the manor grounds. Once we were on the streets she slowed her pace and let me walk beside her. She let out a small sigh and looked over to me. She gave me a searching look, like there was supposed to be something on my face but she couldn't see it.

"Is something wrong?" I asked.

"I should be asking you that."

"What do you mean?"

She gave me a look that said 'seriously?'

"I really don't know what you mean. I'm the same as always," I tried to assure her.

"You look different. I know you are still recovering from a pretty serious injury, but why do you look so weary?"

I kept my face pointing in the direction that we were going, avoiding looking at her. "I feel fine, Lady Rukia."

"You don't look fine. It has something to do with those hollow attacks, doesn't it?"

I did my best not to act like I had been caught in a thought. "No, I just haven't been sleeping well. I'm fine."

"Quit saying you're fine," Rukia humphed. "How long haven't you been sleeping?"

"A few days now, but-"

"Why?"

"I'd prefer to not talk about it," I said, giving her a humph of my own.

"Do I need to tell Rangiku about th-"

"No!" I quickly interrupted. "She doesn't need to know. I'm dealing with it on my own," I grumbled.

"You don't look like you're dealing with it on your own," she accused.

I looked away to hide the annoyance on my face. Spotting a plausible distraction, I said, "Do noodles sound good?"

"Noodles?" Rukia's voice perked up as she followed my gaze.

For a few minutes, at least, I had distracted her. As soon as we walked into the restaurant, cutely named Wok on Fire, we were seated and distracted by ordering drinks and our food. Once the waiter was gone Rukia's eyes fixed on me. "So, why haven't you been sleeping?"

"Geeze, you are relentless," I groaned.

"Ria, I'm not your Captain anymore, but I would like to think that we are friends," She started to say. She pulled her hands up from under the table and started fiddling with her fingers. "I know I have never tried to speak to you like this, but I can't help myself."

"Lady Rukia," I said her name with surprise.

"I'm concerned about you," she continued. "You haven't been involved in combat for years. It's just not what you are good at."

"It's nothing like that," I lied. "I still get phantom pains from my injuries. It just keeps me up." It wasn't exactly a lie, I still did have phantom pains, but they weren't the reason I wasn't sleeping… I really needed to start wearing make-up. Apparently, it was obvious to everyone.

She eyed me warily for a long moment. "Are you sure that's all?"

"I'm sure I'll be fine once the memory of the pain isn't to fresh in my mind," I said with a small smile.

"That wasn't an answer," she said while narrowing her eyes.

I bit my lip while I tried to think of how I could phrase my answer without lying to her again. "I don't want to lie to you Lady Rukia," I said, my face falling as I looked away from her. "But I'd rather not talk about it. I'll be alright, I just need to get over my issues on my own."

Silence came from her direction for a long moment before she sighed. "Alright. I won't pester you about it anymore. But, please know that you can talk to me. I promise I won't repeat what you say to anyone unless you ask me to."

I looked back to her and nodded. "Thank you. I will keep your offer in mind."

She smiled at me, but there was a weariness in her eyes that hadn't been there before. I couldn't fix it, not right now. I could tell she was worried about me, but I really didn't know why. Sure, I looked dead tired but I felt fine… mostly. Our food came and we ate, left to returned to practicing. We spoke like normal as we chatted and practiced, but whenever I caught her looking at me when she didn't think I way paying attention there was concern in her eyes. It was unnerving and made me worry a bit more for myself. Did she know something that I didn't?

It was a few hours later that we stopped for the evening and Rukia sent me back to the barracks. Apparently, she thought I was pushing my luck by staying out so long. I didn't think that it was an issue, but I followed her directions and was making my way back to my barracks anyway. The Kuchicki Palace wasn't quite on the opposite side of the Seireitei, but it was close. It took me several minutes of flash stepping to make it back to the barracks, but without injuries to weigh me down it was like skipping across roof tops. The speed felt fantastic compared to the slow and difficult movement I had been doing the other day. Though, my kimono did make it a little more complicated to not stumble.

Arriving at the barracks I stopped in the outdoor area behind the large building. It was still daylight out, but the sun was only an hour or so away from disappearing behind the horizon. It may have been a bit late in the day to try and get my zampakuto to talk to me, but I had nothing better to do than try. I hadn't spoken to my Zampakuto since she had saved me from that hollow. Or, it was more like she refused to speak to me. I had called to her numerous times every day, but had never gotten a reply. Sometimes she would appear and watch me as I spoke to her or she would appear on her own and linger around, but not once had she spoken to me. It was a lot lonelier than I had expected.

Deciding that I didn't want to go back to my quarters just yet, I took a seat at one of the benches. This area wasn't too far from my room. If they didn't know I had been gone, they wouldn't think anything of me being out here. Pulling my Zampakuto from her sheath, I set her across my lap. She appeared without me calling to her, sitting on another bench across from me.

Today her mask was made of thin silver ribbons that wove in intricate patterns across her skin. Her right eye was covered by the metal, the ribbons thinning out as they traveled across her face, leaving her left eye, cheek and chin completely uncovered. It was the most I had ever seen of her face at once. Her teal eye looked at me, blank and unexpressive. Her lips were painted red and gleamed in the light as she turned her head to look up at the sky. Normally I didn't see her hair, or I was unable to notice it, but today it glimmered in ebony waves down her back, the purple and blue highlights standing out in the slanted sun. Her kimono was an elegant shimmering icy blue embellished with small pink blossoms that seemed to dance across the fabric.

I watched her as she looked around, her eyes taking in our surroundings. I wanted to say something to her, but watching her was like watching someone create a work of art. It was mesmerizing and entrancing. I was so consumed by watching her that I didn't notice someone standing behind me until her gaze turned to them and her eyes lit up with recognition.

I glanced over my shoulder to see Captain Hitsugaya standing there. He looked as stoic as ever as he gazed past me. I used the opportunity of his distracted gaze to look him up and down. He looked as pristine as he always did, though today he was wearing his more formal Captain's haori. It looked similar to his normal haori, but this one was lined with silken fabric of the squad's colors instead of the more durable cotton. Even the hems were sewn with silk, the shiny strands glimmering on the edges of his haori.

"Is she," he started to say, distracting me from gazing over his outfit. "Your Zampakuto?"

I blinked. "Is who, what?"

"That woman sitting there," he said, gesturing towards where my Zampakuto was perched on the other bench. "Is she your Zampakuto?"

I looked over to her to see her gaze still on Captain Hitsugaya. I glanced between the two of them a few times before I had to words to answer him. "Yes, but how can you see her?"

"I am allowing it," my Zampakuto answered. "Soul Reaper," her words were chiding as she spoke to me.

I wanted to throw something at her but turned to face her instead. "Oh, so you do know how to talk." I quipped. She just stared at me, her one visible brow lifted in a mocking expression. "Answer me this then you smug little…" I bit my lip to keep myself from swearing at her. Once the urge was gone I continued, "Why are you letting him see you?"

"I am always visible to Soul Reapers when I manifest, unless I choose not to be. You are the one who hides when you call me," her voice was soft despite the subtle bite to her words. Was she bitter that I went to go hide in places when I called her? I let out a huff. I wanted to ask her a lot of questions, to figure out why she had been silent until now. But, with Captain Hitsugaya here I didn't really want to bring it up. But, she was just… just…

"I hide because I have to talk to you out loud. You just ignore me when I try to talk to you in my head." I shot back.

"I ignore you when I have a reason to," she said, waving me off casually as her eyes went back to glancing around the area.

"Do you mind if I ask what you two are talking about?" Captain Hitsugaya asked softly. I glanced back at him for a moment then over to my Zampakuto.

I let out a sigh and picked up my Zampakuto by her hilt. "Before I put you away, what is your name?" I asked her.

Her gaze turned to me, her expression completely blank once more as she said, "Figure it out for yourself, little soul reaper." She was just gone then, as quickly as she had appeared. I glared down at her blade, meeting my own gaze in the reflection. I groaned as I slid her back into her sheath and grumbled some curse words in her direction.

"How are you feeling Yamamoto?" Captain Hitsugaya asked as he took a seat on the same bench I was on.

Snapping out of my mock bad mood I looked over at him and gave him a sheepish smile. "Just fine sir. Thank you for asking."

"Is that why you were at the Kuchiki Palace all day?" The irritation in his voice was clear, but knowing his bickering matches with Rangiku he was much more pissed off when he tried not to sound angry.

"Yes?" I said, lifting my voice at the end to make it a question. "The festival is in three days and we haven't practiced together in almost a week." I started to explain.

"Its fine Ria," He said to stop me from continuing. "I understand the relationship that you have with Captain Abarai. I spoke with her shortly after you left her house. If you wish to spend the rest of your sick leave at the Kuchiki Palace I won't disagree."

I tried really, really hard not to squeal with excitement. Instead I managed to keep it down to a big smile. "Thank you, sir. Performing perfectly during the festival means a lot to us. Not doing well will embarrass the Kuchiki and Ise Clans. I wouldn't be able to show my face to Lieutenant Nanao or Captain Kyoraku ever again if I made a big mistake. Or Captain Kuchiki…" I shuddered with the thought.

"Why the Ise Clan?" He asked, lifting a quizzical brow.

"Oh, I guess I never really explained that before. My sister married Nanao Ise's cousin. Despite my name never changing, my actions reflect on that of the Ise Clan in their eyes. They wouldn't let me change my name because I've possessed the possibility of being a Soul Reaper since my sister married, and therefore I could end up having my own unique zampakuto, which is against the Ise Clan's traditions. It was Lady Nanao's decision, which I am grateful for now."

"Despite that they still hold you to the same standards?"

"Yeah," I looked down at my zampakuto then and let out a small sigh. "Lady Nanao is pretty strict as the head of the clan, but she's usually so busy assisting Captain Kyoraku that I don't see her often. As a soul reaper, I don't come up on the elder's radar often but when I do it's a big deal that I don't mess up."

He nodded and turned his gaze out on the grass. We sat in silence for a few moments, listening to the breeze as it ruffled the leaves in the trees. Without looking at me he broke the silence, "What were you and your zampakuto discussing?"

"Sorry about her, sir," I said as I looked away. "She's been giving me the silent treatment for a few days now. Today was the first day she's said anything to me since she got spooked in the forest."

"Spooked? How so?" He asked.

"Well," I leaned forward as I recalled the other day. "Normally she's pretty much the same, emotions wise. Even when," I had to hesitate. Talking about anything on that day that the first hollow attacked me was still difficult. The nightmares were still so vivid… "When she knew I might die, she was calm and collected albeit scary as hell. But in the forest, she was in a panic. She didn't just touch me, she pulled me to my feet, something she's never done before, and guided me. She said that she 'didn't foresee what was coming'."

"Some Zampakuto's can physically manifest like you've described," He started to explain. "Take Renji Abarai's Zabimaru, or I'm sure you learned about Muramasa at the academy. That in its self isn't surprising, but you said she was surprised by the situation?"

"Yes," I folded my hands in my lap and watched them as I thought back. "When she first started giving me these ridiculous names I thought she was just messing with me. Like the day she told me She Who Slips, I ended up going out drinking with Rangiku and slipped on the wet stairs out of the tavern. Up until a week ago, her names had always been like that, almost prankish. But despite their intent, she knew what was going to happen to me that day. She knew everything. But, that day in the forest it was like what was supposed to happen changed."

"What do you think happened?"

"Fate changed," my zampakuto said as she appeared standing before me. I couldn't help but to jump at her sudden arrival. I looked down at my sword to make sure that the blade was still securely in its sheath. She'd done this a few times over the past few days, but it was incredibly unnerving still.

Hitsugaya turned his body to face us, his eyes intent on my zampakuto's manifestation. "What do you mean fate changed?" He asked.

"Fate changed. Little Soul Reaper was to be safe," She explained. "She Who Grows, that was her name. There may be many names, but they do not change. Some are more prominent, others are not, but they are a constant." She stood straight and shuffled delicately away from us, her feet barely making noise in the grass.

"So, you intervened?"

"Yes," she answered shortly as she turned her back to us. "She is my little Soul Reaper. I will not accept someone toying with her fate. If I predict her to die, then she will die. Someone giving her a name that I did not foresee is against the rules."

"Someone?"

She turned her head just enough to glance over her shoulder at him with that incredibly teal colored eye. "You are smart," She flipped her hair away from her shoulder. "You are starting to understand. She will not understand until it slaps her in the face."

And she vanished. Of course, she would just disappear like that.

"I am going to strangle that little shit the next time she appears," I growled, my hand flexing over her hilt. She was always so-so… ugh. She made me sound like I was a damn idiot.

Captain Hitsugaya was silent beside me as I looked over at him. He looked deep in thought as his eyes remained on the spot that my zampakuto had been. I couldn't help but to watch his face as he thought through whatever was in his head. It was clear that something was bothering him. I could only suppose that I should have thought something was wrong with what my zampakuto had said, but it didn't really know what to think. Hollows had appeared in the Rukon District, that event alone wasn't abnormal. Now, they didn't typically show up in amounts that required all the Court Guard Squads to respond too, but such an event would surely be able to change someone's fate. My zampakuto couldn't possibly see everything. Then again, I didn't really know just how strong she was…

"Captain," I started to say. He acknowledged me with a slight shift in his attention. "I'm sorry for my zampakuto. I didn't even know that other people could see her, so I wasn't prepared for how to deal with her."

"Has she ever explained her abilities to you?" He asked in return.

"No, not really. She usually leaves me guessing," I said, leaning back on the bench. "I wish I knew why she was actually talking to you. She treats me like a little toy most of the time." I couldn't help but to pout at the thought. "Won't understand until it slaps me… Maybe if she would talk to me I'd understand."

Captain Hitsugaya stood abruptly and started walking away. I stood at the same time and watched his back as he moved. Had I said something wrong? I hadn't meant to…

"Sir," I called out to him as I followed his path. He paused and turned back to me, but even with his attention on me he seemed distracted. "Why did you come down here? Before my zampakuto distracted you."

He seemed to perk up at the change in conversation. He walked back towards me, meeting me half way. He reached into his shihakusho, pulling my kanzashi from his inner pocket. "I've been meaning to give this back to you," he said as he offered it to me.

I reached out and took it from him, our fingers brushing lightly during the exchange. I looked down at my kanzashi and turned it over, examining it like I hadn't seen it in years. I had repaired it perfectly, every strand of silver, every ribbon of bronze, every gem just like they should have been. And he had kept it on him this whole time, safe and undamaged.

"Thank you," I said as I turned it over once more.

He hummed his reply and started to turn away again. I started to reach for him but caught myself mid motion. He had other things to do, so why was I trying to detain him? The past few interactions I had with him had given me a false sense of familiarity. I needed to remember that I was just his 3rd seat and he was my captain. We weren't friends or anything… so why was I reaching for him?

He turned back to me as if sensing my movement. His eyes watched, lingering on my out stretched hand for a moment before he fully faced me. "Is everything alright?"

I pulled my hand back realizing that he knew I had wanted something. But, what? What had I wanted?

"I'm sorry, it's really silly but," I held up my kanzashi, quickly coming up with something to say. "I can't put this in without a mirror. Do you think you could?"

His expression softened for only a moment before he nodded. I started to reach out to offer him my kanzashi, but hesitated when he stepped closer to me. Standing this close to him our height difference was evident. He was almost a foot taller than me, the top of my head barely coming up to his shoulders. I hadn't realized just how much bigger than me he was. It wasn't like he looked small, but he had a fit and slender frame that was deceiving with the extra size that his shihakusho gave him.

…

What?

Since when had I started paying attention to his body?

His face though… and those eyes…

Damn it, that really wasn't much better.

"May I?" He asked.

A blush heated my cheeks as I gazed up at him. "Um," I fumbled over my words. "Do you know how it should look?"

"I've seen you wearing it for years," he commented sarcastically.

I laughed at myself and turned my head to show him my chignon. "Please do, then." His hand covered mine as he pulled the kanzashi from my grip. Butterflies fluttered in my stomach when the prongs of the kanzashi slid along my hair, light and almost tickling. I tried to remain as still as I could, but suddenly I was just so nervous. The prongs met the ribbons I had used in my chignon and he hesitated.

"Its fine," I said, using my own hand to move the braids slightly, so as he was looking down he could see the blue ribbons that were keeping my hair in place. "Just avoid the ribbon."

"Ah," he said more to himself than me. As I brought my hand back to my side I watched as he lifted his. His other hand came up and brushed across my neck as he made to hold my chignon still as he tried to slide the kanzashi into place once more.

I had never been this close to him before outside of when I was injured. Hell, I hadn't ever been this close to a man without some sort of violence or training involved. Even when he carried me a few days ago, I had never noticed how he smelt like the mountains in winter. The clean but still earthy smell was so delicate that if I hadn't almost had my nose pressed into his haori I would have never noticed it. It was like even when he was suppressing his spiritual pressure, some of the residual effects were still present. Or, he just naturally smelled like this, but I was expecting that he was just that powerful. I wanted to press my nose to his chest, to better scent that which was him and to feel the softness of his haori against my cheek.

Just as I started to lean into him, I caught myself. What was I thinking? Even if I could admit that I was attracted to him, I certainly couldn't do something like that. I represented the Ise Clan, even if I didn't have their name. Even if I didn't represent them, I was still a lady. Everything about what I had been thinking was improper. He was my superior. I was just a subordinate. I needed to drill that into my head before I got myself into trouble.

I felt the prongs of the kanzashi slide into place, the chiming of the silver ribbons a familiar sound as he released them from his grip. Though the hand that had been guiding my kanzashi retracted his other trailed down from my chignon to rest on my shoulder. I kept my eyes focused on his haori and didn't move. I knew I was still blushing, I couldn't help it. He was so close to me and despite my resolve not to do something stupid I could still smell his alluring scent.

"Ria," his voice was like a coo to me.

My mouth went dry. He had never said anything to me like that, let alone my name. Slowly I lifted my face to see his. His eyes were full of concern as he gazed down at me. His nose was only a few inches from mine. We stared at each other for a long moment, neither one of us saying anything. His hand squeezed my shoulder lightly causing me to do my best to suppress a shudder that wasn't from pain.

"Sir?" I responded to him finally, my voice a whisper.

"For the next few days," he started saying but corrected himself, "For the next while, tell me if you feel threatened in any way."

"Why would I feel threatened?" I asked.

"Please, just do it." He said, his grip on my shoulder firming. "Anything that makes you feel even the slightest bit concerned. I don't care if you think it would just be a bother. Tell me, and I will be there."

"Why are you worried about me?"

"You are mine to protect," he answered, his words sounding automatic like a reaction. "And I haven't done my job twice now. I won't let it happen a third time." His hand drew off my shoulder, his fingers tracing over where I knew the pink scar was still healing as he pulled away. The tender new skin tingled with his touch as he stepped back slightly.

I bit my lip as I nodded. "Alright."

His eyes trailed over me from head to toe before he turned and disappeared with a flash step. My hand instantly went to my chest to try and sooth my racing heart. What had all of that… just been?