Categories > Anime/Manga > Full Metal Panic

For Love

by nakhodchivost 1 review

How far will you go for your love. What will you do to be close to them, to protect them, to made them happy. Are you willing to gave up your future, your career or even your love ? Follow the stru...

Category: Full Metal Panic - Rating: R - Genres: Angst, Drama - Characters: Kaname Chidori, Sousuke Sagara, Teletha Testarossa - Warnings: [!] [?] - Published: 2006-09-05 - Updated: 2006-09-05 - 4059 words

Explanation about this story and author notes can be found on fanfiction(dot)net since this story is originally posted there. Parts of the first and second scenes are respectively taken from fan fiction Crush Depth and Code of Conduct. So without further ado I present first part, chapter one.

Legend :
[place, time]

[Tuatha de Danaan; before Sousuke’s assignment]

Sergeant Sousuke Sagara was lying on his bed, reading the dossier for his new mission. In the submarine space were at premium, hence the rooms with the utmost importance such as machine rooms or weapons rooms were given most space. Bedrooms were given lower priority, and staff quarters were the least of all. This meant he has to share spaces with three other in a nondescript and bare room less then 4 sq meters and slept in stacked bed the size of a coffin.

To consider Sousuke Sagara as a normal person would be like assuming that everyone on earth is a genius, it was downright impossible. He had grown up on the battlefield, his first toy was a gun, his best friend a sniper rifle. Having killed a man at the age of 6, he had grown up surrounded by comrades, brothers in battle, lost gradually in this conflict or that. It wasn't the combat that he enjoyed or the sheer joy of living on the edge. But it seems that he is a magnet for disaster. Wherever he is, battle will surely follow him.

When Teletha Testarossa had asked his Company to join her cause, and what they'd be fighting for, there really hadn't been a choice to be made. Since then it was a part of his life, so integral to whom he was that he almost didn't exist without it. He need that rigid structure, needed that discipline that is required from a soldier. Simply stated, he cannot live not being a soldier.

So his present assignment puzzled him greatly. He was to infiltrate a local high school and befriend a particular girl to protect her temporarily while intelligence assessed the exact nature of her threat. He simply have no knowledge about civilian life and therefore unprepared to deal with female species beyond the rambunctious type he met at Mithril.

Sousuke drew a deep breath, glancing at a photo of his target. (Well at least the girl is attractive and about my age. With my present luck she could be a fat and ugly brute. Maybe that is why Mao picked me for this. I could use the distraction. It would keep me apart from the captain for quite some time). His cheek reddened at the thought. Somehow Captain Testarossa or Tessa as her crew dubbed her, can cause him to blush whenever she was around. (I need some time away to figure out my feelings) he thought

He rose from his bed and began packing whatever meager stuff he had since storage spaces in his room were almost nonexistent. After this he would meet with Kurz Weber and Mao to be briefed in detail for this temporary mission. Little would they know that this mission would take longer than any of them would expect, changing their life in process.

[Tuatha de Danaan; 1 week after Belgestan mission]

Since she was the captain of Tuatha de Danaan, her quarter was the largest in the submarine. She got all the 9 sq meters space by herself. Except for her bed, a small desk next to it where she worked and placed her computer and phone and a wall safe there were little space left for waking around. Everything in her room was bolted to prevent rattling. At least the carpet was thicker, the wall was painted dull cream instead of exposed steel and she has a small adjoining bathroom attached to her room.

Being only 16 years of age Teletha Testarossa had been well versed in the subject of love and suffering unlike those of similar age. His brother said that she was type of person that gave her all to everything she done. In the context of love that means she would fell hard as proven by her first love.

Bunny Morita was a fellow whispered the creator of Lambda Driver, a powerful energy that derived from your raw emotion. He was a gentle and caring person that helped her through the ordeal of being a whispered. So naturally she gave him her whole heart, which would prove to be her greatest mistake. For when the cruel hand of fate take him away, it also take away her heart.

And so begin her early exposure on pain especially those related to losing your loved one. It took her many years to recover. During those years she had to fight practically alone since her brother left her. Leonard Testarossa chose to use his Whispered talent against Mithril. Rumor said that he was responsible for Bunny Morita's death.

Her brother betrayal gave her a new cause for her to dedicate her life, battling evil around the world. A dedication that became stronger when her brother tried to recruit her. She stubbornly decided to join the Operation Department so that she can face her brother directly all in expense of her love and happiness. Most people would consider it as a worthy trade off, but not to her.

So when reading Sergeant Sagara Sousuke after mission report on the Belgestan mission and meeting him in person she was able to recognize the look of hell on his eyes. They taught her a new definition for hell.

Hell, she decided was not being able to comfort him when you knew he was in pain. Hell was being forced to act as if you did not have any care about his disastrous mission beyond professional level. Hell was looking him in the eyes and saying, "Dismissed," without allowing more than a trace of compassion to color your voice for fear of how others might interpret it and what rumors it might start.

She spent that night crying, sitting by her bedside hugging her knees. Her thought wandered to the telephone conference she had earlier with Mithril high council.

It is obvious from Sousuke's mission that Mithril Intelligence doesn’t have enough information about this new insurgent group. The last Council Meeting decided that Intelligence Division would redouble its effort to infiltrate the group. Naturally such task required individuals with supreme skills and preferably unattached to eliminate unwanted risk. So a proposal was made to form a rouge squadron of field operative agents composed of unattached individual with supreme skills dedicated to infiltrate and gather sensitive information. In a sense it would be a suicide squad.

But the reason that they informed her was to ask for her help and Sousuke's. They ask her to build weapons to counter those carried by their new enemy since she was the most suitable person for the job. They wanted Sousuke to join the field operative squad since he has a unique set of skills. Not to mention that he was an orphan and therefore unattached.

Her uncle had been trying for years to convince her to move to Research department. He felt that her knowledge would be better spent there. A logical request that she repeatedly refused since to stop Leonard she have to remain in Operation Department.

She cannot deny that she was very fond of Sergeant Sagara. Some people would define the level of her fondness as love. However she was not sure if the feelings are mutual since the sergeant was clueless on the subject of love. She also knew that military code of conduct hindered any personnel fraternization with her subordinate officers. Despite that, she cannot allow fate to take away her love, even it is one sided. She had seen the damage of one mission. It wouldn't take that many mission to destroy a man and much less to kill him. It would be up to her to ensure Sergeant Sagara's safety even if it meant driving him away. Now she has stronger reason to remain as Captain of Tuatha de Danaan. She would sacrifice her love to protect the one she loved. She hoped that her Whispered intelligence was enough to outsmart their enemy.

So she bravely denied their request. She declared that Kaname's protection would be Sergeant Sagara's first priority due to the new threat assessment, and that her time is more needed to command Tuatha De Danaan. The council was enraged by her decision. She has undoubtedly created some new enemies among the council.

Late that night after her tears dried, she prayed for strength to endure any hardship thrown into her path by her newfound enemies and for her heart to survive the loss of yet another love.

[Chidori Kaname’s apartment; same time as above]

Chidori Kaname stood alone in her living room observing her new fitted window and admiring her new sofa placed in front of it. It amazed her how fast Mithril managed to cover up for any damage that Sousuke done. In just under six hour they had replaced her broken window and changed her bullet ridden three-seater sofa with an L shaped one. It made her living room somewhat more crowded but she couldn't refuse their generosity. Luckily her 21 inch TV survived the incident without a scratch.

Her apartment was located on the second floor of a compound. The size was moderate but complete. Aside from her bedroom, living room, bathroom and kitchen she also has one guest room just in case her father came to visit. Except for the bedrooms every room were painted with cream color and spartanly furnished due to her limited budget.

She was lucky that she lived alone. His father would be furious if he found out about this entire ruckus, saying that she violated their agreement. (What kind of sixteen years old girl would form an agreement with their father) she sighed. (If only that incident didn't happen) she wished.

The incident would be the death of her mother that happened on the early years of her junior high school. Because his father work required him to travel a lot, her mother was her only company until the arrival of her sister. Therefore their relationship was very close, thus her mother's death caused her great grief. Her grief was so deep that she becomes acutely depressed. At one point she even attempted suicide. It took the combined effort of her teachers and her father to restore her condition. Once Kaname was considered healthy, her father planned to move his entire family to New York since he has been offered a post at the UN office. To his horror Chidori adamantly refused to move away. She preferred to stay in Japan since her mother loved this country very much.

Therefore his father proposed an agreement. Chidori would be allowed to live alone in Japan for her senior high school if she joined them in New York when she graduated. He also forbids her from dating saying that he does not trust her judgment.

Their family doctor has advised that her mother's death can cause her deep trauma. But it wasn't until her family left that her trauma become apparent. Her mother's death has caused her to fear being alone. The first night alone in her apartment she spent the whole night trembling in fear. Even for days afterwards she would get little sleep since nightmare haunted her every time she closed her eyes.

It would begin as if she awoken in a dark room. Then as the room brightened she can see that it is a large room. But she cannot discern its actual size since the light only covers areas around her leaving the rest of the room pitch black. In this darkness she can see shadows lurking about, hissing, crying and wailing. One shadow would appear from the darkness calling out her name with her mother's voice. However when she tried to approach it but the shadow would disappear into the darkness before appearing again in another direction. Every time she took a step forward in any direction, the darkness in front of her would recede and reformed behind her. But no matter how far she walked she never reach the end of the room. As she grew tired, the shadow attack become more frequent, taking form and voices of persons familiar to her, the mocking grew louder and the darkness come closer. Finally as she gave up and slumped on the floor, the shadow lunged at her from all direction, enveloping her in darkness. It was at this point she awaken, drenched with sweat and trembling all over, too afraid to go back to sleep.

So she buried herself in school activities to tire herself. It was one of the reasons she joined the Track and Field club and applied as Vice School President. She hides this from her father since she felt she has to face her fear since this is the consequence of her choice.

Things have been better in her second years. She managed to have several friends. Occasionally they would come over to her apartment, keeping her company. But still her fear remained, causing her to lose days of sleep. Having those fear for a long period of time caused her to loathe her loneliness.

Therefore it was a relief when she learnt that she has a bodyguard even if he is a military freak like Sousuke and only for temporary. His tendency to destroy things and his paranoid nature helped her to forget her fear. Even if it irritated her greatly Chidori Kaname no longer felt alone.

People that live in darkness once subjected to light and grew accustomed to it would never want to return to his previous life. So does Chidori, once she no longer lonely felt any inclination whatsoever to be alone again. Hence she now lives in a different kind of fear that Sousuke's assignment would end and she would be left alone once more. She responded by creating distance because she figured that the closer they get the greater she will be hurt when he is recalled. She would hit him repeatedly with her halizen and accused him of many bad behaviors just to drive him away. This was easy for her since Sousuke has kept displaying his annoying behavior.

But deep down, she hoped that her decision would not backfire on her. She dreaded that Sousuke would be fed up with her and asked for another assignment. Whatever will happen, when that day come she hope that she can survive being alone again.

[Merida Base; Chidori Kaname’s 1st visit]

Chidori Kaname, Teletha Testarossa and Melissa Mao are soaking on the woman's bath on Merida base. Several beer cans were scattered around Melissa's end of the bathtub. Designed for four persons, one at each corner, there were still ample spaces in the hot bath for them to relax. Mao had personally barricaded every corner of the room from Kurt Weber prying eyes by laminating them with carbon-steel wafer.

While soaking in hot water and lathered with heavily scented bubble bath they decided to do that girls do best which is gossiping. Chidori was telling the story about Kyoko's latest date which ended in a funny disaster, funny enough to make all of them laughing hysterically at the end.

After the laughter subsided, Melissa took a big gulp of beer and let out a satisfied grunt. "Ah ..., the sacrifice you do in the name of love. How sad but true" she shook her head in wonder.

"Like you have any experience in that subject" Chidori smirked. After all doesn't military life hindered that kind of relationship ?

Melissa took another beer can and pointed it toward Chidori. "Of course I do. I had my share of love before becoming mercenary. Ask Tessa if you don't believe me" she nodded towards Tessa.

"I thought you become mercenary to prevent your parents from marrying you away by force" answered Tessa with a confused look. "If you have numerous romances before that how come you aren't married" she added.

Melissa gave a loud coughed, having almost choked on her beer while Chidori gave her a frightening glare. "Marriage and romance are two completely different things” she countered. "Anyway there are 3 purpose of sacrifice of love. The sacrifice itself can be one of 4 categories" The combination of both can determine the quality of your love.

"I bet three of that 4 category of sacrifice are money, gift and time" Chidori said with a smug tone. "That's common knowledge" she added.

Melissa grinned, "Actually no, the 4 category are materials/money, time, live in parts and love or live in whole. The last two are not common knowledge" she explained

"I don't understand the last three categories. What is the difference between time, live in parts and life in whole?" Tessa asked twirling her braid.

"Time meant those parts of your life that has no affect on your future. Live in parts meant a small part of your lifetime that affect your future such as changing career, whereas life in whole meant giving your entire life from that point onward like Mother Teresa devoted his life for India" Melissa answered.

"How come you put love in equal terms with live as whole. I never heard anyone sacrifice their love" Chidori snickered.

"A simple example would be the tale of Minamoto no Yoshitsune. To protect her son's live his mother sent him to become monk. She even refused to meet him when he came to visit. She sacrificed her love to his son so that he can stay alive" Melissa answered.

"And I thought you were just discussing romance. Yet you give example of family love and contribution to society" Chidori muttered.

Opening a new beer can Melissa said, "They were examples of love's multiple side. Any more question ?" hearing no reply she take a gulp of beer "Now we will move on to the purpose for those sacrifice". She raised her right index finger, holding her beer can with the rest. "The first purpose is to be together with the one you love. This is the most common purpose. Such sacrifice range from trivial ones like rearranging your schedule to serious ones like changing work or moving out of town. They are deemed the lowest level of sacrifice because of their selfish nature"

She then raised her middle finger. "The second is to bring happiness to your loved one. Again the sacrifice can be wide ranging. This is considered higher since it focused on others."

She raised her ring finger, leaving the beer can dangling between her thumb and pinky. "The third is to protect that person. Even the lowest category of sacrifice for this purpose must be considered very carefully since it can come with a high price such as your live or with a heavy burden that you would have to carry throughout your life."

"So sacrifice of money with the purpose of being together indicated the lowest quality of love. While taking the bullet for the one you love indicated the purest form of love" Chidori concluded, her brows knitted in concentration.

"That's a valid conclusion" Melissa nodded "Though some would argue otherwise even after having to experience it first hand" she said looking at Chidori.

"I don't need all of this nonsense, it confused me. Romance is the least things I need to worry about with all the damage Sousuke has done" Chidori said defensively.

"Maybe he is doing it out of pure love" Melissa teased. "What a lucky girl" she said with a dreamy tone.

A fight quickly erupted between the two of them while on a secluded corner Tessa was lost deep in her own thought.

[Same place; same time]

While Tessa, Chidori and Melissa Mao were having a bath, Sousuke Sagara and Kurt Weber were detained on the base's cafeteria. It was basically a square room 8x8 meters in size adjoining the kitchen. The food table was located along one end of the wall near the double door that connected them. Small square metal tables were arranged around the room with four metal chair surrounded each one.

The room was empty except for the SRT Team. Almost every male members of Tuatha de Danaan SRT squad were present in the interrogation. The two of them were seated against the wall while the rest of the squads were grabbing seats from nearby table, forming a half circle towards them.

"Hey Kurz, met any beautiful school girl there ?" asked Sergeant Yan.

"Of course I do, date a couple of them in fact" Kurz boasted.

"Really ? As I recall you frightened most of them by your fake France accent" Sousuke snorted.

"Hey, that was just warming up. When I get serious they were all swooning over me" Kurz protested. A series of whistle and snicker were heard in reply.

"How about you Sousuke, has Kaname kisses you yet" Sergeant Yan shifted his question.

"Miss Kaname had never shown any sign of affection towards me" Sousuke answered curtly.

"How about those love blow she gave you on daily basis ?" retaliate Kurz. A series of Ooh and Aah were heart in response to his statement.

"No sane person would consider being hit in the head by her halizen as a display of affection" Sousuke replied.

"It might, if used against a thick headed man like you" said Lieutenant Clouzot, causing a ripple of laughter among the men.

"You are a lucky man Sousuke to have girls fighting for you. Even Captain Testarossa seemed to be interested in you" Yan chuckled. "I saw her stealing glances towards Sousuke when she thought no one was looking". When he saw everyone were glaring at him he meekly add, "I better forget about what I saw"

"To a soldiers love can be both a blessing and a curse" Clouzot stated in a calm tone breaking the silence. Seeing everyone puzzled look he explained. "A soldier's duty can be very demanding and lonely. This can create heavy mental burden. Having someone to comfort and share your burden is a precious gifts" Hearing his explanation the men nodded in agreement.

"How come such wonderful gift be a curse" Kurz asked in a disbelieving tone.

"A soldier must obey the call of duty even in the most inappropriate times no matter how dangerous it is or how long it going to take. This can cause a great deal of stress on their spouse since they were subjected to prolong wait and constant fear that their beloved wouldn't make it. These have caused many divorces among brothers in arms" Clouzot replied.

"I suppose I better move out from field assignment when I get married" Yan said gloomily.

"To some of us field assignments are the air that they needed to breathe. Without them would be like pulling a fish out of water" Clouzot stated, looking intently at Sousuke. "To these kinds of soldiers, love can do even more harm" he added.

"Please kindly elaborate your statement Lieutenant" Sousuke said, locking his eyes with Clouzot.

"In our line of duty, it is inevitable that we would hurt a lot of people. They may seek revenge. And the best revenge would be to lash out against those you love. So for these types of soldiers having a love one could cause them to be in great peril" Clouzot explained "Unless of course they can protect them properly" he added with a smile.

"So you are saying that a soldier must be able to protect those they love" Kurz asked "That is a heavy responsibility"

"Yes, it is the utmost principle for a soldier. After all with every great power comes great responsibility. What is more powerful than us" Clouzot gave a wide smile. Loud shouts of acclamation immediately followed, causing a great deal of noise.

Meanwhile Sousuke pondered what he had heart, his face neutral but his brain busily burn every word to his memory.

[End of chapter 1]

OK what do you think good or bad please review.

I intentionally put the break here since this chapter should only served as character introduction and to provide the base for the rest of the chapters.

Next chapter should be up in a week or so, hopefully it would be better.


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