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4kids Complaints

Dedede sat in his chair with a grimace across his face. He sat grumbling angrily and muttered, "If it's not my turn soon, I'll hit someone!"

Upon hearing this, Escargon ran to Zoro and begged, "Please protect me from the king. If he doesn't go up soon, he'll hit me with his mallet!"

Zoro glanced at him and asked, "Why should I care?"

"Because I have money," he stated.

The word 'Money' was always music to the swordsman's ears, so he grinned and said, "You've just spoken my language. All right, I'll protect you from him, but pay me first."

Escargon gave him 500 Dreamland dollars as Zoro grimaced and spat, "This isn't the money I was expecting!"

He planted his sword on the snail's shell and sent Escargon flying into Joseph's office. Joseph stared and stated, "You sure came here fast."

The snail sighed and lowered his head. He looked up, grimaced and spat, "WHY DID YOU TURN ME INTO AN EMOTIONAL SAP?"

Joseph stared and replied, "What are you talking about?"

"You know what I mean!" spat the snail, "I'm talking about how you replaced my best one-liners with horrid puns like 'You can't take monsters for granite' and you made my voice sound depressed and weak! I used to sound a lot happier and more enthusiastic about life!"

Joseph was not prepared for this. He did not expect Escargon to snap like that.

Escargon fumed at the head and continued, "Also, you changed the song I sang about the king in that episode where he doesn't get mad until the end to a depressing off-key tone! Originally, I sang my song to the same rhythm as the original Kirby ending theme!"

"Well, nobody would have known that it was the original ending theme. Besides, that song sucked," uttered Joseph.

Escargon fumed and cursed, "I know it sucked, you baka Trebeck! (John Cassage reference) It's just that you can't destroy art like music just like that! You're not fooling anyone with your constant edits! Okay, maybe Kirby is less noticeable than most, but the fact that you keep editing these shows thinking that Americans will buy it and think that you made it is unforgivably stupid! I bet you're thinking that I'm out of character right now. Try watching the original! You'll see a slight difference between your version of me and the real me!"

The alarm rang as Joseph wiped some sweat off of his forehead and said, "Time's up, but here's some candy incase you want to relieve your stress."

Escargon kindly took the bag of candy and said, "Well, you just relieved me a week's worth of torture. Domo arigato, good sir."

Escargon came out happily enjoying his candy as Dedede stared and stated, "I heard a lot of yelling in there. Are you okay?"

Escargon shook his head and said, "If you paid attention to my edits, you'd understand perfectly."

Dedede sighed and asked, "Is this because they messed with your song and voice and you went into a hissy fit about it?"

Escargon cringed and muttered, "I hate you."

Just then, the overhead came on as a voice emitted from the overhead and said, "May his majesty enter my office?"

They staff rolled out a red carpet as Dedede grinned at his royal treatment and followed the carpet to the room. Upon reaching the door, some obnoxious asshole trying to relieve his inferiority complex slammed the door in his face causing his beak a lot of pain. The king merely pulled out a mallet and smashed the man in the face.

(I had fun writing that)

He entered the room and sat down at the table as Joseph trembled in fear and asked, "What is your complaint, your highness?"

Dedede cleared his throat and pulled out a parchment that rolled to the door. He took one more breath and said, "My first complaint is my voice. I SOUND LIKE A TEXAN HICK FOR GOD'S SAKE! COULDN'T YOU MAKE ME SOUND SMARTER?"

Joseph trembled in fear and said, "I'll get right on that when 4kids dubs the new Kirby series said to be released in Japan very soon."

Dedede smiled and continued, "I'd also like to ask why you replaced my army tank with a toy one? It still shoots cannonballs! What's the difference?"

Before he could continue, Dedede made another cold stare and stated, "I'd also like to complain about chainsaws being turned into light sabers! That's just so stupid and childish, only someone dumb like my dub version would come up with it! And what's up with turning me into the bad guy? I was just a bully in the original, and then you went and turned me into a homicidal maniac!"

Joseph was scared now. Dedede pulled out a mallet and asked, "You want a homicidal maniac? You got one."

Just as he was about to pound Joseph's face in, the alarm rang and Joseph wiped his head and said, "Your time's up."

Dedede sunk, turned around and smacked the man on the head. "That's for making me Texan!" he snapped as he slammed the door behind him.

Joseph sighed, turned on the overhead and announced, "May Fumu please enter the room? I need to talk to a sane person immediately."

Fumu looked up and said, "I guess that's my cue."

Manta stuck his thumbs up and said, "Go get 'em, Fumu!"

The small Cappy girl entered the room, sat down and said, "Yeah, you screwed up Hoshi no Kirby a lot."

Joseph stared and asked, "How is it not the least ruined dub we ever did?"

Fumu grimaced and said, "For one thing, the music was crap done on a synthesizer! Also, you don't know when to be silent! You have music when there's not supposed to be music! Furthermore, you messed with my name and changed it to equivalent of my brother's dub name! You also made me into a super nerd, screwed up all the one liners that made me a funny character like everyone else and made me into a selfish snob! You also changed Demon Beasts to monsters. That was just stupid on your part."

Joseph trembled with fear and said, "Look, kid, I can't make al Kahn learn. He doesn't give a shit about what I say! I have no control over the situation!"

Fumu glared and snapped, "Don't give me that bull! You have all the control over it."

Suddenly, the alarm rang and Joseph said, "Your time's up. I'll send Al Kahn your comments."

Fumu exited and took her seat next to Manta and said, "I think that went well."

Yep, Fumu was tough and scary when she needed to be.

Joseph sighed, fiddled with the mike and uttered, "Will Yugi Muto enter my office?"

Yugi got up and said, "Worry not, Anzu. I'm sure Yami will solve all our problems."

As he sat down at the front desk, Joseph rubbed his face with one hand and asked, "What do you want?"

Yugi stared and stated, "It's not what I want."

He switched with Yami, who glared angrily at his oppressor and snapped, "It's what I have to say! Look what you did to my voice! I sound like a 50-year-old man when my build spell teenager! Also, changing Millennium Pendant to Puzzle was really stupid on your part! Furthermore, Yugi doesn't want to sound like goody-two-shoes! He'd say so, himself, but you made him sound too childish to be taken seriously!"

Joseph stared and said, "Wow... that's the weirdest complaint I ever got. I'll inform Al Kahn of your feelings."

The alarm rang as Yugi left and he thought, 'Wow, this from our least ruined dub... I think... Damn, I have no say in the matter anymore, do I?'