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Xander still wondered what made him come here at all.
But after taking another feeding from the fridge he
could no longer stand ti to spend the day in bed with
Harmony. The woman was such a cheap bitch, nevertheless
a usefull one.
Xander wandered out of the lair and over to his old
home in broad daylight and chuckled as he remembered
how Angel had always had to keep in the night and
was missing the ability to walk the day. Well, he did
not now what was so damned special about missing the
sun - unless it just galled the fangboy to be unable
to do it. Oh man, he couldn't even call him that
anymore. HE was just the same, now.
Xander felt the demon and the hunger inside him, yet
he had no troubles to overcome them. Whatever he was,
he certainly would not destroy Buffy. Rather he would
die himself - which he actually wanted to do, now.
Or did he? He wasn't so sure of it right now.
His life sucked, his unlife might get better.
Damned hope was there again.
Xander did not know what moved him to come here again
but he certainly was angered to see his fahter and
mother in the kitchen and celebrate his death! Calling
him a useless little bastard and that they were SO
much better off now that he was dead.
Rage, that was a new thing. He never had much of it,
not in the hot and overpowering sort of it like he
felt now. Demon rage it was.
Xander simply entered the house - he needed no shit of
an invitation, the next diversion. Damn, he was some
danger. A vampire who could walk daylight and needed
no invitations, who could even look at a cross without
much problems. He had to touch one before it burned him
and the wound had healed very soon - way faster than it
should. If he wanted to, Xander figured, he could do
heck of a lot of damage!
And right now he was in a murderous rage. He simply had
to kill the two people who had hurt him all his life,
who had ridiculed him and confined him to the basement
and now were glad about his death...glad to get the
life insurance he'd never known about making them rich
and enabled to live in comfort for the rest of their
sorry existence.
He saw red, literally, as they said that part. All this
time they had cheated him out of his live, they became
the embodyment of everything that was WRONG in his life,
his entire existence.
He felt no shred of remorse as he regained his reason
and found them to be torn apart, literally. Just weary
satisfaction for hacgin them killed. He saw some half
of his old man's face, a grimace of shear terror.
And he found out he was different yet again: He had not
just morphed into the usual vampire, with fangs and
claws, he had rather transformed into something that
looked like Oz the werewolf on a full moon night. He
had not had any hint of troubles with tearing two
people limb from limb. And drink their blood while
his teeth had penetrated human flesh and bone. He felt
he liked to do that act of murder, the sense of power
it gave him. So alien to him, all his live he had not
had power and control - now he had. Sort of.
And he was a murderer.
Xander was so shocked about that he simply ran away
screaming, away from here, just away. He wanted to be
where he was safe, where there was life, hope, meaning.
That meant he same as Buffy to him.
He simply followed his guts and before he really knew
what he was a wolfe running through Sunnydale without
anyone noticing...and following a scent, a something.
Before long he came over to the place.
Riley Finn's flat.
Xander returned to human shape and blinked, confused.
That should have been impossible...yet another thing
that he did. And then he remembered about Riley Finn
and him dancing with Buffy, nearly mating on the
dancefloor.
He had not liked the man and just known he was hiding
something, and he'd been right. Dead on right. Oh yes,
he was the leftover GI Joe action figure, a lifesize
one that appeared human. And he was part of some ultra
secret black ops command that strifed to control the
hellmouth and make use of what was crawling around at
night. Or where people didn't look.
Really spooky - Xander was not so dumb to belive they
did it to protect the people, oh no. He had thought
about it a while and then came up with the idea they
did it to make weapons out of the creatures. And the
idea did not apeal to him.
Buffy was a walking weapon, everything a bioweapon
researcher could look for. So he feared Buffy would
one day vanish into their hidden base to be examined
to destruction - how they dealt with Spike was just
another example of what they did. Not that he'd felt
particularly inclined to like that vampire, well, he
had a lot of reasons not to. Especially after living
with him for a few weeks and knowing he was screwing
his girlfriend. Not that he complained, Anya had more
than enough apetite for both of them.
The idea of seeing the two together really turned his
demon on, Xander registrated. And he knew Spike was
safe for her as long as he wasn't able to kill.
The latter one was pretty comfy to him, yet it was a
major wrongess. That was never meant to be. Buffy was
not meant to end up in their laboratory and not even
an evil scumbag like Spike should live like THAT, so
totally warped against his being. That was...evil.
Xander did not like evil any better than before.
He shook his head clear and then he nearly screamed
as he found Buffy in Riley Finn's close embrace.
She had slept with him!
"No," Xander whispered, just managing not to scream.
Not again, not that. He needed her, alone. To talk to.
To be with her. To hold her.
What he didn't need was her to end up with Riley Finn.
Especially now that he listened to Riley doing a call
to the Initiative...speaking about HIM being a new
Hostile and wanted for implantation or destruction.
Oh great, now the commandos are after me! he thought.
And then agent Finn was reporting about subject Summers
and her recent behavior...some female voice ordered him
to continue observation and to gain her trust. Great
shit, it was as he'd feared - they were after the
Slayer. After Buffy.
"I bet you like that mission just so much, asshole,"
Xander whispered soundlessly as he watched through
the windows as Riley returned to the bedroom and to
the sleeping beauty. Buffy, naked, on a bed.
A dream come true...if it had only been his.
And then he touched her, woke her and made ehr smile,
kissed her. Buffy looked at him estranged and then
she asked about last night, if it had been the right
thing to do for their relationship.

"You just needed something to anchor yourself to,"
Riley said in his best actor's mode. "I know how hard
it is to loose someone you hold dear, Buffy. I can
empathize. Xander must have meant a lot to you."

"Yes he did," Buffy muttered with a trembling voice.
"For years...he was my oldest friend and he...he just
always was there for me. Whatever happened, regardless
how dangerous it was, and he was still there. Loosing
him was...I don't know I never expected this. I always
thought it would be me who'd die first."

"Don't say something!" Riley said. "You will not die."

"I already did, once. He brought me back from...the
other side. Sometimes I do dream about it," Buffy said
in a distanced voice and manner. "I don't think I ever
truly thought about what he meant to me."

"It isn't the end of the world, Buffy," Riley said and
kissed her on the forehead. "And don't worry about it,
if you need someone! Now you have got me."

She laughed. "Will you be my white knight?"

"Everything, my love," Riley said and grinned as she
leant back. "Let me show you..." He kissed her on the
shoulder, the throat, the hollow of the throat and
Buffy giggled girlishly.
Yet her eyes were staring into some distanced place
while they began to fuck and Xander turned away from
the window he'd been spying through. He didn't need
to watch Riley Finn shove his general into the woman
who was the world to him. He nearly had lost it and
went in there to rip this little bastard apart, but
he refrained from doing this.

He was shivering as he went off to some place to be all
alone and think, just think. Some place where he could
get blood wihtout killing someone, he was already hungry
again. The hunger was something he could not fight and
beat - unlike the demon. It could only be satisfied.
He walked around for hours without getting anywhere.
In his head there was just this great chaos. Buffy.
Buffy and Riley. Riley and the Initiative, spying on
her, scheming. There was the matter of his parents
deads, an act of justice as far as he was concerned.
He got nowhere but to more hunger.
He found a young woman somewhere and Xander just looked
at her, told her to follow him and went into an alley.
She came and he showed his fangs and bit into her
delicious throat, not even thinking about hurting or
raping her before. His demon told him he'd like both
but he did not listen to the demon.
She leant into his embrace with a glazed look as he
told her to and then he drank from her. He managed to
do it without killing her, then he licked the wounds
and saw them close already. "Neat," he commented.
She was just unconscious as he, with a little bit of
more restraint, left the alley and went to feed some
more. Xander did not kill anyone and he learned he
could hypnotize people to do as he told them and
forget about meeting him.
It took him the rest of the day to sate his hunger,
but answers he did not find. He had to protect Buffy.
He was a vampire, he was evil, or was he? He had to
sit down somewhere, maybe even talk with someone and
think things over. Without getting upset and thinking
about simply killing Riley.

In the end he went into Willie's bar and wanted to
take a seat far to the back, ask for blood and a stiff
drink. His tab should work for a while...and well, if
everything failed he could do some torture on the
snitch, he really could.
Xander was somewhat surprised to see Spike come out,
already tanked and looking for troubles.
Good thing he was able to fight demons or most of
the clients would have used the chance to rip him
apart. For past deeds or on general principles or
just to prove themselves as the guy who killed the
famous Spike - yeah, real accomplishment now!
He was kicking and punching against some demon or
the other while one went at his back, three others
were already on the ground and didn't look to be
alive.
Xander stepped in and kicked the stake-wielding blue
demon out of the way. The demon turned around and
wanted to kill him, but he just sidestepped the thing
and then he got a grip on the head and used it to
break it's neck with a quick judo throw. Pretty showy
move (and he didn't really know where he got the kung
fu from, it just was there and he did it) but it got
the job done. And the sound of the cracking bone was
music to his demon - with killing a demon Xander had
no problem at all. One dead demon later he saw Spike
strike out the last opponent and rip his still beating
heart out and smash it to pulp in front of the dying
demon's eyes. Nasty, and very Spike-like.
He turned around and the old nasty badass punk was
gone. Now he looked just worn and ragged and about to
die, well, he was already dead but he looked worse
than that. And then he bowed forward and groaned and
puked. "Oh bloody hell, Harris!" Spike blabbed as he
was done with throwing up and wiped his mouth with
his dirtyed duster. "What are YOU doing here?"

"Looked for a place to have a few drinks, you know."

"Well, wouldn't go down there," Spike smiled wearily
and pointed to the snitch's bar. "Slayer has heard
of your little stunt from last night and is royally
pissed, you wanna meet her now? She's beatung up all
of the guys to get at your ass. Just go down there!"

Meet Buffy? Xander thought and grimaced. No, not as
long as he didn't know what to say to her. Oh, sorry,
I just got a bit angry at them and by the way, your
boytoy is preparing to get you into the worst kinds
of human experimentation? Really neat, she would just
believe it! He was neither willing to fight her nor
to get staked, he just wanted a drink.
"No," he decided. "You know any other decent place?"

"Yeah," Spike said and led him to a place at the
docks - a real dump. The regulars were scum and gang
types, pretty bad. Whores and junkies and all the
rest, but there were surprisingly none of the nonhuman
types around. Spike said they usally kept to Willie's
as a watering whole for here there was no blood and
the clients were no easy prey.
Spike talked a few words with the bartender and then
they got a table in the backs and drinks.
Xander stared into his glass with Whiskey, delivered
by someone gril who could be the female Willie the
snitch, and then he saw Spike take a seat besides him
and reach for the open bottle.

"Hello Harris," Spike said slurry. "How does it feel
to be on the other side of the line by now?"

"Oh, I think you know yourselves," Xander replied more
angrily: Pretty bad. A low blow, but it fit the mood.
"Sorry about Dru." He actually was. Evil or not, Spike
had loved and he knew himself what heartache that always
gave him in the end.

"Hey, it wasn't YOUR mistake," Spike grunted and shook
his head. "I wish I could say so, see, for you're the
only damned guy from there I could beat up."

"Maybe," Xander smiled saddened. He wasn't sure how but
he would say he could give Spike some fight, now. Maybe
he'd even win.

"Well, you didn't loose much time, did you?" Spike went
on. "Heard about that act on your slimy parents. Was
about time someone handed them the bill for theirs,
said so to her sluttyness, but she wasn't in the mood
to listen." He sighed. "For whatever it's worth, man,
you should take cover. Heard that little witch is
trying to buy what she needs for that damned curse."

"I thought she had everything ready in advance," Xander
muttered.

"Yeah, well, after she invited me in to her house and
she threatened me once to often about doing that to me,
I got to smash her damned orbs of Tessula!" a half drunk
and very much amused Spike proclaimed with a hand to
gesture about it. He looked at his bottle. "Only one
magic store who has one of these, now. Bet she's there
tomorrow, so if you wanna avoid the bloody soul gig..."

"Why do you help me?" Xander asked, suspicious. "You're
relying on the whiteheads to suply you with blood for
you can't get it yourselves anymore. Without them you're
just doomed."

Spike snorted. Really. Then he reached into his duster
and pulled out a package of cigaerettes, flipped one
out and lighted up. "I don't care anymore. Without my
princess live's meaningless anyway, so why fight it?"
He shook his head again, exhausted. Resignation showing
on his human features. Then he laughed. "Sorry, Harris.
Forgot you're the leading expert on THAT one there!"

Xander leant back and grinned a tormented smile. Yes, he
knew exactly how it felt to loose the woman he loved and
to find his live a complete waste of time. Why not end
it right now? He already had tried to - and then he just
had decided against it, there were some loose ends to
tie up before he became dust. A lot by now. "No offense
taken, Spike."

"Thanks. Great Satan, I just wanna DIE! I can't even
kill that damned asshole of a Watcher who killed my
girl!" Spike said, incredibly depressed. "I mean, I am a
major badass demon. Worked my way to the bloody top over
decades and thousands of kills, and now look at me! I'm
a bloody joke." He needed a drink on that. "You know, I
never got on that, but there are things better left
alone - and this is definetely one!"

"Mhm, damn Initiative."

"Who?"

"The commando guys," Xander said softly. "Say, Spike,
why do you give yourself up?"

"Bah, everyone just hates me. Even myself. And, in the
name of hell, what CAN I do? Killing myself is the top
and bottom of the list, I tell you!" Spike shook his
head and storke thorugh his coloured hair. "Dru was my
one and only chance to get that damn whatever out of
my head and do revenge. And I'm no no-matter-what kind
of guy like you, mate. At least no more."

"Thanks," Xander said and shook his head. "Say, why did
you deal with Buffy back when Angelus wanted to send us
all to hell?"

"I like the world, man. But he was fucking my woman! Had
to take it back to him, you know. Payback and such,"
Spike sneered. "Why do you ask?"

A simple answer. And exactly what he needed. Xander
chewed on his lower lip as the first vestiges of a
plan formed in his head. "I think we could do better
than just kill ourselves," he thought aloud.

"Like what?"

"We could kill our enemies...the Initiative!" Xander
declared. "And if you help me to get Buffy, I have no
problem to help you to finish the Watcher."

Spike gaped at him and then grinned. "You got a plan?"

"A number of ideas."

"And you will kill the Slayer?" Spike asked hopefully.

Xander glared at him and flashed a cold smile. If Riley
could take Buffy away from him, why couldn't he do so
as well? And remove any obstacles in between of them.
"Well, I can promise you there will be a lot of fun!"
he promised. "And we might get a way to rid you of that
chip...but you got to do what I say."

"Hey, always admired the way you got them to work to a
plan, slutty's not that great on tactics, you know,"
Spike chuckled and rubbed his hands. "So, what will you
do?"

"I think we might start to get something to eat, get
sober again and prepare our strike!" Xander said as he
got up. "I have a place for you to crash at and such."

"Sounds like paradise," Spike mused as he followed the
younger vampire with the aura of power out of the bar.