FicWad

Chapter 23 - The Long Goodbye

It was daunting. It was exhilarating. It was nerve-wracking. And it was the most secretive thing she had ever done in her life: Sarah was preparing to leave Earth, never to return. It was quite a lot like making the preparations for one’s own death in that she had to get all of her property and finances in order. She secretly drew up a will and had it notarized, putting it in a strong box at the bank. Jareth had assured her that she would want for no material thing there, that everything she could ever possibly want would be provided and then some, and had instructed her to only take a few things of sentimental value - he wasn’t strong enough to pull through the entire contents of her apartment. Not to mention that it would look highly suspicious. He had even managed to rig up an internet connection there somehow; she could download music and movies and books from her own world. He had simply looked away with a look almost of shame when she pointed to the email account on her own computer. The answer was obvious: as painful as it would be, she couldn’t maintain anything that would betray her identity; there was nothing for it.

She quietly donated the vast majority of her clothing and even some of her less valuable belongings to charity, leaving only things that she currently needed to live and other things that her family might want to pick over. It was all just stuff. She considered selling her car but decided against it; such a visible choice would be questioned. Sarah spoke of the covert operation very little with Irina and when she did the other woman made light of it or was excited for her. She offered to put them up in her condo when they came back to visit. Sarah didn’t have the heart to tell her.

She kept in fairly frequent contact with Jareth; sometimes she would even find his crystals lying around because he was just dying to show her something. It was frustrating not being able to talk to him but it was reassuring to see him alive and well. They managed to communicate in a sort of pantomime. If she had the heavy end of the bargain emotionally, he had the heavy end physically. In mid-October she got the familiar itch in the back of her mind that meant he was trying to contact her and formed a crystal. He was standing on the high gate of the Goblin City with one foot on a turret, holding a black whip of all things. He turned to her and waved a greeting, smiling, then pointed in front of him - something she needed to see. Very carefully she pivoted the angle so she could look out into the valley of garbage and could scarcely believe her eyes: the entire goblin horde was out there sorting through it! Mountainous piles were being made like a construction site; one was only broken lighting fixtures, another was old clothing and scraps of what might have been clothing at one point in time, and yet another growing pile seemed solely devoted to kitchen sinks and bathroom porcelain. There was a sudden scuffle near a pile that appeared to be children’s toys. Looking closer, she gasped: the little thieves had unearthed her old music box from that fake bedroom! It was successively stolen about a dozen times, ludicrously passing from light-fingered hand to light-fingered hand with speed until it finally came back to the one who had originally found it, who cackled and ran away with its treasure. It didn’t get far - it was stopped at the butt of Sir Didymus’ staff and was forced to hand it over. Off in the distance it looked like they had built a couple of smelters and - yes! - loading the one to the left was Ludo! It was a big job but the beast looked up to it. Fireys were dancing around them, darting in occasionally, making sure the smelters stayed hot enough for the job, yet were aptly wary of the yeti. Rows of big bars of different metals were cooling on the ground back behind them. She felt her gaze pulled back from the scene, back to Jareth. He had turned around so they wouldn’t see his face. His expression at this point was always love and tenderness. He put this hand to his heart then reached out to her and she did too. Then he was gone.

All of their communications ended that way. He didn’t plead, he didn’t try to pressure her, he simply reaffirmed his affection and vanished. At least at first. In another brief sending, she saw all his subjects sitting placidly in the square watching Sesame Street; it was being projected on the castle wall from a crystal perched on top of the fountain. On November 1st she woke up to find a small parcel in a carved wooden box on her bed. Inside was a pair of long knitted emerald green gloves with Celtic knot braiding down the backs - she smiled, remembering how she’d caught him in the act - and a pair of his high-heeled leather boots. At the bottom was a note hastily scrawled on parchment from a quill pen:

My Dearest Sarah,

Last night was Samhain if you remember, the time when our dimensions run closest together and I managed to get this through for you. For reasons I do not totally comprehend, it is proving much more difficult to perform these procedures from this side than it was from Earth - perhaps simply having you near me made me stronger. Having said this, I will remind you that you will not be able to bring much with you. When you wish for me to take you, hold your parcel close to your chest with your arms wrapped around it and your head bent over it, as compact as you can manage. We should both practice before we do it. Have to go - there’s an unholy racket coming from the hall. I told them the chickens are no longer allowed in the castle! I miss you more with each passing day, my love. Hurry home.
Yours Forever,
J.

Sarah hugged the letter to herself for a moment then looked at the bottom missive about the chickens again and had to laugh. His subjects definitely kept him busy. But that last line was sobering. She sighed. As much as she didn’t want to admit it, doing this frightened her. It was natural - she was leaving everything she knew, everyone she loved for the love of a man not of her world. She steeled her resolve. She would do it. Not now, but soon.

November slipped away and for the first time in years she made the trek back east for Christmas to be with her family. It was a huge gathering at her grandmother’s house in New Jersey with at least thirty odd assorted aunts, uncles and cousins along with her father and stepmother and Toby, who had brought along his fiancee (he announced they were getting married next May.) The feast was epic and raucous and since work had actually been going well Sarah was thankful that she actually had something interesting to talk about. Only once when she was sitting alone much later did Toby notice a look of regret on her face.

“Don’t tell me just seeing us all again brings back bad memories, Sarah!”

Upon which comment she laughed off her melancholy and asked him if he’d gotten grilled by Jessica’s parents. She couldn’t leave now; she had to stay long enough to see her little brother get married himself. But that nagging voice was still in her head. She wouldn’t be there when they had children. She wouldn’t be there when her parents died. She was essentially cutting her life short to live it elsewhere. Granted that elsewhere was damn exciting and the love of her life was waiting for her there but she was ruefully finding that when it came down to the wire she almost couldn’t make herself go through with it. Such an act as was required of her was almost inhuman. That brought up odd thoughts, too, but she tried not to pay attention to them. It was beside the point now.

The next time she communicated with Jareth he seemed to instantly note her change in demeanor but initially said nothing. At last it became so awkward that she wrote down the issue with Toby on a piece of paper and shoved it in front of the crystal. He read it and, while vaguely disappointed that she wanted to put it off for over half-a-year, conceded that it was a reasonable request to stay a little longer. He took up parchment and quill and wrote a response:

“And a Midsummer handfasting for us?”

He showed it to her with a smile and she enthusiastically nodded yes.

He was taking great pride in showing her how clean and tidy the castle had become and, with the occasional goblin-caused fiasco aside, the place was looking more and more inhabitable by the month. J. was always in good spirits but Sarah couldn’t help but notice that he was getting a bit thinner, a touch gaunt. His skin was paling ever-so-slightly. It was especially worrying because he never gave her a straight answer about it, merely shrugging off the question and showing her something else as if to distract her from it. The Junk Heap had been completely sorted and, with the exception of a little petty pilfering, for the first time in history the Goblin Kingdom was exporting goods on a massive scale. Many pieces had been fixed, refurbished or repurposed. Iron was carefully being extracted from rubbish, melted down, and sold to the Guard of the Federation in the form of long bricks. The place looked like a mountain range now she thought with a touch of irony.

On her own end, production was speeding along, too; the last kinks were being worked out of the model solar sedan and factory production was expected to quickly follow in the new year, with the first ones on display to the public at a car show. It would be another year before they were ready for sale. If only she could be there. She discreetly managed to show him one day when they were testing it on the track again and later he conveyed he was duly impressed, quietly applauding her.

But something was wrong on his end; she could feel it. She wished he would confide in her; deep down she was scared that nothing could be done for the situation. Would she show up and bond with him just in time for a premature death? She laughed at herself for being so morbid but the thought stubbornly remained simmering in the back of her mind.

Winter turned to spring and with it came Toby’s wedding. Neither family was terribly religious and the pair had opted for a nice outdoor ceremony in a park. It was emotional and surreal for Sarah - the little brother she had worked so hard to protect was all grown up and getting on with his life. She had the sudden strange thought of him living as a medieval peasant Underground, probably already married with a bunch of kids. Who would’ve ever dreamed that’s what actually happened to them all? She was glad he was still here - somehow she didn’t think he was cut out for that kind of life. The after party lasted well into the night and she had managed to shock just about everyone who had ever known her for any length of time by spending a lot of it on the dance floor. The goodbyes were painful - in all probability she wouldn’t see any of them ever again. Why couldn’t there be another way? Surely she could let them know somehow! She approached Jareth with the problem, written down, and with a heavy heart he had to tell her that she couldn’t; there were inter-kingdom laws and part of the Code of the Federation that such a revelation would be a blatant violation of. She wouldn’t be allowed to come at all. It was cruel but there was literally nothing he could do about it but apologize profusely. If hundreds of lives weren’t at stake he would still be with her on Earth.

With conflicting emotions, she had begun to pack. It felt strange only taking pictures, irreplaceable knick-knacks and mementos. Physical memories. After careful deliberation she chose to wear the white dress that he had bought for her; it was the only item of clothing she owned that might be of any practical use there. She had second thoughts later and stuffed a pair of jeans and the corset top into her duffle bag at the very end, fighting to get the zipper closed (it was barely possible.) Everything was ready.

The week of the summer solstice was just one elongated panic, elation and depression taking turns. She almost wished she wasn’t solely responsible for getting herself there - the inner division was still there in an unnerving amount. This was worlds worse than bridal jitters. In a few short days she would be leaving Earth. She had Irina over to her apartment on Sunday to see if she had anything left that the woman might want and her nervousness was painfully obvious. When Irina asked how she was doing, she had to sit down at the kitchen table.

“Irina… I can’t come back.”

She gasped, pulling up a chair herself. “…you can’t be serious…”

Sarah sighed, nodding. “I am. I can’t even tell anyone - it violates some sort of international laws there. I probably shouldn’t even be telling you but you already know everything else…”

“But why cannot you return?” she asked. “He seems to come and go as he pleases,” she spat bitterly.

“Normally Jareth can’t even come to Earth himself unless he’s summoned to do something within his capacity as Goblin King.” She gave a humorless little laugh. “Picking up his queen qualifies. His world exists in a completely different dimension. There’s something screwy about the time-space flow between here and there. Humans can go there but after being there in normal time the human body can’t handle reentry into this world - you literally disintegrate on the spot. People have tried.”

“Oh my god,” Irina whispered. She thought of asking but from the look in Sarah’s eyes as she stared at the kitchen table it was obvious: she was having second thoughts. Any sane person would! She moved her chair over to Sarah’s and hugged her around the shoulders. Little tears started forming in Sarah’s eyes as she fought to keep in control.

“He wants to try for the summer solstice; the borders are thinner then and it won’t be as hard to pull me through.”

“But that’s tomorrow.”

Nothing else was said for a long time as the two women sat there holding each other, quietly crying. At length, Sarah got up, drying her eyes, and went to her room. She came back with a pair of knee-length leather boots.

“He said that I wouldn’t ever want for clothes there. I want you to have these. To remember…”

“But we are not the same size.”

“Just try them on,” Sarah said with a little devious smirk.

The boots worked their magic once more and after a few more hours and more tearful goodbyes Irina left wearing them. Sleep was fitful that night.

Sarah banged in sick from work the next day. She kept herself busy cleaning, making what was left of her apartment presentable. Her whole family would be digging through it presently and possibly the police would be there, too. She suddenly regretted telling Irina - she hoped there wouldn’t be too much of an investigation into her disappearance but it couldn’t be helped. Maybe she should leave a suicide note. No, that would be even more trouble. The day was just dragging. She double-checked that all her bills were paid and started digging through the pantry, throwing out things that had expired.

She was suddenly struck with wanderlust around three and went for a walk, leaving her car behind for a change. It wasn’t a particularly bad neighborhood but she rarely had this much time to waste. A few blocks away on Blake Street there was a stretch of little shops, most of which she had never been in before. She perused antiques and crafts, flowers and pastries and on a whim she got her hair trimmed and done up. She treated herself to a light dinner at Piscos Brazilian restaurant and sat in one of the booths in the greenhouse. She had been trying to ignore it but there had been this aching nostalgia all afternoon. So much of what she had come to associate with life simply did not exist where she was going. Not even something as basic as a telephone. Walking back after dinner she had managed to reason that it was all just stuff but it would still be a monumental adjustment.

It was strange knowing that she was entering this building for the last time. She noted everything as she climbed the stairs; the bad lighting, the faded gray carpet trampled by hundreds of tenants over the years, the wooden banister polished from use. She took one last look and went inside. They had agreed on midnight - she still had five hours. ‘You have thirteen hours’ echoed in her memory. After changing into the white dress and getting the duffle bag out she paced, not knowing what to do with herself. She turned on the T.V. She turned off the T.V. She thumbed through a few books at random, unable to concentrate on any of them. Her old copy of The Labyrinth was safely in her duffle bag. She opened the blinds and watched the sunset. All the dishes were clean and put away. At length she checked her email one last time. Suddenly it dawned on her to check the back-history to see what Jareth had been up to here - only to remember that at her behest he had erased it all. She checked the contents of her bag again to make sure she had everything she wanted even though she’d gone through the procedure at least a dozen times.

The sky went from pink and purple to that odd shade of green and finally blue shades as the sun went down. She made sure all the blinds were closed and turned on one light in the living room. She wasted time in the bathroom and wasted a little more playing with makeup. She thought of calling her mother then decided against it; Linda had always understood her too well to let a vague problem slide like it was nothing. Although, in all probability, she just wouldn’t have picked up. Sarah had cut off contact with her birth mother years ago for a reason. The woman was just too self-absorbed to truly care about anybody else. But Sarah couldn’t help wanting…no. She put down the phone.

How could time possibly move this slow?! Two hours left. The coffee table went into the hall. She peeked at the view from her bedroom window - the city sprawled out with golden lights twinkling in the dark, only a few stars visible. Crescent moon, small and cold. Her nerves weren’t getting any better and on a whim she went to the kitchen, got out the tequila bottle and laughed at how little was in it. She finished the last shot-and-a-half and threw it in the recycle. Suddenly remembering the trash, it was collected and taken downstairs. Badly needed pit stop. Could time possibly go any slower?!

Half an hour. Her heart was racing in spite of the alcohol and so were her thoughts as she paced in the living room. Had she forgotten to do anything? All the burners and the oven were off. So was the computer. Phone safely off the hook. Journals packed. She suddenly stopped walking - this was insane! How could she possibly go through with this?! A rather frightening thought suddenly dawned on her: in order for the transfer to work, she had to want to go. Not just sort of; she had to be sure. And she wasn’t. Sarah felt wretched as she finally sat down on the floor next to her bag for the final minutes. All too soon she felt Jareth’s presence and it weighed on her like the guilt she was feeling. She shakily got up - time was of the essence now - and picked up the duffle bag…and gently dropped it back to the floor numbly as she was wracked by sobs, openly crying, covering her mouth with her hands.

Jareth watched her reaction, distressed, dumbfounded, panicked. They had been practicing this for months! He was in his bedroom with everything ready for the transportation spell - the staff, all his reserves, everything - and she was breaking down and there was nothing he could do about it. She composed herself to form a crystal and despair was clear in his face.

“I’m so sorry,” she choked out. “I just can’t do it! I can’t! Please forgive me, my love, I’m so sorry…” She closed her eyes and wept.

Jareth inwardly collapsed like a house of cards. So close! He couldn’t go to her, couldn’t comfort her, couldn’t help her. He was doomed. How stupid was he, how blind! She had had her misgivings about this from the very beginning. He had really believed that was going to change?! All too late he realized that her species was going to win out over her heart. She couldn’t change who she was, what she was. Earth and her life there was too much a part of her. He involuntarily felt cold inside in spite of the fact that he knew it wasn’t her fault - it was his, and he would pay for it dearly. He gently nudged her so she would look at the crystal again but she wouldn’t. Couldn’t was more like it. Couldn’t face the fiancée she was jilting. She popped it instead, knowing he could still see her. His sidhe instinct was prompting him now and, compromising the intent, he gave in. He brought the crystal up to his third eye and concentrated.

“Come away, my love. Come to me, Sarah. Come.”

He lowered it to his lips and gave it a passionate kiss, knowing full well that she was feeling his siren call in her blood, as surely as his heart was rending for her. Sarah felt the dark magic caress her, compelling her from within with almost irresistible seductive force, her heart ready to burst with his love for her. She dropped to her knees, hands clasped in petition.

“Yes, I will come to you one day, I swear it! How could I possibly forget you? I love you,” she gasped, feeling his phantom kiss fresh on her lips.

Someday. Not quite the reaction he had been hoping for but he suddenly realized it would do. He could wait. He would wait as long as he had to. He would watch over her life like an angel. They could still talk through the crystals and share their lives. And when the time was right he wouldn’t give her time to think twice again. She would be in his arms in the blink of an eye.

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Irina just about fainted from shock when Sarah called her on the phone the next day, sounding bleary and spent. They talked in person and it was almost as if Sarah had become a different person: sober, determined, resigned. She didn’t have the willpower to allow him to cross her over voluntarily. Period. She talked about her family and the car but very little about Jareth in comparison and when it was brought up she just looked wistful for a moment then changed the subject. Irina had a bad feeling that the relationship had just tanked on a totally impossible situation. Talk about long-distance. Sarah took the rest of the week off to recover and returned to work the following Monday.

The car had turned out beautifully and by fall production was underway. Since she was part of the design team Sarah was able to buy one discounted, trading in her old compact sedan for a car whose battery had come from what looked like a UFO. In spite of the fact that it had to have a certain amount of time to power up, the thing ran like a dream. She made a point of keeping in better contact with her family and even her birth mother was on the list. Sarah visited her in the fall in New York City and while her mom hadn’t changed at all, she felt that they both had something in common now: they had both left behind men that loved them to further their lives. Of course she couldn’t tell her that in so many words but she had a feeling her mother knew and they actually had a halfway decent visit for a change.

In spite of the fact that she felt Jareth watching her at times she didn’t have the nerve to look in on him in return, partly in fear that he would make her want to just up and leave on the spur of the moment. It was frustrating how much that complicated things but she supposed he couldn’t help it anymore than she could help what came naturally to her. As she suspected, she was switched to a new assignment that she found rather boring in comparison but at least it was work that kept her mentally occupied most of the time. She still frequented the Gem, but now in the company of Irina - they made a habit of girls’ night out on the town every other Friday. All was running almost as it always had up until after the company Christmas party.

A bunch of them had pitched in and rented a hall at The Aster Hotel in downtown Golden for the bash and in spite of the fact that the room was full of research scientists, engineers, and many other assorted people who stereotypically don’t dance or party well, the night had been and unmitigated success with a white elephant gift exchange and awards for the outstanding employees of the year, of which Sarah was one. She made sure that the couple of drinks that she had were early on enough in the evening that she was fit to drive home at the end of the night.

It had snowed a couple of feet the day before but the roads were sufficiently plowed and she was making her way out of town via Jackson St., being one of the only ways out of town that didn’t involve taking the highway - that was still pretty icy. Jackson was a one-way street, as was Ford St. into Golden. It had recently been reduced from three lanes to two to accommodate a generous sidewalk and biking lane, which condensed traffic even at light times. The one odd thing, however, was the signage - or rather, the lack of it, warning drivers that this actually was a one-way street. More signs had been posted in recent years but not all were sufficiently obvious to someone turning onto the street and a few were in spots that were unlit at night. The sight of someone going the wrong way down Jackson, either by mistake or due to unfamiliarity with the town, was almost a joke in Golden; a lot of people had seen it at least once in their lives and there were so few accidents of any kind resulting from it that the issue was really only taken seriously by the law.

Sarah was about to pass the grocery store when she saw the car. She couldn’t slam on her breaks - there was someone behind her. Changing lanes wasn’t an option - someone else was right beside her, too, and there was nowhere to turn off, she was already past the turn for the store and the oncoming car was too close. Her heart was hammering as time slowed down to a crawl - she realized what was about to happen. The headlights of the oncoming vehicle were a blinding halogen; she couldn’t even see the driver. All her thoughts fled except one.

“JARETH!!!”

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“Good morning and thank you for watching Channel 7. A devastating 60 mph head-on car collision happened early this morning in Golden with one confirmed fatality. A man driving a rental car the wrong way down Jackson St. was hit and killed by another oncoming vehicle. As this happened, yet another car piled into the wreck from behind but the woman survived; she is in critical condition and was airlifted to St. Anthony’s Hospital. To make this tragedy even worse, the third driver, whose car was totaled, has not been located at all. There are no human remains inside the middle sedan, however, which has emergency rescue crew workers stumped because the driver had no time to exit the moving vehicle and the woman who rear-ended her saw her clearly only a second before the crash, still behind the wheel. The sedan is registered to a Ms. Sarah Williams of Denver. One intriguing hypothesis of what happened has been posed by the only eyewitness. A man, who has asked to remain anonymous, saw the crash as he was headed back to his car from the grocery store and claims that he saw a bright white light inside the middle vehicle a split-second before the crash took place. This sighting has been verified by two security cameras and what’s even stranger, as you can see, is that when the film is slowed down, one can almost make out the blur of what might be a blonde person wearing white. Is this a Christmas miracle? We will keep you updated as we receive information; please stay tuned.”