FicWad

Title: Forever shall you never be...

Author: Holger

Category: Crossover
Buffy TVS Angel The Series Highlander

Rating: Hard R (violence, bad talk, some sex...Het and
Slash, disturbing images). No outright graphic
description worth an NC-17...

Disclaimer: Not my characters, BTVS and Angel go to
Joss and Highlander to Panzer/Davis. No
intention of infringing on any copyrights.

Summary: Nothing is what it seems to be like and the
line between good and evil is hard to spot.
The Scooby Gang learns the hard way how wrong
their view of the world was...will they learn
in time to survive or will they go down?

Feedback: Love to receive it.
Send to harksen@informatik.tu-muenchen.de


Prologue
#1
Before Graduation:
(right after that scene in the library)


Coming from the school the mayor kept his face blank and
swallowed the rage burning inside him. He HAD tried it
with the nice way, had offered them to all options to
get away. They knew they had no chance to stop Ascension
now. Any chance for that had gone by a long time ago and
he was due to be rewarded for his work.
But Faith was no part of this.
She should not have been harmed.
Summers had had no right at all to stab her. If she was
stupid and violent, she had to pay the prize...now.
He should have her terminated a long time ago. But he
should have showed his gratitude for her services in a
more open manner, letting her know she and her group
of goody two-shoes could have gone away. And all would
have been fine.
It wasn't as if he tried to kill them. Or destroy the
world. Just Sunnydale, no, PART of Sunnydale! Couldn't
they understand that sometimes there just was a prize to
be paid for the advancement of great men?
Oh no, they had to play heroes and oppose him.
Be a bloody annoyance.
The one good thing come from all that was Faith.
The first human being he had developed feelings for in
decades...it had been very, very long indeed. But she
was just so full of life and joy.
Held so much promise.
But they had hurt her.
That Watcher even had dared to attack him, to run him
through with that epee of his! What an awfully idiotic
gesture of defiance...useless defiance.
He was invincible and they knew it.
Soon they would learn what it meant, when he digested
their bodies and tormented their souls for eternity.

But avenging Faith was no fitting means to make up for
what happened to her. The mayor decided to do something
more about it, to help his little girl recover from her
temporary setback.
She might have refused him if she had been able to, he
figured that he could get away with this now. She would
see the benefits of this action very soon and enjoy it.
He was sure she would love this present.
Even if it meant he had to improvise his speak...the
one he'd been working on for over fifty years now. A
shame, but there were important things and things which
had to be taken care of before those.
Faith was the latter.
He had to whip up a spell and make arrangements. Who to
execute them best? or at all, after he was gone.
Of course, the lawyers...the lawyers.
Very convenient.


#2
The hospital:


Faith awoke from her deep coma for some hours, and then
she just had to lie in that bed and wait until she came
to fall asleep again.
It was horrible to her, to lie there and be unable to do
anything. Anything at all but to think and remember and
lie awake and listen and smell.
She couldn't even open her eyes.
Aside from that first dream she had, the one where she
met Buffy and talked about her failure and how she could
survive the coming confrontation with the boss, she was
all alone.
That was truly horrible.
All the memories she had she didn't want to have.

Well, most. Some of the times with the boss were great.
And there were a few good spots of B and her, like in
the Bronze or escaping from that police car.
Faith even remembered the action she got.
She liked to remember Xander.

Not the first virgin she got. But so very sweet to have
him moan under her, reach up her breasts. Oh yes. The
feeling of his hands on her and how he looked at her.
Poor guy.
It made her feel...she wasn't sure how it had made her
feel. She had thrown up her walls and him out as soon
as they were finished. She came, he came, that was it.
Nice little piece of relaxation.
Yeah, and if you believe that I got some nice little
swampland near Chernobyl for you...! Faith thought.
She was not sure what she felt when she saw the boy's
brown eyes cloudy themselves.

The real Xander Harris, torn between desperation and
rage...and fuck, she had no idea how he could stand it.
She would have run out long ago if the others had been
treating her like that. That talk of him being fragile
and unable to help himself, sure - utter crap.
If things went to hell Faith was pretty certain that
the Zeppo would be the last one to die. Unless he threw
himself in front of Buffy to shield her from some evil
coming for her back.

What had she ever done to earn that kind of devotion?
What had Faith done herself to be worthy of this?
She had thrown him out because she feared him. Stepping
in for the spotless hero he followed...she was not able
to give anything but pain back.
Then she had not understood that B had nothing better to
offer. Pain and humiliation and suffering. She could at
least give him a few moments of happyness.
She shouldn't have thrown him out.

She wished she had not been so scared by his affection
and admiration that she ahd not felt unworthy and just
skipped the chance.
But he was smarter than she gave him credit for, almost
unfortunately. Taking Angel along when he came for her.
And of all the gang only he came to try, of course.
Not B, not that redhead, not even her own Watcher. That
one called in the guys to put her behind bars and do
something horrible to her...another betrayal, but what
else could she expect from a Watcher?
Betrayal!

Buffy probably got the only one worth half a bullet.
And Faith...Faith got a dead woman who had lied to her.
And then that bitch, Post. Making fun of her after using
her to gain more power. And Wesley the Wimp.
That betrayal had hurt, hurt so bad. Last time Faith
would trust the tweed fuckers ever again, and she had
been right in that. They all just wanted a chance to get
at her again.
Xander had at least tried to help her.
And, who knew, maybe she and Angel might have gotten
somewhere if Wesley and the weasels had not shown up.
Whatever.

She remembered how he grasped for air as she rode him
on that bed of her old crummy motel room. Faith knew a
part of him had enjoyed her taking charge and holding
him down.
She had not really intended to make him suffocate -
just to realize that he was hers now. HERS, the first
thing and maybe the only one she had done right since
coming to Sunnydale and meeting Buffy and her gang.
Not that they had ever been any fun to hang out with
them...maybe Xander had.
He had some quirky humor.
Not that she ever was one to laugh much.

Faith still remembered the day after the furious battle
at the hellmouth, when she saw how he got the bomb out
of school. And he had not said a word of it to anyone!
Just smiled.
And enjoyed the sublte irony of it.
Took her a while to get why it was funny.
But, part of it was anything but funny. Saving her life
and being there, putting his life on the line for her.
That was something noone had ever done for her.
First time she really began to notice him.
And get scared even more.

It could have been so good...once he accepted he was her
boy and no toy of B. Not that she ever showed proper
respect for him, or anyone. It was always her, the sweet
little Miss Perfect Slayer, taking everything along the
road. And still claiming modesty.
What a sick bitch B was.

Great, so she had not run from the master! And what was
the result? She died, the fucker got free and almost the
mouth of hell broke open. And who had to pull her out of
the shit, when she lay dead in the master's lair?
And everyone just bought that she's-gonna-die-prohecy.
Everyone but him.
NOT that broody Mr. I-feel-so-guilty Angel. Oooh no, not
that one. He had sat on his ass and brooded over the
whole misery of his existence while the shit happened.
No, it needed Xander to risk his neck for that, again.
Typical.
No to mention when she failed to dust the psychotic vamp
that was the desouled Angel. So one just had to get once
between her legs. And was untouchable, hence. Yeah!
Bitch.

B got the credit and some powerless man did half of the
work. Faith knew how it was to be superpowered and on
her own - and she knew Buffy was not half of herself if
she didn't have her little gang to keep her going.
But she had misjudged that a bit.

B was the better Slayer, the better fighter at least.
Otherwise Faith would not be in here. Would never have
lost herself in the hilarious battlerage and staked that
Alan Finch character. Would never have been beaten down
by that female apocalypse demon! Would never have been
stabbed by Buffy.

Sometimes, Faith had learnt, you need help and someone.
Except she never had learnt how to do that, get along
with anyone she lived with. How would she? In all of her
shitty life the others either left her hanging once they
got what they wanted from her or were after her.
There was noone to trust.

Not even the most alike being in all the world. The one
who should be able to understand but was not. Damn the
power angle, Buffy wasn't the least bit like her.
Oh yeah, Buffy died. And came back. So what?
She hadn't been caught by ten of them, tortured and
forced to watch her Watcher - probably the first real
friend she had in life - get murdered. Kakaistos was no
master, he wasn't that easily staked.

Faith wanted to see how Buffy did in her place.
Looking at how soft she was (and hell, she had run away
for months after the battle with Angelus - didn't anyone
else remember that little part?) and how much she needed
others around her...not very well.
Now all she could do was to stay in hospital.
And wonder who survived Ascension.

Somehow she wasn't surprised when she almost awoke and
then listened to Xander visiting her one of these days.
Sure, the gang had won. What a big surprise indeed. And
everyone vanished but him for summer vacation.
The witch, the werewolfe, the bitch he had loved, the
Slayer and the Watchers. Gone. All gone. And only he
was left to pick up the pieces.
As always, running their errands and cleaning up under
the great steps the giants took. As he saw it. Boy, he
was an idiot. They were no better than him. Not at all.

Faith so wished to tell him that. To smack him or kick
his ass until he got it. But he didn't and just talked
as he sat besides her in the coma wing of the hospital.
And kept talking.
And coming back, spending hours with her.

He had almost the same shitty life she had, but he had
not noticed that those whom he thought friends were all
but not that. They just waited to get him.
Fuck, the one time he got lucky was when he managed to
get together with Cordelia...Bitch Queen of Sunnydale
High. Of course the title belonged to Buffy, or Willow.
But it wasn't as if they were in the competition.
So Cordelia it was and she got him.
Miss High And Mighty, with her looks and grace and
her fashion...yeah, Cordy knew how to look like a big
something. She even was, deep down.

Even Faith admitted Cordelia had the potential for grace
and class, if she ever stopped being such a shallow brat
and started to use that...put something behind that nice
face and smile of hers.
Not that she was likely to anytime soon. Cordy was just
the same slut as Faith was, but Cordelia hid it and she
behaved as if she were better.

What did she do with him? Making out and scowling and
bitching while he ran after Buffy and risked his neck.
Well, he enjoyed fighting with her. Throwing words at
each other and then making up.
Faith might do that, too. If not for her damn power.
There couldn't be a fair fight between her and Xander.
And she wasn't so good with words, either.
She wanted to tell him what a fool he was.
Cordelia was no virgin. Or true to him. she had seen
her make out with another girl in a car, one night.
And then there were guys. She liked to scream and she
certainly had some great body to show.
Faith had even considered chasing her.
Sometimes before a certain blonde had filled her dreams
and shower fantasies. And before these same fantasies
began to include cuffs and whips, and then glinting
sharp objects and much blood.
Okay, she was sick...and liked it.
Having B holding a weapon at her while she did the same,
just these few moments after Angel showed his true face.
What a rush that had been.
Faith still tasted her on her lips when she remembered.
And the look she caught in B's green eyes. Bitch.
Faith knew Buffy wanted it and shied away for her little
circle of the Buffy-appreciation-society. Pretended to
be as one of them, what a parody.
She wasn't worthy of her Slayerpowers at all.

Xander was worthy of a lot more power than he had.
Treating Cordelia the same like before, when she lost
her family and wealth - and suddenly was the same type
of looser as everyone else, with way better looks.
She never noticed that money didn't mean shit to Xander.
Not money, not power, not social standing or fame. Just
herself.
And she ripped his heart out, twice.
He didn't notice it at all but Faith did. She had looked
at the school society ond wondered what the hell she
should even burden herself with that bullshit. Keep to
the really important things in life - Slaying and the
funstuff.
Her life wouldn't last so long anyway.
But, damn, being such an outsider he was free from all
that shit the others pulled on them. One day he might
get around to understand that he was the lucky one and
they were the bulls in their leash. Dumbly laboring
with some peasant whiping their hide and leading them
to slaugther in the end.
Yeah, right. Humans were foolish sheep.

What the hell did they need human soceity to live in?
There was another world beyond that, a world where the
power was all and they could have had it all...all.
A world of almost infinite potential.
Faith sighed to herself.
She had woken up after the mayor showed her what people
really were - that worthless that killing them was just
about the only use. He never dared to believe that.
Kept eating that good and evil stuff like Buffy.

Yeah, sure. As if Buffy never messed up before. Sitting
around and kissing Angel while some vamp drained a girl
around the corner, but did they blame her? NO!
Faith wondered if Buffy had her own mistake buried in
the desert somewhere. She had been dumb enough to put
hers in the sea and forget that the flood would bring
the body back. And then B betraying her...breaking her
vow of silence.
Bitch. Bitch. Bitch. Buffy Summers.

Anyway, Cordy dumped him because of one kiss. One thing
that was between him and Willow, and if Faith got her
idea little red was pushing his buttons after she had
lost interest. Who would have turned them all down when
that lovespell made half the town go crazy?
Faith wondered if Cordy ever let him see her naked. Or
do stuff beyond the lip ranges...all that tender and
emotional lovemaking stuff she never had gotten right.
Wasn't made for that anyway.
She was the "get some, get gone!"-type of girl.
And, although Faith played it like she was sleeping with
another guy every night, she was awfully choosy about
her lovers. She had not taken more than ten in more than
half a year and all had been one night stands. And such
disappointments. Even the women. That Harmony chick had
been a real waste of time, what the hell did Cordy had
in her mind when she was boinking her?
Usually Faith preferred her hand and imagination to a
real lover. She had had two, really. One had left her in
the cold, with a bag of drugs on her back. And the other
had sold her out to the vampires.
But they had been good in bed.
She wondered how Xander would be as a lover. A friend.
How long until he flunked out? Or would he be the one,
be different from them?
Faith didn't ask for him to stop eying girls. Dreck, she
wouldn't mind a threesome again. Her second friend had
gotten her hooked for that and women, too. Always that
much more intense with a women between her legs.
The extra little kick of doing the lesbian thing.
No, she didn't ask a male to stop looking.
Or not fucking some other chick.
That was just sex.
What mattered was the heart, the one she wanted.
Someone who was there for her and wanted her.
Not just the body or the sex but her.
Someone like Xander with Cordelia.
Stupid bitch threw it all away.
So what? Did they really buy red's number of the meek
little think, the reliable one? Comeon. The girl was hot
as a volcano if she wnated to be...and the sort of gal
the males kept turning their heads after even when she
got older. The sort they gave up everything for, even a
beauty like Cordy - and in a heartbeat, too.
Buffy knew, though. Knew how to wrap them around her.
Cordy just played at this, Buffy did it to all without
thinking and red...well, if she ever did she'd have them
hand over their souls. For nothing more but pain and the
classy humiliation she offered.
Oh no, Faith didn't want to be like red. She wanted to
have her freedom and that meant to let them keep theirs
as well. She wasn't after hearts and souls and damn
drooling idiots asking to be put down and singing poems.
She wanted someone to slap her back when she was a bitch
and run along all the way. Someone to jump over a cliff
to get at the throat of an enemy...or follow her.
And he was the closest she met.
Too bad he never realized what he could be.

Faith growled, cursing her condition.
She could only lie in here and suffer.
immobile and mute and utterly helpless.
At least she got the gist of what happened at Graduation
and how they beat the boss. Elegant. Bet they thought it
was Willow and Buffy who carried the day, yeah.
Faith was pretty sure who got them the explosives and
made the trap possible. Who had armed the students and
had all the tactical ideas on how to break the mayor's
vamp goons to pieces.

B looked damned good when she gave a talk and Willow was
able to pull some tricks out of her sleeves, but the
ideas on how to organice the thing smelt military and
that was him. They would never have been able to put it
all up in time without him.
And who got left behind afterwards? He...as always.

Faith wished Buffy was there to hear about it when he
came in, a few bandaged ribs and full of cuts hidden
under his clothes. He had been hunting. Alone.
That sort of thing took real guts and lots of them if
one was no mage and had no backup. Just a stake and a
cross and the courage born of desperation.
She loved it when he came and talked about what he
had done the last night - got a vampire on the cemetry
or two at the alley behind the Bronze.
The only one who came to visit her.

If Buffy thought she was the only one to put the folks
down she was wrong. She had seen him take them on alone
and use cunning to suceed where he lacked power.
It might not look so very good and sometimes it got a
really close call, but what mattered was that he was
there and some three or four dozen undead were dust.
Beasts who preyed on men beaten by the prey.
So much for the pathetic looser.

And then, as the weeks went by and the others came back,
they took the one happyness he had away. Hunting. Said
he was to weak and would get hurt. They never got around
to ask how many he got over summer, of course. Couldn't
believe he was capable of survivng without them.
What a bunch of fools and morons the whitehats were.
Of course it was all about Buffy's state of mind and her
fears again. Like she was Ally McBeal, putting her ill
mind on the screen for everyone to see.
So B had a few problems now? What's new there!
And the gang changing, sure. Crap, all of it. Crap.

Faith had no idea what she would do if she ever got out
of this damn bed again. but it wouldn't be funny and it
would hurt them bad. Making Buffy pay, feel what Faith's
life was about.
She might do that.
Or just blow town.
And then he came in.
A vampire who came to drain her and noone was there to
stop him. Faith could not even break into a sweat as she
felt the fangs enter her throat.
He had not been alone. She heard the accented voices and
the snorts. Some chatter about a deal with the big boss
of hers, payment and whatever. And then she got biten
and drained and he forced her mouth open.
Black blood came from a slashed wrist - and there was a
spell performed as well. Bastards.
Wnated to turn her.
She never wanted to be a vampire.
She never wanted...and now she was going to be one.
Everything went black as she died. For real, this time.
And then Faith was no more alone in the darkness.