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#11
Sunnydale UC Dorm


"He's gone," Willow whispered with an ashen voice as
soon as Buffy came into the dorm room. "He really is
gone."

"From all I heared, yes," Buffy admitted grumpily. She
was not proud of the last days. Faith's turning and the
VampXander...it was a bad surprise.
She had thought that Faith was working for a sicko,
some bad guy who had visited her for months now. Upon
learning that it just was Xander she nearly lost it.
What had he thought, visiting Faith?
He must have thought something. Or he would not have
done it for months. Or spoken out for her after she was
dead. Why did he do that, after she went bad and evil
and tried to kill him, them all?

"What about that...that other guy?"

"It was him," Buffy said and filled Willow in. She took
a jacket from her shelf and began to clean it with a
brush. Something to keep her busy and stop her from
thinking about the other issue. "Xander was Faith's one
and only visitor. Ever."

"He visited Faith?" Willow gulped, that surprised. She
shook her head. "I can't believe it...I mean he..."

"Yes," Buffy just said. "I have no idea why, too."
She sat down on her bed and stopped to pretend she was
just busy with her jacket anymore. She was completely
at a loss here. "I can get why Faith would...would get
the idea...!" She gulped. If Faith had been conscious
enough to notice, it might explain her actions. She had
said all that she wanted was him and them to get lost.
She was mad enough to think he wanted her.
The problem was...Buffy wasn't sure what Xander thought
of Faith. What made him visit Faith at all? And what had
he thought when he began to do whatever he could to make
her more secure in that hospital room.

"I have an idea," Willow whispered, very uncomfortable.
"He never explained what he and Faith had...together, but
I, uh, I think she..."

"What?"

"She slept with him," Willow burst out, eyes cast down
in the shy Willow fashion. She was so red. "We never had
talked about it but I think...!"

Buffy eyed her and then she groaned. Faith? And Xander?
Rather ridiculous. Faith didn't go after weak guys, she
wanted some nasty bulls and nothing but some action from
them. Get some, get gone. And what if?
"You think that they...?"

"Maybe Angel knows," Willow muttered, shaking her head,
"I mean he was there when Faith tried to kill him."

Buffy bit her lips. Willow had a good idea, at least she
could ask Angel about it. When she got her guts together
to call her ex. Which wouldn't be right now.
She changed the subject and asked after the soul thing.
Willow had come up with two explanations. Either Faith
had a spell of protection against souling or she and
Xander still had souls...and Xander claimed he had one.
Buffy also realized Xander had not known about Faith.
He had not been in contact with here before they met on
the lawn, and Faith had been following her. Faith even
said she left him so they would soul him and she could
take him away afterwards.
She wanted a souled vampire.
The only reason for that could be that she had a soul
and expected him to be...what? Her consort? Ridiculous!
Her guts clenched and she felt sickened. No, Faith just
wanted her to think that. Or something like it.
To twist the knife in her back and enjoy her torment.
Faith had taken Xander away from her, from them, in yet
another move in the mad game she played with Buffy. A
game that started the day she slammed a stake into that
guy, Allan Finch, and went spiraling into darkness and
madness.
A game that led to a duel on a rooftop, her shoving a
knife inot the other Slayer and Faith's grin. Even if
she had been so surprised...she had that coming for a
damn long time.

"Buffy?" Willow asked. "You fine?"

"I'm okay," Buffy croaked. She wasn't, not really. She
should have been there to protect him. And she wasn't.
"It's my fault. I...god, she went after him first. She
just wants to mess with our heads before she kills us."
And one day Faith would pay for that, pay very dearly.

"You think?" Willow doubted, uncertainty in her voice.
"What if she kept her word and...isn't coming back?"

"She will be back. They will be," Buffy said. They'd
come back to Sunnydale and to her, one day. And then
there would come another round in their fight. One when
Faith was full in control of her vamp powers and had a
VampXander at her side. "And when they come we will have
the fight of our lifes, Wills."

Willow silently made Oh and shut her mouth. She was
almost asahamed as she nodded, saddened. But she did not
say a word about it.

"We'll have to prepare for the...the return," Buffy
declared sourly. And snorted. "I just wonder what made
her pick Xander...I mean, why not go for me directly?
Or at least for Giles or you."

"You think Xander's useless to her?"

"I didn't say that," Buffy answered. Truth be told he
was pretty useful - at certain times. Most of the times
he was a bumbling fool who annoyed her with his rather
lame attempts at humor. Still, he had been a friend and
one with her through all these times. "I just mean that
she would have hurt us far more if she...you know."

"Uh, yes, I see," Willow groaned pissed. "Buffy, Xander
isn't useless! Remember? Vicious badass vamp."

"So what?" Buffy sighed, they were a dime a dozen. She
remembered Spike and Dru and Angelus. He couldn't be
any worse than them. "Wills, Faith being Faith she'll
probably stake him herself in a month or two, when he
annoys her too much."

"He, ah, he might," Willow agreed with a mean face. "On
the other hand...why go at such lengths for this? why
not just take him along when she, uh, turned him?"

"Maybe she wanted to check if we could soul her?" Buffy
mused aloud. She just used him as a probe for that spell
she used to keep her soul away and such. Faith certainly
did not have a soul. Neither would she show any interest
in a vampire with a soul even if she still had hers.
"She's toying with us, Wills. Think of that vamp in the
darn morgue. I bet she is somewhere out there and just
waits to get us."

"Why does she wait?"

"Maybe she isn't as powerful as we think she is?" Buffy
guessed. Otherwise, why would Faith hesitate? Right. She
had not fought her. "She's weak and needs time to build
up her strength, her fighting. Maybe get some goons."

"And when she has all she'll come back and...uh, bad.
Real major bad," Willow hissed with scared green eyes.
She looked at Buffy. "Do you think we...?"

"We're not ready for her," Buffy nodded. "We have to get
new weapons. And we...we have to get reinforcements!"

"Reinforcements?"

"We need someone to replace Xander," Buffy stated. They
needed someone to run errands, get the food and make
some lame jokes of everything when the situation went
bad. Um, latter part was optional. "We need a bit more
backup. I mean, geez, what did Xander do?"

"Freeing us so that we could do important things,"
Willow answered instantly. And nodded. "We need that."

"And some more muscle wouldn't be so bad. Or a pair of
trained eyes," Buffy grinned. "Can't be that hard to get
a few people to watch out...can it?"

Not really. As for weapons, though, that was tricky.
Weapons monstly meant magic - magic to fight and trick
vamps. Buffy figured that now, when they got three
memebers able to do spells, they should start to use
them in earnest. Souling Harmony had helped a bit, she
was a tacky vamp girl with a little gang.
And now she was just abhorred of the thing she was and
she had run away from town and her former buddies. Had
to, otherwise they'd have torn her apart. Soulvamps were
not very popular around Sunnydale since Angel came to
fight alongside the Slayer.
If they could get all their major enemies to freak out
in that way, or go to suicide, this would be a major
benefit.
Yes, Faith would return.
And they would be ready for her.
Buffy looked at her desk, where Mr. Pointy laid on top
of a lot of papers. Faith and he now had a scheduled
meeting ahead. "You got any idea how we can get some
help?"

"What about the guy you're hanging with, Parker?"

"Parker? I'm gonna see him tonight," Buffy said and
showed her teeth. He was sweet and a college buy but
was he a fighter, too? "Ain't sure. I'll ask him."

"And maybe we should talk with Giles about it, I mean,
he's the man in the know and all on that kind of stuff,"
Willow went on. "It would be like, duh, setting up our
own Council of Watchers. A real secret society to have
the hellmouth protected."

That, Buffy thought with a jolt of almost-exctasy, was
indeed an idea...a possibility. As far as she was
concerned she had to get some new tricks as well. A few
new moves and combinations (she wished she had half the
training Kendra had had, but then Kendra had never been
her equal for all those years of training prior to her
Calling) they didn't expect of her. Maybe some new
weapons were in order, as well. Something heavier than
just wooden stakes and crossbow bolts, for a change.


#12
Los Angeles: a motel


The day had been rather bad. To begin with they had no
friends, contacts or much money. They had no idea where
to go, where to stay in the day and how to get blood.
And the hunger was bad, it hurt him inside.
Deep inside.
Faith saw no reason not to behave as normal vamps and
get them some dinner from the street - which Xander just
found pretty horrible.
"Don't you have a conscience?"

"What's that got to do with it?" Faith replied annoyed.
"Comeon, you don't have to play whitehat anymore. You
are on the other side of the line now."

"Angel was not."

"Well, we wouldn't have to kill them," Faith stated
after a look at his determined eyes. Bugger, what a big
bother some ethics were! "We could half-drain them and
leave them near a hospital."

"We could eat dogs," Xander muttered and winced at the
memory. Right. and throw up. "We need a place to stay
and some job...regular money."

"Not to mention regular blood supply," Faith added and
chuckled. "And forget about dogs. We're both very hungry
right now. And if you don't come along I will go and do
it. If you have qualms I'll...feed you."

The way she said it reminded Xander all too much of a
mom taking care of her babies. He did not want to be
dependant on Faith or anyone. And his demon rejoyced at
the idea of hunting...of course it did. "No," he rasped.
Exchaning blood with Faith - as long until it got too
stale - made him feel...he wasn't sure what. It was so
great, but it also made the demon stronger and made him
loose control. In that sort of state she talked him into
anything and if he kept that up he figured she would get
him to give up on his ethics very soon. "We'll hunt. But
no killings."

"That's my boy," Faith laughed, "and one day we'll make
a man of you yet!" Meaning a killer. Which he didn't
want to be. But he also was not willing to let go of
her yet.
Being with Faith he actually felt happier than he had
at almost any time in months. Ever since he lost Cordy.
How insane it was - he had feelings for her.
And he knew she returned them. Which he also needed.
Her deep dark eyes were glowing with contentment. She
made it no secret that she had no qualms about killing.
Or enjoying it. Said she saw the same desire in him.
Which was where he disagreed - he would not kill.

So they set out to hunt. Which was rather easy. LA was
so full of homeless and people walking after dark. It
wasn't anywhere near Sunnydale.
Xander had his doubts bottled up inside of him and let
the demon run when they made two men their meals and
dropped them near a public clinic. It was easy to say
they were attacked by animals and get gone again.
Just jump them, drain them a bit, leave them with people
to help and get away. It was easy, very easy. And the
blood rushing into his mouth made him feel so great.
The nurse at the admission believed his words with the
same blank expression and that wide unmoving eyes they
had when Faith used her whammy on them.
No idea why she was able to do that, Dru had been as had
the master - and theyw ere nowhere near that old. Well,
Faith was a Slayer and inclined to have power. But he?
Much less had they any idea why he was able to do it at
all, or have a soul. Faith had not done any spells and
Willow said hers failed on them, for they had never lost
their souls.
Yet he had the gift.
He just wasn't able to control it.
Xander wondered about this as he and Faith left the
hospital and spent the next hours clubbing, shopping
and making out. That was fun. And they finally bunkered
down at their hotel again. There they had a lot of
mind-blowing sex, some sleep and TV and waited for the
day to end.
At least for most of the day.
And the same way the second went by and the third.
They did some mugging and hunting and lived and he was
happy together with Faith. It was just mad.
Xander also did some thinking.
He still felt he wanted to live - and even with Faith.
That conviction rather got stronger, not weaker. He
felt like they could make it.
Stay in the back, no killings and maybe he even might
get a job again. They both could do something. Have
a place of their own, buy their blood and get a live.
It was a nice fantasy, nothing else.
Still, the more he thought about it the more he wanted
to try - there wouldn't be any troubles, in his vision.
Then the dreaming came to an end.

That day the sky began to get covered with clouds and
there was the distant thunder of a nearing storm. Some
major action on the sea was happening and they talked
about it on the TV weathjer forecast. LA and all of
California was in for wind and some rain.
Hey, it happened! Even if not that regularly.
And then the door to their room was broken open and a
number of unfriendly folks came in. They also ripped
the heavy curtain Faith had used to block the sunlight
away. They had stakes and crosses and came to murder
them.
Xander awoke to the sounds of fighting and saw Faith
stagger back in extreme pain. He saw the man, ordinary
people. Some younger, some older, all men in plain
clothes. Some suits, some jeans and jackets...and all
looked very inconspicious. Five of them, one at the
door. Four came in.
He felt his demon wail at the sight of the crosses.
And he saw one of them lie in corner, moaning. His
pal held Faith away with a cross and there was one
with a watergun...the way Faith screamed in pain he
guessed at the contents. A bald fourtyish guy in the
coverall ofa delivery company held a heavy cross against
him and pointed a crossbow with a pistol grip at him,
his face showing bitter hate.
Xander moved aside and the crossbow bolt hit the bed
as he stood up. Ignoring the pain he got from the sight
of the cross - and that wasn't as bad as touching the
object - he tackled the man and shoved him away.
Then he went after the water pistol man, remebering how
often he himself had used a similiar weapon. But now
Faith, his Faith, was in danger and burning. They were
hruting his Faith and that made him so angry.
"Don't you touch her!" Xander shouted as he ripped the
watergun from the man while Faith got to her feet again.
She went after the down leader, vamped out and angry.
Xander threw the watergun away, feeling the drops as
they hit him and winced. He moved the man up with one
hand at the throat and saw the fear in the face. The
whitehat hunter pissed his pants and screaming in fear,
he struggled uselessly. He got the time to faint before
he was thrown against a wall.
Xander opened his mouth to talk to them - this was all
a huge mistake. They had souls, dammit, they weren't
supposed to be hunted...couldn't they decide to stop
fighting?
A naive idea.
Still, maybe something could have been worked out.
If not for the fouth man, some young dick in a business
suit, the fight might have been over quickly. But he
pulled the curtains away and then there was sunlight in
the room.
And then it got bad.
Faith ripped her claws through a throat. She got the
guy in the hallway next, since the hallway was dark it
also helped to save her from most of the sunlight.
And Xander stumbled back in severe pains.
He felt like he was burning from the inside out, and
he was...slowly. The pain and the shock made him halt
and then the guy came after him. Stake held in his hand
like a knife and with a wild look in the eyes the young
man tackled him...smiling madly.
"I'll stake you now, dirty demon bastard!" the man
shouted and Xander panicked. Ordinarily he could have
thrown that asshole away with no problem at all. But the
sunlight was there and then the old guy was up as well.
Drawing a dagger and nailing his hand to the floor with
it as he came to the aid of the young man.
Xander just managed to survive before the stake hit his
chest - not the heart, but awfully close. That was when
he freaked...moved up his head and used his good arm to
get the young shithead closer. Then his fangs pierced
skin and Xander tasted hot blood. The man screamed as
his thorat was ripped out and he began to bleed to death
quickly, instinctively a hand clutched to cover his
throat. Which also allowed Xander to finally shove him
off himself and defend himself against the older man.
Looking at the muscular hunter who had another stake in
hand he growled and moved his hand.
The claws broke through skin and flesh and bone and the
determined expression on the other's face cahnged to
total shock and horror as Xander ripped his beating
heart out. Curshed the muscle as he moved his own arm.
Blood splashed and flesh burned, he was cooked alive.
Xander kicked the bleeding young man back, he had gotten
the news and reached for a new stake. Ignored his own
impending death to take his enemy down but failed.
Xander ripped the knife from his hand and stumbled to
his feet. He launched himself forward, out of the bad
sunlight and found Faith on the grounds.
There was a dead guy besides her and two more lying
around. And two hard-faced men in business suits were
kicking down at her. One had a cross and was trying to
aim another crossbow, a bolt was sticking inside of her
upper body. The other had a watergun and Faith looked
very roughed up...
Xander howled. They tried to kill his Faith. His sire,
His lover, his friend. They gave them pain.
Anger overtook the last shreds of reason and he rushed
them. The watgerun man never saw him coming before
Xander was there and a determined hand hit the neck,
shattered the human hunter's spine. His partner had the
time to look up before Xander rusehd him and had the
corss kicked from him. He tried to move the crossbow up
and Xander brought up his other hand. The weapon flew
away and the hand was shattered by his foot. And then
he dashed forward and caught the man in the throat. His
fangs hit the jugular and he sucked hungrily at the
blood inside. They guy couldn't even move and it was
very messy. Half his throat was torn open when Xander
turned away. Pleased with the painful death he handed
out he looked for more enemies to slay. None there.
Just bodies and blood...and he was so hungry! Hungry
as he'd never been before.
Faith grimaced as she moved herself over to the dead
man...hungry as well. Growling she began to sip and
she didn't stop even as Xander reached down and tore
the bolt out of her shoulder. Threw it away, as much
as the stake in his chest, before he took the next
corpse. Still warm, still good.
So good. The blood soothed his pains, and all over he
hurt...the healing began. He felt the tickles of it on
his dead flesh.
He needed more.
As a door opened and an older man moved his head out
to look Xander grabbed him and knoched him out cold.
One moment later he had the head turned aside and had
his fangs sucking on the neck. The blonde woman who
was besides him, sitting up on the bed and covering
her naked self in the sheets, looked like a hooker.
She started to scream.
Until he silenced her as he came for her and dragged
her out of the protective daylight into the darker
corridor. and she joined her client on the floor.
There were not many guest in the crummy hotel but a
few. Maybe a dozen in two dozen rooms...none got away.
They blocked the stairs...one small man tried to shoot
him. And got his arm broken for it, several times,
before a right cross shatted the jaw.
Xander was so hungry that he couldn't ignore the smell
of hot blood in their veins, their delicious hearbeats.
The demon's whispers.
Neither was Faith.
Dead and dying corpses littered the floor. A couple of
old men was just there, their necks snapped. A fat woman
got her throat ripped out and led in her own pool of
blood, drowing on the blood that got into her lungs. Her
eyes came out and she fought it vainly.
The sounds she made made him so hard...even as he threw
the body of another man away disgusted. The blood was
bad, it tasted of chemical poisons and nearly made him
throw up. He ripped the guts out of the bastard for
being no proper food...let him die in his own agony.
The demon raged.
The demon reigned.
The carnage happened within less than five minutes, less
than one...and then they were alone. Faith had killed
until she was as bloody and soiled as him and she was
clearly loving it.
Blood had sprayed to the walls, the floor, them. And
then there was noone left but them. At least up here,
down were other guests and the owner. They had run out
and one man came in with a double barrled shotung. He
ran into Faith...who quickly disposed of him.
Xander noticed the kill in a distanced state of mind
before the shock set in. He wasn't yet breaking apart.
He just looked at the sunlight flooding the corridor.
So much for ever going to suicide by sunbathing. Shit.
He'd rather choose staking over this...burning alive
was no fun. No fun at all.
He sat down on his ass in the hallway and began to
calm down. Began to notice how he was covered with
burns and blood all over and what he had done. They.
Oh shit, oh shit, oh more shit...!
He began to tremble as Faith touched him, looking
rather worse the wear. But she smiled, "you okay?"

"I'm still there," Xander replied with his voice made
of ash...he shut his eyes. Unable to face the carnage.
He had done that, they had. And he had liked it. His
demon had revled in the deed. "Fuck."

"Say that again," Faith barked while she tore him to his
feet. "We got to get out of here...cops will be there."
And the LAPD was no bunch of sick jokes like the cops in
Sunnydale, for sure.

"How? It's daylight!" Xander said. Unless she wanted to
play stupid-vamps-burning-away-in-daylight. And of
course they were fucked. "we're trapped in here."
A part of him almost welcomed death.

"The fuck we are!" Faith hissed as she tore him on his
feet. "We can survive a bit of light. Get into the car
and run..."

"They took our car away two days ago, Faith," Xander
said annoyed. She had left the vehicle behind in a no
parking area and the next moment the cops came to tow
it away. Okay, it wasn't THAT bad. but they had towed
it away after they were gone for half a night.
Not that it was so bad - the car probably was hot, was
a means to trace them. Willow certainly could do so
when she hacked into the police files. Used it to track
them down or something. Better they left it behind.

"Then we'll get some blankets and use another...!" Faith
snapped angrily, shaking her head. Licking her mouth she
glared at him, her black eyes going yellow. "We will not
die in this shithole, lover. I won't permit it!"

"You take the blanket," Xander said, giving in to her
survival instincts. He would get her the heavy curtain
from their room, too. "I'll drive."

"What?" Faith gulped. "You...!"

"I heal faster than you, Faith. And I don't burn so fast
as well," Xander answered. It was just an observation.
"so I'll take the brunt of it." He wasn't about to argue
while he already was working. His mind came up with a
quick escape plan, something he had noticed before...it
looked a lot more promising. "We'll do it my way!"

Less than a minute later, before the first police cars
came in with howling sirens, they left. Not running by
car but by foot and ignoring the smoke they quickly
reached the driveway and the entrance to the sewers in
there. No matter how dirty they were and stank, they
were dark and a way to safety. He felt his hand flame
and smoke as he picked up the heavy shutter and moved
it, making her jump in first and he himself climbed
right after. Cops and people moved around and some even
stared but nothing else happened. Noone bothered as
everyone followed the news vans and the police cars
rushing to the hotel.
Xander felt like he was covered with ash and raw wounds
when he dropped out of the sunlight. Still, his body was
able to take it and heal...same for Faith. Who took it
even worse than him, despite their cover of blankets and
the curtain wrapped around their bodies.
They got into the dark sewers and then they ran. It was
good that they didn't need air and could swim through
the rivers of shit floating in there. Sewers weren't
very nice place to be - much less than Sunnydale - but
they led them to safety.
The carnage made it into the news shows, together with
some bad sketches of them. They were lucky that there
was no video of them...and that the cops said some wild
animals must have done it because of the claws and the
animalic rage displayed.
Still, it would be better to stay low for now.

The night they came out of the sewers somewhere and
began to look for a place to clean up and get new
clothes. They stank so bad...and walking around naked
would catch the public attention in the most, hm, well
unfortunate manner.
Xander did not dare to think much more than what he had
to for acting his part until he and Faith were in the
bathing tub with hot water. The owner of the house they
were in now was unconscious, bound and gagged. Their
whammy really came in handily for that situations.

Xander tried to determine how he felt now. Ashamed, hurt
and incredibly scared. Angel always said he had to keep
his demon down and now he knew what the deadboy had been
speaking about. He wished he never had to find out like
that - whatever. He was alive because of it, they were.
Those hunters had found them and attacked them, through
whatever crazy means. They were dead, they had failed to
kill them. And aside from a bad case of sunburns they
got away clean. So far at least.

"How did it feel to you?" Faith asked in a clam and
distanced voice, rubbing at herself with a swam. The goo
in the sewers had not just stuck to their clothes alone.
It was totally disgusting. "At the hotel...you went
totally freaking nuts."

"You said so," Xander answered her unhappily. Had he
enjoyed that? His demon had...but had he as well? He had
enjoyed it. And he hated it. "Damn bastards made me
loose it and then..."

"Then there only was the hunger?" Faith smiled in her
psycho persona. The exhilaration in her eyes was...not
what he liked to see, except that a part of him agreed.
"The hunger and giving in. Taking what you needed. And
more. Feeling how your fangs ripped them and their blood
flowed into you...warmed you, fed you...seeing how that
little light in their eyes gave out when it was over.
And their screams before. When they saw you and began
to get they were dead..."

"You must have felt like in paradise."

"Actually, it's rather disgusting," Faith grunted. She
nodded, affirming the description and said that it was
no good - easy slaughter. She wanted a fight, challenge,
a hunt before the kill. She wanted to feel her own pain
and exhaustion settle in after the rush was over. Not
that endless demon rage, not that ever present hunger.

"Anyone ever told you you're sick?" Xander asked and she
grinned, reminded him he did so. Several times each new
day he told her why she was certifable. And she loved it
being said. Loved him to say it to her in that voice
which said he was wondering why he put up with her...and
always would. Because he belonged to her now, body and
soul. Or as good as.

"And that's important?"

"I wanted you to know it. Even in that hotel room in
Sunnydale," Faith affirmated. Taking on her back and
sighing as she got the dirt of her. "You are mine now.
MY friend, my backup, my sidekick. Not B's anymore."

"What about lover?"

"Kiss me, fuck me, stab me in the back?" Faith said with
discomfort written in her voice. "I...I think I do love
you but...if you don't want..."

"If I didn't love you, Faith, I would have killed myself
days ago!" Xander snorted embarassed. He hated it to be
like this. He hated it to become a killer, a monster,
all he had been fighting against for years now. But he
also loved her and needed her. She was...Faith. His
Faith. "Or I would not have snapped in the hotel."

"That was the attack on you," Faith stated, confused.

She thought that getting close to death made the demon
get stronger - it didn't, not really. Yeah, he had used
what the demon offered him but that still had been he.
He had killed to survive, in self defense. Pain and fear
had weakened his control. But snapped he had when he saw
her on the grounds, about to die. He had seen it and he
had surrendered to the demon at once. Had gone into the
killing frenzy that would give him nightmares for the
rest of his unlive.
Xander told her that. He wasn't sure that he would have
done that for anyone else. Not even for Willow or Buffy
or Cordelia. Certainly not anymore. "I'd give up my soul
for you, Faith."

She had her mouth hang open, "Why? All I gave you is...
pain and hate...almost."

"Where's the difference to my mortal life?" Xander
asked in the darkest, flattest voice he could muster.
"I fell for you, somewhen in the hospital...before. Does
it matter? I live on because I want to be with you, F.
I don't even hate you for making me do this or getting
me here...I had expected I'd end like this."

"You knew?"

"Hey, I know you. It could only end like that, one of
the days," Xander said strangely amused. Being with
Faith was an open invitation to disaster. So what? "I
still don't like to kill. Or do it again. But, fuck, I
am able to do it...B never told you how I tried to make
her kill Angel?"

"No. And...thanks for calling her B now."

"Damn, your habits rub off on me!" Xander swore, taking
in the sight of her. It wasn't her beauty, no, but the
eyes. The reascertaince of a belief, a hope, a dream and
she hadn't dared to folow it through. Now she would. She
looked at him with the kind of love he wanted to have
seen in Buffy's eyes or Cordelias. He took her hand,
just that. No chessy thing like a kiss now or the begin
of a frantic mating exercise. He just held her hand and
told her he'd love her, ever and afterwards. He could
not help his heart, his feelings. He could not change
them. Faith was mad, bad and dangerous to know and be
with. Going into her darkness would make him as her.
Another badass fucking up people's lives for his own
sick fun. Before he always wondered how people could
be evil, now...now he understood it. It tore his guts
out of him and flayed his spine but he got it. And part
of him knew that they just...decided that their own
desires were more important than everything else. They
did it and it was the easiest thing. Even if it was dumb
and stuoid and evil and in the end self-destructive,
they did it. "I could never leave you, F. You're my
dark goddess and I...will always love you for that
what you are." Even if I hate myself for feeling like
this! he thought.

She blinked tears of joy out of her eyes. Red tears.
And her smile was that of the psycho killer again,
for a moment. "You don't have to kill to make me happy.
Just be with me...make me...laugh and giggle and do all
these stupid meaningless things couples do to pass the
time. And the meaningful stuff as well."

"You'd stop killing for me?"

"I can't. Not even for me. It's part of me, what I do,
am. But...but I could...keep it down," Faith said. She
was incredible in that brutal honesty act of hers. She
looked down on the water. "I am so happy with you. And
I...I need you." To her that was almost a shameful
confession. Faith and needing someone else, wow!

For what? Xander thought. Loving her? Staying with her
as a friend? He snorted to himself. He'd have died for
Buffy. Even while being with Cordy, and he had loved
Cordelia. He'd go to hell for his Faith. Damn him for
it...well, he was. "Even if I want to hunt bad guys?"

"Mhm...baddies are more powerful, ain't they?" Faith
asked and nodded. "So it's more fun. Why the hell not!
But, if we do you'll have to learn how to fight. You're
wasting most of your energy right now...small wonder you
always end up getting that kick in the ass."

"You can teach me, can't you?" Xander stated lamely and
she nodded. She would teach him.
Which meant he had some future which left me a shred of
self-respect. Good, very good. Xander turned his mind
on the issueas at hand - cleaning himself and then going
for new clothes, a hideaway and such.
"Allright. But then we leave town. Whoever those gung ho
hunters were working for, there are coming more if we
don't move it..."

"And where shall we go?"

"anywhere but here," Xander said. He reached for the
soap placed at the side of the tub. And laughed. "What
about New York, or New Orleans. I mean, everyone knows
vampires love New Orleans."

"You read to many Anne Rice novels," Faith snorted,
sounding disgusted. "And you know how much THOSE are
not true."

"Whaddoesitmatter. Ever been there?"

"No," Faith answered and gloated. "Okay. New Orleans
it is."