FicWad

At first, it truly bothered me.

I mean, I knew that he wasn't the brightest kid when he was in school, constantly playing his synthisizer and writing songs in class when he should have been listening and learning. Like the song he showed me in which he says to "Aim for the loophole(1)."

What kind of silly nonsense is that?

Unrealistic.

And to boot, he was always getting in trouble, even with that Nakano Hiroshi boy helping him keep things relatively toned down. If only he was more like his sister Maiko.

He barely graduated.

I should have sold his synthesizer. Instead it ended up in a pile on his bed with a "don't touch" sign on it.(2)

Heh.

I recognized that he had some kind of talent, but I didn't think that it would get him very far. After all, the whims of the public are a fickle thing.
Rock stardom is to even some of the most talented people an unattainable dream, and I wanted him to have some back-up plan to fall back on. "Just in case this music-thing didn't pan out," I told him during one of our talks.

That was why I tried...and failed to get him to study, but it wasn't to be.

He needs to see the way the world works.(3)

*****
I originally wanted him to join my company and start somewhere at the bottom, like in the mailing room. Someplace easy to start, where he could learn how things at the company worked. Maybe climb his way up from there to middle management.

After all, that was how I got my start.

I should have known from the start of his "techno phase" that he wouldn't be happy working in a company like mine. He was too talented, even if I never told him so.

I couldn't tell him, of course...that would have encouraged him, and I wanted him to have a real job. After all, people who expect to make a good living off of music are fools, right?

*****
I didn't want my worst fears to happen to him, for my only son to end up battered and broken after trying to reach for the stars. Famous people nowadays always seem to have someone on the inside to help them, like that "American Rock Idol" show that's so popular in the US.
Someone that is willing to do anything, ANYTHING for their client to make it big.

Yet I didn't want my energetic son to lose his view of the world, how he thought that with hard work, everything would always fall into place.
I wanted him to find out on his own that there's no such thing as luck or coincidence.(4)
I didn't want him corrupted by fame quite yet, like so many young stars are nowadays.
I want him to keep his belief in the universe working things out for long as possible.

I wanted him to work towards his dream...and then for him to realize on his own how unatainable it really is.

*****
Yes, I admit it, his way of viewing the world helped me through those tough days when I come home from work. When he was living at home, sometimes he would drag me into his bedroom and beg me to listen to a new song he' d written. I would sit on his bed, and let myself be enveloped by the music flowing through his fingers, and out of his mouth. I couldn't tell him that I thought that he had true talent, I had to be the "stern parent," but for a few moments, I could let myself get lost in his melodies. I hid my true feelings about his music from him, of course, but I'm pretty sure that he knew how I truly felt. My father brought me to reality, and now it's my turn to do it for him, so that he can mature into a dedicated Japanese family man.

After all, like father, like son.


*****
(1) From 'Rage Beat'
(2) Track 5, pg 15
(3) Track 4, pg 177
(4) Track 5, pg 18