FicWad

disclaimer : I do not own any rights to the song or video by La Bouquet/Bryan Sammis & Jake Lopez. This is purely a work of fiction that has no actual relation to the song or video as well as Bryan Sammis personally. Placed in original section since there’s no appropriate category in Celebrities.
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The echo of voices roars through the empty halls in what is supposed to be a celebration. I instantly feel my insides churn again as thoughts race through my mind annoyingly, I push them away once again begging them to just stay at bay. I had done so good before, why had they started creeping back? I was finally looking forwards yet I feel my body being dragged back to the place I had worked so hard to get away from.

A soft sigh escapes my lips as I pull the pearl laced material up my body. I fasten the zipper and turn around to stare at myself in the mirror. The beautiful dress that complimented my body so well still couldn’t seem to brighten up my cloudy eyes. The immaculate dress I had spent months saving for just to have it custom made straight from Italy, suddenly seemed insignificant.

My body stiffens as I hear Eric’s voice echo amongst the microphone. I can’t bring myself to walk down and face all my friends and family that had so graciously taken the time to travel just to see us. A pang of guilt throbs in my stomach as Eric speaks so kindly and genuinely to everyone. My eyes only concentrate on the embers of red and orange embers that flicker amongst burnt wood in the fire place when he talks about tomorrow.

Tomorrow.

Tomorrow is inevitably supposed to be one of the happiest days of my life. The moment every girl dreams of, wishing she ends up with her prince and live comfortably. I had somehow managed to accomplish all of this and yet here I was lying on the wooden floor wishing I was anywhere but here.

“Tomorrow is going to be the best day of my life, I get to marry the girl of my dreams.”

Invisible pieces of cotton seemed to plug my ears as Eric’s voice fades away until I feel like I’m laying under water. His sweet words that once comforted me, had now made me feel ill. Eric was everything I supposed I should have. Kind, charming, giving. There wasn’t a person in this world that couldn’t like Eric. But as time raced each second closer to tomorrow and despite my protests, the ugly realization was tearing its head.

He wasn’t him.

I close my eyes as I try my hardest to take my mind elsewhere but his face was long etched into my mind permanently, so the attempt was useless. A man that had managed to take everything from me. A man that had once built me up so damn high, was also the one to break it all down.

A man that I had so desperately wish I could forget but couldn’t. The memories I had blocked out temporarily rushed back to me all at once and I struggled to breathe. My palms feel sweaty and my heart begins to pant just like it does every single time. My first instinct is to run away but this time I couldn’t escape, I knew there was no way to sneak out without being seen by somebody downstairs. I had no choice but to choke back my feelings and head down below. I couldn’t let him ruin yet another thing for me, not this time.

I slip off the heavy dress and change into the other formal dress put out for me. I grimace a bit at the tired reflection looking back at me, hoping the dark circles wouldn’t be too noticeable that I hadn’t slept well in...well months. I manage to fix my hair and look somewhat presentable before letting out one last deep sigh and head down stairs.

I prep myself to greet various people as my feet touch every step. I swallow the lump in my throat as Eric’s speech finally ends.

“So thank you all once again we appreciate it so much. Now enjoy some music.” I hear him say and after several seconds, the sound of a guitar begins to play.

The little ounce of courage I had mustered inevitably gets stomped on as a voice begins to sing and I feel my blood run cold. Chills run up my spine as I pace down the last few steps hoping and praying that I had to be hallucinating.

“When you inhale money, do you ever think of me?
When you're running around to escape from the sound of my voice
It was perfect pain, but we're not in love
Cause you're running around to escape from the sound of my voice

You can kiss me, darling
You can lay it on thick and make it hurt, a lot
But trust me I wouldn't miss it for a minute
You couldn't pay me enough to leave you behind”

I stop dead in my tracks with mixture of shock and anger, but mostly anger. There he was standing on stage singing into the crowd of my relatives. Fucking Bryan standing on stage singing to my fucking relatives.

“So maybe I'll go alone
Why can't you play along?

You're like heavy sunshine
It hurts my eyes
I'm begging you to hurt me
If you wanted you could kill me
Maybe you could kiss me, but you'll kill me
Kiss me, kill me”

I feel tears sting and prick the corner of my eyes. What right did he have to show up like this? To humiliate me in front of my unknowing family, how dare he!

“When you exhale money, do you ever think of me?
You're not running around, do you still feel profound?
And worthy of the attention you got?
You know they love you
Trust me if you can't sleep you know I got you
I'll haunt your dreams until it'll wake you up”

I can feel Eric’s eyes on me in confusion, but I can’t move my feet still as Bryan finally looks at me directly while walking closer to me. Eric most likely had no clue just who he hired to sing tonight, but it was naive to think it was just a perfect coincidence.

“Do you know it's me?
Does it make you wanna kill me?”

His eyes bore into mine and my mind goes from zero to one hundred. Every memory of us flashes before me. Every smile, every kiss, every argument, and every heartbreak. I feel the anger finally boil beyond control and suddenly I reach out to grab him by the hand and yank him towards me as I drag him away from the surprised crowd, ignoring Eric as I pass by. I drag Bryan to the den and before I can stop myself, my hand reaches up and smacks him right across the cheek. My mind too furious that it ignores the stinging in my palm from the impact.

“What are you doing here? I’m getting married tomorrow.” I growl as he just stands there looking at me. One year had gone by and his stature is different then the last time I seen him. His hair is shorter and cropped. His eyes are covered by yellow tinted aviators but I can still see those haunting eyes through them, and what a shocker there’s more tattoos added to both his full sleeves down to his knuckles.

“You’re really going to marry him?” he finally responds and once again I go speechless. I feel the question plague me and I momentarily hate myself for it.

“Yes.” I whisper not trusting my voice to speak up. Bryan scoffs as he tilts his head.

“We both know you’re a fucking terrible liar Layla.” he responds coolly, pissing me off even further, mostly because he’s completely right. He was the only one I couldn’t hide from.

“What do you want Bryan? Why are you here?” I ask again in frustration.

“Don’t do it. Don’t marry him.” he whispers. “I can see it in your eyes that it’s not what you want.” he adds and my eyes flicker in rage.

“Don’t tell me what I want. You have no absolutely no right to come here after all you’ve done!” I yell this time.

“I know I’m a fuck up okay? I know it, you know it, everybody does. I know I hurt you too many times to count and I’m sorry for that. But I’m fucking trying okay?” he protests and the lump in my throat comes back. I wanted to hate him, I truly did. Before the alcohol and drugs we were once happy. We had a relationship that was genuine and damn near pure. There was nothing I wouldn’t do for him in those moments. We had been through so much only for it to crumble when he got that damn record deal. It had been alright at first but then as things progressed with The Neighbourhood, so had the partying then the drinking. Then after drinking, there was the drugs and cheating. Somehow I had turned a blind eye to it all, maybe I was in denial because I loved him so much, maybe I was just too stupid. But maybe I loved him so much that I’d rather he hurt me than to have nothing at all.

He promised it would stop, he promised to get sober, he promised a lot of things. But a heart can only take so much, he was changing as a person and I couldn’t stop it. Everything we had built together was fading, I couldn’t be the one to fix him.

“I tried Bryan. I gave you everything and you chose drugs over me, you chose other girls over me. You hurt me over and over and expected me to push it aside, well fuck that. You don’t get to have both, I’m not your safety net to fall back on.” I replied.

“The damage is done.” I finished and attempted to walk away but his hand grabbed my wrist and held it firmly.

“10 months.” he whispered. “That’s how long I’ve been sober. I realized in that time how much I was fucking myself up. I got lost in the power and it went too far, I’ll own up to it. I’ve never been that good of a person, but I swear on my life Layla, you made me feel like I was. Before all this, we had something amazing, and even when I was fucked up and I knew it was hurting you, I still chose to be selfish. I couldn’t let you go but I couldn’t handle my emotions of everything with the band. I masked it with temporary pleasures to ease the pressures. What I did to you was horrible I know, and trust me I’ll never forgive myself for it.” he lamented as all I could do was look down in silence.

If I was honest, I began to think I’d never hear those words come out of his mouth. Something I had wanted for so long seemed so far out of reach, I feared the worst for him.

“When you left, everything changed. I realized it was the wake up call I needed to get my shit together, so I did. I left the band and started focusing on my own music, something that helped me come back to myself. But nothing can heal the hole of you being gone. I fucking love you, nothing will ever change that.” Bryan whispered as the tears that had been hiding in the corners of my eyes were threatening to fall. I didn’t know how to feel and respond to him. He was still the only one that could flip my world upside down in a matter of seconds.

“Bryan, I...”

“Tell me.” he interrupted me. “Look me in the fucking eyes and tell me you don’t love me. If you do, I promise I will walk away and you’ll never see me again.” he declared and as he stared at me intensely I felt my body shake anxiously at the question.

“I...” I began but couldn’t finish the words. All the barbed wire that surrounded my heart was slowly untangling and I felt blindsided. Bryan only lifted my wrist that was still gripped up and kissed it. I ached inside as his touch still possessed the power it had always had like kryptonite.

He knew it very well and took that opportunity to pull me closer until our lips suddenly collided together. My tense body relaxed as the soft flesh touched mine. The urgency of his lips and hands left me utterly defeated, mostly because the feeling of our lost love forever lingered.

But what terrified the me most was the way that he kissed me proved he missed me as much as I missed him. That both of us had struggled so much to stay away but we drew back like magnets every time. That despite our world of chaos, there was something that bonded us together. Was I foolish? Absolutely.

Did I love him? Completely.

The tears had finally fallen as I accepted defeat yet again. Bryan had pulled back slowly and used his thumb to wipe them.

“Bryan. You can’t...you can’t hurt me anymore.” I whispered almost pleading.

“I don’t want to hurt you, I just want you home. I can’t make it without you baby. I’ll be anything you want me to be, just be with me. I’d give you the moon, the stars, the whole fucking galaxy if you wanted it. I’ll do anything, just please.” he begged pressing his forehead against mine. I inhaled deeply.

I felt the hole in my heart slowly repair and without thinking I threw my arms around him. He held on to me tightly and for the first time in a while I smiled.

“Will you go with me?” he pegged the question having already known what he meant. I pondered it all and had to be honest with myself. My mind said something but my heart said another.

Betraying the promise I made myself, I listened to the latter.

I only placed my hand in his watching the relief wash over his face. He squeezed my hand back and pulled me away from the hall quickly trying to find a way to escape. We reached the end of the hall where the sound of voices had began to echo again and as we got closer to the door a figure in the corner of my eyes made me freeze, yanking Bryan back with me.

I inhaled sharply as I faced Eric staring back at us. The guilt and shame was evident on my face and in that moment I knew I was the shittiest person alive. He was such a good person and honestly didn’t deserve someone like me, he deserved much more. His eyes held the feelings of hurt, a lot hurt but there was the sinking look of not being surprised. I then knew he was giving me the look of understanding that said ‘this fucking hurts but I can’t stop you.’

None of it eased the guilt and I knew I was nothing but a coward standing there.

‘I’m sorry’ I mouthed before walking away from him with Bryan still holding my hand. You deserve better Eric, I hope you find it and I’m truly sorry. We both ran out the back door away from everyone, it was too late to back out now and maybe later on they’ll understand.

They’ll understand that no matter how hard we try to keep our feelings at bay, whether we know it’s right or wrong, the heart will always want what it wants. We can try to put it off and distract ourselves as best we can but it only catches up to us. The people we meet in life aren’t coincidental and each one is meant to change us in someway.

I’m not sure what change Bryan brought to me, but despite everything we’ve gone through and no matter how many times I want to hate him I knew I never would. Some people just capture your soul and you’re suddenly bound to them. They overtake your life in ways you never thought possible. Bryan was that person and the very moment I saw him I knew I would be bound to him.

Some might say I’m naive or stupid, I couldn’t really argue that. We had a complicated relationship and as much shit has happened, I couldn’t let go.

When we reached his car we stopped at the passenger door. I studied Bryan carefully while he did the same. We didn’t speak anymore words, and while I didn’t know what lies ahead I was prepared to take the fall.

I looked back at the house carefully, it had been good to me and brought me some solace temporarily when things had fallen apart, but deep down I knew it wasn’t home.

Bryan squeezed my hand knowingly and kissed me one last time and every doubt I held before vanished.

“Let’s go home.”