FicWad

Chapter 1: A Man with Many Questions

"What would another warrior think of my form, here?"

Sora, a Keyblade wielder chosen to bring balance to the Force—wait…

"Am I really using all my power, even if I'm still breathing?"

Okay. This is Sora, a warrior who fights on the side of Light. Recently, his yellow Camaro had been acting strange, doing things like transforming into a giant robot and calling itself "Bumblebee"—shit, that's not it either…

"I know the Keyblade is the greatest weapon of all, but am I truly worthy of wielding it?"

All right, I've got it this time. Sora, a boy who's been fifteen or sixteen years of age for over ten years now thanks to Square Enix, ahem, perfecting their third numbered entry in the Kingdom Hearts series, is beginning to accept the hurdles of becoming a man. Though technically not eighteen (and definitely not old enough to buy liquor, but you'd think he would be) Sora's days of boyhood are long behind him.

True, Square Enix is hard at work constructing the legendary Kingdom Hearts III…as of this writing. And true, Sora has recently kicked up his training into high gear thanks to rumors of intensely difficult boss fights. But one thing that truly needs to be noted here is the fact that Sora might just be the only playable hero taking this third-numbered-entry-thing seriously. Perhaps, too seriously.

Anyway, you still here? Good—no, great. On to the scene.

Sora's choice of world reflected his favorite type of training: overwhelming amounts of enemies versus his love for battling bigger foes. So naturally, he was training inside Beast's Castle. He truly appreciated how the prince and Belle allowed him to run around the expansive manor, slapping up Heartless and Nobodies left and right. In fact their exact words to Sora were…

-Enter Flashback- (No, they didn't say that shit.)

"Really, only if you don't mind the leg work, Sora!" said Belle, caressing her beau's furry chest. She, Beast, and Sora were gathered in the parlor, discussing their plans during the midday. "Beast needs a day off from maiming and killing anyway. He's supposed to be preparing for our vacation to Italy, but he's been so preoccupied with those hooligans he can't even be bothered to replace Lumiere's candle wax."

Just then, a brass candelabra with merely two inches of candle wax hobbled over to the conversation. Speaking from a grinning face crammed within those two inches of wax, Lumiere addressed the matter in a strained, French accent, "On the bright side, monsieur, female company has been abundant of late."

"And Sora," Beast added in his gruff voice, "I'd really appreciate you purging the ballroom of their presence. You know what their favorite thing to do is? Leave nasty bits of graffiti all over the pillars—they think they're so clever with their bestiality jokes, filthy bastards…"

Nodding his head in agreement, Sora replied, "Don't even lose sleep over it, Beast." Judging by the sandbags under the prince's eyes, Sora might've been a little late in telling him that. "I'll send those creeps a message they won't forget. Oh, and if you point me to the nearest mop and bucket, I'll take care of those nasty scribbles afterward. Nope, we won't tolerate intolerance here, no sir-ee!"

Smiling warmly, Belle said, "That's good to hear! Honestly, Sora, you do too much. Hasn't Kairi missed having you around?"

Crap. She brought up Kairi. Quickly, Sora did his best to deflect the question, "Huh? Oh no trust me, she's off having fun with her own set of friends. In fact…" Sora, quit yammering right now! In no time flat, an embarrassed smile ripped across his mug as he continued, "…Kairi and some of our other friends are all going to a Hatsune Miku concert later on tonight."

Screwing up her face like she just heard bloody murder, Belle gave a heated response, "What? You mean without inviting you?"

Shoot. He knew he shouldn't have mentioned it. Sora made an attempt to diffuse the incoming rumor storm, "No really, it was something they decided last minute, and since I don't hang out with them as much as I used to, I just plain missed the opportunity."

"Hmph," Belle scoffed. "You'd think she'd at least shoot you a Kweh or something."

"Well, that's how I found out. All five of them sent out a public Kweh." Sora never would've pegged Belle to get angry over the exclusion of a friend. But then again, she was a Princess of Heart.

Ready to deflect the topic to something different, Sora declared, "Well, I guess I'd better get started. Jerk-wad Heartless won't vanquish themselves, and whatnot…"

Belle dropped the subject for now. Beast nodded his head, cheerfully coaxing his brave but lonely friend, "I trust you'll gain some well-deserved experience from all this. Truly, we can't thank you enough. Furthermore, while Belle and I shop at the market, the castle is yours until our return."

"Understood." Then some confusion hit Sora. "Hey, wait a sec – didn't you turn back into a human during the end credits of Kingdom Hearts II?"

Stammering for logic, Beast did his best to answer him, "Uh well, that was a scene looking into the future, demonstrating brighter beginnings, the turning over of new leaves, and…look just don't think about it. Follow your heart, do the right nonsense, or what have you. We'll be on our way, Sora."

Bowing his head cordially, Sora allowed the loving couple to depart. He couldn't lie to himself. He secretly envied them, what they had. Far too many people take love and affection for granted, sneaking around and cheating on their so-called lovers. Though already a "junior hero" (in the words of Phil), Sora still didn't quite understand the meaning of love just yet. Seems like it was more popular to simply love having fun. But how long would that last? If there ever came a day when Sora would be in absolute love with someone, he'd wanna deliver on every sense of the word. Because that's really all love is, just a word.

-End Flashback-

Heartless and Nobodies. Heartless and Nobodies. So many freaking Heartless and Nobodies. But hey…this was what he asked for.

Sora was throwing the smack down in the ballroom, slashing and hacking while popping Elixirs to keep his use of magic alive. He honestly didn't expect the first wave of enemies to roll in so deep, but after a while he deduced every single Heartless and Nobody in Beast's Castle had poured themselves into the ballroom as a frenzied response to Sora's rebellion.

It was at this point Sora deftly exited his fighting stance and began applying a new bandage to his cheek right in the middle of the swarm. He had made a slight hiccup when a Dragoon's lance nicked the side of his face, leaving a totally Potion-able scratch. However, it was solely Sora's decision to stop and use a Band-Aid, providing an excellent opportunity to straight-up taunt his enemies.

After smoothing out the adhesive patch, Sora went ahead and recited a lovely poem he'd prepared:

"Crimson Jazz, pain in the ass. Dragoons galore, like doing my chores. Plenty of Dusks, I give no fucks." He chuckled. He liked that part. "Large Bodies—better make em' dead ones! And Morning Stars can go straight to hell." He grunted.

"Shit,"he thought out loud, "that doesn't rhyme."

With a hefty batter's swing, Sora sent one of the bulbous Morning Stars flying into a cluster of undesirables, punctuating their demise with a bowling ball effect.

The true purpose of his odious ode was to keep himself from asking pointless questions again. However, that didn't last. Without even enjoying the carnage, Sora couldn't help but ponder out loud, "I wonder if the dev team got my memos about including taunts in Kingdom Hearts III…"

Back flipping out of the way from a charging Large Body, Sora asked himself while airborne, "What's the point of a suggestion box if they won't even use it?"

One nimble landing later and Sora was back to ripping a Dusk to shreds.

"Am I just letting myself get ignored? How much more assertive should I be?"

He combined a one-eighty turn with a side kick, knocking a Hammer Frame clean across the ballroom.

"Should I be as angry as Kratos to show my true power? Gather!"

Sora made efficient use of a Magnet spell, gathering a horde of Crimson Jazz in glowing orbit. Sequentially, he blasted them with a triple ice-spell amid their immobility.

"I'm not asking for Ninja Gaiden levels of challenge, but if need be, I will rise to the occasion!"

Just then, another Large Body charged into him from the side; luckily he snapped to his guard, receiving a ton of the bulky enemy's momentum to slide backward along the marble floor.

"Why is everyone forgetting the importance of a game series' 'Part Three'?"

Sora initiated his reprisal: a Counterattack burst that forced the fat one backward followed by a Strike Raid to the gut.

"Uncharted 3, God of War III, Devil May Cry 3…those games were freaking amazing!"

Time for a Shotlock. After targeting enough idiots-slash-enemies, Sora started zipping from foe-to-foe, smacking them out of equilibrium.

"Why don't Riku and Kairi just start dating already so I can stop holding my breath?!"

Just then, too many Dragoons entered Sora's personal bubble, so the young Keyblader smacked the ground with a Finishing Leap to set them all ablaze and airborne.

"Why does Square Enix throw a fit every time I go to different game worlds? Can they ditch the parental controls JUST ONCE?!"

Casting an Aero spell, Sora used wind to put their fires out…and send each of them careening into the ballroom's pillars.

"Why don't any of my friends try to fight on LEVEL ONE CRITICAL MODE?!"

It was death from above; a Morning Star fancied itself an aerial attack, of which Sora deftly blocked. While holding off the ball-shaped bruiser suspended overhead, he let his rage burn like hellfire.

"WHY IS EVERYTHING SO FUCKING HARD FOR MEEEE?!"

The very Morning Star he was fending off actually fucking died from Sora's anger issues. Damn thing just exploded. After that display of beastlike emotion, the twenty or so remaining Heartless and Nobodies got the same idea and charged Sora all at once.

"Great."

Sora unleashed Zantetsuken, a finishing move that hurled Sora across the ballroom in a blur. After reappearing at the opposite end, near the entrance, Sora turned and watched every monster's delayed reaction of becoming cut down into heaps of corpses.

It was during the Heartless' and Nobodies' evaporation from existence that Sora heard the sound of someone clearing his throat behind him. The voice was gruff, so no surprise who it was. However, the Keyblader hadn't expected the homeowners to return so early. Startled, Sora whirled around to face Beast and Belle in the ballroom's doorway, both of whom were giving Sora a look of utter horror.

"Sora," Beast began lowly, eyes bugging out, "…that was scary."

"Uh…um…" What could Sora even say here? "I think I got carried away."

"I'll say!" Belle shrieked. "But still – good work!"

Finally, Sora was back to a cool head. "Well, I guess I should give myself a break, huh?"

Belle giggled. "You clearly need a vacation. Maybe you should come with us to Italy, Sora."

Beast wasn't feeling that shit. "Absolutely not, Belle! He'll rage us into exile!"

Sighing, Belle crossed her arms and said, "Beast, it was a joke."

Glad to be laughing like his regular self again, Sora added, "Yeah, and Square Enix's rules prevent me from venturing outside their boundaries. But maybe someday I'll have the power to leave and enjoy the sights."

Making a peculiar request, Belle twirled a few strands of hair and said, "Well at least come up to my room for a gratuitous massage, Sora…"

Sora's brain had a hard time parsing that proposal. Meanwhile, any chance of him accepting Belle's invitation was cut short by the Beast snarling, "Whoa, whoa, whoa – okay, Sora, you did an awesome job with the Heartless! You may take your leave from this castle at once!"

Belle's eyes started wandering.

Brain back online, Sora offered, "All right, but I still wanted to wash off all that rude graffiti—"

"No need," Beast interjected, cutting his eyes at Belle and back to Sora. "You just make sure you get home safely, and once again, splendid, excellent work. Now good day to you, sir!"

Shrugging, Sora said before walking past them, "Okay. Have a nice night, you two!"

"Bye, Sora!" Belle said after the departing, painfully oblivious but-we-all-still-root-for-him young hero.

Giving a cheery wave, Sora took his leave from the ballroom and, ultimately, Beast's Castle. Randomly, he needed to adjust himself while walking down the main hall. No one saw him do it though, so it was cool. Before leaving through the giant double doors, Sora could make out the faintest sound of two people arguing. Oh, well. Love is unpredictable.

Meanwhile, Belle was voicing her vexation, "I thought you said you were open to three-ways!"

"Dammit!" Beast cursed, trying to keep his voice down. "Not—not with Sora! He's too hairless!"

"Make up your mind!"

Flying his Gummi Ship back to Square Enix headquarters, Sora pondered out loud in the cockpit, "I sure hope Tifa's bar is still open. I need to take a load off with a nice, cold glass of non-alcoholic lemonade. That oughta hit the spot."

And it came to pass that Sora made plans to go into Tifa's bar, The Seventh Heaven, to do just that: hit the fucking spot.