FicWad

Listen, I hate the stuff at the end, but it's important to the world and the character.

Sleep had been rough as he’d had the recurring dream. It left him shaken because of how vivid it was. It invaded his mind and it haunted him. He had trouble uncurling from the ball that he slept in. As always, though, as with everything, he managed it.
Ryan’s hand closed around the disguise block and he stood to leave the building and change for the day. It was earlier than usual which was just as well. In his normal corner, he let the lights do their work and cloak him in the white and silver of the Performers.
Before he went to the Performer’s building he took a minute to look again at the disguise that had quickly become a large part of his life. He could always keep the disguise on and stay with the Performers. He never had to go back to the Satisfiers but for the fact that he did. If he disappeared, he would be searched for, eventually caught, and jailed, then possibly killed.
Ryan shook his head and began his walk. There was no use in thinking like that since nothing would ever come of it. He needed to just be happy with what he had, the opportunity of a life that was more than what he’d been given. It was good enough that he got to pretend for the majority of a day. Still, he couldn’t stop wishing it could be permanent.
He waited a long time for the others to come in, but he was there in his normal corner to watch when they did. Brendon was close to the front and came over to stand beside him. He didn’t say anything and they both watched, side by side.
When seemingly everyone was out and the room had filled with noise, Brendon glanced over. “Good morning.” Ryan nodded in response. “About time to go in.” Ryan nodded again. “Something wrong?”
“Preoccupied.”
“You better focus, we’ll be working hard today, trying to pull everything together. We get to see another act too. It’s a couple. They were the best pair dancers before they moved out and went on their little break. They’ll be coming back to steal the show every week again, now.” Brendon had a grin on his face and looked genuinely happy. “They’ve done some amazing things, Mike and Laura.”
Ryan vaguely remembered the names, but more so he remembered the acts. Almost violent-looking dances that involved spins, dips, twirls, leaps, and other impressive acrobatics all moving at an incredible speed. When he watched, he remembered wondering if they were even real human beings.
Brendon was still grinning and Ryan wondered how someone could be so happy. But Brendon really and truly was happy, absolutely the happiest person that Ryan had ever come into contact with. Or, he was happy until he was reminded of Jeffry, then he was in league with Ryan. “You really like them don’t you?”
“The two of them were so nice to me as I grew up and they showed me so much before I was ten, just like everyone else here. They’re great dancers too, when you watch them up close, as they work and as they get things figured out, you’ll be awestruck too.” Ryan nodded.
“I’m sure I will be.” He just couldn’t shake off his dream, even if it was recurring and he knew it inside and out. Ryan was sure that Brendon noticed, but the other boy didn’t say anything and the flickering light from the candles didn’t help him to read his face.
“Is that our little Brendon?” came a female voice from out of the crowd. Both boys turned to look at the source of the voice and Ryan’s eyes rested on a tall, thin, rather beautiful girl holding the hand of a tall, thin, quite beautiful man. Both had the bodies of dancers and both were looking at Brendon warmly.
“Laura, it’s been two months. I haven’t grown even a year older,” Brendon whined; a smile on his face as he batted away the hand that was playing with his black hair.
“It looks like it. I swear you’re taller, and you’ve lost your baby fat. Now, you’re a thin little Performer like the rest of us,” Laura said, smiling at Brendon almost adoringly, especially when his cheeks reddened at the “baby fat” comment. Then she seemed to notice Ryan. “Oh, and who’s your friend? I don’t remember you.”
“His name is Ryan and his parents kept him at home for longer. It’s his first week and he’s doing really, really well for someone who’s never done any of this before,” Brendon answered for him, and it was just as well because Ryan wasn’t sure that he could put on his regular façade to talk to these people with his current mental state.
“Hello, Ryan. I’m Laura, this is Mike. You’ve maybe seen us before?” Laura said, holding out her hand with an easy smile on her face. Ryan could tell where Brendon got his easygoing happiness from. It may have been part of his nature, but he’d also grown up with it.
Ryan shook her hand and nodded. “Yeah, I have. The two of you are really good.” It wasn’t as convincing as he would like, but it wasn’t bad. If only he could push the images away.
Mike held his hand out too with a small smile and a nod. Ryan shook and nodded back, wondering about the fact that the Performer hadn’t spoken, but glad for not having another somewhat overwhelming introduction. Laura must have seen him looking at Mike and she stepped forward again.
“You know what’s wrong?” she asked. Mike looked down at her with a raised eyebrow and she simply pecked his lips.
“What do you mean?” Ryan responded. Brendon was looking at him wide-eyed, silently telling him to back down, but Ryan didn’t understand the problem.
“He’s mute, but, I guess you didn’t know that,” Laura said, slowly and carefully. Ryan shook his head and Brendon let out a slow breath, watching the exchange with wide eyes, still looking half-alarmed. He still didn’t see what the problem was until he noticed how close Laura was standing to Mike, how she held his hand, and how Brendon was so suddenly still. It was the society of the Performers.
He’d heard rumors about how the Performers worked with each other and how they were a family, but he’d never really believed that they were as close as the rumors said. Now that he was witnessing it though, he realized that the stories weren’t even close to being enough. They protected each other; they were united as a group. It was a strange and kind of scary thought to him, used to living in an every man for himself type of society. He could see the benefits though.
“It was nice to meet the two of you,” he said quietly, hoping that that would get him out of their guarded gazes. No longer was he dwelling on things that he couldn’t do anything about. At that, there were smiles again and he could feel that the trouble had passed.
The doors into the practice room opened again and Brendon grabbed his hand. “Let’s go!” and he started dragging Ryan toward the doors, catching the tall boy off guard, making him stumble. Mike and Laura followed behind them, Laura laughing a little at the hyper boy with black hair.
Brendon pulled him into the dimly lit, wonderfully decorated room that Ryan had fallen in love with. The grin on the other boy’s face was perfectly visible; he could count the teeth from where he was standing.
“Brendon, what has got you so worked up? Usually you don’t get this excited this early in the morning,” Laura observed, looking at him strangely with her arms crossed over her chest. Mike was smiling and it was clear that he was thinking the same thing. Ryan wasn’t sure of the difference, besides the first day, Brendon had seemed in good humor all the time.
Brendon shrugged. “I’m happy to see you two, I missed you. And the two of you are great. Mason’s going to love you even more after this. Another pair had one member with a sprained ankle so he’s been stressing around to find someone to fill in for them. He was trying to push Ryan and me into doing it, saying that we could just extend what we’re doing already.”
“You and Ryan are pair dancers? Did Jeffry revoke his claim on you?” Laura sounded hopeful and Mike was smiling encouragingly, also looking hopeful and excited. Ryan had guessed that the dislike between the Performer and his Head was no secret, especially not to Brendon’s friends. Still, though, she’d said it loud and clear so anyone could hear.
“Jeffry did not revoke his claim on Brendon. The fact that he is dancing with the new boy is simply the Lead Dancer’s professional opinion that they fit better together,” Jeffry’s deep, threatening voice droned from behind them. Ryan jumped and moved so the Head wasn’t right behind him.
“Head Jeffry! It’s so good to see you!” Laura exclaimed. She wasn’t an actor, Ryan knew that from memory, but she was convincing at pretending to like the Head. It seemed that most of the older Performer’s had perfected that art.
Jeffry smiled coldly. “I see the two of you have returned to us. Ready to get started right away, I hope.”
Mike nodded solemnly, but Ryan picked up on the glint of dislike and slight anger in his eyes as he looked at Jeffry.
“Wonderful, I’ll send the Lead Dancer over. Brendon, come with me a moment.”
“But, I have to talk to Mason. There are things that we have to-” Brendon’s rambling was cut off.
“Come. With. Me,” Jeffry said darkly with a dangerous look in his eyes. Brendon ducked his head down a little, all the happiness appearing to have been sucked out of his body, and followed the Head Performer away from them.
Ryan looked to Mike and Laura who were both glaring at the Head Performer’s retreating form. The glares came from more than simple dislike for the cocky, asshole of a Performer. “What is it?” he asked them quietly. Both looked at him.
“What is what?”
“The way you’re looking at Head Jeffry,” he said, hoping that they wouldn’t think that he was on the Head’s side about anything.
“It’s hatred, Ryan. We hate him for what he’s doing to Brendon.” Ryan’s eyes widened, mind immediately jumping to images.
“W-what is he doing to Brendon?” he asked, hoping that it wasn’t what he thought it was going to be. The innocent Performer didn’t deserve any of that.
“It’s not what you’re thinking; at least I don’t think it is yet. Jeffry is killing Brendon on the inside. I’m sure that you know by now that Brendon hates him.” Ryan nodded. “Jeffry is perfectly aware of that, but he continues to torture the kid.”
Ryan nodded again in understanding. “I did pick up on that,” he muttered, not necessarily for the other two to hear him. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw them exchange a look. “So, what do we do now?”
“I don’t know, what is it that you’re supposed to do?”
“Brendon’s my partner in everything that I’ve been assigned, everything but the large group dance. I don’t know what else I’m supposed to do,” he said. He was sure that there was something that Performers usually did when they were faced with this situation, and he knew for a fact now that they didn’t normally stay by one partner all the time, but he didn’t know what else there was to do.
Mike and Laura exchanged another look and Laura shrugged, they turned back to him and smiled. “Would you like to come and watch us practice our dance?”
Ryan remembered what Brendon had said about being awestruck and he nodded. “Are you coming up with it today, too?” he asked.
“Well, we know what we’re doing, but things happen. We’re just running through it so the moves are fresh. We’re really exercising our improvisation skills. Improv is valuable to all the Performers because it comes up everywhere. Come on.”
He followed the couple to a less busy part of the room where it also happened to be quieter somehow. The acoustics of the place confused him a little. The two stood to face each other, an arm’s length space between them. They both breathed and smiled at each other before coming together at the exact same time, latching instantly onto one another. It wasn’t long before Laura was swung around Mike’s back and they were twirling around each other faster than his eyes could keep track. They were swiftly stepping to the inside and outside of each other, staying connected by their hands. Ryan watched every kick, step, and flip with wide eyes. Brendon was right, watching them onstage was amazing, but watching this where they were just working the dance was even better.
At the end he clapped enthusiastically and the two bowed. “That was incredible.” They grinned.
“A lot more of that than we really intended was little extra freestyle stuff, you know? I thought it was good though,” Laura said, pushing her brown bangs out of her eyes and looking up at Mike. Mike smiled and nodded, pulling her into his side.
“That was a lot better than good,” Ryan said, still amazed.
“What’s a lot better than good?” a voice asked, Brendon coming up behind him.
“They just showed me their dance with little extra things and she said that she thought it was good,” Ryan explained. Brendon smiled widely.
“Damn, I missed that? Well, I told you didn’t I, Ryan? I told you that their practicing was just as amazing as the actual performance.” Ryan nodded.
“So, what are we going to do, now?” he asked.
“Would you show us your dance?” Laura asked and Mike nodded enthusiastically.
Brendon looked at him and raised a questioning eyebrow. Ryan bit his lip but nodded. So, Brendon took him by the hand and spun him so they were facing each other. They stood; hands together, for a few seconds before Brendon nodded and they started the dance that they’d worked out. This time though, it wasn’t exactly like how it had been before, there were other things that they did that weren’t originally planned out. It was extra, freestyle stuff.
During one of the spins, Ryan caught the bright smile on Brendon’s face and an odd look in his eyes. He wasn’t able to properly study it because when he was facing Brendon again after the spin, it wasn’t as clear as before.
The dance ended, having gone longer than it was supposed to, to them breaking gradually away from each other, standing about a foot apart, hands to their sides. Brendon’s face was warm and bright and Ryan found a smile gracing his own face. Ryan followed Brendon’s lead and bowed a little at the waist.

Mike and Laura were clapping and smiling. “Bravo, bravo. Ryan, if Brendon hadn’t told us that this was your first week, I wouldn’t think it at all.”
“He’s a natural. His parents are terrible for keeping him away for so long,” Brendon said, grinning and looking at him. Ryan blushed a little and looked down, lifting his hand to rub the back of his head. But Brendon moved closer and removed his hand. “Hey, don’t be embarrassed. You are amazing, and you’ve caught on really fast, too. You should be proud.”
Ryan wanted to believe him. He did know that he was catching on much faster than he expected, and he did know that things were going better than he expected them, but he still didn’t see any reason to really be proud. “It’s nothing,” he mumbled.
“That’s not true. You were doing well. Give yourself some credit,” Brendon encouraged, elbowing him in the side. Ryan smiled just a little.
Mike and Laura exchanged another look and nodded at each other. “Well, we’re going to go visit some other people, we’ll see the two of you later,” Laura said, linking her arm in Mike’s. They walked lightly away to a group of actor’s who broke their focus to greet the two dancers.
Brendon turned back to him, his eyes alight. “I have to show you something later,” he said, sounding a little excited. The glow in his eyes made Ryan a little nervous, but he nodded anyway. He couldn’t bring himself to ask questions and ruin the Performer’s enthusiasm about whatever it was he was planning. To be honest, now that his curiosity was spiked, Ryan couldn’t wait.
“Why later?” he asked.
“That’s when neither of us has anything to do, so we won’t be missed,” Brendon said. The reflections of the candlelight danced in his dark brown eyes and Ryan felt his own enthusiasm rising. It was odd, he wasn’t aware that he even possessed enthusiasm anymore.
“What do we have to do now?” Ryan asked, confused. It was getting closer to the performance day, surely there couldn’t be much more to add to the show.
“You have to meet Alistair,” Brendon replied. “And you know, there’s the company skit. The two of us have yet to get in. And like I told you yesterday, he won’t let me not do it.”
Ryan nodded a little. He was still distracted by Brendon’s declaration and wondering what it was. So, he didn’t really notice when he was moved and when he was stopped in front of a tall boy with red hair and bright green eyes. He looked like he was concentrating as he was watching two other Performers doing some kind of skit, but when Brendon tapped him on the shoulder he spun to look at them.
“Hello. Brendon, I’ve been wondering when you were going to show up to add yourself to our skit,” the boy said with a sternly raised eyebrow. Then he turned to Ryan. “And you’re the new one who’s made quite a splash already in our little community.” He looked thrilled about that statement. The enthusiasm, seriousness, and pure energy that radiated off of the actor made Ryan want to take just a step back to give the section leader some space to be.
“Yeah, Alistair, this is Ryan. Ryan, you know this is Alistair,” Brendon introduced, smiling easily. He’d sunken back into his comfort, it seemed. Ryan noticed that there were times he seemed completely at ease and there were times when he was stiff as a board. He liked the comfortable Brendon, he was more predictable.
“Nice to meet you Ryan, are you going to be auditioning?” the bright-eyed young man asked, looking at him hopefully, as if he was already casting him. Brendon laughed a little and attention was brought immediately to him.
“Always the section leader, Alistair. Nice to meet you, how’s your day going, what’s going on with you, are you going to try out for my latest performance?” Brendon mocked the actor’s lilting voice with a smile on his face.
“I could always make you audition, Brendon,” the Performer warned, a serious glint to his eyes.
“But you won’t,” Brendon countered, raising an eyebrow and smiling sweetly.
“You can only hope that you’re right,” Alistair responded. “Anyway, Ryan I missed your response because of this idiot.” The Performer affectionately put an arm around Brendon’s neck and drew him back into his chest. Brendon smiled.
“I, guess, if you want me,” Ryan said, watching the exchange. Once again, he was seeing evidence of the lack of fear that the section leaders had about their Head. And Ryan knew that Jeffry would not be happy at seeing that sight.
“Of course I want you. I know that you’re doing something with Brendon and the Head, but I want to see what I can do with your new blood in my hands,” Alistair said easily. It still looked like he was evaluating Ryan, seeing the different places he might fit.
“When are the auditions?” he asked, gathering on just a little bit of courage so he could actually loosen up around the Performer. Every time he met someone new, it happened, as if they’d be able to see through his disguise.
“You could do it now, and Brendon, I can give you your script,” he offered.
“Sure,” Brendon answered brightly. All Ryan could do after that was shrug a little and he was dragged away to get himself dug even deeper into this life that wasn’t his.
**
Brendon told him that the audition went well and that he was going to get something good and Ryan didn’t have the heart to think about it. Instead he just nodded and Brendon gave him and encouraging smile.
“Now that you’re warmed up, let’s go practice our skit,” Brendon said, absently skimming his own script. Alistair knew him well enough that he knew exactly what part played at Brendon’s strengths and he gave him the part. He did that for a few other people, too.
Then Ryan auditioned, reading parts that weren’t taken yet. The parts that he tried were similar to Bayeel in the way that it seemed as if a cutting of himself was put down on paper in some other situation. Throughout the whole thing he got wrapped up until all he could feel were the Head’s eyes watching him, evaluating him, figuring something out in his head. Then it was over, Alistair thanked him, still looking like he was calculating something, and Brendon led him away.
“Those parts that Alistair had me read seemed to be really realistic,” he mused aloud, not really trying to make conversation.
“Of course they are. Our writers write them. Writing is the lesser known part of the Performers and they mix in with everyone else doing dances and maybe music things, and acting in skits, but everything that we do here is original, made by one of our own. The writers are really very talented.”
“Yes they are. But the parts that I read, they were…I don’t know, I made connections to them really easily.” He looked over at Brendon to see if he knew how to phrase it better. Brendon was just smiling and he figured that meant he understood what he was trying to say.
“That’s good. It’s very important. You know, there are a lot of Performers who can’t connect nearly as easily to characters, you seem to be very good at it. Sure they can dance or sing or play an instrument, and they can pull a part off convincingly enough. You seem to be able to do that almost instantly though,” Brendon observed. It didn’t sound like he was complimenting him anymore, just stating a fact.
“Maybe.” Ryan looked up to see Jeffry standing there, waiting for them.
“Well? Are we going to do this now or not?” he looked aggravated and Ryan quickly checked the space between him and Brendon. He didn’t know why, but the Head Performer still scared him. He wasn’t much taller than Ryan; though he was a bit bigger and better muscled.
“Of course,” Brendon chirped, walking over and pressing a kiss to his cheek, looking him in the eyes. Ryan went to go get his script, not wanting to watch the fake exchange again. He’d been watching, and he’d started noticing signs. It had been going on for quite a while, the little engagement, and he knew that Brendon didn’t think it was going to go anywhere, but Ryan wasn’t so sure. The Head put him on edge and he knew that he wasn’t one to just ignore.
With a light sigh, he made his way back over to the two, and they started again with their rehearsing for their part of the production.
As he held his script at his side and uttered the words that had been written and he’d memorized, Ryan realized that Bayeel was so much more solid now than he had been before. He felt like he’d come to life and was now like Ryan’s shadow, always there, he’d just never really noticed it before. And he was growing to really love Bayeel. The boy was strong and stubborn. He was loyal and he was determined not to let Jevair get away from him, first, then he was determined to keep Gonvee away from his love. But he was also sarcastic and sharp, there was nothing about him that was pathetic or screamed ‘save me’. Bayeel was strong and Ryan wished he could be more like the fictional character who he’d gotten to know so well.
Brendon was doing a wonderful job with Jevair, but it was to be expected from someone who’d spent most of their life at the Performers’ building, and from anyone who had the talent that the black-haired Performer had. He helped Ryan feel the connection between Bayeel and Jevair, and it helped a lot. That connection was his center for the part, it was the reason his character did most of what he did, and it was something that Ryan could go off of.
The whole thing was nothing short of incredible. Ryan was ready to perform it then and there and he told Brendon that when they were done. Brendon smiled.
“You sure have changed a lot since I first met you,” he observed.
“How?” Ryan didn’t feel changed. He was in a better mood now because it was easier to forget about how things were supposed to be when his mind was so occupied with everything else that was going on and everything that he was being thrown into.
“You talk a bit more. You still don’t smile, but I can tell that you aren’t as focused on whatever usually bothers you. You’re more confident and open to all this stuff that you’re doing, and it’s a good thing because you’re good and you should feel good about what you’re doing.” Ryan thought about it. It was easier to breathe around all of the Performers and even though he was illegally hiding among them, he didn’t feel like he constantly had to watch himself.
“I think you’re right,” he said distantly. How had he not noticed that himself?
“Of course I’m right. And now that the two of us are done for now, come with me,” Brendon said, absolutely beaming. It was the time of the night where those who wanted were allowed to go out of the practice room and have a break to drink or eat if they wanted.
“I’d still like to know where we’re going.”
“Too bad for you,” Brendon said, smiling. Then he spun away and took off. Ryan sighed and followed after him, ducking between bright colored bodies in the dark, candlelit room. He followed Brendon into other rooms and up two flights of stairs and he could only hope that he didn’t lose him because he had no idea where they were in the building.
At the top of the stairs, Brendon stopped and let Ryan, who was only a few steps behind, catch up. Brendon wasn’t smiling anymore, instead he looked serious. He didn’t talk, instead he just looked at Ryan to make sure he was with him, then he turned and walked down the hall. Ryan followed closely behind, also silent. There was just something about the air that necessitated quiet, it felt right that way.
The hallway was long and not candlelit so Ryan had to completely rely on his ability to hear Brendon’s feet on the wooden floor. That was hard enough because the boy was used to walking on stage, therefore, he rolled from heel to toe with most of his weight on the balls of his feet and made very little noise. Ryan walked the same way though. It was the best way to sneak out of a person’s room and house.
They stopped by a door that was almost at the end of the hall. A little bit of moonlight from outside came in, making everything a whitish-blue color. Ryan could tell, though, that the door was some kind of heavy, dark wood, not unlike the Head Satisfier’s. Brendon turned to face him and Ryan could see the solemn look on his face. Whatever he was being shown, it was important to the black-haired Performer. Ryan nodded to show that he understood and that he was ready.
Brendon turned the doorknob and pushed the door in, slipping through when it was wide enough for him to fit. Ryan followed right after him. He still couldn’t see much because there still weren’t any candles illuminating this secret place that Brendon thought to be so important.
“Come here,” he whispered, motioning Ryan over with his hand. Ryan closed the door behind him and walked over to where Brendon was standing.
He saw that it was a balcony box that looked out on the room where all of the other Performers were. It was dim, but at the opening of the box some of the light from below came up. Still, it was in the shadows and no one could see them from the ground. He gaped at the view that he had of the activity on the floor and he watched the various practices from the upper view. It was breath-taking.
“When Performers stopped doing performances in here and used it for practice instead, all of the doors to these boxes were locked, and then blocked from the inside. This one was missed or not as well locked as the others though. When I was younger and I was wandering around places I shouldn’t have been, I came across this hallway. After I tried all of the doors, I finally found that this one was unlocked and I found this little box of peace,” Brendon said. He was still looking out over the floor and he was leaning on the ledge of the box. Ryan could tell that he was very familiar with the place.
“I didn’t tell anyone about it and I come here whenever I need to just get away. Everyone notices that I’m gone, but I’m not a Performer for nothing. It’s nice because no one knows where to look for me when I’m up here, so my quiet is set in stone and it goes on for as long as I want,” Brendon supplied again. Ryan nodded wordlessly.
He couldn’t tell which was better, the existence of such a place, or the fact that he knew about it now. That thought brought him to a question. “Why did you show me?”
Brendon looked taken aback, like he hadn’t expected that question and he didn’t really know the answer. “I-uh, I.” It was the first time Ryan had seen the boy lost for words or stumbling around. “I don’t really know.” He looked back out over everyone else and Ryan smiled a little to himself.
After a while, when it was close to the time when everyone went back to their rooms, people started noticing that Brendon was gone and that he was nowhere to be found. The smirk on the boy’s face was visible as the two of them watched the people below. A few of them were calling out as if they were expecting him to come like a dog.
“Guys, he disappears all the time and he always comes back. Let’s just all go to our rooms, he’ll be here tomorrow morning,” Mason called out to everyone else, sounding annoyed. He and Alistair and some other boy were the only ones who weren’t looking and who had stood the whole time with their arms crossed. Everyone stopped and there was a general discussion until they all decided to take Mason’s advice.
The room was emptying out when someone spoke up and asked where Ryan was. Someone else suggested that maybe he was with Brendon, and Ryan’s eyes widened when he saw that Head’s reaction to that supposition. Brendon also tensed a little beside him and he muttered, “Dammit April.” He then turned to Ryan. “We should probably leave now.” His voice was measured and it was clear that he was hiding something. Ryan wanted to know what it was that he was trying to keep from Ryan but he knew that nothing he could do would make Brendon say anything, so he nodded.
“I’ll go first, be careful no one sees you down here.” Brendon turned to go, looking like he didn’t want to. At the door he stopped and turned back. “I’ll see you tomorrow.”
Ryan nodded and Brendon left. He waited for a few minutes, so no one would even guess that they could have been together. He knew though that as soon as that Performer suggested the fact that he had been with Brendon, Jeffry hated him even more than before. He considered letting up a bit, to keep the Head from getting too pissed with him, but he didn’t want to.
When he decided it was safe, he went through the door and closed it behind him. He walked down the hallway, stepping lightly. There was no way to tell how late it was, he only knew that he really should get back to the Satisfiers before too long or people might think he’d run away, and that would not be something good.
He went down one flight of stairs and had to go down the hall to get to the other set. He stood by the opening of the stairway and peered around the corner to make sure no one was coming, but he wasn’t standing there long because someone grabbed his arm and pulled him back into a darkened room.
Ryan was dragged to and deposited on a bed before he could really make sense of what was happening. He could only conclude that the Performer didn’t know who he was; after all, the man’s breath did smell like some kind of strong alcohol. But Ryan couldn’t let that happen, no, he couldn’t let this place of safety turn into what everywhere else was. So, since he still looked like a Performer, he pushed the man away and made to get off the bed. Nothing was ever that simple though, especially not with horny, drunk, men.
He was pushed down so he was sprawled on his stomach on the mattress. With shaking fingers, he gripped the sheets and tried to drag himself up. Whoever it was put their hand on the side of his head, holding him down and pressing his head further into the mattress at the same time. For a few seconds, there was a lot of weight and pressure being pushed on the side of his head and he gritted his teeth a little. The man looped an arm around his waist and pulled up so his knees were on the bed and his ass was in the air. He could feel the Performer skin melting off of him, revealing his black and gold clad body.
Eyes widened in horror, he clenched his hand into a fist and reached back to hit against his assailant. He knew what worked; he just had to find the right spot. There was a loud groan behind him. Ryan pulled himself up and looked back at the man clutching his groin, grabbing the folded up cube quickly. He didn’t stay for long though. Rather, he darted out of the room, down the steps, out the door, and across the town to the Satisfiers’ building.
He stopped outside the door and breathed deeply, trying to calm his heart down. When he felt composed enough, he stood up and pushed his hair out of his face. It had almost happened, but it hadn’t happened, that was the important thing. With another breath, he opened the door and went inside the building, ready to lie down and sleep forever.
Luck wasn’t on his side that night though. The Head Satisfier stood there in the foyer with his arms crossed over his chest, leaning lazily against the wall across from the door. “There you are Little Bird. Were you busy?” Ryan opened his mouth to answer, but the Head held up a hand. “It’s no matter. Follow me.” Then the man turned and walked up the stairs. Ryan bit back his sigh and followed.
When they were at the top of the stairs, the Satisfier pushed the door open and held it a bit for Ryan to come through after. “Take your mask off, you know how I hate it when you wear that,” the Head said, walking past him and to the room that he had off to the side of the main room. Ryan reached behind his head and undid the ribbon slowly. As usual, he set it down on the floor by the door, and he straightened to face the Head Satisfier again who was facing him again.
The Head took ahold of his chin and tilted his head up. Their eyes met and Ryan held his gaze steady. He wasn’t going to show any of the weakness or desperation that he was feeling. A voice in his head told him that he wasn’t weak, but he wasn’t sure if he was able to believe it. It seemed like the Head was looking for something in his eyes, and he was searching hard. He nodded though, and dropped his chin to take ahold of his wrist.
Ryan was taken over to the side room, the place where the Head Satisfier actually slept. The Head walked into the room with him and pushed him up against the door to close it, lips attached to his neck. Slowly, he was guided backwards to the pile of cushions and pillows that the Head slept on. He was pushed down—still slowly—to the cushions, and when he was seated on the edge of the pile the Head looked him in the eyes. He had his hands on Ryan’s shoulders and gradually sat himself on his lap.
He kissed him lightly on the jaw and pulled away to stare into his eyes again. “I’m sorry that lately we’ve been doing some strange things. I was working on new training techniques and you’ve always been the easiest to work with. Now, let’s just do something simple.” Ryan had noticed the difference, but he didn’t think to ask about it. “In fact, let’s revisit the past.”
Ryan stilled a little at the words as he was pushed back into the cushions and the Head laid over him. The Head Satisfier pushed his face into the place where Ryan’s jaw met his neck and pressed insistent kisses there that trailed down his neck as the older Satisfier’s hands pushed at the skin on his shoulders.
After that it was quick work of the rest of it. It was just normal, regular sex. It wasn’t anything weird or unusual. His skin was completely removed and the Head Satisfier removed his own skin. Then he positioned himself between Ryan’s legs and prepared him. Then he pushed into him—slowly at first—then after gaining his bearings, sped up and went deeper. Ryan did his part in shifting his hips, making the both of them gasp and still for a moment, before the Head finished and pulled out, gasping for breath. It never seemed to take as long as it really did.
Ryan rolled away and pulled his skin back up his body. The Head watched him, and when he was at the door he said, “Always remember that, Little Bird. It’s the key to what you are. Now go and get some sleep, Ryan.” At that, Ryan left the room and picked up his mask on his way out the door.
Instead of going down to where everyone else was, Ryan went down a few flights and ducked into one of the rooms reserved for work brought home. He was past the point of caring and he knew that no one was going to find him. Ryan sat down on the bed, relishing in the feeling of the soft mattress under him, and leaned over to get the syringe out of the drawer in the bedside table. He tore off the packaging and took off the cap. Holding it up to the little bit of light that came in through the window, he tapped the capsule with the medicine and pushed the plunger just a little to make sure the needle wasn’t blocked.
When he was satisfied, he pushed his sleeve up and stuck it in the artery that could be felt in the inside of his elbow. Wincing just a little, he pushed the plunger down with gritted teeth and felt the Creator-made medicine flood into his veins to protect him against any variety of diseases. When he pulled the needle out of his skin he felt the normal wave of dizziness. It was a very strong drug, an impressive engineering feat, and it wasn’t without its minor side effects. Most of the worse ones had been worked out, though, so it was even safer than before.
Ryan threw the spent syringe in the garbage and lay back on the bed, gazing up at the ceiling. Everything that had happened earlier at the Performers’ seemed like a couple thousand years in the past. He tried to visualize the room that all of the Performers seemed to inhabit during the day, but for all the hours he’d spent there, already he couldn’t. All he could see when he closed his eyes was darkness and the only thing he could hear were moans and groans and whimpers and growls and all the other sounds that he’d grown up with.
At some point in his musings he fell asleep and was projected directly into his haunted mind.
**
Ryan was ten years old, ready for work, ready to be sent out to do what his skin told everyone he did. The Head had just died—at the age of twenty-three—and the new Head Satisfier had been revealed when a new mask took the place of his old one.
The Head Satisfier, who was fifteen at the time, looked at all of them and sent them on their ways after he reviewed the rules and what they were supposed to do. He’d given Ryan a different smile than the others and shooed them all out the door.
Outside, they all split up and went off to find what it was they were supposed to do as the lights decreed ten years before. Ryan noticed immediately the way all the people looked at him and he didn’t like it. While everyone else went out and lost their virginity within—at the most—fifteen minutes of being out, Ryan found an alley and sat down with his back pressed against a wall. He planned to wait until dark, then he would go back and carry on doing the same thing day after day for the rest of his life.
The plan worked for several hours. Right when it was about dark and he was getting up, a door behind him opened and a man made a startled sound like he hadn’t expected to find a young Satisfier sitting behind his home, which was probably the case. He let Ryan into his house though, and the ten year old didn’t hesitate much at the prospect of shelter after sitting outside in the cold, cloudy air all day.
“How old are you?” the man asked. Ryan saw something in the man’s eyes, but it wasn’t like everything else he’d seen and it wasn’t something that he could figure out.
“I’m ten,” he answered quietly, nervously meeting the man’s strange gaze.
“I see. Why don’t you follow me then? I can help you, show you what it is that you’re doing.” The man was youngish. He was maybe in his early twenties and he looked so nice. It wasn’t hard for the naïve little ten year old to trust him and follow him, even though he had a very vague idea about what was going to happen.
The man sat him on the edge of his bed and pushed his mask up to the top of his head, seeming to study him for a minute before untying the mask and tossing it somewhere else. Even at ten, Ryan was rather tall so it was no problem for the older man to lay himself over the younger boy.
He pushed the edges of Ryan’s skin down around his shoulders and peeled it down to about his waist. Then he removed his own shirt and guided Ryan back further on the bed, closer to the headboard. Overwhelmed and not sure of what was really going on, Ryan didn’t do much to protest and followed the man’s directions, trying to grasp what exactly was going on.
When they were both topless the man kissed him on the cheek and pulled his skin off the rest of his body. He sat up and took the rest of his clothes off as well. Then Ryan was pushed back and the man took a tube and put some of the contents all over his fingers.
Already his breathing had become more ragged, tied up by nervousness and growing discomfort. His breath hitched, though; when he was pulled down the slightest bit more and his legs were spread open. It wasn’t long before one of the slicked up fingers was inside of him. Soon a second finger joined the first and they were twisted and spread apart and feeling around. It was uncomfortable and it felt strange and he didn’t know what to do while it was happening or if he was supposed to even be enjoying it. There was a part though that made it better and that was when the man’s fingers brushed against something that sent a shockwave up his body. It made him gasp aloud and his eyes flutter.
It wasn’t long after that when the fingers left and were replaced by the man. It hurt and he whimpered and squirmed the whole time the man was pushing in. All he wanted to do was get up and run away. When he actually lifted himself up and started moving in and out, Ryan had to bite down on tongue to keep from making any more noises. At one point he was able to taste blood. His eyes were screwed up tight, one of the only other ways to shoulder the pain. The man was saying something about him being tight and feeling good but Ryan tried to block it out.
When it was over, the man pulled out of him and lay down. He told Ryan that he could get dressed and leave to go back home. Ryan didn’t hesitate to do exactly that. It was the first time he ran home in the dead of night.
He found out that everyone had already gotten back when he got home. He also realized that he was shaking and crying. The Head was standing there and noticed, too; despite Ryan’s best efforts to hide it. He stepped forward and took Ryan’s hand, turning to lead him upstairs. Once they were in the Head’s quarters, that had already been re-decorated, he was taken directly to his room and sat down on the cushions and pillows. The Head kneeled behind him and told Ryan to tell him about what was wrong.
Ryan began to tell him about the hiding in the alley and finally what happened when he got up to leave. Behind him, the Head made a noise of disapproval at the hiding, but he was more sympathetic when Ryan started telling him about what happened when the man found him. He started shaking just a little again while he told the story and the fifteen year old put his hands on Ryan’s shoulders, digging his thumbs steadily in the muscles just under his neck and circling them out to make the muscle ache and feel better at the same time.
Slowly, he moved his hands down over his shoulders more while Ryan sat there, getting control over his emotions again and finishing up his story. Gradually, the Head Satisfier pushed the top of his skin off of his shoulders and worked it down his arms. Ryan stilled, but it didn’t stop the Head. He continued to push the black and gold skin off of his body until he was, once again, naked. Then, the fifteen year old boy shimmied out of his own skin and lay over Ryan, trapping him under flesh and muscle.
Ryan squeezed his eyes closed as the Head kissed him on the corner of the mouth and sucked on the top of his neck where it met with the underside of his jaw to leave a mark that he found later. Then the Head briefly stuck his fingers in his mouth. After a few seconds he reached down. Ryan’s breath hitched when he felt two fingers at one time push into him and he stiffened. Patiently, the Head worked him back open though and soon he removed his fingers and pushed his cock into their place.
Ryan’s back arched and the Head put a gentle hand on his chest, pushing him back down. He was panting by now. The pain was almost unbearable and his fingers were digging into the fifteen year old’s upper arms, though he didn’t seem to mind them much. His teeth were gritted as he got used to the feeling. And he’d thought it had been bad earlier with the man. There was something about the Head Satisfier that set Ryan on edge and made things seem worse, maybe the calm, slow way he did everything.
When the Head pulled out, Ryan breathed out shakily. When he pushed back in, Ryan inhaled. It went on and on that way for what seemed like forever. Eventually, though, after a long time, the Head collapsed and Ryan was buried until he got his breath back.
The Head pulled out fully and let him get dressed. He tied Ryan’s mask onto his face and pressed a kiss on the top of his head whispering, “Very well done Little Bird.” It was the first time Ryan heard the name and the praise, and it would not, under any circumstances, be the last.