FicWad

"Sasuke-kun, Orochimaru-sama has a mission for you"

Kabuto handed Sasuke a large scroll hanging with red seals, ribbons, and a small spiky object which appeared to be a pom-pom attempting to look menacing. The kanji on the case read "Warning: Contents are liable to cause Ergasiophobia, mental scarring, and an irrational aversion to small rabbits." He raised an expressive eyebrow at Kabuto, who pointedly refrained from looking sheepish.

Cracking open the scroll, Sasuke unrolled it carefully in case any trap jutsus (or, if the warnings were to be headed, rabid balls of fluff) were to jump out at him. When he failed to feel his face melting off his head (or his ankles being gnawed by woodland creatures) he started to read.

'These four missing-nin, originally from the Hidden Village of Rainbow, are considered of the highest priority by the village of Sound. No negotiation is to be attempted; they are deadly, and must be eliminated on sight. Preferably before sight, as they possess an unstoppable genjutsu originating in their stomach area.'

This opening statement was followed swiftly by identifying pictures of the deadly four, complete with helpful labels. Sasuke blinked in disbelief; not only were the missing-nin fat (although he should know better than to mock those horizontally challenged, after Chouji and Jirobo) and covered in fur, with (even to him) frankly ridiculous head-pieces, but the author had apparently seen fit to label the feet with 'Big, kicks hard' and the hands with 'Lack of fingers does not seem to impede jutsu use'.

Lowering the scroll briefly, Sasuke took a moment to compose the glare before levelling its full sardonic force directly at the impassive Kabuto. To his credit, the medi-nin only blushed mildly, regathered his usual impassionate look and leaving the room with a dignified pace.

This, unfortunately for Sasuke, left him alone in his room with the scroll and the evil pom-pom. He turned the residue of his glare on the scrap of colour, which projected a general air of 'Hey, you haven't even read four lines of that thing. I've been attached to it for years, and you expect -that- pathetic look to scare me? Please,' inasmuch as an inanimate object could be said to do so.

Sasuke glared at the ceiling (at least that wouldn't answer back), sighed, and read the scroll.

~

Two hours later, Sasuke burst into Orochimaru's chamber, waving the scroll about like Naruto's first time with a katana. Orochimaru, caught in the process of filing his nails to points, hastened to sit on the bright pink nail file.

"Orochimaru-sama, are you losing your mind? This," he brandished the scroll some more, "is ridiculous! -Why- do these idiots need killing?"

"Their mind-control jutsu and hordes of deceptively innocent bunnies are a threat to the sanity of children everywhere." Orochimaru replied serenely.

Sasuke primed glare #137 (a cross between 'As if you care about the sanity of children' and 'You just said -bunnies-?!')

Orochimaru pouted and continued petulantly, "And they're creepier than me! Nothing can be creepier than me and be allowed to exist in this world!"

Sasuke sighed. When the sennin got like this, it was best to humour him. He'd better get travelling if he wanted to assassinate these 'Teletubbies' before tea-time.