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AN: This chapter is maybe my personal favorite.

Chapter 3: Sakeville

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"You look awfully pleased with yourself," a familiar voice remarked.

Iruka looked up, startled. He realized he was still grinning. He cleared his throat self-consciously. "Kakashi..."

The lean jonin pocketed his paperback in a single, well-practiced motion. "So what's the story?"

"Oh, it's nothing..." Iruka shrugged self-consciously, then, unable to quite resist bragging, went on. "Well, actually..."

"Yes?"

"I'm meeting Ayame tonight."

Kakashi's eyebrow shot up. "Cute Ayame from the ramen shop? Iruka, I'm impressed!" He nodded approvingly. "Who'd've thought?"

Is it that amazing? Iruka thought, a little irritated.

"Let me buy you a drink to celebrate," offered Kakashi.

"Oh, I don't know. I have papers to grade..."

"Well, then, you're definitely gonna need a little Dutch courage." Kakashi spun him around by the elbow and steered him down a side street. "Come on."

With a slight amount of reluctance, Iruka let himself get led to a nearby sake bar. As they approached the curtained entrance, they heard a noise like an elephant seal getting disemboweled:

No one to talk to, all by myself
No one to walk with, but I'm happy on the shelf
Ain't misbehavin', savin' my love for yo-o-o-u!

"Oh god!" Kakashi muttered, pushing aside the drapes. Iruka followed him in with a deepening sense of trepidation.

Iruka was not a complete stranger to the local bar scene, although his visits were rare, not being much of a drinker. The Fifth Hokage had issued a number of liquor licenses since she took the reins, much to the disapproval of Konoha's more conservative citizens, or "that bunch of shriveled up old fart buzzkills," as Tsunade referred to them.

The raucous, insistent mooing was coming from a low table off to the right of the entrance. Adorning a couch behind half a dozen sake bottles and a few scattered food dishes was Jiraiya, singing his heart out. Sitting next to him, grinning devilishly, his ever-present senbon dangling from his lips, was Genma. He looked up and waved.

"Hey, Kakashi! C'mon over!" Despite all the empties in front of him, Genma sounded remarkably sober. "Pull up a chair! Iruka, too! This is an occasion!"

Iruka nodded to him as he sat down, not feeling entirely comfortable. Jiraiya squinted at Kakashi as the silver-haired jonin pulled up an extra chair. "Hey!" the older man drawled. "Three of my favorite people!" He squinted harder. "Wait a minute!" He waggled his finger in the air in front of him, mentally working out some higher math. "You in the middle! Kakashi!" he blurted out joyfully. "Hey, stud muffin! How's it hangin'?"

"Jiraya-sama..." Kakashi gave Genma a dark look as he sat back in his chair and propped a foot up on the low table. "What's the idea, letting him get so shit-faced?"

Genma shrugged. "It's funny," he replied, as though the answer should have been obvious. Many of the other patrons were, in fact, grinning over at the white-maned Sannin.

Akira, the proprietor of this particular establishment, came up to the table. He was a tiny little man with sad eyes and droopy cheeks. "May I help you, sir?" he asked Kakashi in a melancholy voice.

"One sake bottle and two cups," Kakashi replied.

"Certainly, sir." Akira shuffled off.

"Wait! Wait!" Jiraiya cried desperately at the little man's retreating back. "And another one for me!"

Genma gently helped the older man sit back. "You have to finish up what's in front of you first," he said soothingly. "Then you can have some more."

"Okay," Jiraiya sighed obediently. He leaned his head back and closed his eyes. "Boy, I really gotta tinkle!" He took a deep breath and let out a long groan. "All done!"

He cracked open one eye to peep at his companions, who were staring at him in disgusted horror. He grinned. "Just kidding! Hahaha!"

Iruka cast a dubious look at Kakashi, who merely shrugged, as if to say "I'm not his mother."

"So, Jiraiya-sama. Is there a particular reason you're drowning your sorrows today?" Kakashi asked politely.

Jiraiya just sighed and gave an unhappy sniff. Genma answered for him. "It would appear that his affection for the Hokage is unrequited. Again."

"That woman!" Jiraiya said, swallowing a hiccup. "I just-she-" He held his hands up before him, cupping large imaginary spheres. "Sometimes I just wanna stick my face in there and go b-b-b-b-b-b-b!" He rapidly waggled his face back and forth. Kakashi snorted and clapped a hand to his face.

Genma patted him on the knee sympathetically. "Don't we all."

"Oh, well!" Jiraiya sighed wearily. "I guess I just have a little too much time on my hands now that I've handed that little butter-haired scapegrace back over to you, Kakashi."

Iruka's ears perked up. "You mean Naruto?"

"Yeah, him. But you better watch it." He wagged a finger at Kakashi. "I'm pretty sure he's gay. I tried my darnt-dernst--darndest to make a man out of him on our travels whenever we stopped at certain-" he sniffed, "-establishments. But the kid just wasn't interested."

"What?" Iruka blurted out.

Jiraiya peered at him. "Who're you?"

"You know, Jiraiya-sama. That's Iruka. He teaches over at the Academy," Genma explained as though the old man was retarded. "He was Naruto's first teacher."

Jiraiya took a sip from the delicate porcelain cup in his hand. He pointed in Iruka's direction. "Well, then, you probably know what I'm talking about," he said.

Iruka bridled angrily but kept his cool. This was one of the legendary Sannin, after all. "I can assure you, Jiraiya-sama, you're quite mistaken," he said with chilly dignity.

"How's that?" Jiraiya tilted his head a little as he looked across at the young chunin.

Iruka spoke reluctantly, but he had to come to Naruto's defense. "As a matter of fact, he's seeing a young lady this evening."

Jiraiya shrugged. "Okay, so he swings both ways."

Iruka leaned forward, but Kakashi laid a hand on his arm and shook his head. /Let it go/, his dark eye warned him. Kakashi sat back as their sake was brought to the table. He poured the warmed liquid into one of the cups and handed it to a still fuming Iruka. He smiled behind his mask. "So, Naruto's tossed his hat into the ring, too, huh?"

Iruka sighed and nodded. He felt like such a bigmouth. He sipped at his drink. Now he really felt like he needed it.

"So..." Jiraiya sat back and gazed up at the ceiling. "Who's he seeing? That little pink haired number?"

"No," Iruka and Kakashi answered simultaneously. Iruka gave the jonin a curious look, but Kakashi merely sat casually examining his sake cup.

"Oh, yeah!" Genma rolled his senbon from one side of his mouth to the other. "I overheard the Yamanaka kid talking to one of her friends. He's going out with Hyuuga Hinata!"

"Hiashi's little girl?" Jiraiya crowed. "Boy, our little guy really does know no fear! He'd better be careful. One false move and it's gonna be Hakkeshou Kaiten all up in his business. Heh, I'd buy a ticket to see that!" Jiraiya's eyes narrowed. "Tonight, huh?"

Iruka gave Genma a withering glance. "I couldn't say," he muttered noncommittally.

"Don't worry about it," Kakashi assured him under his breath, leaning over and pouring Iruka another drink. "In a couple of hours the old guy won't be able to find his own balls in the bright sunlight with both hands."

/I hope you're right/, Iruka thought.

Jiraiya shifted uncomfortably on his couch. He lifted up one buttock and emitted a sound like someone playing an F two octaves below Middle C on a tuba with a water balloon shoved in the bell.

Genma, who was sitting closest to him, let out a yelp and keeled over on his side, covering his face with his hands, his senbon clattering to the floor. The other patrons sitting nearby groaned and cursed, moving as a group to the far end of the room.

Akira shuffled over to the couch. "Jiraiya-sama, I'm afraid I'm going to have to ask you to leave now," he murmured sadly. "I think you've had enough."

"I think we've all had enough," Kakashi remarked, his hand clamped over his nose.

Jiraiya stuck out his lower lip petulantly. "I deg to biffer."

"Please, Jiraiya-sama. You don't want me to go all Yakuza on you with my puke mop, now do you?" Akira stared at him with his bassett hound eyes.

"Come on, Genma." Kakashi stood up and gave the other jonin's leg a kick. "You got him into this state. Take him home."

"I can't!" Genma whimpered from behind his hands. "I'm blind!"

Kakashi shook his head dismissively and turned away, leaving Genma to his watery-eyed misery.

"Akira-san, can I borrow your cart?" he asked the proprietor.

"Yes, sir," the diminutive barkeep replied. "It's out back."

Kakashi turned to Iruka, who was standing and watching this scene in silence.

"Could you give me a hand?" Kakashi asked apologetically.

You want me to touch him? Iruka wondered, repelled at the idea. He sighed. "Sure."

He stepped over to the couch, and with him on one side and Kakashi on the other, they heaved Jiraiya to his feet.

"Come along, Jiraiya-sama, you're going for a ride," Kakashi said, grunting at the man's dead weight.

"Oh, boy!" the old man sighed happily.

With his getas scraping on the floor, they dragged him to the back of the room, down a short corridor, and out a door in the back. There in the yard, resting on an angle, was a flat, two-wheeled cart with two long handles sticking out front. It was generally used for what they were about to use it for. As Akira held the cart steady, the two shinobis backed Jiraiya up to it and gently laid him back. Kakashi grasped the handles and pulled them down, leveling out the cart.

"Wheee!" Jiraiya cried.

"Iruka, would you mind following along, in case he rolls off?"

Iruka nodded and gazed incredulously at the prone Sannin. It was really kind of disillusioning to see such a legendary figure in such a state. He was relieved that the years Naruto spent with him had not turned the boy into a boozing pervert. Not yet, anyway.

Kakashi wheeled the cart out the side gate and down a small street. Iruka was glad that there weren't any people out along here to witness this.

"You've done this before, haven't you?" he remarked to Kakashi.

The silver head nodded. "Only a couple of times." He paused, then added, "Don't judge him too harshly."

"I didn't say I was judging him. I just hope this sort of thing didn't rub off onto Naruto."

"Come on, Iruka," Kakashi replied over the sound of the squeaking cartwheels. "You, of all people, should give the kid more credit than that."

"He took him to brothels!"

Kakashi smiled and shrugged. "Like I said, give the kid some credit. He apparently managed to resist temptation, despite having fifteen-year-old hormones, and came back without picking up any embarrassing diseases." He looked back over his shoulder at the somber-faced chunin. "Jiraiya took good care of him. He trained him well and brought him back in one piece."

"Naruto and Hinata, sittin' in a tree, k-i-s-s-i-n-g..." Jiraiya chanted and giggled.

Iruka scowled. After they deposited Jiraiya safely at the inn where he was staying, he went back to the Academy to pick up the school papers he still had to grade. He was irritated at not being able to shake off a nagging little sense of foreboding. He finally managed to relax by basking in the thought of his rendezvous later that evening. He sat back from his desk and flexed his shoulders. Closing his eyes for a moment, he relived the kiss Ayame gave him and mentally rehearsed how he would reciprocate.

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AN: I have get my next chapters in order. For those waiting for the "Exactly Like You" sequel, please be patient. It's coming up soon.