Categories > Celebrities > Guns n' Roses
1: Popcorn, Bea Arthur, and Sumo Wrestling
“God dammit. Why is this happening?” Slash mumbled to himself as he sat on the couch in his living room, the one he shared with his four other band mates.
“What’s wrong Slash?” Steven said as he walked in, eating a bowl of popcorn. Ha ha, ironic.
“Everything’s wrong Popcorn.” Slash said.
Steven sat down next to Slash and had a look of confusion on his face.
“Are you talking to me or the popcorn?” Steven asked.
Slash slapped his forehead. He had too much on his mind right now. And he didn’t know if he could tolerate this bullshit.
“Oh ya know, the popcorn. I’m just asking how it’s days been so far.” Slash said, crossing his arms and leaning back against the couch.
“Popcorn talks? I knew it! I’ve talked to it before! I was cooking it in the microwave, and then the song Stayin’ Alive by The Bee Gees was playing in my head and it made me feel guilty and so I said to the popcorn-“
“Steven! I think I heard Duff calling you.” Slash said interrupting him.
“WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU WANT FUCKER?” Steven yelled, hoping Duff would hear.
Silence.
“Actually he’s probably downstairs admiring that new bottle of vodka he bought.” Slash stated.
Meanwhile...downstairs...
Duff held his new bottle of vodka like a baby, rocking it back and forth while Tiny Dancer by Elton John played in the background.
“BALLARENIAAAAA! YOU MUST HAVE SEEN HER, DAAANCING IN THE SAND!” Duff sang.
“WILL YOU JUST SHUT THE HELL UP! I’M TRYING TO SUMMON A DEMON HERE! YOU BETTER NOT HAVE MADE ME DRAG OUT THIS OUJIA BOARD AND THESE CANDLES FOR NOTHING!” Izzy yelled from another room.
“OH FORGIVE ME YOUR HIGHNESS!” Duff yelled back.
“JUST LET ME DO THIS IN FUCKING PEACE!” Izzy shouted.
“AWWWW ISBEL’S MAD AT ME!!!” Duff yelled.
“WHAT DID YOU CALL ME?”
Actually...we should probably go check on Steven and Slash before things get ugly.
SKRT SKRT
Back upstairs....
“Actually, you never told me what was wrong man.” Steven said, still eating his popcorn.
“Welllll...I kind of have a crush.” Slash said, scratching the back of his neck.
“Oh, there’s nothing wrong with that.” Steven said. “I had a crush once. It was Bea Arthur. Nobody could play a better Dorothy Zbornack then she could, and she could lead Mr. Ha Ha’s hotdog parade like a bad ass, fuck I loved her man.”
Slash just looks at Steven with a weird look on his face for about 5 minutes, until Steven finally notices.
“What are you starin’ at?” Steven asked.
All of a sudden, fight noises could be heard from downstairs.
“FUCKING SHIT!”
“SON OF A BITCH!”
“LOONY, LOONY, LOONY!”
“STOP QUOTING STAND BY ME YOU IMBECILE!”
“I’Ll SAY WHATEVER THE FUCK I WANT FUCKER!”
several punches can be heard
“YOU HIT LIKE A GIRL!”
“THATS NOT WHAT YO MAMA SAID LAST NIGHT!”
“THAT DOESN’T MAKE ANY SENSE!”
“YEAH IT DOES!”
“DOES NOT!”
“DOES TOO!”
“DOES NOT!”
“DOES TOO!”
tackling noises can be heard
“WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON DOWN THERE?” Slash yelled.
“OH YOU KNOW, ME AND OLE IZZY ARE PRACTICING OUR SUMO WRESTLING SKILLS!”
more punches
“GET OFF ME DUMBASS!”
“TRY AND PUSH ME OFF FUCKER!”
“YEAH CAUSE YOU ONLY WEIGH ABOUT 500 POUNDS, FAT ASS!”
“I SAID STOP QUOTING STAND BY ME!”
more tackling
“Hey guys.” Axl says as he walks into the living room, completely unaware of what’s going on downstairs.
Oh boy...
“God dammit. Why is this happening?” Slash mumbled to himself as he sat on the couch in his living room, the one he shared with his four other band mates.
“What’s wrong Slash?” Steven said as he walked in, eating a bowl of popcorn. Ha ha, ironic.
“Everything’s wrong Popcorn.” Slash said.
Steven sat down next to Slash and had a look of confusion on his face.
“Are you talking to me or the popcorn?” Steven asked.
Slash slapped his forehead. He had too much on his mind right now. And he didn’t know if he could tolerate this bullshit.
“Oh ya know, the popcorn. I’m just asking how it’s days been so far.” Slash said, crossing his arms and leaning back against the couch.
“Popcorn talks? I knew it! I’ve talked to it before! I was cooking it in the microwave, and then the song Stayin’ Alive by The Bee Gees was playing in my head and it made me feel guilty and so I said to the popcorn-“
“Steven! I think I heard Duff calling you.” Slash said interrupting him.
“WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU WANT FUCKER?” Steven yelled, hoping Duff would hear.
Silence.
“Actually he’s probably downstairs admiring that new bottle of vodka he bought.” Slash stated.
Meanwhile...downstairs...
Duff held his new bottle of vodka like a baby, rocking it back and forth while Tiny Dancer by Elton John played in the background.
“BALLARENIAAAAA! YOU MUST HAVE SEEN HER, DAAANCING IN THE SAND!” Duff sang.
“WILL YOU JUST SHUT THE HELL UP! I’M TRYING TO SUMMON A DEMON HERE! YOU BETTER NOT HAVE MADE ME DRAG OUT THIS OUJIA BOARD AND THESE CANDLES FOR NOTHING!” Izzy yelled from another room.
“OH FORGIVE ME YOUR HIGHNESS!” Duff yelled back.
“JUST LET ME DO THIS IN FUCKING PEACE!” Izzy shouted.
“AWWWW ISBEL’S MAD AT ME!!!” Duff yelled.
“WHAT DID YOU CALL ME?”
Actually...we should probably go check on Steven and Slash before things get ugly.
SKRT SKRT
Back upstairs....
“Actually, you never told me what was wrong man.” Steven said, still eating his popcorn.
“Welllll...I kind of have a crush.” Slash said, scratching the back of his neck.
“Oh, there’s nothing wrong with that.” Steven said. “I had a crush once. It was Bea Arthur. Nobody could play a better Dorothy Zbornack then she could, and she could lead Mr. Ha Ha’s hotdog parade like a bad ass, fuck I loved her man.”
Slash just looks at Steven with a weird look on his face for about 5 minutes, until Steven finally notices.
“What are you starin’ at?” Steven asked.
All of a sudden, fight noises could be heard from downstairs.
“FUCKING SHIT!”
“SON OF A BITCH!”
“LOONY, LOONY, LOONY!”
“STOP QUOTING STAND BY ME YOU IMBECILE!”
“I’Ll SAY WHATEVER THE FUCK I WANT FUCKER!”
several punches can be heard
“YOU HIT LIKE A GIRL!”
“THATS NOT WHAT YO MAMA SAID LAST NIGHT!”
“THAT DOESN’T MAKE ANY SENSE!”
“YEAH IT DOES!”
“DOES NOT!”
“DOES TOO!”
“DOES NOT!”
“DOES TOO!”
tackling noises can be heard
“WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON DOWN THERE?” Slash yelled.
“OH YOU KNOW, ME AND OLE IZZY ARE PRACTICING OUR SUMO WRESTLING SKILLS!”
more punches
“GET OFF ME DUMBASS!”
“TRY AND PUSH ME OFF FUCKER!”
“YEAH CAUSE YOU ONLY WEIGH ABOUT 500 POUNDS, FAT ASS!”
“I SAID STOP QUOTING STAND BY ME!”
more tackling
“Hey guys.” Axl says as he walks into the living room, completely unaware of what’s going on downstairs.
Oh boy...
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