Categories > Anime/Manga > Bleach

Ishida's Quest for Carnal Knowledge

by discordandnight 2 reviews

Ishida visits a porn shop. [Disclaimer]: I don't own the Bleach characters, nor do I profit from having my way with them, from

Category: Bleach - Rating: R - Genres: Humor - Characters: Ishida Uryuu, Kurosaki Ichigo - Published: 2006-09-19 - Updated: 2006-09-20 - 1750 words - Complete

Ishida looked left. He looked right, and then left again. He nearly injured his spine, twisting this way and that. The Quincy took a deep breath, took a step forward, and then looked to his left. He looked to his right. The bones of his neck gave a protesting crack as he twisted his head around, upon his shoulders.

The street was still empty. And at this time of day, of course it would be. Everyone who frequented the Red Light District would be home, in bed; or simply in bed, if not at home. Still . . . Ichigo looked left. He looked right, and then left again. He took a deep breath and sprinted across the street, eyes squinted nearly shut, his shoes making loud noises upon the asphalt in the (otherwise) quiet of the early morning.

Damp hands slipped on the doorknob and Ishida's panic shot up a notch, and then it didn't matter, because he was inside of the shop, slamming the door closed behind him. He fell back and against it, working to catch his breath. The things that he did to ensure his lack of ignorance. . .


The unexpected, barking voice sent Ishida a foot into the air, a loud squeak escaping his mouth. He nearly lost his footing when he hit the floor, hands reaching out to steady himself. His glasses had slipped down his nose and when Ishida moved to right them, he bumped his nose with what he had unknowingly latched on to.
The boy pulled his hand back, staring in horror at a display model of a sizeable pink vibrator. Written on a card attached to the . . . thing was Waterproof Jack Rabbit; rotating shaft and tracked beads create a more intense internal sensation!.
It made a quiet a thud when Ishida's fingers immediately opened and the Jack Rabbit hit the floor.

'You break it, you buy it, young man. ID?'

Finally, Ishida looked to the man standing behind a low counter at one side of the shop. He was old, unkempt, and staring at the Quincy with a bored (and slightly amused) expression.

'O-oh, o-of c-course. ID. Yes, that's r-right. I- I ha-have it,' Ishida stumbled over his tongue, took a step forward, toe meeting the vibrator and sending it sliding across the floor.

Ishida squeaked again.

'Your first time in an adult store, young man?'

Indigo eyes shot up, 'N-no, of course not. I c-come here, all the time,' he bent to retrieve the Jack Rabbit, the tips of his fingers taking it by the square base and Ishida turned and placed it back upon the shelf. Then he twisted back to the shopkeeper, reaching into his messenger bag for his student ID.

Ishida handed the small plastic card to the man, swallowing nervously as he gave it a quick inspection.

'You're not old enough to be in here, kid,' the man passed the card back, giving Ishida a slow perusal, 'but what the hell. I'll give you fifteen minutes to get what you've come for, and then get out'.

Ishida blinked.

'I don't k-know . . . exactly . . . what I came for'

The shopkeeper lit a cigarette and blew the smoke into Ishida's face, 'I'll be damned. Just when I thought that virgins were obsolete, this day and time. Got yourself a girl, did you? Looking for clues on what to do with her now that you got her, eh?' He came from behind the counter and headed down an aisle, motioning for Ishida to follow.

'Over here is our greenhorn, educational section. All sorts of . . . picture books to show you the way,' he took a thick book from the shelves and pushed it into Ishida's hands.

'Kama Sutra?'

'Open it up, boy'

Ishida swallowed hard, looked away from the smirk on the shopkeeper's face, and flipped the book open. He immediately closed it, his face hotter than the one time when he'd accidentally fell asleep in the sun.

'Oh my. Yes, that's . . .in-interesting,' he stammered, shoving the book back into its place.

The man snickered, reached for another book and passed it to Ishida, 'No pictures in this one. You look like a ner- someone that appreciates words'.

Working up his nerve, Ishida finally glanced down and at the title of the new book; The Vagina and What To Do With It.

It found its way back upon the shelf in a hurry.

'Actually,' Ishida said, 'My girl-' he pushed his glasses up his nose and scuffed his toe against the floor, '-is a b-' he coughed, pushed his glasses up, once again, '-is a b-boy'.

The man chuckled, dropped his cigarette and ground it out with the heel of his boot, 'I'll be damned, you're gay. I should have known'. He moved farther down the aisle, stopped at another section of books, and pulled a slim hardback from the shelves.

'There's pictures in this one, but I think you'll like these better,' he turned, removed another book and placed it on top of the one that Ishida hadn't dared to open yet, 'A Guide To Safe Anal Intercourse,' and then he snatched another, '101 Tips To Satisfy Your Man'.

Several more joined the stack that Ishida held, and then the shopkeeper faced him, 'You want to try toys? You into whips? Butt plugs? Electrical toys? You're going to need lubricant, lots of it. Plenty of condoms. How big are you? You don't need the extra large, do you? Because I sold my last pack, a couple hours ago-'

'No, this is-' Ishida glanced at the load of books, '-this is f-fine'. He needed out of here, before he passed out from lack of ample oxygen.

'You sure? What about videos?'

'Really!' Ishida squeaked, 'This will do, for now!'

The man passed him a dubious look, shrugged, and then led Ishida back to the counter. While he rang up the books, the Quincy worked hard to stop the shaking of his hands, the hard drumming of his heartbeat. The last thing that he needed was to have some sort of panic attack that would give the shopkeeper reason to call an ambulance.

Finally, after paying for his books, Ishida was able to exit the shop, and he did so, hurriedly. Long, lean legs carried him to the bus stop in mere minutes, and just in time for the next bus. He jumped on; avoided a few curious glances, quickly made his way to the back, and took a seat, the nondescript black bag clutched tightly to his chest.

So many miles and two stops later found Ishida the only passenger on the bus, besides a middle-aged man in a business suit who occupied one of the front seats. He was reading a newspaper and paying no attention to Ishida.

The Quincy reached into the bag and pulled out one of the books, opening it to page thirty-three. . .

. . . relax and take the time to explore your anal opening (sphincter muscles) and anal canal (here you'll find your prostate gland). Be conscious of what feels good, what does not. Stop if you are. . .

Ishida slammed the book closed. Counted to one-hundred, and opened it once again. . .

. . . touching with fingers or other body parts or objects, licking or oral-anal contact (popularly known as rimming), pulling open the buttocks thereby stretching the anal opening, and penetration with fingers, toys, penis. Do not forget fantasy and dirty talking. . .

Ishida squeaked, tucked the book into the bag, and shifted uncomfortably upon his seat. He moved to lower the window, needing to feel the fresh air upon his face, and noticed the high school coming into view. A sudden glimpse of red caught his attention, and Ishida righted his glasses, staring hard.

Ichigo was walking alongside of Chad, that usual scowl upon his face, bright red hair standing at all angles. His pants were tighter than what should be allowed and accentuated all the right places.

Ishida wondered if Ichigo knew about rimming and dirty talking, and then he halted that train of thought, realizing that he'd reached his stop and had to do some fancy maneuvering with his messenger bag to keep from embarrassing himself as he stepped off.

Ichigo and Chad slowed when Ishida's feet hit pavement; the Quincy ignored the two boys and nearly ran up the sidewalk, head down.

'Hey, Dorkwad, what's your hurry?'

Ishida ignored Ichigo, knocking a girl off balance as he passed her. He thought that he'd be ignored back, yet seconds later, Ishida was tackled to the grassy area to the right of the sidewalk.


'What's in the bag? Gross, you finally made yourself a dress, didn't you?'

'Hey Ichigo, I'm going on ahead,' Chad called, passing by.

Ichigo nodded in acknowledgment, reaching for the black bag. Ishida snatched it away, acutely aware of the way Ichigo was straddling his hips.

Oh hell, can he feel it?

'Get off me!' Ishida whacked the redhead across the chest with the bag and to his utter astonishment, one of his purchases slipped out, hitting the ground.

'A book?' Ichigo stretched out his arm and Ishida squirmed hard beneath the other boy, attempting to reach it first. He failed and watched in seemingly slow motion as Ichigo turned the book over, eyes widening as he read the title.

Ishida's head hit the ground with a thud, his arms fell across his face, and his heart threatened to bounce right through his chest.

Why me?


Ichigo's weight shifted on top of him and Ishida bit his tongue to keep from moaning.

'Hey guys, the bell rings in two minutes! Stop wrestling around and hurry to class!'

Ishida heard Orihime's voice, yet refused to heed her warning; he was completely paralyzed with fear.
Then he heard the rustling of the paper bag, felt the slow grind of Ichigo's ass against his hard cock as the boy moved to stand, and then the dull, empty ache of having nothing there, pressing against his body.

'Come on, you freak, we're going to be late'

The Quincy heard Ichigo's voice, unexpectedly laced with quiet teasing, and dared to uncover his face. The Soul Reaper wasn't looking at him, but he wasn't hurrying away in disgust, either.

Ichigo bent to scoop up Ishida's messenger bag, then instantly righted himself, turning to look over his shoulder, 'You weren't checking out my ass, were you?'

Ishida went red, searched quickly for some sort of biting retort, then Ichigo gave one of his rare, smirking smiles, 'That's alright; I checked yours out, yesterday'.
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